For all married/long-term relationship people

[kirei_na_me]

I think a 16 year old is not very equipt to give advice on relationships involving adults who have been through many different relationships, marriage, kids, etc. Not saying that 16 year olds don't know anything about life, but they generally haven't been through as much as someone twice their age, and therefore, don't know about a lot of the struggles first hand. A lot of the 'advice' is easier said than done.

My parents were divorced when I was 4 years old, so growing up, I felt it was normal. My father and mother never spoke ill of one another, so it wasn't a very difficult experience for me. I did feel some effects from it when I was a teenager, rather than when it actually happened, but I still think I turned out pretty good, considering. In some situations, divorce is the only answer.

My advice to everyone: Don't get married!

 

[Fantt]

My advice to everyone: Don't get married!

Getting married is the best thing I ever did.

How about this: Don't get married to your "first love."

 

[Satori]

I don't know. I think I'm going to follow her advice. Sounds pretty wise to me! Maybe I'll just live with someone the rest of my life. Sounds much safer!

 

[Winter]

Well if you're gonna live with someone for life, then for financial benefits, its just more economically viable to marry them.

 

[EscaFlowne]

I think i'm going to go with Kirei advice. Back when I was younger i loved the thought of getting married. Then the actual ideals was presented and things just got weird from that day forward [both times] I was like "FORGET IT, MARRIAGE IS FOR THE BIRDS!!!" For some people it could be ideal to get married, so you should only jump into it if your really ready for it....


And winter makes a point..it's just sometimes other benefits outweigh the financial ones.

 

[Link]

Kirie you do make a point about that you and other olders have gone through more but I have helped out many friends like you my parents have been divorced but not for all my life for about a year and I know how that goes and I also know a lot about relationships and I haven't even been in one throughout my 15 years on this planet but I think logically when people ask me for advice and most of it is good I agree and I also disagree ya know. and the whole just a kid thing that most older people think is only a stereotype and nothing else. some of us know what we are doing and what we are saying.and always remember anger clouds your logical thinking. it has happened to me before and I admit it(sorry to get off topic but I gotta say all of this) I have made some rather dumb choices and I regret a couple but marrage isn't always a mistake its the bond of two people who love each other dearly and are willing to be with each other for eternity.

 

[Winter]

Link, its really not a stereotype.

As much insight as you may have as a child, the fact of the matter is you'll go through some major thinking-process changes before you hit 25. Darn near everybody does.

Rach's point wasnt a shot at you being a kid, but a point that you're 15-meaning you'll undoubtedly go through some thought-pattern indescrepencies in the future. And no, not a shot at your intelligence, as a 15 year old, either.

 

[Satori]

I think what needs to be pointed out is that this was a thread specifically for "For all married/long-term relationship people." I can't really speak for Kirei, but that is what I was trying to point out in this thread.

 

[neptunemoon]

Well I think 10 months is long cuz it is my longest relationship. I think he is my soulmate though he cheated and i can only hope he comes back to me. I read somewehre that even when you meet your soulmate that does not mean you will be with them just that they make an important change in ur life and influence you. I orignally thought my soul mate was asian but he kind of looks it and other than the cheathing thing he is everything i wanted and more. even a virgin so it was perfect.

 

[misa.j]

I grew up in one of those disfunctional family. My parents physically fought in front of me, man, they were rough!
They often talked about getting divorced, I mean it was not like my parents discussed secretly, but it was a family issue, my brother and I were there at the table with them.

They never did, though. Maybe both of my parents were afraid of loosing what they had by getting divorced, changing a situation. Or they could have been just too lazy to deal with the complexed leagal process. Or they just felt better while they were argueing.
Anyway, my brother and I grew up to be reasonably responsible adults because we knew our parents always had cared about us even though they seemed to have problems with each other.

My husband and I have been married for over five years; we are growing together, and getting better at this relationship. I would say we are similar in personality, we are both quiet and honest to each other, our likes and dislikes are very similar as well.
I hadn't had any other relationships before him, so some might say my experience is limited, but I really appreciate what I have right now and try to embrace every single minute that we share because we never know what happens.

 

[Winter]

Well I think 10 months is long cuz it is my longest relationship. I think he is my soulmate though he cheated and i can only hope he comes back to me. I read somewehre that even when you meet your soulmate that does not mean you will be with them just that they make an important change in ur life and influence you. I orignally thought my soul mate was asian but he kind of looks it and other than the cheathing thing he is everything i wanted and more. even a virgin so it was perfect.

Are you really 19 years old?

 

[EscaFlowne]

She didn't look like it from the photo did she!? Wow.......
*drools..*

 

[Winter]

She didn't look like it from the photo did she!? Wow.......
*drools..*

Its not that. Its just that her post was so.....well it didnt seem like the coherent thought of a 19 year old.

 

[Fantt]

19 year old's have coherent thoughts?

Hey - don't trust anyone over 30.

 

[jieshi]

@ winter
now now winter. We can have coherent thoughts no matter what age we are (though you may not think mine are) While I may have butted in on a thread you specifically asked me not to (sorry biggest apologies) I think that it has shown to a degree that kids our age can have coherent thoughts about this sort of subject or even thoughts that some adults may not have thought of either.

But I will also say that I respect your opinion greatly as well. (for goodness sake i would be an idiot if I didn't you are a trained professional) and I think your opinion greatly matters!

 

[neptunemoon]

did it sound like i was younger? or older? believe me not insulted either way but yes i am 19 years old. born march 26, 1985 at 9:43 pm at albert einstein hospital in the bronx.

Reading misa's post made me think about my family. My dad left my mom when I was 4 understandable considering she is nuts. Literally there is something wrong with her. Also my grandfather left my grandmother. All the men remarried but not the women. I dont want to end up like that. I dont know where my life leads. It's silly of me to think that my cheating bf is still the one. It was one of those moments where when I met him it was different. I never instantly wanted to be with someone the moment i met them and had to have them. It was new. I dont want anyone else for the fact that I told him everything that I could tell no one else cuz it would not be fair to anyone else i dated. For example I cant say im in love with you and only you to someone else. been there done that. You cant repeat things you say from one relationship to the next its not original and as meaningful as the first time. That is just my opinion anyways. I gave so much of myself to him there is nothing new to give to someone else. Maybe i am just weird. Love the hardest subject that causes pain, joy, memories that eventually dont feel real. The one for me yes he was and is and is pretty close to what i percieved and that scared me at first. Now i just need to hold on to those memories embracing them as the chill of lonliness crawls up my spine. I want to make that year. This sunday would have made 11 months.

 

[Winter]

@ winter
now now winter. We can have coherent thoughts no matter what age we are (though you may not think mine are) While I may have butted in on a thread you specifically asked me not to (sorry biggest apologies) I think that it has shown to a degree that kids our age can have coherent thoughts about this sort of subject or even thoughts that some adults may not have thought of either.

Okay, I've tried to be nice about it, but explaining what I meant in a nice way is just too confusing. In a nutshell, neptune's post just seemed unnecessary. Thats the point I was trying to make. She just throws in a ton of personal trivia that nobody really cares about, what with her apparent bleeding heart, and it garbled up whatever initial intent her post was trying to acheive.

On another note, all your personal information, your life story neptunemoon, save it for your online journals.

 

[jieshi]

sheesh that was umm harsh, but maybe true. I don't mind hearing the garble thats what these forums are here for (maybe not this thread but that beside the point)
and I wasn't saying it was confusing what you said, I actually thought it was really nice of you. (and no im not picking an arguement with you)

@ neptunemoon

hey neptune if you do have an online journal can I have the address?

 

[EscaFlowne]

Well thats winter. Let's all just get back on subject.
:auch:
~~~~And on another note, while winter and satori were ending up thier discussion about the age of another member posting a commment with no real relationship experience, Neputunemoon was starting another incident of her own relating to the topic of this thread. So her post wasn't really unecesseary, because she was trying to get the thread back on topic.I think before you start speaking it would be wise to look at what your talking about and make sure its not just to hear yourself speak, winter.
' ☝

 

[Winter]

I think before you start speaking it would be wise to look at what your talking about and make sure its not just to hear yourself speak, winter.
' ☝

Yeah, I really do 'sound' good in 'print', dont I?

 

[EscaFlowne]

lol, what a smart-A$$. Nice one, none the less.
But as you will notice, of course she hasn't been back since that post.
well another lost memeber.
☝

 

[Winter]

Probably fawning over the guy mentioned in her replies. No time for posts.

 

[jieshi]

hey thats not fair winter. What does it matter to you if she is? like I said before thats what this particular forum is for. To talk about that stuff and as I said probably the wrong thread but at least she is trying to talk about it. You of all people being a counsellor (I think) should know that talking with someone about it helps, i mean thats what you are there for, for people to talk to so don't put her down for trying to talk about it.

 

[Winter]

Hey, I was just saying.

And since your bringing up my legitimacy in the mental health field, I'll say this. When I did work actively, I worked with young adults whos problems were a bit more severe than 'Billy Bob left me hanging'. After I was transferred out of the hospital I started in, to a health center, I started getting people with 'problems' like that. Dont have much patience for that, so I quit soon thereafter.

I mean, of all the problems a person can have, if your world is collapsing because of one man breaking your heart, then thats just a bloody shame. I mean really, in the end, its just a guy.

 

[neptunemoon]

well winter you may say harsh things but i dont take it to heart. im not gonna be mad or kiddy about it. just wanted to say my world has not collapsed.