I feel for you Frank and Dutch as I know what you are going through.
I was taught the same thing Frank and when I was younger I would never to show any tears to anyone. Sometimes I would tear up when alone or watching a sad movie and would always force myself not to let the tears out. It was in 1981 when my adopted Japanese grandfather,
Mr. Suzuki, died in a fire one night that I first cried and let it all out. He was the first person whom was very close to me that had died.
When I first heard the news I didn't cry because of my upbringing, but I was very sad. I wanted to cry, but my upbringing haunted me in that "a real man" just doesn't cry. So I held it in. It was that evening when my girlfriend, my present wife, was with me that I couldn't hold it in. I tried to hold back my tears and she consoled me by holding me in her arms and telling me it was ok to cry. The flood gates opened and I really wailed. I felt really good afterwards. I needed it and did it for a few more days afterwards.
Today, I am not afraid to let my feelings be known, whether alone or in front of other people and have cried on numerous occasions when I was overcome with emotion, the most recent being when my younger brother died in my arms from pancreatic cancer a year and a half ago.
So yes, real men do cry and they should. The old adage that they shouldn't and that it is a sign of weakness is bad advice I think. Not only is it healthy for the body and mind, it shows that you have feelings. I have more respect for a man who can cry and let his emotions be shown than one who, out of pride, won't. So let it out Frank you'll feel much better. Good luck.
