Beware: Another Blonde Joke
- Thread starter Satori
- Start date
Golgo_13
先輩
- 27 Nov 2003
- 2,001
- 37
Mommy, mommy
A girl came skipping home from school one day.
"Mommy, Mommy, she yelled, "We were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde?" the girl asked.
"Yes, It's because your blonde."
The next day the girl came skipping home from school.
"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "We were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids said up to D, but I said it up to G. See?
A,B,C,D,E,F,G!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"Yes, It's because your blonde."
The next day the girl came skipping home from school.
"Mommy Mommy!" she yelled, "We were in gym class today, and when we were showering, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!"
She lifted up her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.
"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.
"Is it because I'm Blonde, Mommy?"
"No Honey, Its because you're 24."
A girl came skipping home from school one day.
"Mommy, Mommy, she yelled, "We were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde?" the girl asked.
"Yes, It's because your blonde."
The next day the girl came skipping home from school.
"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "We were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids said up to D, but I said it up to G. See?
A,B,C,D,E,F,G!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"Yes, It's because your blonde."
The next day the girl came skipping home from school.
"Mommy Mommy!" she yelled, "We were in gym class today, and when we were showering, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!"
She lifted up her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.
"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.
"Is it because I'm Blonde, Mommy?"
"No Honey, Its because you're 24."
Ten'shi-no-Shippuu
Tenshi
- 1 Apr 2004
- 325
- 2
This the Best One!!!!
EscaFlowne
後輩
- 14 Nov 2003
- 2,757
- 38
What!! 
Good one!
Good one!
touzokushoujo
It was all a dream...
- 17 Mar 2004
- 21
- 0
XD oh ra that was hilarious! I'm not sure if this one is here already, but here goes...
What do a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
They're empty from the neck up!
What do a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
They're empty from the neck up!
ROFL golgo nice one...k heres one o mine...
Q: what did the blonde say when sum1 blew in her ear?
A: thanks for the refill
and i posted this on the other joke thread but since it works better here ill post it again
One day a cop is sitting in his car, watching and waiting for speeders to go by when a red Ferrari screams by his car. Surprised at how fast the car is going, the cop steps into action and pulls the red Ferrari over. When the cop gets out of his car and walks towards the Ferarri he realizes the driver is this gorgous blonde bombshell, with blue eyes, large breasts, and a perfect body.
"Can I see your license and registration please?" asks the cop
"Whats a license?" the blonde asks. The cop quickly realized she wasnt to bright and said
"It's usually in your wallet." The blonde looked into her wallet and finaly found a license which she gave to the cop.
"...and your registration?"
"Whats that?"
"It's usually in the glove compartment." The blonde fumbles around in the glove compartment and finds her registration and gives it to the cop. The cop walks back to his car to check on the blonde girl's license and registration with the dispatcher.
"Wait... is this Ferrari being driven by a hot blonde with blue eyes and a huge rack?" asks the dispatcher
"Well...yes it is," says the cop.
"Quick. Go back to the car and drop your pants," replies the dispatcher.
"what...I can't do that! thats conduct unbeco..."
"Just do it!!"
So the cop strolls back to the car with the blonde girl in it and he drops his pants. The blond looks at the cop and says "oh no, not another breathalyzer..."
Q: what did the blonde say when sum1 blew in her ear?
A: thanks for the refill
and i posted this on the other joke thread but since it works better here ill post it again
One day a cop is sitting in his car, watching and waiting for speeders to go by when a red Ferrari screams by his car. Surprised at how fast the car is going, the cop steps into action and pulls the red Ferrari over. When the cop gets out of his car and walks towards the Ferarri he realizes the driver is this gorgous blonde bombshell, with blue eyes, large breasts, and a perfect body.
"Can I see your license and registration please?" asks the cop
"Whats a license?" the blonde asks. The cop quickly realized she wasnt to bright and said
"It's usually in your wallet." The blonde looked into her wallet and finaly found a license which she gave to the cop.
"...and your registration?"
"Whats that?"
"It's usually in the glove compartment." The blonde fumbles around in the glove compartment and finds her registration and gives it to the cop. The cop walks back to his car to check on the blonde girl's license and registration with the dispatcher.
"Wait... is this Ferrari being driven by a hot blonde with blue eyes and a huge rack?" asks the dispatcher
"Well...yes it is," says the cop.
"Quick. Go back to the car and drop your pants," replies the dispatcher.
"what...I can't do that! thats conduct unbeco..."
"Just do it!!"
So the cop strolls back to the car with the blonde girl in it and he drops his pants. The blond looks at the cop and says "oh no, not another breathalyzer..."
Top Ten Blonde Inventions
1) The water-proof towel
2) Solar powered flashlight
3) Submarine screen door
4) A book on how to read
5) Inflatable dart board
6) A dictionary index
7) Ejector seat in a helicopter
8) Powdered water
9) Pedal-powered wheel chair
10) Water-proof tea bag
1) The water-proof towel
2) Solar powered flashlight
3) Submarine screen door
4) A book on how to read
5) Inflatable dart board
6) A dictionary index
7) Ejector seat in a helicopter
8) Powdered water
9) Pedal-powered wheel chair
10) Water-proof tea bag
A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her
right breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says,
"Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent
exposure?"
She says, "Why, officer?"
"Because your breast is hanging out."
She looks down and says
"OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!"
right breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says,
"Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent
exposure?"
She says, "Why, officer?"
"Because your breast is hanging out."
She looks down and says
"OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!"
A business man got on an elevator in a building. When he entered
the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted
him by saying "T-G-I-F"
He smiled at her and replied "S-H-I-T"
She looked at him, puzzled, and said "T-G-I-F" again.
He acknowledged her remark again by answering "S-H-I-T".
The blond was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest
smile and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F" another time.
The man smiled back to her and once again replied with a
quizzical expression, "S-H-I-T".
The blond finally decided to explain things, and this time she
said, "T-G-I-F, T-hank G-oodness I-ts F-riday; get it?"
The man answered, "S-orry H-oney, I-t's T-hursday".
A blind man and his guide dog enter a bar and find their way to
a barstool. After ordering a drink and sitting there for a
while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna
hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately becomes absolutely
quiet.In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him
says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The
bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I'm a 6' tall,
200 lb. blonde with a black belt in karate. What's more, the
woman sitting next to me is blonde and she's a weight lifter.
The lady to your right is a blonde and she's a pro wrestler.
Think about it seriously, mister. You still wanna tell that
joke?" The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to
explain it five times."
the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted
him by saying "T-G-I-F"
He smiled at her and replied "S-H-I-T"
She looked at him, puzzled, and said "T-G-I-F" again.
He acknowledged her remark again by answering "S-H-I-T".
The blond was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest
smile and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F" another time.
The man smiled back to her and once again replied with a
quizzical expression, "S-H-I-T".
The blond finally decided to explain things, and this time she
said, "T-G-I-F, T-hank G-oodness I-ts F-riday; get it?"
The man answered, "S-orry H-oney, I-t's T-hursday".
A blind man and his guide dog enter a bar and find their way to
a barstool. After ordering a drink and sitting there for a
while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna
hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately becomes absolutely
quiet.In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him
says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The
bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I'm a 6' tall,
200 lb. blonde with a black belt in karate. What's more, the
woman sitting next to me is blonde and she's a weight lifter.
The lady to your right is a blonde and she's a pro wrestler.
Think about it seriously, mister. You still wanna tell that
joke?" The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to
explain it five times."
A blonde is driving along a free way when she cuts in front of a
truck driver, getting really annoyed the truck driver pulls her
over, and draws a circle and says stand here and don't move
the trucker goes to the blondes car and smashes all the windows,
the blonde starts laughing. "If you think thats funny wait till
you see this!" And he slashes all the tires, and still the
blonde is laughing, "This won't be funny!" and he sets the car
on fire, and still the blonde is laughing hysterically. He
says "what's so funny, I have done all this to your car!"
"Why are you laughing?"
"While you weren't looking I stepped out of the circle 5 times."
truck driver, getting really annoyed the truck driver pulls her
over, and draws a circle and says stand here and don't move
the trucker goes to the blondes car and smashes all the windows,
the blonde starts laughing. "If you think thats funny wait till
you see this!" And he slashes all the tires, and still the
blonde is laughing, "This won't be funny!" and he sets the car
on fire, and still the blonde is laughing hysterically. He
says "what's so funny, I have done all this to your car!"
"Why are you laughing?"
"While you weren't looking I stepped out of the circle 5 times."
A blonde in a bar finds herself caught up in conversation with
another blonde.
"Slow night, huh?" says the first blonde.
"Yeah," says the second blonde. "So, where are you from?"
"I'm from New York," says the first blonde. "Really?" says the
second blonde. "So am I! Here, let me buy you a drink!"
"Thanks!" says the first blonde. "So, where did you grow
up?" "Upper West Side," says the second blonde. "Central Park
West, near 74th." "My God!" says the first blonde. "That's
amazing! That's my old neighborhood!
What school did you go to?" "All private schools," says the
second blonde. "I graduated from Sacred Heart High in '94."
"I can't believe this!" says the first blonde. "I graduated from
Sacred Heart in '94 too!" "No way!" says the second blonde,
astonished. "That's incredible!"
About this time, one of the bar's regulars comes in, sits down,
and greets the bartender. "Hiya, Sam. Anything going on
tonight?" "Not much," says the bartender. "Except that the
Murphy twins are drunk again."
another blonde.
"Slow night, huh?" says the first blonde.
"Yeah," says the second blonde. "So, where are you from?"
"I'm from New York," says the first blonde. "Really?" says the
second blonde. "So am I! Here, let me buy you a drink!"
"Thanks!" says the first blonde. "So, where did you grow
up?" "Upper West Side," says the second blonde. "Central Park
West, near 74th." "My God!" says the first blonde. "That's
amazing! That's my old neighborhood!
What school did you go to?" "All private schools," says the
second blonde. "I graduated from Sacred Heart High in '94."
"I can't believe this!" says the first blonde. "I graduated from
Sacred Heart in '94 too!" "No way!" says the second blonde,
astonished. "That's incredible!"
About this time, one of the bar's regulars comes in, sits down,
and greets the bartender. "Hiya, Sam. Anything going on
tonight?" "Not much," says the bartender. "Except that the
Murphy twins are drunk again."
There is a blonde and she walks into an electronic store and is
looking at a tv and says to the worker "I want to but that tv
over there." However the man say's "I'm sorry we don't sell to
blondes.
So the blonde walks out and dyes her hair brown. The next day
she goes back to the store and says "I would like to buy that
tv" but the man says "I'm sorry we don't sell to blondes." So
the blonde goes home and changes her clothes and shaves her
head. Then goes back to the store. She says "I would like to buy
that tv" but once again the man says "sorry we don't sell to
blondes" the blonde screams at him "how in the hell do you know
I'm a blonde?"
"Because ma'am that is not a tv, it's a microwave.
looking at a tv and says to the worker "I want to but that tv
over there." However the man say's "I'm sorry we don't sell to
blondes.
So the blonde walks out and dyes her hair brown. The next day
she goes back to the store and says "I would like to buy that
tv" but the man says "I'm sorry we don't sell to blondes." So
the blonde goes home and changes her clothes and shaves her
head. Then goes back to the store. She says "I would like to buy
that tv" but once again the man says "sorry we don't sell to
blondes" the blonde screams at him "how in the hell do you know
I'm a blonde?"
"Because ma'am that is not a tv, it's a microwave.
One Blonde To Another
A blonde woman was having financial troubles so she decided to
kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park,
grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this
note. "I have kidnapped your child. I am sorry to do this but I
need the money. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the
big oak tree in the park at 7 AM." Signed, "The Blonde".
She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him
to go straight home. The next morning, she returned to the park
to find the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just
as she had instructed.
Inside the bag was the following note. "Here is your money. I
cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another."
HAHAHhAHaHA only a blonde!!!
A blonde woman was having financial troubles so she decided to
kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park,
grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this
note. "I have kidnapped your child. I am sorry to do this but I
need the money. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the
big oak tree in the park at 7 AM." Signed, "The Blonde".
She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him
to go straight home. The next morning, she returned to the park
to find the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just
as she had instructed.
Inside the bag was the following note. "Here is your money. I
cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another."
HAHAHhAHaHA only a blonde!!!
kirei_na_me
Where I'm Supposed to Be
- 31 Jan 2003
- 5,051
- 166
I got these from Mr. Frank D. White:
BLONDE MECHANIC
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station.
She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor."
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
EXPOSURE
A blonde is walking down the street
with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out.
A policeman approaches her and says,
Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"
She says, "Why officer?"
Because your breast is hanging out," he says.
She looks down and says,
OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!"
RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk.
She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank.
"Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river, then down the river and shouts back,
"You ARE on the other side."
KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up! "said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know.
We're going at night!"
IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night.
It was her turn.
She rolled the dice and she landed on Science &Nature.
Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
FINAL EXAM
The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists of yes/no type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes and then, in a fit of inspiration, takes out her purse, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin, marking the answer sheet: Yes, for Heads, and No, for Tails. Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still sweating it out.
During the last few minutes she is seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating.
The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on.
"I finished the exam in half an hour, but now I'm rechecking my answers."
FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blond friend who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"HelOOOooo," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"
BLONDE MECHANIC
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station.
She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor."
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
EXPOSURE
A blonde is walking down the street
with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out.
A policeman approaches her and says,
Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"
She says, "Why officer?"
Because your breast is hanging out," he says.
She looks down and says,
OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!"
RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk.
She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank.
"Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river, then down the river and shouts back,
"You ARE on the other side."
KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up! "said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know.
We're going at night!"
IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night.
It was her turn.
She rolled the dice and she landed on Science &Nature.
Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
FINAL EXAM
The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists of yes/no type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes and then, in a fit of inspiration, takes out her purse, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin, marking the answer sheet: Yes, for Heads, and No, for Tails. Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still sweating it out.
During the last few minutes she is seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating.
The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on.
"I finished the exam in half an hour, but now I'm rechecking my answers."
FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blond friend who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"HelOOOooo," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"
- Thread starter
- #69
A few more ...
Do you know what it is called when 4 blondes (female or male) reach a 4-way stop at the same time? Eternity!
~~~~~
What's looooong and hard on a (blonde) cowboy??? Third grade
~~~~~
What is a brunette between two blondes?? An interpreter.
~~~~~
What do Brunettes have that Blondes don't? A Mustache!
~~~~~
Two blonde guys were working for the city works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one guy digging a hole, the other guy filling it in again.
An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, "I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting into your work, but I don't get it -- why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?" The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-man team. But today the guy who plants the trees called in sick."
~~~~~
Do you know what it is called when 4 blondes (female or male) reach a 4-way stop at the same time? Eternity!
~~~~~
What's looooong and hard on a (blonde) cowboy??? Third grade
~~~~~
What is a brunette between two blondes?? An interpreter.
~~~~~
What do Brunettes have that Blondes don't? A Mustache!
~~~~~
Two blonde guys were working for the city works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one guy digging a hole, the other guy filling it in again.
An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, "I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting into your work, but I don't get it -- why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?" The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-man team. But today the guy who plants the trees called in sick."
~~~~~
- Thread starter
- #70
A blonde bought two horses, and could never remember which was which.
A neighbor suggested that she cut the tail of one horse and that worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush.
It tore just right and looked exactly like the other horse's tail and our blonde friend was stuck again.
The neighbor suggested she notch the ear of one horse. That worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence.
Once again our friend couldn't tell them apart.
The neighbor suggested she measure the horses for height.
When she did, she was very pleased to find that the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black one.
A neighbor suggested that she cut the tail of one horse and that worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush.
It tore just right and looked exactly like the other horse's tail and our blonde friend was stuck again.
The neighbor suggested she notch the ear of one horse. That worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence.
Once again our friend couldn't tell them apart.
The neighbor suggested she measure the horses for height.
When she did, she was very pleased to find that the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black one.
- Thread starter
- #71
One blonde asks another: "Which is further, London or the Moon?"
The other replies: "Well HELLOOOOO . . . can you see London?????!!!!!"
_______________________
A blonde woman was speeding down the highway when she was pulled over by a female cop - also a blonde.
The policewoman asked to see the driver's licence.
The driver looked in her bag, rummaged down to the bottom and became more and more frustrated.
"What does it look like?" she asked.
It's square and it's got your picture on it" said the policewoman.
Rummaging some more, the driver found a square mirror.
"Ohhhh, here it is" she said as she handed it over.
The policewoman looked at it for a few seconds, then said......................................................
"Okay you can go........... I didn't realise you were a cop"
The other replies: "Well HELLOOOOO . . . can you see London?????!!!!!"
_______________________
A blonde woman was speeding down the highway when she was pulled over by a female cop - also a blonde.
The policewoman asked to see the driver's licence.
The driver looked in her bag, rummaged down to the bottom and became more and more frustrated.
"What does it look like?" she asked.
It's square and it's got your picture on it" said the policewoman.
Rummaging some more, the driver found a square mirror.
"Ohhhh, here it is" she said as she handed it over.
The policewoman looked at it for a few seconds, then said......................................................
"Okay you can go........... I didn't realise you were a cop"
- Thread starter
- #72
A guy took a blonde out on a date one night. Eventually, they ended up parked at 'lovers point' where they started making out. After things started to progress, the guy thought he might get lucky. After a few more minutes of fooling around, he asked his date, "Do you want to get into the back seat?"
"NO!" she answered. Okay, he thought, maybe she's not ready yet. Now he has her shirt and skirt off and the windows are steamed. Things are getting really hot, so he asks again, "Do you want to get into the back seat?"
"NO!" she answers again. Now he has her bra off, they're both very sweaty,
and she even has his pants unzipped. Okay, he thinks, she HAS to want it now. "Do you want to get into the back seat NOW?" he asks again.
"NO!" she answers yet again.
Frustrated, he asks the blonde, "Well, why not?"
"Because I want to stay up here with you!!!"
"NO!" she answered. Okay, he thought, maybe she's not ready yet. Now he has her shirt and skirt off and the windows are steamed. Things are getting really hot, so he asks again, "Do you want to get into the back seat?"
"NO!" she answers again. Now he has her bra off, they're both very sweaty,
and she even has his pants unzipped. Okay, he thinks, she HAS to want it now. "Do you want to get into the back seat NOW?" he asks again.
"NO!" she answers yet again.
Frustrated, he asks the blonde, "Well, why not?"
"Because I want to stay up here with you!!!"
- Thread starter
- #74
A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cell phone. She is all excited, she loves her phone. He explains all the features on the phone.
The next day the blonde goes shopping. Her phone rings and it's her husband, "Hi Hun ," he says "how do you like your new phone?", she replies: "I just love it, it's so small and your voice is clear as a bell but there's one thing I don't understand though."
"What's that, baby?", asks the husband.
"How did you know I was at Wal Mart?"
_____________________
A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.
He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"
The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked,cowering on the closet floor.
"You rotten bastard", says the husband, "my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids."
___________________
Two Blonde men were in the woods hunting. One looked at the other and said, "I've got to take a crap."
The other said, "Well go behind one of those big trees, and crap."
The first one said, "But I don't have any paper to wipe my butt." The other blonde replied, "You have a dollar, don't you?"
The first one said, "Yeah, I've got a dollar. That's a great idea -- I'll use that!"
He left and came back with **** all over his hands and clothes.
His friend looked at him and asked, "What in the hell happened to you?
The first one replied, "Have you ever tried to wipe your butt with 3 quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?"
______________________
While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing no one around that it might belong to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts.
Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change. A blonde girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts. "What's that?" she asked, her eyes gleaming with lust.
"Tennis ball," came the breathless reply.
"Oh," said the blonde girl sympathetically, "that must be painful. I had tennis elbow once."
____________________
A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman they don't sell rectum deodorant, and never have.
Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like some more.
"I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any."
"But, I always buy it here," says the blonde.
"Do you have the container that it came in?" asks the pharmacist.
"Yes," said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it."
She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant"
Annoyed, the blonde snatches the deodorant back and reads out loud from the container.........
"TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM."
____________________
Two government workers were talking. "I know how to get some time off from work." said the man.
"How do you think you will do that?" said the blonde.
He proceeded to show her...by climbing up to the rafters, and hanging upside down. The boss walked in, saw the worker hanging from the ceiling, and asked him what on earth he was doing?
"I'm a light bulb" answered the guy.
"I think you need some time off," said the boss. So, the man jumped down and walked out.
The blonde began walking out too. The boss asked her where did she think she was going? She replied, "Home. I can't work in the dark".
_____________________
A group of young blond women in a class at Texas A&M were given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So they went out to the
flagpole with ladders and tape measures, and they're falling off the ladders, dropping the tape measures - the whole thing was just a mess.
A male engineering student comes along, sees what they're trying to do, walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end to end, and then gave the measurement to one of the blond girls and walks away.
After the guy had gone, one blond turned to another and laughed. "Isn't that just like a man? We're looking for the height and he gives us the length!"
______________________
A blonde replaced all the windows in her house.
She had expensive, double-insulated energy efficient windows put in.
Twelve months later she gets a call from the contractor, complaining that the work has been done for a year and she has failed to pay for the work done.
The blonde replies, "Now don't try to pull a fast one on me. Just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I'm automatically stupid. The salesman who sold me those told me that in one year they would pay for themselves
______________________
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch.
Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.
In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
Upon leaving for another ranch to check on the possibility of buying a bull, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599.
After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.
She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."
Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word 'Comfortable'."
The operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, 'comfortable'?"
The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. The word's big. She'll read it slow." ("com-for-da-bull")
_________________________
An executive was interviewing a young blonde for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?"
The blonde quickly responded, "The living one."
_________________________
Two bowling teams, one made up of all blondes and one of all brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend tournament in Atlantic City.
The brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus and the blonde team rides on the top level.
The brunette team down below is whooping it up and having a great time when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the blondes upstairs. She decides to go up and investigate. When the brunette reaches the top, she finds all the blondes frozen in fear, staring straight ahead at the road and clutching the seats in front of them. They all had white knuckles.
The brunette says; "What is going on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!"
One of the blondes looks up and says to her; "Yeah, but you've got a driver.
________________________
We blonds at the ofise are tired of all the the dum stoopid jokes about us. We think this is hairassment. It causes us grate stress and makes our roots turn dark. We have hired a loyer and he is talking to the loyers at Clairol. We will take this all the way to the supream cort if we have two. Juj Thomas knos all about hairassment and he will be on are side.
We have also talked to the govner to make a new law to stop this pursicushun. We want a law that makes peepol tell brewnet jokes as much as blond jokes and every so often a red head joke. If we don't get our way we will not date anybody that ain't blond and we will make up jokes about you and we will laff.
Sined by the blonds at the ofise
_______________________
Two blonde carpenters were working on a house. One blonde was on a ladder, nailing. She'd reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail, look at it, and either toss it over her shoulder or proceed to nail it into the wood. The other blonde couldn't stand it any longer and yelled up, "Why are you throwing some of the nails away?"
The first blonde explained, "When I pull it out of my nail pouch, if it's pointed toward me I throw it away. If it's pointed toward the house, then I can use it!"
The second blonde got real mad and called her all kinds of names, explaining, "Don't throw away those nails that are pointed toward you! They're for the other side of the house!!"
________________________
Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed brown.
A few days later, as she was out driving around the countryside, she stopped her car to let a flock of sheep pass. Admiring the cute woolly creatures, she said to the shepherd, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?" The shepherd, always the gentleman, said, "Sure!"
The blonde thought for a moment and, for no discernible reason, said, "352."
This being the correct number, the shepherd was, understandably, totally amazed, and exclaimed, "You're right! O.K., I'll keep to my end of the deal. Take your pick of my flock."
The blonde carefully considered the entire flock and finally picked the one that was by far cuter and more playful than any of the others.
When she was done, the shepherd turned to her and said, "O.K., now I have a proposition for you. If I can guess your true hair color, can I have my dog back?"
_______________________
A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section. The stewardess tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart and I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."
The stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the woman to leave and she says "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."
The attendants don't know what to do because they have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off, so they get the copilot. The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the copilot what he said to get her to move.
The copilot replies, "I told her that the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica".
______________________
A blonde friend of mine was getting real tired of hearing blonde jokes, so she decided to do something about it. In order to prove that not all blondes were stupid, she spent a couple of days studying a United States map and memorized all the capitals for all the states.
The next time she was with a group of people, someone started telling a blonde joke. "Hey," she said, "Not all blondes are stupid and I can prove it. Give the name of any state and I'll tell you it's capital."
So someone called out "Vermont".
"V," she replied with a smile.
_____________________
The next day the blonde goes shopping. Her phone rings and it's her husband, "Hi Hun ," he says "how do you like your new phone?", she replies: "I just love it, it's so small and your voice is clear as a bell but there's one thing I don't understand though."
"What's that, baby?", asks the husband.
"How did you know I was at Wal Mart?"
_____________________
A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.
He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"
The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked,cowering on the closet floor.
"You rotten bastard", says the husband, "my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids."
___________________
Two Blonde men were in the woods hunting. One looked at the other and said, "I've got to take a crap."
The other said, "Well go behind one of those big trees, and crap."
The first one said, "But I don't have any paper to wipe my butt." The other blonde replied, "You have a dollar, don't you?"
The first one said, "Yeah, I've got a dollar. That's a great idea -- I'll use that!"
He left and came back with **** all over his hands and clothes.
His friend looked at him and asked, "What in the hell happened to you?
The first one replied, "Have you ever tried to wipe your butt with 3 quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?"
______________________
While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing no one around that it might belong to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts.
Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change. A blonde girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts. "What's that?" she asked, her eyes gleaming with lust.
"Tennis ball," came the breathless reply.
"Oh," said the blonde girl sympathetically, "that must be painful. I had tennis elbow once."
____________________
A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman they don't sell rectum deodorant, and never have.
Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like some more.
"I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any."
"But, I always buy it here," says the blonde.
"Do you have the container that it came in?" asks the pharmacist.
"Yes," said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it."
She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant"
Annoyed, the blonde snatches the deodorant back and reads out loud from the container.........
"TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM."
____________________
Two government workers were talking. "I know how to get some time off from work." said the man.
"How do you think you will do that?" said the blonde.
He proceeded to show her...by climbing up to the rafters, and hanging upside down. The boss walked in, saw the worker hanging from the ceiling, and asked him what on earth he was doing?
"I'm a light bulb" answered the guy.
"I think you need some time off," said the boss. So, the man jumped down and walked out.
The blonde began walking out too. The boss asked her where did she think she was going? She replied, "Home. I can't work in the dark".
_____________________
A group of young blond women in a class at Texas A&M were given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So they went out to the
flagpole with ladders and tape measures, and they're falling off the ladders, dropping the tape measures - the whole thing was just a mess.
A male engineering student comes along, sees what they're trying to do, walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end to end, and then gave the measurement to one of the blond girls and walks away.
After the guy had gone, one blond turned to another and laughed. "Isn't that just like a man? We're looking for the height and he gives us the length!"
______________________
A blonde replaced all the windows in her house.
She had expensive, double-insulated energy efficient windows put in.
Twelve months later she gets a call from the contractor, complaining that the work has been done for a year and she has failed to pay for the work done.
The blonde replies, "Now don't try to pull a fast one on me. Just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I'm automatically stupid. The salesman who sold me those told me that in one year they would pay for themselves
______________________
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch.
Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.
In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
Upon leaving for another ranch to check on the possibility of buying a bull, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599.
After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.
She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."
Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word 'Comfortable'."
The operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, 'comfortable'?"
The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. The word's big. She'll read it slow." ("com-for-da-bull")
_________________________
An executive was interviewing a young blonde for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?"
The blonde quickly responded, "The living one."
_________________________
Two bowling teams, one made up of all blondes and one of all brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend tournament in Atlantic City.
The brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus and the blonde team rides on the top level.
The brunette team down below is whooping it up and having a great time when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the blondes upstairs. She decides to go up and investigate. When the brunette reaches the top, she finds all the blondes frozen in fear, staring straight ahead at the road and clutching the seats in front of them. They all had white knuckles.
The brunette says; "What is going on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!"
One of the blondes looks up and says to her; "Yeah, but you've got a driver.
________________________
We blonds at the ofise are tired of all the the dum stoopid jokes about us. We think this is hairassment. It causes us grate stress and makes our roots turn dark. We have hired a loyer and he is talking to the loyers at Clairol. We will take this all the way to the supream cort if we have two. Juj Thomas knos all about hairassment and he will be on are side.
We have also talked to the govner to make a new law to stop this pursicushun. We want a law that makes peepol tell brewnet jokes as much as blond jokes and every so often a red head joke. If we don't get our way we will not date anybody that ain't blond and we will make up jokes about you and we will laff.
Sined by the blonds at the ofise
_______________________
Two blonde carpenters were working on a house. One blonde was on a ladder, nailing. She'd reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail, look at it, and either toss it over her shoulder or proceed to nail it into the wood. The other blonde couldn't stand it any longer and yelled up, "Why are you throwing some of the nails away?"
The first blonde explained, "When I pull it out of my nail pouch, if it's pointed toward me I throw it away. If it's pointed toward the house, then I can use it!"
The second blonde got real mad and called her all kinds of names, explaining, "Don't throw away those nails that are pointed toward you! They're for the other side of the house!!"
________________________
Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed brown.
A few days later, as she was out driving around the countryside, she stopped her car to let a flock of sheep pass. Admiring the cute woolly creatures, she said to the shepherd, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?" The shepherd, always the gentleman, said, "Sure!"
The blonde thought for a moment and, for no discernible reason, said, "352."
This being the correct number, the shepherd was, understandably, totally amazed, and exclaimed, "You're right! O.K., I'll keep to my end of the deal. Take your pick of my flock."
The blonde carefully considered the entire flock and finally picked the one that was by far cuter and more playful than any of the others.
When she was done, the shepherd turned to her and said, "O.K., now I have a proposition for you. If I can guess your true hair color, can I have my dog back?"
_______________________
A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section. The stewardess tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart and I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."
The stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the woman to leave and she says "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."
The attendants don't know what to do because they have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off, so they get the copilot. The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the copilot what he said to get her to move.
The copilot replies, "I told her that the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica".
______________________
A blonde friend of mine was getting real tired of hearing blonde jokes, so she decided to do something about it. In order to prove that not all blondes were stupid, she spent a couple of days studying a United States map and memorized all the capitals for all the states.
The next time she was with a group of people, someone started telling a blonde joke. "Hey," she said, "Not all blondes are stupid and I can prove it. Give the name of any state and I'll tell you it's capital."
So someone called out "Vermont".
"V," she replied with a smile.
_____________________
Apollo
先輩
- 28 Mar 2004
- 1,810
- 45
Thanks for sharing Satori!
I must say that I have never heard a joke about a blonde MAN before! The blonde jokes I have heard in my life are all about the stupid blonde, who were always female.... Now, you have contributed with some stupid blonde-jokes, who are male....
Thanks for sharing!!! Very fun!
I must say that I have never heard a joke about a blonde MAN before! The blonde jokes I have heard in my life are all about the stupid blonde, who were always female....
Now, you have contributed with some stupid blonde-jokes, who are male....Thanks for sharing!!! Very fun!
