W/do Japanese parents generally think of their Daughter going out w/Foriegner/America

[Hero]

I'm currently going out with Japanese girl I met during my stay in Japan. We both have very good relationship and we both got this feeling (while in Japan) that we were meant for eachother. (Mine was when I first saw her. her's was when I showed her a beautiful site in the sky during date)

I'm now back in America and we're both taking our long distance relationship well, and plan to get married.

But there is one thing that worries me a lot... How will her parents take our relationship/marriage? From my knowledge.. her parents are kinda strict.
I always wonder "Will they accept us?"

So far they don't know of our relationship but my girlfriend thinks her mom has.. eer.. a hint/clue that we are since I wrote her a letter, lol.

Does anyone have advice/experiences for something like this? I'm 20 and she's 21.

I understand that each parent(s) are different then all others and that any advice given here may not help me, lol.

Kowaii desu... (*O.O)

 

[atkjhi]

If she lives in Tokyo, I'm sure her parents are quite modern in their thinking. Her parents are likely only about 50 years old so they are not your "old school" Japanese. On the other hand if she grew up in a small town in the sticks they may not be as accepting but every situation is different. Good luck with yours.

 

[Mike Cash]

If you're ready to be married then you're ready to stop being a boy and start being a man. Go meet her parents.

 

[Timsan]

If you're ready to be married then you're ready to stop being a boy and start being a man. Go meet her parents.

HAHAHAHA So true.

 

[Brooker]

I think it's a valid question. I've heard stories of Asian parents not approving of marrying a foreigner and the marriage not happening as a result. Of course, meeting her parents is the logical first step. After that, their attitude towards foreigners may become obvious.

 

[ragedaddy]

Yeah, I agree with either going to meet her parents, or at least have your girlfriend tell her parents about you guys. I mean what it really comes down to is they're either going to like you, or they are going to disapprove of your relationship.

I was kinda nervous when I meet my wife's parents for the first time. I thought her dad was going to be sitting there shining up his sword while eyeing me down. However, her dad turned out to be suprisingly nice, so I was relieved after that.

I mean if you guys are considering getting married, it is a given that you have to meet her parents. When meeting her parent's I suggest just being yourself, show respect, express to them that you are in love with their daughter, and tell them you will take good care of her.

Are you planning on living in Japan or the U.S.?

 

[Brooker]

ragedaddy wrote....

I thought her dad was going to be sitting there shining up his sword while eyeing me down.

Hell, I've been afraid everytime I've met a girlfriend's parents, even if they were American, and sometimes they haven't liked me. But that's cause I'm bad to the bone.

 

[Mike Cash]

One thing for sure, their attitude toward the OP is more likely to be favorable if the two lovebirds don't give the appearance of sneaking around.

No father in the world appreciates some guy furtively sneaking around with his daughter (as seen from his viewpoint, of course).

 

[TwistedMac]

ragedaddy wrote....


Hell, I've been afraid everytime I've met a girlfriend's parents, even if they were American, and sometimes they haven't liked me. But that's cause I'm bad to the bone.

girls parents love me for some reason.. i dunno why.. i'm not treating them special or anything.. ofcourse i'm not being directly rude or mean to them... but still.. I think i look too gay or something

 

[Keiichi]

Well, you can always run away together and have some kind of shotgun marriage and live in a farm.

But honestly, I just thought that it sounded too sudden/early for this marriage thing, though I don't know how long you've seen enough other. You are ready, right? Have a place to live, decided on all that future stuff, and not just infatuated and afraid that you might lose her if you don't marry her now, thing?

Keiichi

 

[Mike Cash]

Well, you can always run away together and have some kind of shotgun marriage and live in a farm.

The term "shotgun marriage" refers to being forced (at gunpoint) to marry a woman, usually by her parents. Don't confuse it with an elopement.

 

[jieshi]

girls parents love me for some reason.. i dunno why.. i'm not treating them special or anything.. ofcourse i'm not being directly rude or mean to them... but still.. I think i look too gay or something

I share this feeling as well. lol!! Im meant to be a pretty all around nice guy. This actually turned one girl off from going out with me one time because I knew her parents and they would always say to her "Oh jesses such a nice boy you should seriously consider dating him" it didnt work in my favour! lol

and the audience votes are in on who wants to be a millionare for the million dollar question.

A) ignore her parents 10% of the audience
B) elope with her 15% of the audience
C) act like a badass when you meet the parents 0% of the audience
D) Meet her parents and be the most charming guy ever 75% of the audience

lock in D please eddie. !!!!CORRECT!!! you have won one million dollars!!

congratulations!

 

[Ewok85]

I thought her dad was going to be sitting there shining up his sword while eyeing me down.

Beware of the mother in law!

Go meet the parents, give a good first impression (thats the most important thing apparently) and get on their goodside then your good to go.

 

[Hero]

lol... I was thinking many of these things. She grew up in Fukuoka (still lives there).
Kinda small city with not many foriegners.

I've no house, or any of that. She's currently student in University, and I'm student in college. We've talked about it and don't plan to actually get married until after we move in together. Of which isn't going to be until we're both done with college, or she's done & I'm close to finishing.
And have enough money/job to do so.

I'm very nice guy and I'm sure her parents will like me. As long as they aren't.. eer.. strong-armed towards her marrying a foreigner. That's the only thing I'm worried about.

I'm not going to be able to visit her/meet her parents until sometime next year.
Her parents said I could stay there... but then again they don't know about our relationship. I've asked her, maybe she should tell her parents. But she's unsure what they'll think/say and kinda scared to do so. I think that's best idea though.

Yeah I already thought about not doing the sneaking around thing. It's very unwise thing to do if looking to be smiled upon.

 

[nekosasori]

Well, my parents are a strange combination of older generation (they're now 65) and unconventional (they became immigrants, after all). They opposed my getting married to anyone. which is partly (but not the only reason) why I eloped.

My husband's not really had a chance to meet them, since they've been unwilling to make the effort to visit (we're not living comfortably here due to costs of living; they're the ones who are retired and have had an invitation to visit here for the last 4 years, but who have refused to come). It's a sad situation, but I'm used to it now.

 

[Hero]

Heh.. My girlfriend said she'd elope if her parents said she couldn't see me/marry me... I hope it doesn't come down to that.

 

[sima_yi]

aww....don't worry about it. Just call her parents several times a week to straight things out, I am sure you will be fine. (If that doesn't work, just convince them that you are filthy rich, and you can support their whole family. JUST KIDDING LOlz)

 

[misa.j]

As long as two of you are determind, things will work out somehow.
As some of them have mentioned, I recommend you to write to her parents, visit them, show them how sincere you are. I think most parents hope their children to be happy despite the situations.

My parents were very upset when I told them that I was moving to the U.S., my father did not even look at me or my husband when we tried to talk to him, but right before we were leaving, he kind of gave up, wished us luck and tried to smile at the camera that we took very rare and last family pictures with.

 

[topi]

To get respect, you must give respect.

Talk to them, treat them kindly. Show them that your a good guy, even if they have doubts because of your race at first, make them realise that your no different.

 

[kochisho]

My girlfriend in japan parents used to take me all over, feed me, bring me presents and cash! They are loaded. they even paid for a hokkaido trip using the twilight express train. very expensive.

just be yourself. you seem like a decent guy. japanese moms will love you more than the dads though.

 

[Mike Cash]

My girlfriend in japan parents used to take me all over, feed me, bring me presents and cash! They are loaded. they even paid for a hokkaido trip using the twilight express train. very expensive.

Sweet. Very impressive indeed.

Since the Japanese government has declared you persona non grata for a while, how about introducing her to one of your jref buddies?

 

[Brooker]

I think most parents (even open-minded ones) would be a little less-than-thrilled at first about their son/daughter potentially marrying a foreigner because there's the chance that that son/daughter would move far away because of the marriage and they would see their son/daughter and grandchildren less frequently. They may also see many hardships in the future of the relationship because of the distance involved and most parents want their children to avoid hardships.

This doesn't mean that they could never come to accept the foreign partner, but it does mean that their initial reaction to the foreigner might be hesitant.

But if the relationship is genuine, hopefully the family will see that and come to accept it.

 

[Akakubisan]

I wouldn't bring up marriage at this moment.

I think that telling the parents about the two of you dating is a good idea. But I know my Japanese girlfriend would probably disagree. She always felt (along with what her friends said) that there was no need to tell them about dating a foreigner or a Japanese person. They just didn't bring it up.

About whether the parents will like it or not: It would depend on the parents.

I would wait about saying anything about marriage.
My girlfriend and I will be speaking to her parents in about a week about marriage. But we have been together for six years (she is 26 and I am 30) and I have a job, she's a graduate student.
If we had brought it up while we were both still in school as undergraduates, I really don't think they would have went for it.

I wish you luck, I think you just need to be a little patient

 

[jieshi]

mmm i don't know. i think you should go with what you feel is right. If you feel that the timing is right when you meet them, tell them about the marriage. If it isn't wait! your decision though

 

[Hero]

I wouldn't bring up marriage at this moment....

.....I would wait about saying anything about marriage.
My girlfriend and I will be speaking to her parents in about a week about marriage. But we have been together for six years (she is 26 and I am 30) and I have a job, she's a graduate student.
If we had brought it up while we were both still in school as undergraduates, I really don't think they would have went for it.

I wish you luck, I think you just need to be a little patient

Yes we're being patient about it. Thank you for advice and such^^

My girlfriend doesn't want to tell her parents that we're going out until after her trip to here. Because she's afraid her parents won't let her go (considering she's staying at my house).

But she's going to tell them about us going out before I visit.

As to when we tell them we're getting married... It's not gonna happen until we're both done with college. Of which is 3-4 years from now >.< lol

We both fully understand that it's going to be a while and we can wait for our future together. If the situation was right (such as we're both done with college, I have job set up, apartment, etc.) then we'd be getting married already, lol.