a distraught man walks into a bar on the thirtieth floor of a new york high rise and sits next to a man who is drunk off of his ***. the drunk man looks over at the guy and says "hey man, you look so sad... what for?"
the man replies "well, i lost my job and when i went home to tell my wife, i found her in bed with another man..."
"thats a bummer man... lemme buy you a drink!"
the sad man agrees to it, and soon they have a few more drinks down the hatch.
the drunk man turns to the other man and says "you know.. you still look sad, so im going to tell you a secret that always cheers me up. you see that window over there? well, if you jump out of it, youll fall for a few stories then the updraft on the side of the building will swing you around the building and then back in through the window."
"yeah right, ive had a few drinks, but im not drunk enough to believe that!"
"ill show you!" and with that the drunk man walks over to the window and jumps out. sure enough, he falls a few stories then WHOOOOSH he whips around the building and right back up into the window.
the sad man says "MY GOD! thats incredible!"
"go ahead and try it, its great!"
so the sad man walks up to the window, takes a deep breath and leeps out.
he falls a few stories... a few stories more... 10 stories... 15... 30... SPLAT! he hits the ground and dies.
the bartender looks over at the drunk man and says "damnit superman, youre such a dickhead when youre drunk."
A 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?" No one answered until little Mary stood up, angry, and said, "You should not be asking 6th graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, and you'll get fired!" She then sat back down. Mrs. Parks ignored her, and asked the question again, "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?" Little Mary's mouth fell open, and she said to those around her, "Boy, is she gonna get in big trouble!" The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybody?" Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body part that increases to 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye." Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy." Then turned to Mary and continued, "As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: First, you have a dirty mind. Second, you didn't read your homework. And third, one day you are going to be VERY, VERY disappointed."
this ones definately an adult joke.
A prisoner escapes from his prison where he had been kept for 15 years. As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it. He finds a young couple in bed. He gets the guy out of bed, ties him up on a chair, ties up the woman to the bed and while he gets on top of her, he kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom. While he is there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy is a prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent a lot of time in prison, and has not seen a woman in years. I saw the way he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, do not resist, do not complain, just do what he tells you, give him atisfaction. This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he will kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you"
To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he found you very sexy, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you too."
:sorry: 
