Offensive Joke, Beware

As a Polish guy was driving down the motorway, his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife窶? voice urgently warning him, "Honey, I just heard on the news that there窶? a car going the wrong way on the Freeway you are on. So please watch for it."

"It窶? not just one car," said the guy. "It窶? hundreds of them!"
 
may be offensive, please be warned

whats the opposite of christopher reeve?

christopher walken
 
Miss Bea, the church organist, was in her eighties and had

never been married. She was much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. The pastor came to call on her one afternoon early in the spring, and she welcomed him into her Victorian parlor. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared a little tea.

As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom.

Imagine his shock and surprise. Imagine his curiosity!

Surely Miss Bea had flipped or something...!

When she returned with tea and cookies, they began to chat.

The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him, and he could resist no longer. "Miss Bea," he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" (pointing to the bowl).

"Oh, yes," she replied, "isn't it wonderful? I was walking downtown last fall and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to put it on the organ, keep it wet, and it would prevent disease. And you know... I haven't had a cold all winter."
 
kinskai said:
whats the opposite of christopher reeve?

christopher walken
Click to expand...

LMFAO!!!!! :D 😌 :D :p

That's almost as funny as

What kind of wood doesn't float?
Natalie
 
Golgo_13 said:
What happened at the wedding where the bride was already pregnant?
They threw puffed rice

What happened at the wedding where the bride and groom were both fat?
They threw rice pudding

What happened at the wedding where the bride and groom were both schizophrenic?
They threw wild rice

What happened at the wedding where the bride and groom were both pastry chefs?
They threw rice cakes

What happened at the wedding where the bride and groom were both Japanese and not feeling very well?
They threw up rice.

What happened at the wedding where both the bride and groom were hispanic?
They threw rice and beans

What happened at the wedding where the bride and groom were both rednecks?
They threw rice crackers

What happened at the wedding that took place at a Las Vegas drive-thru chapel?
They threw Minute Rice.
Click to expand...

What happened at the wedding at the Congressional 9/11 Hearings?
They threw in Condoleeza Rice
 
through a child eyes was hilarious. So many offensive jokes out there yet we got good humor
 
What do you call a gay guy in college?

A theater major



What do you call a Jamaican proctologist?

A Pokemon
 
HAHA, Very funny.. Wish I had the time to collect all of these! Keep them coming. :p
 
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong?






One's an astronaut, the other f*cks little boys.
 
An old lady calls up police department:

Officer, there is a man exposing himself in the next building.

Dispatcher: OK, we'll be right over, lady.
(Five minutes later at her apartment.)

Officer: Which way, lady?

Lady: This way officer, he's still shamelessly baring himself.

Officer: Where is he, lady? I don't see no naked man.

Lady: Oh, you have to look through this telescope.
 
mad pierrot said:
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong?
One's an astronaut, the other f*cks little boys.
Click to expand...

Knock, knock!

Who's there?

Little Boy Blue

Little Boy Blue who?

Michael Jackson

:D :p 👍 😊 :D :p 👍 😊 :D :p 👍 😊 :D :p 👍 😊
 
SUCCESS:
At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 16 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 20 success is . . . having sex.
At age 35 success is . . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 60 success is . . . having sex.
At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants

:D :sorry: 👍 :p 😊 😲 :D :sorry: 👍 :p 😊 😲 :D :sorry: 👍 :p 😊 😲
 
how does michael jackson know its bed time?
when the big hand touches the little hand.
 
of course not. it was funny. Especially with the drama he's been goind through. It amazes me that alot of people just wont stop. Like i was getting a haircut yesterday and he was on tv with user. my barber was loosing it, because [U guys can't lie] the man can dance. But of course it went from appreciation to the jokes....i didn't even feel like watching him dance anymore.....

:o
 
How did the Polish guy burn his ear?
By answering the hot iron.

How did he burn his other ear?
They called back
 
WHat's the difference between Michael Jackson and Richard Prior?

One got burned on Coke, the other got burned on Pepsi
 
One day a cop is sitting in his car, watching and waiting for speeders to go by when a red Ferrari screams by his car. Surprised at how fast the car is going, the cop steps into action and pulls the red Ferrari over. When the cop gets out of his car and walks towards the Ferarri he realizes the driver is this gorgous blonde bombshell, with blue eyes, large breasts, and a perfect body.
"Can I see your license and registration please?" asks the cop
"Whats a license?" the blonde asks. The cop quickly realized she wasnt to bright and said
"It's usually in your wallet." The blonde looked into her wallet and finaly found a license which she gave to the cop.
"...and your registration?"
"Whats that?"
"It's usually in the glove compartment." The blonde fumbles around in the glove compartment and finds her registration and gives it to the cop. The cop walks back to his car to check on the blonde girl's license and registration with the dispatcher.
"Wait... is this Ferrari being driven by a hot blonde with blue eyes and a huge rack?" asks the dispatcher
"Well...yes it is," says the cop.
"Quick. Go back to the car and drop your pants," replies the dispatcher.
"what...I can't do that! thats conduct unbeco..."
"Just do it!!"
So the cop strolls back to the car with the blonde girl in it and he drops his pants. The blond looks at the cop and says "oh no, not another breathalyzer..."
 
Golgo_13 said:
SUCCESS:
At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 16 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 20 success is . . . having sex.
At age 35 success is . . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 60 success is . . . having sex.
At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants

:D :sorry: 👍 :p 😊 😲 :D :sorry: 👍 :p 😊 😲 :D :sorry: 👍 :p 😊 😲
Click to expand...


HAHA! Golgo, quite the funny guy eh?
 
Two Blonde men were in the woods hunting. One looked at the
other and said, "I've got to take a ****."

The other said, "Well go behind one of those big trees, and
****."

The first one said, "But I don't have any paper to wipe my ***."
The other blonde replied, "You have a dollar, don't you?"

The first one said, "Yeah, I've got a dollar. That's a great
idea-- I'll use that!"

He left and came back with **** all over his hands and clothes.

His friend looked at him and asked, "What in the hell happened
to you?"

The first one replied, "Have you ever tried to wipe your ***
with 3 quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?"
 

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