kirei_na_me
Where I'm Supposed to Be
- 31 Jan 2003
- 5,051
- 166
I'm guilty.
Offensive Joke, Beware
- Thread starter mad pierrot
- Start date
I'm guilty.
Golgo_13
先輩
- 27 Nov 2003
- 2,001
- 37
The Right Mexican Man
A Mexican woman was walking along the bank of the Rio Grande when she stumbled upon a old empty bottle. She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a Genie appeared. She talked with him awhile then the Genie told her he would grant her ONE wish. She said she heard from a cousin that she would get three wishes if she ever found a Genie.
The Genie said, "Nope, sorry three-wish genies are a story-tale myth. I'm a
ONE-WISH Genie. So... what'll it be?" The woman didn't hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other and I want all the Arabs to love Jews and Americans and vice-versa. It will bring about world peace and harmony."
The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Lady, PLEASE BE REASONABLE! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm out of shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years. I'm good, but NOT THAT GOOD! I don't think it can be done. PLEASE make another wish and please Be reasonable."
The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right Mexican man... You know, one that DOESN'T DRINK ALCOHOL, is considerate and fun, likes to Cumbia and helps with the house cleaning, is great in bed and gets along with my family, and is FAITHFUL. That's what I wish for... a good Mexican man.
The Genie let out a long sigh, shook his head and said, Let me see that freakin' map again."
:sorry: 
:joyful: 
:sorry: :joyful:
A Mexican woman was walking along the bank of the Rio Grande when she stumbled upon a old empty bottle. She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a Genie appeared. She talked with him awhile then the Genie told her he would grant her ONE wish. She said she heard from a cousin that she would get three wishes if she ever found a Genie.
The Genie said, "Nope, sorry three-wish genies are a story-tale myth. I'm a
ONE-WISH Genie. So... what'll it be?" The woman didn't hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other and I want all the Arabs to love Jews and Americans and vice-versa. It will bring about world peace and harmony."
The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Lady, PLEASE BE REASONABLE! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm out of shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years. I'm good, but NOT THAT GOOD! I don't think it can be done. PLEASE make another wish and please Be reasonable."
The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right Mexican man... You know, one that DOESN'T DRINK ALCOHOL, is considerate and fun, likes to Cumbia and helps with the house cleaning, is great in bed and gets along with my family, and is FAITHFUL. That's what I wish for... a good Mexican man.
The Genie let out a long sigh, shook his head and said, Let me see that freakin' map again."
:sorry: :joyful: :sorry: :joyful: 
- 17 Jul 2002
- 5,907
- 385
The press has discovered that the President of the United States had an illegitimate child while he was already married.
The journalist ask the president : "Mr President, how did that happen ?"
President : "I ****** up".
All the things mentioned also happen in some other European countries (eg. Belgium). I can also believe the "Not to mention..." as I have myslef done the 3 first (without injury) and seen other people do most of the rest at one time or another.
It also seems normal that the pizza delivery comes before the ambulance, because they are probably nearer one's house and scooters can easily navigate into dense traffic (in big cities) while ambulance are bulky and rely on traffic (even if people let them through).
The journalist ask the president : "Mr President, how did that happen ?"
President : "I ****** up".
Golgo_13 said:
All the things mentioned also happen in some other European countries (eg. Belgium). I can also believe the "Not to mention..." as I have myslef done the 3 first (without injury) and seen other people do most of the rest at one time or another.
It also seems normal that the pizza delivery comes before the ambulance, because they are probably nearer one's house and scooters can easily navigate into dense traffic (in big cities) while ambulance are bulky and rely on traffic (even if people let them through).
Lina Inverse
後輩
- 29 Apr 2004
- 1,700
- 49
A nun and a priest...
A nun and a priest are playing tennis. After some time, the nun hits the ball into the out and yells: "****, I missed!"
The priest is really shocked and says, "Stop it right there! Cursing is a sin, you really shouldn't do it!"
After some more time of playing, the nun hits the ball into the out again, and yells again: "****, I missed!"
The priest is seriously disturbed now and says, "If you do that just one more time, the Lord will send down a mighty thunderstorm to slay you!"
Yet some more time later, the nun hits the ball into the out a third time, and yells a third time: "****, I missed!"
All of a sudden, a mighty thunderstorm comes above the two, and a huge lightning bolt strikes from the heavens and...
... slays the priest. Then, a voice is heard booming from the heavens, "****, I missed!"
A nun and a priest are playing tennis. After some time, the nun hits the ball into the out and yells: "****, I missed!"
The priest is really shocked and says, "Stop it right there! Cursing is a sin, you really shouldn't do it!"
After some more time of playing, the nun hits the ball into the out again, and yells again: "****, I missed!"
The priest is seriously disturbed now and says, "If you do that just one more time, the Lord will send down a mighty thunderstorm to slay you!"
Yet some more time later, the nun hits the ball into the out a third time, and yells a third time: "****, I missed!"
All of a sudden, a mighty thunderstorm comes above the two, and a huge lightning bolt strikes from the heavens and...
... slays the priest. Then, a voice is heard booming from the heavens, "****, I missed!"
Foxtrot Uniform
*censored*
- 30 May 2004
- 210
- 5
LOL very nice
very nice
jeisan
Kongming
- 24 Feb 2003
- 3,523
- 69
A guy was walking down the street when he sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her, "Hey, miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100?"
"Are you nuts?" she replies and walks away.
He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. "Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000?" he asks again.
"Listen, sir, I'm not that kind of woman. Got it?"
So the guy runs around the next block and faces her again. "Would you let me bite your breasts... just once for $10,000?"
The woman thinks about this for a while and says, "Hmmmmm, $10,000?"
She thinks a bit longer and finally replies "OK, but just once, and not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there."
So they go to the alley and she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as the guy sees them, he jumps on them and starts caressing them, fondling them, kissing them, licking them and burying his face in them... but not biting them. Finally, the woman gets all annoyed and says, "Are you gonna bite them or what?"
"Nah," he replies. "Costs too much!"
"Are you nuts?" she replies and walks away.
He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. "Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000?" he asks again.
"Listen, sir, I'm not that kind of woman. Got it?"
So the guy runs around the next block and faces her again. "Would you let me bite your breasts... just once for $10,000?"
The woman thinks about this for a while and says, "Hmmmmm, $10,000?"
She thinks a bit longer and finally replies "OK, but just once, and not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there."
So they go to the alley and she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as the guy sees them, he jumps on them and starts caressing them, fondling them, kissing them, licking them and burying his face in them... but not biting them. Finally, the woman gets all annoyed and says, "Are you gonna bite them or what?"
"Nah," he replies. "Costs too much!"
kirei_na_me
Where I'm Supposed to Be
- 31 Jan 2003
- 5,051
- 166
One morning Dick Cheney and George W. Bush were having brunch at a restaurant. The attractive waitress asks Cheney what he would like and he replies, "I'll have a bowl of oatmeal and some fruit."
"And what can I get for you, sir?" she asks George W.
He replies, "How about a quickie?"
"Why, Mr. President," the waitress says,"How rude! You're starting to act like Mr. Clinton and you haven't even been in office for a full term, yet!"
As the waitress storms away, Cheney leans over to Bush and whispers, "It's pronounced 'quiche'."
"And what can I get for you, sir?" she asks George W.
He replies, "How about a quickie?"
"Why, Mr. President," the waitress says,"How rude! You're starting to act like Mr. Clinton and you haven't even been in office for a full term, yet!"
As the waitress storms away, Cheney leans over to Bush and whispers, "It's pronounced 'quiche'."
Golgo_13
先輩
- 27 Nov 2003
- 2,001
- 37
Three mice were sitting at a bar talking about how tough they were.
The first mouse slams a shot and says, "I play with mouse traps for fun. I'll run into one on purpose and as it is closing on me, I grab the bar and bench press it 30 times." And, with that, he slams another shot.
The second mouse slams a shot and says, "That's nothing. I take those poison bait tablets, cut them up, and snort them, just for the fun of it." And, with that, he slams another shot.
The third mouse slams a shot, gets up, and walks away. The first two mice look at each other, then turn to the third mouse and ask, "Where the hell are you going?"
The third mouse stops and replies, "I'm going home to f_ck the cat."
The first mouse slams a shot and says, "I play with mouse traps for fun. I'll run into one on purpose and as it is closing on me, I grab the bar and bench press it 30 times." And, with that, he slams another shot.
The second mouse slams a shot and says, "That's nothing. I take those poison bait tablets, cut them up, and snort them, just for the fun of it." And, with that, he slams another shot.
The third mouse slams a shot, gets up, and walks away. The first two mice look at each other, then turn to the third mouse and ask, "Where the hell are you going?"
The third mouse stops and replies, "I'm going home to f_ck the cat."
canadian_kor
Thrill Seeker
- 19 Jun 2004
- 225
- 2
mad pierrot said:
ROFLOL!!!!!!
Leroy_Brown
後輩
- 18 Feb 2005
- 222
- 2
What's a "Michael Jackson" sandwich?
a 45-year-old meat between 8-year-old buns
WHy do Ethiopians like photography?
The camera adds 5 pounds :sorry:
a 45-year-old meat between 8-year-old buns
WHy do Ethiopians like photography?
The camera adds 5 pounds :sorry:
Leroy_Brown
後輩
- 18 Feb 2005
- 222
- 2
Ma Cherie said:I like these gay jokes!
Glad to oblige.
Hear about the three gay men who attacked a woman?
Two held her down and one did her hair.
I'll tell you another one after you've stoped laughing from that one.
Leroy_Brown
後輩
- 18 Feb 2005
- 222
- 2
There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone Brother.
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He couldn't get a fair trial.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Father's business.
2. He lived at home until he was 33.
3. He thought his Mother was a virgin and his mother thought he was the son of God.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
1. He talked with his hands.
2. He had wine with every meal.
3. He used olive oil.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:
1. He never cut his hair.
2. He walked around barefoot all the time.
3. He started a new religion.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.
But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:
1. He had to feed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food.
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
3. Even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was more work for Him to do.
1. He called everyone Brother.
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He couldn't get a fair trial.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Father's business.
2. He lived at home until he was 33.
3. He thought his Mother was a virgin and his mother thought he was the son of God.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
1. He talked with his hands.
2. He had wine with every meal.
3. He used olive oil.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:
1. He never cut his hair.
2. He walked around barefoot all the time.
3. He started a new religion.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.
But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:
1. He had to feed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food.
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
3. Even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was more work for Him to do.
Leroy_Brown
後輩
- 18 Feb 2005
- 222
- 2
A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court, but the custody of their children posed a problem. The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them. The man also wanted custody of his children. The judge asked for his side of the story, too. After a long moment of silence, the man rose from the chair and replied, "Judge, when I put a dollar into a vending machine, and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or to the machine?"
Leroy_Brown
後輩
- 18 Feb 2005
- 222
- 2
Why did Michael Jackson go to the hospital with back pain?
Kids are heavier and fatter these days
Kids are heavier and fatter these days
cHii-kAsUmI
後輩
- 23 Mar 2005
- 18
- 0
HeHeHe!!Nice jokes...
Nice jokes...cHii-kAsUmI
後輩
- 23 Mar 2005
- 18
- 0
Ahem....i couldn't help it...
