The Bummer and Rant Thread

[Mars Man]

With that extra background information there, Goldiegirl, I can see more things. . . because I do know about bi-polar conditions, and what that can lead to. In another way of looking at it, it just makes it all the more a sad matter, in that we can say that little choice was actually given him.

I also agree with Derfel here, that you will have to 'keep a stiff upper lip,' and let nature play itself out...a hard thing to do--knowing all the while--but for your well-being, it is not only the (most likely) best course, but is is not a matter of being inhuman either.

 

[Mikawa Ossan]

I agree with Mars Man and Derfel. I think that the last thing he needs is an "enabler" and that by being strict with him, you are doing what is in his best interest, whether he and the rest of your family realize it or not.

 

[Goldiegirl]

Thank-you all so much for the support. It really is/was/ and will be needed. The other BIG part of the picture is that he refuses to take any of his medications. I've gone round and round with him, that the medications actually do help him. We see it, but he can't. He told me that he likes how he feels, he doesn't like feeling calm. It's just so darn frustrating. I would never let him starve or anything, but to just give him money when he spends it on going to the bar and drinking or women. I always tell him that I am here for him if he wants me to take him to a counselor, mental, financial etc, and to be a shoulder to lean/cry on, but not for money anymore. I think that is the best I can do for him. Again thanks for listening!

 

[Haruspex]

Hmm, might sound cruel, but why not try telling those women about his disorder? If you force him into it, he surely will have to make compromises.
Or perhaps give him enough money to feed, but not enough for anything else.

 

[Mars Man]

The other BIG part of the picture is that he refuses to take any of his medications. I've gone round and round with him, that the medications actually do help him. We see it, but he can't.

Oh no...that is (and can be) a major problem. My sister who is bi-polar came so close to killing herself. It was a big mess, and somehow, her limbric system and prefrontal cortext kicked in enough to cause her to decide to call for help.

The reason for that downside lapse? She stopped taken her medication for a short while, and went into a state of depression on top of being physically tired after a stretch of activity. It happened just after I had seen her in 2005 year end.

Keep working on trying to persuade him to take the medicine !!! (of course each case can be very different)

 

[Elizabeth]

Thank-you all so much for the support. It really is/was/ and will be needed. The other BIG part of the picture is that he refuses to take any of his medications. I've gone round and round with him, that the medications actually do help him. We see it, but he can't. He told me that he likes how he feels, he doesn't like feeling calm. It's just so darn frustrating.

So it's come to the point that he doesn't mind being depressed, either ? Or maybe the downs are so debilitating that nothing can reach him because he has completely given up hope and nothing matters anymore...

It's terrible to say, but all I think is that the only thing that may break him out of this cycle would be to do something to be incarcerated or forcibly hospitalized. I sincerely hope that talking here does help, Goldiegirl. I can only imagine your dilemma and the impossibility of reasoning this out with your mother and brother in either the depressive or manic phase...

 

[Goldiegirl]

He does threaten suicide. I guess if and when he tries I will be able to get him in a psychiatric hospital. It's upsetting because until he hurts someone or himself, I can't legally do a thing. I was told by a lawyer, that he has a "right" to be mentally ill if he choses. The fact that he can work also is a road block, because it shows that he can provide for himself and make decisions. Elizabeth, I think, I am not sure, but his highs are so HIGH, he will put up with the low feelings. I almost feel that he is addicted to the manic part of his illness. There really is no reasoning with him. When the manic phase is high he's has these delusions of greatness and nothing can stop him. Right now he is in "training" to bicycle across the United States. I have no idea where that came from. When he is in the depression cycle, it's suicide and the world is going to end and we are all going to die so why bother! A truly vicious circle.

 

[Flashjeff]

A little after one this morning, gunfire rang out on my block, and it was perilously close to my house to where it sounded like thunder. Needless to say, I was awakened in an instant and dove to the floor, sheets, blankets and all and stayed there for a solid fifteen minutes until I felt it was safe enough to move. Going to the window, I peeked out and saw police cars converge on a sedan, no more than say, thirty feet from my front door, the driver side window shot out and both right side doors open. Fortunately, no one was in the car, so we didn't wind up with a homicide. Hell, my own car was right in front of the vehicle that was shot up.

While I've accepted and lived with these sort of dangers which come with living in the inner city, riddled with crime and lunatics packing guns and all too willing to use them, but this, friends and neighbors, was too close a call for my liking, especially since I was downstairs watching TV a mere three hours earlier. I shudder to think of what might have happened if the aim of whoever was shooting had been off and bullets came flying through my living room window. For all I know I might be in a hospital bed or a slab in the morgue right now. Suddenly, I wondering if it isn't time to pack up and get the hell out of Dodge while I still can.

 

[Tsuyoiko]

Ugh, that's terrible

But at least the police got there pretty quickly, if you can take any reassurance from that

 

[Haruspex]

When someone's wreaking havoc with a gun fast means late.

 

[Flashjeff]

Well, all is right with the world after the gunplay early Thursday morning. Needless to say, it was quite unnerving since it was so close to my house. According to my next door neighbor, there had been people in that car when it was fired on, but no one was hurt as they all made one hell of an escape. As far as I know, the perp is still on the loose, hopefully that won't last long.

 

[Goldiegirl]

That sounded so scary. We have a lot of shootings in Milwaukee and it always is the innocent bystanders, or kids, or people in their houses that get killed by "stray" bullets. I hope things get better/ safer where you live Flashjeff. It make me feel sad, because I loved studying US history and Philadelphia is a BIG part...such an old historic city, and to think that their is so much crime there......

 

[Flashjeff]

That sounded so scary. We have a lot of shootings in Milwaukee and it always is the innocent bystanders, or kids, or people in their houses that get killed by "stray" bullets. I hope things get better/ safer where you live Flashjeff. It make me feel sad, because I loved studying US history and Philadelphia is a BIG part...such an old historic city, and to think that their is so much crime there......

Well, things aren't much better in Philly either as everything you mentioned happens here with a disturbingly regularity. But the really worrisome part of the equation is the frightening randomness of it all, that gunplay could break out anytime, anyplace, you just don't know. No one expects to be awakened in the middle of the night by some lunatic shooting up a car, you just don't know when or where violence could break out. All you can do is watch your back and be careful.

 

[Haruspex]

Hmm, that kind of thing is rather rare here where I live, happens in the capital, but im quite far from the town, but even in town, the worst thing that can happen is being mugged. Although recently, well, like one-two years ago there was a violent shop robbery where the guy killed the salesperson.

 

[magevampjoe]

Well my rant is that I couldn't get up for school one morning and so missed the school bus, which is a large bus by the way. I got up to the bus stop at 8:16 without eating breakfast or having a shower (ewww I know). The bus leaves at exactly 8:17, supposedly, but it was leaving just as I got to the bus stop. The driver kept going, even though I was in time, even though he saw me. The way he goes means that he comes back down my road, so I went and stood at my road. He came past, saw me, grinned and shook his head. So I went home and got a lift to school. I decided to report this to the office, and they called him and asked him about it. After school I got on the bus and got on. He said to me that basically I shouldn't be so childish as to report him. He then tried to ban me off the bus, for no reason except that I had reported him. I reported him for that too. I saw him on the bus the next day and he told me I was a 'male's genitals' (although in slightly less mature ways than that). I told him where to go (myself in a immature way). That was the last time I saw him; he wasn't on the bus that evening (as that was how the driver rota goes), and I found out 2 days later that he had died in his sleep.

I feel a bit guilty, because the last words I spoke to him began with the letter 'F' and 'O', rather than 'See ya later mate' or even just not saying anything to him...

Thanks for listening. Rant over. Here, have a rare candy (pokemon, get a rare candy for listening to a guy rant about rapidash - those were the days, play pokemon and be innocent rather than know disgusting words.

 

[Mars Man]

I can understand your mental unsurety here, such has happened before in relations close to me (meaning not my actions and then some event, but by others I have known)--it can cause some stress.

However, far, farther, fartherest more likely than not, is was simple coincidence, and you have no responsibility for that. Billions, at least, things are all happening within a virtually limited time/space at a single moment and there will of course be seeming connections or patterns that the mind will see...I mean, that's how it has come to work for our benefit...seeing patterns. (whether there is anything to it or not)

At the same time, however, it could be said to have been a very worthwhile lesson. Would it not be good to always act towards others, as much as humanly possible (after also having considered circumstances) as if they were about to die? as if it would be the last time you'd ever see them again? Empathy would surely come into play more, and the tendency to give second thought, assume a little less self-value at that moment, look at any situation from the viewpoint of time having passed (often things which had been 'heated and serious in the moment' are laughed at from the viewpoint of years having passed) and more, would come more to the forefront, would it not?

Thanks for sharing your experience with us. Please do not feel guilty, but do always try to get up in time in the mornings.

. . . and thanks for the candy. . .

 

[Goldiegirl]

You can't take back words that's why they are so powerful. You can apologize for things you've said, but there isn't a delete button. That story reminds me of my last words to my Grampa, I told him that I wished he'd die. He died that week-end up at his cabin. It bothers me to this day. He was old and in failing health, and his personality had changed. He had become mean and forgetful. It was hard to live with him. That experience taught me a lot.

 

[Grandpa Frank]

Driving record ruined !

WOW, 36 years without a car accident and I got nailed today. The guy passed me on the left side and then decided to turn in front of me to get down the street on the right. Cop says his fault for failing to yeild right of way, but I bet I will still have a hassel with his insurance. Lucky no one was hurt and only about $800 damage to my car.Most important, I can still drive my car no problem. One of those days you wished you stayed in bed I guess.

Uncle Frank

 

[Mars Man]

OH.....Shhhht !! I know that feeling all too well !! I hope all goes well with the insurance matter; stick to you guns !!

 

[Flashjeff]

WOW, 36 years without a car accident and I got nailed today. The guy passed me on the left side and then decided to turn in front of me to get down the street on the right. Cop says his fault for failing to yeild right of way, but I bet I will still have a hassel with his insurance. Lucky no one was hurt and only about $800 damage to my car.Most important, I can still drive my car no problem. One of those days you wished you stayed in bed I guess.
Uncle Frank

Well, the important thing, like you said, was that no one was hurt. That's all that matters in the long run. But I don't wish you the problem you figure to have with that guy's insurance company, not to mention your premium probably going up afterward, even though it wasn't your fault. Here in Philly, we have among the highest auto insurance rates in the country, so I say a little prayer every time I get behind the wheel that I don't get into an accident. Stay strong, Uncle Frank!

 

[Goldiegirl]

I didn't know where to post this but my Maine Coon cat Starbuck died. He was found drowned in my neighbors pool. I feel terribly guilty as I let him outside. He went out every day and came in at night. He was the only one of my cats that I ever let outside. I always felt it was too dangerous. He just had to be out, he never liked being in the house only and would spray (urinate)on the furniture and in my shoes. I tried him on all kinds of behavioral medications to control his spraying but none worked or they sedated him. Going out for the day he was happy and then didn't pee in the house at night. I always feel that cats don't live long outside and this just proved it to me once again. I worried about cars, hawks, cat haters, loose dogs, but never did I think a pool would be the danger. It was covered and he slid underneath and couldn't get out.

 

[Mars Man]

Oh no !! I do feel for you, having three of the cute (most of the time) fur balls myself. My feelings are with you. All of our cats stay outside almost all the time. Two of them are brother and sister, both fixed, and the other one is a close friend (born of a different mother almost the same time--only some four weeks or so later). The male of the two litter siblings has a bit of a 'stray cat' gene, probably from his mother who was, and goes off for some two or three weeks at a time, even. They all are ok, but this is way out in the country, so not really any unnatural dangers. The other two stick close to the house.

My feelings are with you, Goldiegirl san.

 

[Pachipro]

WOW, 36 years without a car accident and I got nailed today. The guy passed me on the left side and then decided to turn in front of me to get down the street on the right. Cop says his fault for failing to yeild right of way, but I bet I will still have a hassel with his insurance. Lucky no one was hurt and only about $800 damage to my car.Most important, I can still drive my car no problem. One of those days you wished you stayed in bed I guess.

Sorry to hear about that Frank. At least no one was hurt and it wasn't your fault. As they say, sooner or later the law of averages catches up to everyone.

I hope reading this is not an omen as I too have been driving for 36 years without a single accident andI drive 500 miles/day. I will have 1 million miles without an accident under my belt at the end of June! Maybe I can beat the" average".

I didn't know where to post this but my Maine Coon cat Starbuck died. He was found drowned in my neighbors pool.

Very sorry for your loss Goldie. Not to make light of your loss, but I guess the old adage rings true in that curiosity got the best ole' Starbuck. I hope he had a great life.

 

[Haruspex]

I've three cats too, one male and two females, the two females are sterilized, the male isn't which is why it wanders all the time. There have been dangerous situations, but mostly in the form of Witnesses of Jehova (my neighbors), who threatened to lay down traps because my cats dig out their watermelons and eat their cherries (don't ask me how's that possible, I know that this is completely unprecedented), but thats been taken care of, a few threats did the thing.

 

[Kinsao]

Oh, I am so sorry to hear of your loss, Goldiegirl.

I don't have any particular thing of my own... but I could rant for pages and pages about the price of train travel in the UK! :angryfire: