The Bummer and Rant Thread

[Ma Cherie]

I object to the current idea of pandering to the minority. I'm not talking about religious or politics here (Everyone breathes sighs of relief), but the minority that whine and complain about what is shown on television. The reason for this is tthere is currently on UK comercial TV an advert for a oven cleaner. It feature a british chef called Ainsley Harriot. He cleans his oven hob and then kisses the clean work surface. Two, TWO! people complained out of the millions that ahve seen this advert that young children might copy him and kiss a hob that could still be hot. The advert has been going for about three months, no children have kissed a hob yet. Because of these 'GET A LIFE SADDOS' the advert now has to be shown at a time when young children will be in bed so they won't get ideas. How can two people have this much power? There was a time when common sense prevailed in this country now it's a case of Can't do this, can't do that because a minority have complained about it. It is driving me nuts.

Goodness, that's sad. I guess stupidity is everywhere.

 

[Doc]

Oh, Doc I'm sorry to hear that. I know how it feels when favorite radio station changes it's music. Something similar happened, one day I was listening to smooth jazz the next day, I was listnening to country. There's no longer 106.5 smooth jazz in Kansas City. It's now country.

That reminds me of something Ma Cherie. About four years ago my parents decided to take me to Colorado on a road trip. Anyway we had it on 106.5 (my favorite station of course) until the signal went out. Well as we got towards Kansas City the St. Louis station had just got done playing a song I really liked, and then cut out. However, the song started playing again. My Mother and I looked at each other like we had just entered the Twilight Zone. Come to find out after the song was over that we had just picked up the Kansas City affiliate to 106.5 Smooth Jazz. I thought that was pretty cool. I'm sorry to hear that you lost the jazz station too. However, like I said not all is lost. If you have a stable internet connection (and most likely broadband) then go here: WSSM 106.5 Smooth Jazz Online Radio Station At the top right of the page it says you can listen to the music live. Hope this helps you with your missing smooth jazz station.

Doc:ramen:

 

[Ma Cherie]

Thanks, Doc.

 

[Doc]

Thanks, Doc.

No problem! Hope you have fun listening to jazz again like I will be doing!

Doc:ramen:

 

[phantasmagoria]

I have EXAMS! In MAY!
No one frickin told me!
So much chemistry to learn! Oh and maths! I can't even remember what trigonometry's for, nevermind how to do it!

 

[HomicidalMouse]

I have to get a job in one month or im in serious sh*t wish i was back at school

 

[Mycernius]

I have to get a job in one month or im in serious sh*t wish i was back at school

Ha! you have to join us wage slaves *plays worlds violin*

 

[Doc]

Where should I begin? Well first of all, this was the second morning in a row that my Father woke me up to tell me something (extremely early in the morning mind you). Why can't the man just write a freakin' note?! My Mother is a real estate agent so she had to take a continuing education course for the past two days. She decides today to fight over cars, and takes mine because it looks nicer. (She had to carpool her friend, and didn't want to take her truck. Too bad my car is more jackable in St. Louis because of the expense. I own a SUV go figure.)

So I basically got stuck with my Father's car, while he took my Mother's. My Father's car is crap. (I could have taken my Mother's truck, but I HATE, I MEAN I HATE manual transmissions.) Broken windshield, crappy windsheld wipers, sucks up gas like crazy, you get the picture (it's a 1985 Crown Victoria LTD). Then as I was walking to class my very expensive sunglasses decided to break on me by losing a screw, and a lens fell out. I could never find the screw. Finally it decided to rain after class. Crappy car, with heavy rain, raining for three days straight, well you get the picture.

Doc:ramen:

 

[Doc]

Day to day I feel the noose tighten around my neck. Sometimes I wonder why I'm not dead yet. The pressures of everyday life seem to smite you no matter how hard you try to cope with them. I even sit here and wonder what it would be like if I would have pulled the trigger. Would I have these pressures? Would I have these problems? Of course the obvious answer is no. Still I can't help but wonder.

I hate my life sometimes. Today would be a classic example. The fact that the more you get older the more your world becomes complex just gets that much unbearable. Our President is a dick, our occupation in Iraq raises gas prices, the gas prices hit home on some Americans, my family can't even afford some of the basic needs because of the pay at the pump, and I'm left with less and less oxygen. Not a day goes by that I don't hear it from them over and over again. ﾂ"It's a part of lifeﾂ" or ﾂ"You can deal with the stressﾂ" or my personal favorite ﾂ"Life sucks, then you dieﾂ". That's all I hear from them everyday of my existence.

A full time student with a job, sure there are people who have done it. Those who have eighteen credit hours and a part time job never did them any harm. Or does it? I'm not afraid of the pressures of the world. I deal with them daily. However, why should I make my life that much more of a burden and more complex with the two? Is it because I have to? Is it because I'm an adult? Day to day I'm faced with these questions. I'll soon be off to St. Louis and having to pay my way and not having it with a free tuition. However, can I survive the hell that awaits me? Can I survive the lack of a social life, free time, and the ungodly amount of stress that will be on my shoulders? Can I survive over eighteen credit hours and a job? The answer is no.

I take my education to heart, but I sometimes wonder why ﾂ"theyﾂ" can't. They think it's easy, that life sucks anyway so why should it matter? Yes I want to grow up to be just like them, hating my boss, my job, become a raging alcoholic, and hate my life till the day I die. Yes I want to grow up to be just like that. I'm a student, I take my education seriously. Can't they see that this is my full time job? Of course not, it's expected of an American to juggle twenty thousand f***ing things in a row to make it through life. To learn about disappointment, and that you'll never be what you want to be in life. That only the best looking, most intelligent, and most wealthy can get a spot in the careers of choice.

I'm not afraid of work. I had a job once at a fireworks stand. Sure it was only for one summer, but I learned about responsibility and the feeling of a job well done for the hard work you put into it. It made me into what I am today. Yet, students aren't taken seriously. No, they're lazy bums who need to work their *** off all through their twenties and thirties with no social life, and alcohol and hate being your only friend. I'm sick of that type of attitude. I'm stick of the old American values. I'm sick of the conservative values, and I'm sick of people telling me what should rule my life. I'm sick of it all. I can stop thinking about that pistol that was at my temple in one point in my life. I can't stop thinking about how I could have just pulled the f***ing trigger.

Yet I know I wouldn't be where I'm at today if I had. I'm tired of people telling me what to do with my life. I'm tired of people suggesting things to me. I'm tired of being told what's expected of me. I'm tired of being told what the American way to do things is. I'm tired of it all. I'm tired of the American that has to screw with my life. I'm tired of my rights being rewritten to benefit the need of the minority. I'm tired of my parents telling me that juggling a job is more important than getting my degree before I'm twenty-two so that I can do what I want to in life. I'm tired of my Father laughing at me saying that being a writer is a fool's dream. I'm tired of him telling me that life sucks and you can't do anything about it. I'm tired of him telling me that he doesn't want to help support me with my success. I'm tired of him telling me that I have to pay for college, and he wants no part in it. I'm tired of him telling me that I should just face the facts and be like him. I'm tired of him telling me that being a full time student is a joke. I'm tired of all the f***ing pressure from everybody. I'm just tired of it all.

Doc

 

[Ma Cherie]

Goodness, Doc. Suicidal thoughts. Things have gotten to you that much, huh? I find it admirable that you're a student juggling a job and school. I wish I could do that myself. It seems that as you get older you began to see things for what they are. The reason I say this is because, sometimes I myself even wonder what's the point? I wish I could say I knew where you were coming on the part of your father telling that wanting to become a writer is stupid. I can't, because I don't know how it feels. I'd be lying to you if I told you that. However, I would tell you this, you don't have to listen to your father. Let's be honest, do you really want to end up with that kind of attitude? And I will tell you that no one's helping me through college, really. Yes, it's difficult, but it's up to on how you want to deal with it.

I'll shut up now.

 

[Doc]

Goodness, Doc. Suicidal thoughts. Things have gotten to you that much, huh? I find it admirable that you're a student juggling a job and school. I wish I could do that myself. It seems that as you get older you began to see things for what they are. The reason I say this is because, sometimes I myself even wonder what's the point? I wish I could say I knew where you were coming on the part of your father telling that wanting to become a writer is stupid. I can't, because I don't know how it feels. I'd be lying to you if I told you that. However, I would tell you this, you don't have to listen to your father. Let's be honest, do you really want to end up with that kind of attitude? And I will tell you that no one's helping me through college, really. Yes, it's difficult, but it's up to on how you want to deal with it.

I'll shut up now.

Well I'm sorry for the long *** rant. I was in kind of a negative funk. It mainly has to do with my family's tight budget because of the gas prices. My parents have been pushing me to get a job, but I keep telling them I don't want one. Sure it's admirable, but the thing is that most people who do that either are workaholics or they've messed their lives up bad and are trying to make things right with a fresh start on things. As for me, I'm concerned about my education only right now. I just want the degree so I can get the JOB that I want. Hell I can get a loan that'll pay me until six months after I'm done with college and have a job, then I'll have to start paying it back. My Father though doesn't believe me.

My parents both f***ed up their lives when they were kids. While I can understand the support, I don't need them dictating on what I should dow with my life, and how I should do it. Like I said I'm not afraid of work, I'm just not going to sacrafice everything I have just so I can work all the time with two different vocations. As for the suicidial thoughts, don't mind those. I apologize for even putting them down. It's just I get very angry when s*** like this happens, and I just can't think striaght. I usually tell people to leave me alone for a while so I don't lash out at them. It's the last thing I want. What started off with just one thing, ended up getting a lot of thoughts in my head and I needed to vent. Sorry about that.

Speaking of venting, I'm getting tired of the only one using this damn thread! For the love of God, will people start posting in here?! I'm sure it'll make your day better, I know it does for me.

Doc:ramen:

 

[Ma Cherie]

That's alright, Doc. I understand that you don't want to work while you're in school. I don't want to work either. That's why I gave up looking for a job. And it seems to me that people are reluctant to hire a student. Taking out students loans is something your going to have to do anyway. Besides, you can consolidate loans when you graduate. I don't understand why your father doesn't belive you, since that's the whole point of loans. ☝

 

[Doc]

That's alright, Doc. I understand that you don't want to work while you're in school. I don't want to work either. That's why I gave up looking for a job. And it seems to me that people are reluctant to hire a student. Taking out students loans is something your going to have to do anyway. Besides, you can consolidate loans when you graduate. I don't understand why your father doesn't belive you, since that's the whole point of loans. ☝

It's because he thinks you have to immediately pay off the loans as soon as you start school. I keep telling him otherwise. I mean I did prepare for college two years before I was finished with high school. Still he doesn't believe me because I don't have any credit (you know financial credit). I'm currently attending a community college now because I get A+ funding from the state. I'll be gone by this fall, but I'll have over 90 credit hours done so I really won't have to worry that much about transferring over to a four year school. All I'll have to do when I transfer over to a four year school is three semesters of a foreign language and all my history courses. I'm thinking about getting my masters before I'm 23, but I haven't decided yet. BTW I'm currently attending "Harvard on the Hill". If you can figure that one out, then I'm sure you know where I'm attending.

Doc:ramen:

 

[HomicidalMouse]

Hell Doc, you rant at us as much as you want. I know how it feels to have it all bottle up and not have a way for it to escape. The worst thing is being so stressed you snap at someone or have an argument and things are said which should never be said (even if you mean them). I for example told my mum i wish she was dead. The worst feeling ever was knowing that she knew. So i encourage your rants. You make a lot of sense anyway.
I've learnt to chill since my last outburst. I become too much like my dad when i get angry and it scares me. Im just rolling with the crowd at the moment, and i feel kinda numb. I honestly think i'll be dead in 5 years time anyway. At least you have an ambition. Jeez, thats depressing...

 

[Ma Cherie]

Cool, getting a Master's before you're 23 is wondeful. A+ funding, that's also wonderful. Well, Doc it seems you're going after what you want, despite what others tell you. And I think I may have found something else to rant about. About being a student and how hard it is to get credit so you could approved for certain things. That's frustrating.

 

[Doc]

Hell Doc, you rant at us as much as you want. I know how it feels to have it all bottle up and not have a way for it to escape. The worst thing is being so stressed you snap at someone or have an argument and things are said which should never be said (even if you mean them). I for example told my mum i wish she was dead. The worst feeling ever was knowing that she knew. So i encourage your rants. You make a lot of sense anyway.
I've learnt to chill since my last outburst. I become too much like my dad when i get angry and it scares me. Im just rolling with the crowd at the moment, and i feel kinda numb. I honestly think i'll be dead in 5 years time anyway. At least you have an ambition. Jeez, thats depressing...

Well you shouldn't talk like that, no matter how much you parents piss you off. Why do you think you'll be dead in five years anyway? Is there something wrong with your family life that has caused you to think that way? I'm not trying to pry, just trying to help that's all.

Cool, getting a Master's before you're 23 is wondeful. A+ funding, that's also wonderful. Well, Doc it seems you're going after what you want, despite what others tell you. And I think I may have found something else to rant about. About being a student and how hard it is to get credit so you could approved for certain things. That's frustrating.

I know how you feel. I used to have a savings account, but A+ doesn't cover books so I pretty much lost it. Mainly because my Mother snuck into my account and took the money out, and never bothered to tell me about it either. I think I only have $4.92 left. I used to have a friend who tried to get credit too even though he had(s) a job and went to school. Credit is something else let me tell you. Personally I don't trust credit cards. They're like a checkbook spending spree waiting to happen. You think you have the money, and then you're over your limit. Personally I'd choose a debit card, even though that's not that much better. Who have your tried to look into for a card anyway? The reason why I ask is because my parents knew several different providers before finding the right one.

Doc:ramen:

 

[Ma Cherie]

Living on campus, people come here and try to offer us credit cards. I stopped applying for them because of not having any credit. I can't remember who the providers were that came on our campus. But I didn't apply for one. And don't feel bad for not having any money, at least your account isn't -$17.34. I think debit cards are better, too. I wish I knew some providers.

 

[lexico]

I understand, homicidal mouse

Hell Doc, you rant at us as much as you want. I know how it feels to have it all bottle up and not have a way for it to escape.

That is so true. When the repressed bad feelings finally gets released, it is very scary for myself, too. Some of my friends even encouraged me to get mean and mad as often as I felt like it. By having "it" getting released before any build up, it doesn't get that scary. I burst in small quantities, and I don't have to worry about becoming a sociopath !

The worst thing is being so stressed you snap at someone or have an argument and things are said which should never be said (even if you mean them). I for example told my mum i wish she was dead.

I told relatives I wish I had different parents as a kid. I hated what they were doing to me, but I couldn't quite come to see that I should break away from the emotional ties of loyalty. It's been only a couple of years that I was clearly aware that the relationship was a dead one. Freud has an interesting analysis of all the crying at the funeral: quite a few cry not because of the sadness of parting with the dead parent, but more out of remorse for having wished them dead ! I have no remorese, and I wish them dead. It's natural for me, perhaps not everybody. I just don't want to see any more of the b---sh-- they're doing. Enough said of a broken relationship, huh ?

The worst feeling ever was knowing that she knew. So i encourage your rants. You make a lot of sense anyway.
I've learnt to chill since my last outburst. I become too much like my dad when i get angry and it scares me. Im just rolling with the crowd at the moment, and i feel kinda numb. I honestly think i'll be dead in 5 years time anyway. At least you have an ambition. Jeez, thats depressing...

As long as you don't go out and kill yourself, you'll do just fine (forgive my being presumptuous.) Hurt ? Yes. Angered ? Yes. But you have that god-given life, and good right to anything between half a century to 100 yrs to live it out. Create some waves, man ! There's such a wonderful world out there ! It is spring ! Look at all the cherry blossons that will flower before your eyes ! Look at all the pretty girls, all the cool friends you will make !

 

[HomicidalMouse]

I figured i'll be hit by a car sometime in the next year. As for my family, they are a bit messed up. My dad was kicked out a while ago for beating up my older brother, who is depressed and nearly killed himself and my little brother can hardly read at the age of 16. My mum pretty much lives in spain which doesnt help my little bro as hes got his exams in a month. That really pisses me off too. I want him to do well but hes going down the same road as his older brothers. WA! I lack motivation, otherwise i could make something of myself.

 

[HomicidalMouse]

As long as you don't go out and kill yourself, you'll do just fine

No i think your safe there. I wouldn't want someone to find me dead. Its not a nice thing for any member of your family, even if you hate them.

 

[Doc]

Living on campus, people come here and try to offer us credit cards. I stopped applying for them because of not having any credit. I can't remember who the providers were that came on our campus. But I didn't apply for one. And don't feel bad for not having any money, at least your account isn't -$17.34. I think debit cards are better, too. I wish I knew some providers.

I don't have any money period. My only source of income moved to Illinois. My next door neighbor was an elderly lady, and I would help her with her trash, mail, and newspaper. I got paid $15 for my services. Now I don't get paid anything. I'm actually asking my parents for an allowance. How embrassing is that? I'm 20 years old, and I have to ask for an allowance. Oh well I guess it's not all bad. I do get free room and board, although I'm really starting to get tired of all the damn rules. I'm 20 years old damnit!

Doc:ramen:

 

[Ma Cherie]

I figured i'll be hit by a car sometime in the next year. As for my family, they are a bit messed up. My dad was kicked out a while ago for beating up my older brother, who is depressed and nearly killed himself and my little brother can hardly read at the age of 16. My mum pretty much lives in spain which doesnt help my little bro as hes got his exams in a month. That really pisses me off too. I want him to do well but hes going down the same road as his older brothers. WA! I lack motivation, otherwise i could make something of myself.

You figured you'll be hit by a car? Goodness, how can you feel that way? Well, I'm sorry about your family, and I thought my family had problems. It just seems like everyone in my family is having babies. This is really beginning to get very depressing. Try not to think about how you're going to die, darling.

 

[Doc]

That is so true. When the repressed bad feelings finally gets released, it is very scary for myself, too. Some of my friends even encouraged me to get mean and mad as often as I felt like it. By having "it" getting released before any build up, it doesn't get that scary. I burst in small quantities, and I don't have to worry about becoming a sociopath !I told relatives I wish I had different parents as a kid. I hated what they were doing to me, but I couldn't quite come to see that I should break away from the emotional ties of loyalty. It's been only a couple of years that I was clearly aware that the relationship was a dead one. Freud has an interesting analysis of all the crying at the funeral: quite a few cry not because of the sadness of parting with the dead parent, but more out of remorse for having wished them dead ! I have no remorese, and I wish them dead. It's natural for me, perhaps not everybody. I just don't want to see any more of the b---sh-- they're doing. Enough said of a broken relationship, huh ?As long as you don't go out and kill yourself, you'll do just fine (forgive my being presumptuous.) Hurt ? Yes. Angered ? Yes. But you have that god-given life, and good right to anything between half a century to 100 yrs to live it out. Create some waves, man ! There's such a wonderful world out there ! It is spring ! Look at all the cherry blossons that will flower before your eyes ! Look at all the pretty girls, all the cool friends you will make !

I figured i'll be hit by a car sometime in the next year. As for my family, they are a bit messed up. My dad was kicked out a while ago for beating up my older brother, who is depressed and nearly killed himself and my little brother can hardly read at the age of 16. My mum pretty much lives in spain which doesnt help my little bro as hes got his exams in a month. That really pisses me off too. I want him to do well but hes going down the same road as his older brothers. WA! I lack motivation, otherwise i could make something of myself.

I can relate with both of you guys. I don't hate my Father, but I know I'm not close to him at all. When I was a child he used to be an alcoholic. Those first nine years of my life were the worse nine years ever. He was clean for over ten years. Then last year he got s*** faced because he lost his job. Let me tell you, when scars so deep open back up you really start to lose touch with the person you're with. We had worked hard to build the relationship back up, but he ruined it last year. He doesn't understand why I don't like hugging him or being around him, but I don't think he'll ever truly understand even if I told him.

His whole side of the family were alcoholics. Most of them all died because of heart problems too, not to mention killing out their livers. As for me, I don't want to be anything like him. My rage is a lot like his (I want to get violent when I'm in rage), but I've learned to control it. I don't drink alcohol and have sworn never to drink the stuff at all. I don't smoke cigarettes, nor do I do drugs. My Mother was pretty much the one who raised me through my childhood. A lot of my characterists are like her. She can piss me off really bad sometimes, and I can come up with some horrible thoughts, but I still love her. As for my Father, all I can say is that he was Father. That's it, no love, no hate, nothing.

I had a pretty s***** childhood. If it wasn't the old man it was the kids who alienated me on the playground, got me in trouble, tried to start fights with me, humiliated me, violated me, and God only knows what else. Simply put I didn't have a childhood at all. I have nothing but pain and suffering in the past. It was the day my doctor told me I was going to die that I changed my life around. Now I live for myself, and while I'm still cold hearted, untrusting, depressed, and hate humanity in general I can say I love life more than ever, and I have made something of myself. No matter how bad my violent urges get, I will never harm another human being. I have too much self control, self morale, self preservation, and concern of my fellow man than to harm another human being. Instead I play violent video games or vent like I do on threads like this one.

My anger and rage have gone down considerablely in the past five years, but I still have some of it still around. Not to worry folks I'm nothing but a big softie like InuYasha. I even hate killing spiders even though I hate spiders. It takes a lot to change your life around, even if you didn't really have one, but it pays off in the end. All you need is trust in yourself, and yourself alone.

Doc:ramen:

 

[Mycernius]

Hey Doc your not the only one who has ranted. I've done at least two. I could do more, but I'm usually too knackered at the end of the day. I get up at 5:30 to start at 6 and usually finish about 4:30 or 5:00. That's a long day driving on the roads in this country, especially in Nottingham where every red light was against me, or felt like that. I do not like that city. Not only that, had a new lorry today. Drove it for about three minutes and I get rear-ended by another truck while passing a bike. He did admit full liability though.
As fo your gas prices, my heart bleeds (sarcasm). Try UK petrol prices (had to do some conversion for this)
1 US gallon of petrol in the UK costs $6.05 (3.17 quid)
1 UK gallon of petrol in the UK costs $7.28 (3.81 quid)
I know your prices are cheaper because I have a friend of mine who lives in North Carolina and he crows on how cheap petrol is.
As for stress, I've mellowed over the years. I learned to control my temper when some bully at school tried to break my arm. I saw red and nearly strangled the Tw@t to death. I would have if my mates hadn't have dragged me off him. I do have a mean temper. Since then I managed to control my temper at other people and haven't lost it. Inamimate objects have suffered though. Broke a computer once because it didn't co-operate with me. The best thing I did was give up caffine. My stress level really dropped after I stopped drinking anything with caffine in. I still lose my temper on occassion, but not destructivly for a while. Drink is not a problem for me, because when I get drunk I become a silly drunk, not a violent one. Mind you that has been a while since I got that drunk. Never done drugs, can't see the reason for them. I could tell you to chill out, but that winds me up if someone says that to me. All I can say is it does get better if you work at it. Ignore the idiots.

 

[Doc]

Hey Doc your not the only one who has ranted. I've done at least two. I could do more, but I'm usually too knackered at the end of the day. I get up at 5:30 to start at 6 and usually finish about 4:30 or 5:00. That's a long day driving on the roads in this country, especially in Nottingham where every red light was against me, or felt like that. I do not like that city. Not only that, had a new lorry today. Drove it for about three minutes and I get rear-ended by another truck while passing a bike. He did admit full liability though.
As fo your gas prices, my heart bleeds (sarcasm). Try UK petrol prices (had to do some conversion for this)
1 US gallon of petrol in the UK costs $6.05 (3.17 quid)
1 UK gallon of petrol in the UK costs $7.28 (3.81 quid)
I know your prices are cheaper because I have a friend of mine who lives in North Carolina and he crows on how cheap petrol is.
As for stress, I've mellowed over the years. I learned to control my temper when some bully at school tried to break my arm. I saw red and nearly strangled the Tw@t to death. I would have if my mates hadn't have dragged me off him. I do have a mean temper. Since then I managed to control my temper at other people and haven't lost it. Inamimate objects have suffered though. Broke a computer once because it didn't co-operate with me. The best thing I did was give up caffine. My stress level really dropped after I stopped drinking anything with caffine in. I still lose my temper on occassion, but not destructivly for a while. Drink is not a problem for me, because when I get drunk I become a silly drunk, not a violent one. Mind you that has been a while since I got that drunk. Never done drugs, can't see the reason for them. I could tell you to chill out, but that winds me up if someone says that to me. All I can say is it does get better if you work at it. Ignore the idiots.

I should have rephrased what I meant by violent, angry urges. What I meant to say is that I can't harm anybody. I never have and I never want to. What I was pertaining to was that if I had a gun let's say, and I went off the deep end (which doesn't happen), I wouldn't shoot anybody. I would actually just use the gun to make point. You know what I mean, hold it to make it look like a threat, but it was never the true intention. The true intention would be for the basic message of, "Leave me alone, I'm pissed, and I don't feel like being bothered right now." You know what I'm talking about.

Now very rarely do I get pissed. It takes a lot to get me mad. I've mellowed out a lot in the past four years. Sure I still have a lot of fire in me, but not enough to make me a dangerous, unreasonable, or an unlikeable person. I can start a heated argument, but that's about all you're going to get out of me. The level of psycho is just that hard to reach with me. I've been in psycho mode before, but I still have a lot of self control to prevent myself from harming another person. However, pillows, walls, and other objects might suffer a bit.

I will not lie that I do have violent thoughts when I get super angry, but I usually hate myself for thinking those thoughts. I think it mainly has to do with the fact that I had a very bad childhood. The only difference between me and those who suffered the same problem is that I don't use violence as a way to solve my problem. I could never hit a woman, harm a child, fight another man, hurt an animal, etc. I'm nothing but a big pacifist. I hate fighting, and I don't think it is the option to go with. I will admit I'm a bit sadistic in nature with violent video games, but then again who isn't?

I hope that in telling this about myself that I don't have people think differently of me. I mean I will admit I was a very angry kid, but given the circumatances I think you all could understand why. You have to give me credit that I didn't turn out like everybody else though with those problems. I hold myself too much with respect for life and my mental well being to submit to that type of behavior. I mean there are days where I would just love to put my foot up a person's ***, or wing them with a nine millimeter just for pissing me off. However, my bark is much louder than my bite. In short, I'm nothing more than a little dog with a big heart. I'm an instant softie no matter how much I'm unwilling to do something nice. I may not want to help you, but I will anyway just because, well because it's just who I am.

I really hate the fact that I have violent thoughts I really do. I could see a threapist, but I think I've done better healing myself than any doctor ever could. Hell I did see a threapist once, and even she said the same thing. I just hope I don't have any of you thinking of me differently because I confessed about my anger. I really am a nice guy, really. I hate violence (except in video games), and I could never harm another human being. I really am like my friends call me, InuYasha. I guess that's the best way to summerize my personality.

Doc:ramen: