"Done It" Marriages Multiply In Japan

ArmandV

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From the Japan Times:

'Done it' marriages multiply


By GEOFF BOTTING
When Morning Musume singer Nozomi Tsuji, 19, announced her marriage earlier this month to actor Taiyo Sugiura, she had something to add 窶 she was nine weeks into pregnancy.

The disclosure caused a stir. After all, the starlet is a teen member of a wildly popular all-girl group with a squeaky clean image.

Yet for celebrity hounds, the shotgun nature of the marriage was nothing new. Some of the country's biggest stars have married well after conception. The last six months alone have seen such marriages between bikini model Miho Yoshioka and actor Haru Mie, while baseball players Tomoya Yagi and Tetsuya Utsumi married women several months into their pregnancies.

But it's not just celebrities who enter into shotgun marriages 窶 called dekichatta kekkon (or dekikon for short) in Japanese, literally meaning "done it marriage." The same trend exists among the Japanese public, Shukan Post points out. In fact, about a quarter of all married couples with children have taken their vows while the bride was expecting. It's a number that's risen sharply in the last few years. Back in 1980, by comparison, such marriages accounted for only 12.6 percent of all unions in Japan.

What's more, as the marriages become more common, they're also becoming more acceptable. More than 50 percent of males and females at high school and university agreed that dekikon were nothing to be concerned about, a poll released last year by the Japanese Association of Sex Education found.

For many of the companies that plan and conduct wedding ceremonies, meanwhile, dekikon means profits. Dekikon weddings tend to be quicker, easier and therefore cheaper to stage than usual, say industry officials.

"Usually, weddings take about six months of preparation, but we shrink that to a month," says Fumio Aoki, a representative of Ladirb, where about half of the 300 couples that the company handles yearly have already "done it." "We go out to meet the couples, draw up (guest) lists and get the invitations sent out really quickly."

Why the need for promptly scheduled ceremonies? To head off the later stages of pregnancy, when the event could be marred by the bride's morning sickness and other physical problems.

Although dekikon these days aren't viewed as a big moral problem, that wasn't always the case, according to Masahiro Yamada, a sociologist at Tokyo Gakugei University.

"Until the 1980s, premarital sex was not normally tolerated. It was common for the (pregnant woman's) family to feel shame and for the parents to refuse to attend the wedding. Many couples would choose abortions," Yamada says.

Why the sudden change in attitudes? A more tolerant generation of parents, answers Atsushi Miura, a commentator and expert on consumer behavior.

"The children of the baby boomer generation started to become adults around 1995. And back when the baby boomers came of age, it was an era of sexual liberation. So these are the parents of today's dekikon couples, and they don't feel a sense of shame about it."

Nor do their kids. During her wedding announcement, Tsuji flashed a big smile and showed off her engagement ring, radiating nothing but pure happiness and contentment.

***
 
At least they do marry.

It seems like in the US, having children out of wedlock is becoming the norm. Living togeather and having kids without getting married seems very common and very accepted here. I wonder if Japan will follow that trend?

Uncle Frank

:?
 
It seems like in the US, having children out of wedlock is becoming the norm. Living togeather and having kids without getting married seems very common and very accepted here. I wonder if Japan will follow that trend?
Uncle Frank
:?

Hopefully not. There seems to be a definite change in society in general (coarseness, decay or however you wish to describe it) and Japan is not immune. There's so many out-of-wedlock babies being born to celebrities that one movie critic refers to them as "Hollywood Bastard Babies."

Like you said, at least they're getting married in Japan.
 
Seems like a normal thing, you hear alot about real men taking responsibility, so they marry the women that they "knocked up".
 
Seems like a normal thing, you hear alot about real men taking responsibility, so they marry the women that they "knocked up".
Sure they take responsibility until they realize that the baby is going to interupt their social life and put a huge strain on their wallets, plus make them lose a bunch of sleep as well and they stick around for a year or two then they become another statistic.

It's unfortunate that these younger kids are having babies and then getting married. Too many younger teenagers see this and their dream then becomes "I want to have a baby AND THEN get married". The kids have no idea what they are getting themselves into. They get caught up in the moment and BOOM their life is forever changed. Kids having kids

Why do you think Japan has such a high divorce rate?
 
Too many younger teenagers see this and their dream then becomes "I want to have a baby AND THEN get married". The kids have no idea what they are getting themselves into.


In other words, "Putting the cart before the horse."
 
I think they should increase sex education and inform Japanese girls that they should be forcing their partners to wear condoms. I'm not one to kiss and tell but from my experience they can be pushovers sometimes and unless the guy's got his head on straight it's no surprise no one ends up using any protection and pregnancy along with STD's are on the rise in Japan.

My experience with Japanese doctors is also such that they are not as willing and open with the pill and it can be difficult for a young woman to get the pill discreetly and comfortably.

By contrast, the education level and availability of contraception in Scandanavian countries is reflected in their low teen pregnancy and STD rates.
 
What's really wrong with having children out of wedlock? I understand that teens having children at young ages is a problem, but what I don't understand what is truly bad about having children when you're not married?
 
Its not bad, but there was some interesting news last night about children born out of wedlock are not registered with the government, so they are in a sense "identityless", which causes problems later on as they cannot enrole to vote, get a drivers licence, or do anything that requires ID, as in a sense they don't exist in the system.
 
What's really wrong with having children out of wedlock? I understand that teens having children at young ages is a problem, but what I don't understand what is truly bad about having children when you're not married?

Ok like it or not having the kids out of wedlock besides the comments that Ewok wrote are this; (Of course there are exceptions)

It is a fact that in a majority of cases one or the other parents ends up raising the child on their own. Most of the cases end up in one or the other parents taking a hike leaving the other one to care for the child or having the child being placed in an orphange. There is a private orphange near my house and there are too many kids living there to count. Many of the parents can not financially take care of their kids even with government assistance, sad but true. They place their children there by need, not by choice in some cases as well.

The child pretty much gets raised by either a grandparent or a day care center. Yet there are less and less grandparents that are willing to raise their grandchildren.

There is a greater financial strain on the government social services and health insurance systems.

In many cases the children have more problems in schools because there is only one parent at home.

Biggest thing to remember that we are talking about Japan here and not the US or Europe.:-)
 
What's really wrong with having children out of wedlock?

Nothing.

As soon as my husband found out I was pregnant, he wanted to get married. He had talked about it before, and I wasn't too keen on the idea, but when he found out I was pregnant, he jumped on it. It was like that was the thing to do. No other choice. Sometimes I think me getting pregnant was exactly what he wanted. He knew he would have my mom on his side, in that she would demand that I get married right away. How young and weak I was at the time.

Anyway, Ma Cherie, I agree with you there. I don't think there's anything wrong with having a child out of wedlock. All that matters is that the child is loved and taken care of. You could have two happy parents taking care of a child without the restraints of a marriage they weren't ready for, and there is nothing wrong with that.
 
I think it's a bad, bad, bad idea to get married just because the woman is pregnant. Later on down the line, both parties can easily feel like circumstances rushed them into it.

Having said that, a relationship that isn't going to work out isn't going to work out, marriage or no marriage, child or no child. Ultimately, the only thing that can make a relationship work is the couple themselves, although external circumstances do of course apply pressure in various directions.

It also has the disadvantage of setting a bad example to younger people. Y'know, the 'if I have a baby he'll marry me and we'll live happily ever after' school of thought. It might seem naive but it does happen, and I've known it happen among my friends and contemporaries here in England.

I'm instinctively against this kind of wedding... it happened to my cousin; she got pregnant and then she married the guy (she was 19), and at the time I was all like 'she shouldn't do it'... but 10 years later they are still very happily married with 2 lovely kids... things weren't as bleak as I assumed :D but even so my instinctive response was not to do it, and if I ever was in that situation it would make me even less likely to agree to get married... I'd be like 'wait a couple of years and then see if you still want to!'
 
Keeping it about Japan - I got married last week. 15mins in the city hall filling in papers and it was done, quick and simple.

Marriage is two things - legally binding and a commitment. Think what you want about the 2nd one, but legally binding is important - my wife is now covered by my health insurance plan. If she had a baby we are eligible for government assistance (as a family). And there is plenty of other benefits that you get as a married couple.
 
My wife was six months pregnant when we got married. The pregnancy was not why we got married. We were engaged a month before she became pregnant. My daughter (now 20) is the best thing in my life.

However, that said, some people who become pregnant out of wedlock for some kind of "lifestyle choice," to me, are nuts. Besides all the reasons mentioned in prior posts, quite often the taxpayers have to foot the bill to pay of the care for these kids. A lot of this leads to juvenile delinquency.

It appears that the girls of Japan are emulating the ones of America; they can't seem to keep their legs closed. If people aren't mature and responsible enough to use birth control, then they aren't mature enough to be raising kids. As it takes "two to tango," Japanese guys are thinking with the wrong head. If they're going to play, then they'll have to pay.
 
Keeping it about Japan - I got married last week. 15mins in the city hall filling in papers and it was done, quick and simple.

By the way, congratulations!
 
Look dont get me wrong here if a couple is financially capable of raising a chilld in a safe and loving environment I could see them having a child out of wedlock, but some of the people posting their opinions here might understand things better if they looked at the problem from here in Japan and not in your home country.

Would you be willing to have this happen to your child as Ewok posted earlier?

Do you want your child to be nonexistent to the country that it was born in purely because the parents were too "whatever" to get married and make the child legitimate?

Its not bad, but there was some interesting news last night about children born out of wedlock are not registered with the government, so they are in a sense "identityless", which causes problems later on as they cannot enrole to vote, get a drivers licence, or do anything that requires ID, as in a sense they don't exist in the system

To me that is one great reason not to have a child out of wedlock.

Please stop and think about it from here and not where you are. Thank you.
 
Do you want your child to be nonexistent to the country that it was born in purely because the parents were too "whatever" to get married and make the child legitimate?
To me that is one great reason not to have a child out of wedlock.
Please stop and think about it from here and not where you are. Thank you.

No, thank you!

What's really wrong with having children out of wedlock?


As the above quotes are from ladies not in Japan, the social and legal stigma as described would not affect them or their children.

If people can afford to be financially responsible for their children born out of wedlock, fine. More power to 'em! But there are so many welfare mothers squirting out children, and the taxpayers (that's you and me, folks) end up paying for them. That's what's wrong.
 
The reason why I asked what's wrong with having children out of wedlock is because I was born to single mother, and I kind find it offensive when people assume that children who are born out of "wedlock" are somehow bad for society.

I understand there are issues of identity, but I also don't see how being married makes much of a difference as to how a child is raised.
 
The reason why I asked what's wrong with having children out of wedlock is because I was born to single mother, ...........I understand there are issues of identity, but I also don't see how being married makes much of a difference as to how a child is raised.

I am glad to hear that things worked out well for you. Yet I have the feeling that you are more the exception rather than the rule.

Aren't identity issues enough?

Please seriously think about this; how would you have felt if you were a non entity in your country purely because, for whatever reason, your parents didnt get married?

Sounds pretty selfish of the parents to me, once again please remember we are talking about Japan and not the US. In this case it matters greatly.

and I kind find it offensive when people assume that children who are born out of "wedlock" are somehow bad for society.

For you I can understand your anger however it is a fact that more single parents need public assistance to help them raise their children is it not? Of course there are married couples that are in the same boat, however the proportion of unmarried or single parents is greater.

I agree with Armand.
If people can afford to be financially responsible for their children born out of wedlock, fine. More power to 'em! But there are so many welfare mothers squirting out children, and the taxpayers (that's you and me, folks) end up paying for them. That's what's wrong.
 
I see what you're saying Obeika, and I see that being born out of wedlock in Japan has some serious consequences. Or better yet, I understand that's it's different in Japan.
 
I see what you're saying Obeika, and I see that being born out of wedlock in Japan has some serious consequences. Or better yet, I understand that's it's different in Japan.

Thank you, I also can not see it totally from your point of view either as I was raised by both of my parents.
 
The reason why I asked what's wrong with having children out of wedlock is because I was born to single mother, and I kind find it offensive when people assume that children who are born out of "wedlock" are somehow bad for society.
I understand there are issues of identity, but I also don't see how being married makes much of a difference as to how a child is raised.

As it was said, your situation (happily) is more the exception rather than the rule. Naturally, not all single parents are the irresponsible kind. Circumstances beyond one's control (such as the death of one parent, etc.) causing a child to be raised by a single parent is not what this is about.

A child raised in a stable family environment is much preferable than with a single parent.
 
As it was said, your situation (happily) is more the exception rather than the rule. Naturally, not all single parents are the irresponsible kind. Circumstances beyond one's control (such as the death of one parent, etc.) causing a child to be raised by a single parent is not what this is about.
A child raised in a stable family environment is much preferable than with a single parent.


Actually, there are more people like me than what you would like to believe. I think these are misconceptions about people raised in single homes. What do you mean by "stable family environment?" Are you saying that children who are raised in two parent homes are more stable? Because I can assure that's not quite true.
 
Actually, there are more people like me than what you would like to believe. I think these are misconceptions about people raised in single homes. What do you mean by "stable family environment?" Are you saying that children who are raised in two parent homes are more stable? .

Yet while there may be more single parent families now then there were in comparison to the past and while there are unstable families with both parents home I agree with Armand.

Sure there are some cases where the exception is the rule, however it is pretty much accepted fact that children raised with both Mom and Dad being there are more stable than not.

Because I can assure that's not quite true

Can I assume that you are not trying to say that single parent families are more stable that families with both parents?
 
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By the way, congratulations!

Cheers :D

To me that is one great reason not to have a child out of wedlock.
Please stop and think about it from here and not where you are. Thank you.

If the parents later get married, the child can be transferred into the family koseki, but I imagine it takes some paperwork.
 
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