- 8 Aug 2005
- 7,316
- 3,727
Oh boy, I didn't think I would stay up late to reply to an old yaoi thread...
@Levi Ackerman, Please consider the following:
While this is the internet, JREF is a community comprised of human beings. Think of it as practice for when you're interacting with people in real life, only you actually have an opportunity to think before you speak, and even iteratively edit your messages to ensure they aren't misunderstood. I often draft a message, let it sit for a while and revisit it before I hit "post reply." Sometimes, I'll even decide my best contribution to the discussion is my silence, and I'll delete the whole thing.
Before I go on, I must point out that you decided to post to a thread whose most recent reply is old enough to vote, about a topic you personally feel disgust for. And when another member politely asked you--not to not share your opinion--but to reconsider the way you phrase it, you puffed up, offered a sorry-if-you-took-it-that-way non-apology, and then told them "not to bother" you "with this crap again."
This is a bad look.
Consider that if you walk into a bar and loudly profess your opinion, there's a good chance that someone will disagree to some extent. The more loudly and rudely you state your "truth," the more umbrage people will take with your message and/or delivery. At some point, there's a good chance you'll end up on the curb. Now, imagine walking into a gay bar and stating your above opinion.
Perhaps you don't care if you offend some strangers in a bar, or on the internet... but would you say this to your friends? If not, how would you feel if they saw what you write online? What I'm getting at here isn't about your relationship with your friends or how well they would handle the way you express your opinions, but to have some empathy for the people on the receiving end of your words.
If you were to express your disapproval to your LGBT friends--people you respect--how would you do it?
Now, please assume that we are your friends--people you respect--and treat us accordingly.
If you think that masking your opinion of homosexuality is how you show respect, I think that shows that you understand that the way you express it is somehow not acceptable, or even that the opinion itself may be hurtful to others. The great thing about discussion boards is we CAN have conversations to help you examine this, in a safe environment that won't have immediate detriments for your relationships IRL, but again, this is still a community of human beings, and we should at least try to be respectful of each other.
If you personally feel disgust at the thought of homosexuality, I recommend you take a hard look at that reaction, and practice some introspection as to why you might feel that way. If your answer is "it just is," then you are not looking very hard. The world is filled with a whole spectrum of experience: people are born as we are, a blend of genes on the tip of a branch on a massive family tree, amongst a vast forest of family trees; we grow and develop into our unique selves in varying environments that encourage or discourage certain ways of being. This cocktail of nature and nurture develops us like a photograph, and as that picture of ourselves emerge, our sense of selves and the world around us begin to come into focus. We spend the first few decades learning who we are, and spend the rest of our lives learning how to deal with that discovery.
Lastly, we welcome opinions here, but do not confuse your opinion for truth. It is your truth, perhaps, in that you have such beliefs, but that does not make it objective fact. The whole reason you are being chided is because you used language that made it seem that you confused subjective for objective truth. For whatever reason, I can't stand the taste of liver, but some people love it, while others don't eat meat at all, and a subset of them think I am disgusting for eating animals, and would spit on me for my choice of diet. While I understand the rationale, it's not my place to pass judgment on the personal preferences, choices, and behaviors of others, and I tend to steer clear of those who vehemently do, for everyone's benefit.
In short:
We live in a society, learn how to read the air.
Try to communicate your opinion in a way that doesn't immediately draw ire from those around you.
If you can't do that, examine your opinions for reasons why that may be.
Learn how to apologize in a way that isn't dismissive.
@Levi Ackerman, Please consider the following:
While this is the internet, JREF is a community comprised of human beings. Think of it as practice for when you're interacting with people in real life, only you actually have an opportunity to think before you speak, and even iteratively edit your messages to ensure they aren't misunderstood. I often draft a message, let it sit for a while and revisit it before I hit "post reply." Sometimes, I'll even decide my best contribution to the discussion is my silence, and I'll delete the whole thing.
Before I go on, I must point out that you decided to post to a thread whose most recent reply is old enough to vote, about a topic you personally feel disgust for. And when another member politely asked you--not to not share your opinion--but to reconsider the way you phrase it, you puffed up, offered a sorry-if-you-took-it-that-way non-apology, and then told them "not to bother" you "with this crap again."
This is a bad look.
Consider that if you walk into a bar and loudly profess your opinion, there's a good chance that someone will disagree to some extent. The more loudly and rudely you state your "truth," the more umbrage people will take with your message and/or delivery. At some point, there's a good chance you'll end up on the curb. Now, imagine walking into a gay bar and stating your above opinion.
Perhaps you don't care if you offend some strangers in a bar, or on the internet... but would you say this to your friends? If not, how would you feel if they saw what you write online? What I'm getting at here isn't about your relationship with your friends or how well they would handle the way you express your opinions, but to have some empathy for the people on the receiving end of your words.
If you were to express your disapproval to your LGBT friends--people you respect--how would you do it?
Now, please assume that we are your friends--people you respect--and treat us accordingly.
If you think that masking your opinion of homosexuality is how you show respect, I think that shows that you understand that the way you express it is somehow not acceptable, or even that the opinion itself may be hurtful to others. The great thing about discussion boards is we CAN have conversations to help you examine this, in a safe environment that won't have immediate detriments for your relationships IRL, but again, this is still a community of human beings, and we should at least try to be respectful of each other.
If you personally feel disgust at the thought of homosexuality, I recommend you take a hard look at that reaction, and practice some introspection as to why you might feel that way. If your answer is "it just is," then you are not looking very hard. The world is filled with a whole spectrum of experience: people are born as we are, a blend of genes on the tip of a branch on a massive family tree, amongst a vast forest of family trees; we grow and develop into our unique selves in varying environments that encourage or discourage certain ways of being. This cocktail of nature and nurture develops us like a photograph, and as that picture of ourselves emerge, our sense of selves and the world around us begin to come into focus. We spend the first few decades learning who we are, and spend the rest of our lives learning how to deal with that discovery.
Lastly, we welcome opinions here, but do not confuse your opinion for truth. It is your truth, perhaps, in that you have such beliefs, but that does not make it objective fact. The whole reason you are being chided is because you used language that made it seem that you confused subjective for objective truth. For whatever reason, I can't stand the taste of liver, but some people love it, while others don't eat meat at all, and a subset of them think I am disgusting for eating animals, and would spit on me for my choice of diet. While I understand the rationale, it's not my place to pass judgment on the personal preferences, choices, and behaviors of others, and I tend to steer clear of those who vehemently do, for everyone's benefit.
In short:
We live in a society, learn how to read the air.
Try to communicate your opinion in a way that doesn't immediately draw ire from those around you.
If you can't do that, examine your opinions for reasons why that may be.
Learn how to apologize in a way that isn't dismissive.
