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Beware: Another Blonde Joke

Satori

先輩
27 Aug 2003
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A young redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."

She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams. Everywhere she touches makes her scream.

The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead, are you?"

She says "No, I'm really a blonde".

"I thought so," he says....."You have a broken finger."
 
Some old fashioned blonde jokes.

She MIGHT be a Blonde when she:
* puts lipstick on the forehead because she wants to makeup her mind.
* gets stabbed in a shoot-out.
* sends a fax with a postage stamp on it.
* tries to drown a fish in waters.
* thinks socialism means partying.
* trips over a cordless phone.
* takes a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
* studies for a blood test and fails.
* sells the car for gas money.
* misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead.
* gets locked in Furniture Shop and sleeps on the floor.

Q: "Have you ever read Shakespeare?"
Blonde: "No, who wrote it?"

Blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six
or twelve pieces.
"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

How do you make a Blonde laugh on Saturday?
Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

Why can't Blondes make ice cubes?
They always forget the recipe.

How did the Blonde try to kill the bird?
She threw it off a cliff.

Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.
 
One morning this blonde calls her friend and says "Please come over and help me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle, and I just can't figure out how to start it."

Her friend asks "What is it a puzzle of?"

The blonde says "From the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

The blonde's friend figures that he's pretty good at puzzles, so he heads over to her place. She lets him in the door and shows him to where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then studies the box. He then turns to her and says: "First, no matter what I do, I'm not going to be able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture of that tiger.

Second, I'd advise you to relax, have a cup of coffee, and put all these Kellog's Frosted Flakes back in the box."
 
A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde
came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten. We all looked at each other, and
another customer asked, "What is a seven-hundred-ten?"

She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I
lost it and need a new one. It had always been there."

The mechanic gave the blonde a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to
draw what the piece looked like.

She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710.

He then took her over to another car which had the hood up and asked,
"is there a 710 on this car?" She pointed and said, "Of course, its right
there."

[see image at: Another Blonde Joke]]

[to admin people: sorry, I forgot I'd posted this before :sorry: ]
 
Last edited:
Golgo_13 said:
Blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six
or twelve pieces.
"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

I like that one!! You see, I can laugh at these blonde jokes because I'm not a real blonde!! :)
 
Why did it take so long for the blonde to do her laundry?
Everything she has says "Wash Separately".

Why was the blonde staring at a can of frozen orange juice?
Because it said "Concentrate".

How do you know when a blonde has been ,aking chocolate chip cookies?
You see M&M shells on the kitchen floor.

Why was the blonde fired from the M&M's factory?
She was rejecting all the "W"s
 
:giggle:
I do not have anything against the blondes but read those:

-How to call a blonde with 2 neurones?........................a prengnant woman.

-How to call a blonde with brown tainted hair?..............Artificial Intelligence.

-How to occupy a blonde during hours?.......By writing \"TURN PLEASE" \ "on each side of a paper.

-What is the first thing which a blonde makes the morning?.................She goes back home!

-A blonde and brown haired girl fall from the top of a building. Which of both will strike the ground first?.............Th brown one because the blonde will have lost her way....

That all for now.....(sorry i am not sure they are correct I translated them from the french!)....!!! :giggle: :giggle: :giggle:
 
Ten'shi-no-Shippuu said:
That all for now.....(sorry i am not sure they are correct I translated them from the french!)....!!!

Then a blonde comes and say : "Does anybody have some Japanese blonde jokes ?". :giggle:
 
Why dont blondes make kool-aid?
they cant figure out how to get 2 quarts of water into that tiny package.

How does a blonde turn on the light in the morning?
she opens the car door.

How do you drown a blonde?
put a scratch-n-sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.

Why did the blonde get fired from the sperm bank?
she was drinking on the job.
 
Fresh blondes jokes!!

-Two blondes in a parking are trying to open the door of their car whose lock was blocked. The first said to the other:

- I do not manage to free the door!
- You should hurry because it starts raining and it hood is open.
----------
How to make the ear of a blonde burn?............While telephoning her when she use the "domestic iron"!(fer a repasser in french)

What does a blonde answer when one asks to her whether her car "flickers" functions?.....................It work. It does not work. It work. It does not work. It work. It does not work...
--------
This one is in french, sorry could not make a good translation (maybe Maciamo can!)
-Une Blonde se fait couper les cheveux.
Le coiffeur passe prティs des oreilles et fait tomber par terre un テゥcouteur qui テゥtait dans l'oreille de la blonde.
La blonde se met テ? suffoquer, puis meurt quelques instants aprティs.
Le coiffeur affolテゥ tente de la ranimer sans succティs.
Il aperテァoit ensuite l'テゥcouteur, le prend, le porte テ? son oreille et entend :
Inspirer, expirer, inspirer, expirer...


:giggle: :giggle: :giggle: :giggle:
 
Two blondes landed at the airport and caught a cab. Where are you off to asked the cabbie. "San Josie" one replied.
The cabbie corrected her pronunciation telling her that the "J" made an "H" sound.

As time went by he asked how long they were on vacation.
The one blonde replied " For all of Hune and Huly."
 
On a recent flight, a blonde UNC student kept peering out the window.
Since it was totally dark, all she could see was the blinking wing-
tip light. Finally, she rang for the flight attendant.

"I'm sorry to bother you," she said, "but I think you should inform
the pilot that his left-turn indicator is on and has been for some time."
 
There's a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead traveling through the
desert when their car suddenly stalls. They all get out of the car and, upon
realizing that it's not going to start, they each take one thing from
the car. The brunette takes a bottle of water, the redhead takes a bag
of food with her, and the blonde takes the car door. They begin to
walk through the desert, and soon stop to rest. At this point the blonde
and the brunette turn to the redhead and ask her why she brought the food.
She replies, "Well, in case I get hungry I'll have something to eat."
They all think this is pretty reasonable and then the redhead and the
blonde turn to the brunette and ask her why she decided to bring
water. The brunette replies, "Well, in case I got thirsty I'll have something
to drink." They all decide that's a good idea, too. Finally, the brunette and the redhead turn to the blonde and ask her why on earth she would take the car door. She replies, "Well, I thought if I got hot I could roll down the window."
 
A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, 'I'll take that bet!'

Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed. The redhead said 'I can't take this, you're my friend.' The blonde said 'No. A bet's a bet'.

So the redhead said 'Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money'. The blonde replied, 'Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!'
 
A ventriloquist is sitting onstage at a comedy club. He and his dummy
are spurting out really crude blonde jokes, when a blonde lady
sitting in the audience stands up.

"I'm so sick of you people who think blondes are stupid. It's because
of you that I have had to work harder to prove myself at my job and
in the community. There are just as many dumb people with red or
brown hair. There are just as many smart people with blonde hair."

"Gosh, Miss, I'm terribly sorry. I was just telling jokes, I didn't
mean to hurt your feelings."

"Shut up! I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to that little guy on
your lap!"
 
Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very
attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars on a single
roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier
when I'm
completely nude."
With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and
yelled, "Mama needs new clothes!"
Then she hollered..."YES! YES! I WON! I WON!" She jumped up and down
and hugged each of the dealers. She then picked up all the money and
clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of
them asked, "What did she roll?"
The other answered, "I don't know I thought YOU were watching!"

Moral: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.
 
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