spanking kids; what do you think?

I can just picture you hiding underneath your covers, your window covered up by clothes and your thumbs madly tapping away at your PS2 with a wicked grin on your face knowing you had beat your parents! :) Troublemaker!

As I got older and my mom had less control, she would tell me this..."Do as you see fit, but you will pay the consequences." Basically it went down like this. I am going to a Madonna concert on a school night. Mom say's no, I say well you can't stop me, then I get the "Do as you see fit...." lecture. I go to the concert, the next day I have to take the bus to school because I can't use the car and no money for riding lessons that week. So I learned to way the consequences to my actions...is doing A going to be worth no having B or C? It made me think, that's for sure.
 
Thats exactly it, you learn for your own actions and mistakes.
If you would have listened to your mother the first time, probably you would have went the second time right? So it would be the same anyway, after all there are things that cannot be avoided.
So why not do them when you want to, when it feels the best?
I mean, say, you decided you're going to the Madonna concert, you probably know that you will have to face discomfort later on, and once you experienced it all, you will be able to decide more easily for the second time.
It would be wrong for other people to decide in such situations, it is ones preference, someone older and more experienced may be able to decide what is best for a person, but not on what he likes more.
May I ask, in the end what have you felt? About you decision I mean.
 
Well, the concert was terrible...Madonna wasn't all that great. It wasn't worth it in the end! I lost a week of riding lessons and I couldn't drive the car to school so I had to take the bus *GASP*, for a week as well. Taking the bus when you had your drivers license was probably the worst because everyone on the bus knew you were punished.
 
Hmm, self humiliation? Thats another form of punishment I just found out about.
But hey, you went to the concert you wanted. You traveled to a neighboring town or did the concert take place in yours? I mean, traveling with friends can often be more interesting than the purpose of the trip.
 
Well it was at an outdoor amphitheater called Alpine Valley and it was around an hour and 15 minutes away. It was known (still is!) for alcohol, drugs (marijuana mainly), and well, sex. It's a wild place to have concerts. We did have fun, but not because of the music, that's for sure! :) And yes, I went on to see many more concerts there, but found creative ways to "not" tell my mom where I was or what I was doing! We used to drive down to Chicago...but that's a whole 'nother story! And yes, your friends knowing you were in trouble did make it worse!
 
Those who spank their children, should be spanked themselves. That is, unless they are masochists, because then they would enjoy it!
:-)

Let me try to be serious: Actually in my country it is illegal to spank the kids, if you do spank them, the authorities might forcefully remove the child from its violent environment.
🙂
 
I would have a problem with the government dictating too much on how to raise my kids. Abuse is one thing a swat on the behind or getting a hand slapped is absolutely no reason to remove a child from their home. Seems like the government is overstepping here.
 
The government would like to pass a law to fine and possibly jail parents who buy their 17 year old a mature rated video game. They claim it is to empower parents, yet in reality they wanted to control them instead. Isn't the progressive movement so open, rosy, and filled with toleration?

:eek:

-Doc 🙂
 
You know, I would hope that parents wouldn't buy video games that aren't rated for their 17 year olds or under kids but of course that is their choice. I just don't know how the government could enforce that; how do they know who you are buying the video game for? Jeez, that is really useless.
 
It's called power and breaking down the rights of the people. Didn't you know that's the whole goal of the progessive movement? (I really feel bad for true liberals who get clumped together with that crowd.)

-Doc 🙂
 
You know I hate to admit it, but I really didn't pay much attention with too much that dealt with raising children, so your post surprised me. We are finally going to try and have a baby and now that we are, I am definitely more in tune with what is going on with children and such. It's overwhelming with all the different opinions, but the US government is not a place that I would go and look for pointers on raising anything and especially my own child! Thanks for the post. :)
 
Wow...I never knew there were people in our nation's youth who actually believe in discipline. ☝
Kudos to you! 👍
-Doc 🙂
of course i hate all those flabby faced people with blank eyes that never take responsibility or who don't try to improve themselves. rotten culture thats what it is. american culture is in a rut and needs to pull itself out. but i was raised outside of it so i was spared most of the mindlessness of it.
 
I don't think you should ever hit a child with enough force to leave a mark. I wouldn't even hit my animals! I don't know if I could actually hit my (potential) child. I know how I feel when other peoples kids are really misbehaving! I don't think humiliation is the best route to go with discipline. I think to make a child feel shame or remorse for doing something wrong is acceptable, but not humiliation. Maybe it's just the choice of words there. I can't say with 100 percent certainty that I won't spank, I just think it would be the last route I would take. I am also not a fan of yelling at kids. I just hate it when parents scream louder and louder at their kids and the kids don't blink an eye and don't stop the behaviour, but they keep on a yellin'. The kids soon learn that when there parents yell they can ignore them as nothing happens. I was thinking back about being a kid and getting into trouble and I can say that I wasn't spanked, however I did get my face slapped when I was around 16 and called my mom a really nasty name...I never did that again!

here's the thing at a young age children are not yet capable of understanding fully all the implications of moral actions, however all animals understand pain. let me give an example in my life. when i was around three or four i started playing around with candles that were lit for a jewish holiday. my mother seeing me do it understood that to make me understand the danger she would have to let me get burned, so she took my finger and put it close enough that it hurt and held it there for a second. i of course got angry for a while but even today i am much more carefull with fire as compared to other people and even my sisters who for reasons unknown didn't get this kind of training. kids understand that pain is natures way of saying something is wrong and to stop doing it. same thing with hitting people, a three year old cannot conceive of another persons pain but understands what it means to get hit back, its a case of operand conditioning if you will.
 
I understand exactly what you are say pugtm. You can't reason with a 3 year old, it just isn't going to work. You can take the child away from a situation though, and yep you can spank, or slap their hand. I can understand both sides though. I don't spank my pets, and you can't reason with a pet either, so I can't say that just because you can't reason with a child means you need to hit that child. I am neither for or against spanking, I really think it will depend on the situation for me. What I do know is that there are way too many bratty, out of control kids around. I wonder if it is because parents are over indulgent or lenient because both parents work or they are single parent homes? The other thing that is frustrating to me is when parents want to be their kids friends. Parents are there to raise kids to be respectable, self supporting, adults. I don't think you can be a friend and a parent, at least when the child is growing up. My mom and I still have difficulty with that boundary. I want her more as a friend and she can't see me as anything but her child. Ahh...the trouble of it all....
 
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Goldigirl said:
don't think you can be a friend and a parent, at least when the child is growing up.

This would depend on how we were to define or describe just what the term 'friend' would mean in this circumstance, would it not? I have tried (as stated earlier) to be friends with my kids, but of course that would not mean in exactly the same manner as one would expect of their friends from school or whatever.

The impetus for this concept, is that in the end, while yes, as you have wisely said...not a single one of us living on the earth today is not a child, we are all individual people. My children are individual people too, and in making an effort to maintain balance with that outlook along with the usual hiearchal parent/child relationship, calls for a degree of friendship too.
 
I really think it will depend on the situation for me.
this is truly the answer since all events in your childs li8fe need to be dealt with on a case to case basis. just make sure your response is consistent.

What I do know is that there are way too many bratty, out of control kids around. I wonder if it is because parents are over indulgent or lenient because both parents work or they are single parent homes?
the two may be connected, as long as your child knows you are involved and you aren't lazy and just give in to his whining and tantrums, he will know you are the boss.
 
Yes Mars Man, the word and meaning of friend are vast. It's hard to put it into words, but I think you got the point, it shouldn't be the same manner as their school friends or friends their age. Yes of course you are friends in so much as you love your kids and like to do stuff with them, but your main goal isn't to be their friend it's to be their parent and guide them. Ok, it's hard to put into words because friend is the only word to use here and it gets a little tricky. I am friends with my mom but it is not the same relationship that I have with my "real" or non-parent friends. Can I make this anymore confusing? Sorry! I certainly wasn't friends with my mom when I was a teenager. Granted we did some stuff together and had a good time, but she wasn't the top on my list to do stuff with!
 
Yes, Goldiegirl, I think you have put it rather well there. I could only detail it by highlighting some of the factors that one could expect in a parent/child friendship relation.

One is being able to take the child at his or her level of thinking and operation--without expecting more from that than is realistic. (yes, it's a bit of a value judgement call) Another is being able to share emotionally with the child--empathy. That would make it just as easy to apologize to the child as it would be to demand an apology from the child. It would involve a being involved with things the child is involved in to some degree--even if that simply meant going deep enough so as to try and understand. Also, it would mean introspective thinking along the lines of putting yourself in your child's position based on recollecting (as objectively as possible) events in your own childhood, soely so as to understand.

I guess the main thing would be not always projecting the image of being aloof or 'above' the child--especially after the age of 10 or so. (but that also depends on a number of possible variants)
 
When used sparingly and at the right time/place, I think spanking is ok.

I'm sure we've all seen or heard of parents who spank for almost no reason. This quickly becomes meaningless to the child because any tiny thing they do that the parents think is wrong is going to result in a spanking. Makes the parents look like terrible people too.

On the other hand, as several people have mentioned, trying to use logic with a toddler just isn't going to cut it when trying to explain right and wrong.

When my brother and I were growing up, we would occasionally get a spanking with a wooden spoon. It was never done so hard that we were bruised or left unable to sit down, and it was never a bare-bottom spanking, but it certainly got the point across that we had messed up. I'm sure anyone who used a wooden mixing spoon to spank their child today would be reported to child protective services (or some other government agency), but my brother and I turned out just fine. We were pretty well behaved though, so punishments of any kind were rare.

The spankings with the spoon ended when we actually took the spoon away from my mom one day. We were still pretty young, but we got big at early ages. At that point, it became "wait 'til your dad gets home" (he didn't need the spoon), or we lost things like TV, toys, play-time with friends, etc. Getting grounded was probably worse than a spanking because it usually lasted a week or two as opposed to the brief sting of a swat on the rump.

I now have a 5 year old son of my own. To my knowledge, he's never warranted a spanking (he lives with his mom, so I'm not with him 24/7). The threat of a time-out usually works to straighten him up, so actually having to sit in the corner is unusual. The only physical punishment I've ever seen with him was a smack on the hand when he was really acting up at the dinner table. It wasn't a hard smack at all, but it was such a shock to him that the misbehaving ceased immediately.

Like several people have said though, dealing with kids is going to be different for everyone, and what works for some won't work for all. I'm hoping my son stays well behaved, but we'll see what happens in the years to come.

Good luck!

(and thanks for starting a thread to which I feel I can possibly contribute) :-)
 
the best advice in this(any really) situation is use your head and improvise. think before you act but act decisively and with authority. you have the job of moral guide for your child's formative years. you are also provider, jury, judge, executioner, societal filter, social filter, and bunch of other things. using reason is the number 1 thing you can do to make your life easier. i have an anecdote but im too tired so ill write it tommorow.
 
The best method for disciplining a brat is to wait until he grows out of it.



Um i don't agree with that at all. Some people never grow out of stuff like that, you see some little kids act like little bastards when they're young, then when they grow up they still act like bastards when they're teenagers or adults and don't have any respect for the law, their parents, and many people in general etc.

Rules need to be enforced early on as a lot of kids don't grow out of bad behavior- take my brother for example, he was a right little terror when he was little, always throwing temper tantrums and destroying things etc, my mum didn't really know how to discipline him and rarely ever attempted to, and now my brother has grown up with a "i don't care how you feel or what you think, i'm going to do what i want regardless" attitude.
Thing is though, he's now 23 years old and is wasting his youth not doing anything with his life (he lives at home with his mum, does a weekend job at a supermarket and spends his life sleeping or sitting at the computer on the internet. He doesn't drive, doesn't go out socialising, has no real motivation etc and this is all he has done for years and years now- everyone (including me) is telling him to get off his bum and start doing something with his life, he's got lots of money and has no commitments so nothings holding him back so its not exactly like he can use such things as excuses- but as ever, he doesn't listen to nobody, he just does what he wants to do and IMHO (although i hate to say it) what he is doing is being lazy.
I think if my mother had actually imposed a proper system of discipline and consistant set of rules on him when he was a child, he would have probably grown up to have a more considerate attitude of other people's opinions and feelings etc, he would probably be doing more with his life right now if he had been taught how to do it and why he should do it when he was a child etc.

My brother is a good guy, but i do get at my wits end with him sometimes when it comes to stuff like this, nobody seems to be able to get through to him and he doesn't seem to understand what he is missing out on in life- he also seems to be becomming more and more isolated and less in tune with reality etc too (not in a crazy/mad way or anything like that etc, just like his social skills can be pretty poor for his age, he says things sometimes in general conversation with other people that are very offensive to people and he doesn't seem to care or notice etc).


Anyhoo...

I got smacked on the bum plenty of times when i was a kid and it helped teach me back then that bad behaviour would be punished if i pushed my mother enough.

I begin to tire of this 60's hippie politically correct sh*t, we are living in an age that is becomming so nuts and overly politically correct, parents and teachers and pretty much everyone can't do hardly anything at all without getting sued or sent to jail for it etc. I don't think spanking kids is correct as a form of punishment in all situations, but at the end of the day most parents have the common sense on how to do it properly and when to do it etc, so in a lot of situations i agree with it and i think parents should have the right to spank their kids- kids aren't innocent all the time, sometimes they can be very cunning and many will emotionally blackmail or con their parents into doing things for them when they can. Sometimes kids do need to be spanked in various situations and put back in their place when they refuse to listen to reason and are repeatedly and deliberately very naughty/bad especially when they know and fully understand that what they are doing is very bad and is completely against their parents wishes/rules etc.
 
Tokis-Phoenix brought up a good point with the politically correct issue. Parents, teachers have to be careful with what they say or do, because people are quick to judge. I think there isn't one style of parenting that will work for every child. This also reminded me that when I was in school everything was about keeping kids self esteem high at all costs. Like if you did something bad, rather than getting into trouble and made to feel guilt, you were to be praised and reassured that you are still a good person. If you lost it wasn't about winning we are all winners even if we loose. Well then what is the point of a competition? You should be a gracious looser, but if you are going to compete it should be to win! We used to all get blue ribbons (red for first in the UK I think) in our spelling contests at school, so we could all feel good. I still knew I didn't deserve it!
 
Tokis-Phoenix brought up a good point with the politically correct issue. Parents, teachers have to be careful with what they say or do, because people are quick to judge. I think there isn't one style of parenting that will work for every child. This also reminded me that when I was in school everything was about keeping kids self esteem high at all costs. Like if you did something bad, rather than getting into trouble and made to feel guilt, you were to be praised and reassured that you are still a good person. If you lost it wasn't about winning we are all winners even if we loose. Well then what is the point of a competition? You should be a gracious looser, but if you are going to compete it should be to win! We used to all get blue ribbons (red for first in the UK I think) in our spelling contests at school, so we could all feel good. I still knew I didn't deserve it!



Yeah i totally agree with you, so much of this politically correct stuff contradicts itself in one way or another, and while it pretends to stand for progress, in the end i feel we often take a step backwards when all of this political correctness gets too extreme.
Everyone's so scared of offending other people and each other now days, we're told we equal but then we're told that every individual is different and not the same as the next, if a white person calls a black person a niger its seen as terribly rascist but if a black person calls another black person a niger its seen as acceptable (actually hang on, isn't it now not politically correct to call black people "black people" now days? Don't we have to start calling them african americans now or something like that?), christmas decorations are banned from offices because bosses are scared of offending other religions (i mean, what? christianity is our countries main religion, we should be allowed to openly celebrate it!) etc...

And don't get me started on the madness of Health & Safety rules and regulations now days, stories like this just bewilder me;

"A council has cordoned off pear trees in a public park over fears falling fruit could land on someone's head";

BBC NEWS | England | Hereford/Worcs | Safety fears over falling pears



:angryfire: :mad: !!!


Parents should have the right to spank their children within reason- i don't think a parent is committing "child abuse" on their child when they give their child a light smack on the bum because their child is throwing a temper tantrum in the supermarket and throwing themselves on the floor and screaming and pulling things off the shops shelves because their mummy or daddy won't buy them some sweats or a new barbie doll or whatever. Of course though these PC activists would probably prefer to have such a parent sent to court and fined and forced to do community service for "abusing" and infringing on the freedom and rights of their child in such a way ("rolls eyes").
 
My family believes in spankings. I don't. Sometimes if a parent is really angered and they decide to spank a child, it could get worse and cross the line of abuse. If you raise your child the right way, you won't have to spank them.
 
My family believes in spankings. I don't. Sometimes if a parent is really angered and they decide to spank a child, it could get worse and cross the line of abuse. If you raise your child the right way, you won't have to spank them.



The parent isn't spanking the child because they are angry and are simply venting out their anger on the child (which is just wrong), they are spanking the child because despite all of the parents efforts and tactics the child is refusing to listen to reason and doesn't care about reason etc. You tell me whats so wrong about spanking kids in such situations? Do you honestly believe that parents that have spanked their kids are bad parents? It doesn't mentally or physically scar children or anything, i got spanked numerous times when i was a child and it never did me any harm, in fact all of its results actually had a positive effect on me.

I don't like spanking. It's bad. I don't like it at all. I get scared. I never want to be hit. I get really scared when my mom pretends like she's going to hit me. :( one time in a store she did that and I got so scared I pushed her into a rack.



And you're supposed to be 16years old ☝ ? If you know your mum is pretending, then why did you loose control of yourself and be agressive towards her by pushing her into a rack?
Childish behaviour IMHO, you have a lot of growing up to do- perhaps you should try growing a thicker skin for a start and control your impulsive reactions better, you're not a child anymore.
 
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