TakaraNeko
後輩
- 2 Jul 2004
- 47
- 0
Ok...here's something I found funny...has to do with evil/ world domination & an online site/ web ring that caters for every need a future world dictator could possible have via online shopping......evil has never been this organised......EVER 
Here's some bits from it that I gathered....very amusing.....
-Villain Supply: Your Online Source For Everything Evil ~ The World Domination Link Exchange-
In the battle between good and evil, evil will always win.
Because we cheat.
HELPFUL TIPS FOR VILLAINS AND WORLD DOMINATORS
Helpful Tip - Customer Service
"Thank you for calling the VillainSupply Customer Disservice line. Congratulations are in order, since we do not give out this number. What is your 24-digit customer PIN?" 窶｢窶｢窶｢ "Yes, sir, I understand that you already entered it in three times." 窶｢窶｢窶｢ "What's that sir? You have a complaint? Well, let me familiarize you with our complaints policy.
YOU WILL NOT 'COMPLAIN.' YOU WILL BE GRATEFUL FOR WHAT WE SEND YOU, IF WE SEND ANYTHING AT ALL.
Yes, sir, I understand that you are dissatisfied with your Mecha Body Armor." 窶｢窶｢窶｢ "Really? Ripped off both your arms and your legs? I'm sorry to hear that, sir. Perhaps you would like to purchase our cyborg upgrade." 窶｢窶｢窶｢ "Sir, threatening my life will accomplish nothing -- I probably won't live out the week anyway." 窶｢窶｢窶｢ "Sorry, sir, Baron Devastation is headed towards my cubicle. If I don't give him a hummer, he'll shoot me dead." 窶｢窶｢窶｢ "No, sir, not the car. Good-bye, and thank you for shopping VillainSupply!" <click!>
--Customer Disservice Operator Julie, Customer Disservice Phone Center Henchperson
Helpful Tip - Bases & Lairs
"A Secret Lair isn't so secret with a couple of hundred ex-construction workers wandering the globe, blabbing to bar patrons about the secret shark trap you built into your underwater grotto. That's why it's vital to mind Helpful Tip #12:
ALWAYS KILL OFF YOUR CONSTRUCTION CREW ONCE YOUR LAIR IS COMPLETE!
In my experience, the best way to do this is to offer them all a trip home on a luxury liner -- a luxury liner with a hull lined with C4, that is. BWA HA HA HA ha ha ha ha ha!"
-- Lord Vilhelm Von Superschuft, Committee of Evil
Helpful Tip - Traps
"There are two kinds of traps; incarceration traps, and deathtraps. Whichever kind of trap you decide to employ against your do-gooder foe, be sure to follow the Cardinal Rule of Traps:
TRAPS SHOULD BE ESCAPE PROOF!
And just calling a trap 'escape proof' doesn't cut the mustard. If your trap requires the presence of henchpersons to prevent escape, it is not escape-proof. If a trapped individual can foil the trap using a laser watch or a belt grapple, it is not escape proof. That's why all my traps vaporize the hero instantly. **** 'em, I say -- I'll explain my evil schemes to my cat."
-- Baron Devastation, The Brotherhood of Genetic Impurity
Helpful Tip - Henchpersons
"When I chat with other supervillains, they often ask me, 'What kind of benefits do you offer your underlings?' To which I answer, 'Benefits'?? It's benefit enough that I allow them the honor of serving me, before I casually kill them off!'
HENCHMEN ARE NOT 'EMPLOYEES'-- THEY ARE SLAVES!
Benefits, my ***! Any time one of those idiots annoys me, I kill him -- imagine if I had to pay for burials! I'd go broke! That's why I keep man-eating boars, for crying out loud. Even the bikini girls by the lagoon have to pay their own dental. What am I, a charity?"
-- Professor Von Strychnine, S.U.B.Ve.R.T.
Helpful Tip - Small Arms
What's the point in taking over the world if there's no world left to take over when you've taken over it? That's why supervillains need to THINK GREEN, and remember to save the environment as they build their new world order. That's why I suggest:
USE LEAD-FREE "GREEN" BULLETS!
Recently developed by the U.S. Army, these small arms shells contain tungsten cores instead of the poisonous lead ones that degrade our environment. This is just one small way you can help keep the world a place where our children can breathe free under the yoke of global tyranny.
-- Sunshine Firebomb, Zero Population League
Helpful Tip - Heavy Arms
"In the rush to own the biggest and baddest weaponry, supervillains often fall into a trap -- spending all their resources obtaining 'superweapons' when often a large conventional weapon will do!
DON'T USE A BIGGER WEAPON THAN NECESSARY
I remember when my friend, Son of Mole Man, tried to destroy the Chrysler Building with his moon-based Magma Ray. Of course, the League of Propriety stopped him, because he spent so much time trying to perfect the Magma Ray. He'd forgotten that a few well-placed C4 charges, or one small briefcase nuke, would have done the trick!"
-- Commandante Desperado, Dark Force 7
Helpful Tip - Superweapons
Oh, you're going to consider the idea -- every villain does. "What if I just pretend so build a superweapon, and hold the world for ransom? The stupid United Nations will never know!"
THEY'LL KNOW. NEVER BLUFF WITH SUPERWEAPONS.
If you're going to freeze London, or slice Florida off into the sea, or blow up the moon, THEN BE PREPARED TO FOLLOW THROUGH. Nothing's worse than a supervillain who's all bark and no bite. It just makes the rest of us look bad, and gives "heroes" ideas.
-- Melanomor The Solar Man, Task Force Destruct-O
Helpful Tip - Doomsday Devices
"Dear villainsupply Customers:
We've received complaints from some quarters regarding our policy of selling Doomsday Devices, and not just from the usual whiny "responsible agencies." Some villains are upset, claiming that the use of Doomsday Devices is unfair, and should be banned. Well, this is the official response of this web site to these complaints:
GROW UP. WE'RE VILLAINS. MADMEN. MONSTERS. GET OVER IT.
If we can't threaten the safety of the world, galaxy, or universe, how are we supposed to dominate it? If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen."
-- Sergeant Celsius, Chief of Sales, villainsupply
Helpful Tip - Superpowers
There's no point in having the ability to scramble minds, if a hero finds out your power can be negated by simple asbestos helmet. Or being able to conjure up thunderstorms, but only if there's a major body of water nearby. Or being absolutely invulnerable to harm, except for that Idaho-shaped birthmark on your right buttock.
DON'T LET ANYONE DISCOVER YOUR WEAKNESSES OR DISADS.
There's no reason to ever reveal these to anyone. Even to that beautiful undercover agent in the skintight wetsuit. Especially not her.
-- Kls'D, The Dark Blasphemer of the Abyss
Helpful Tip - Evil
Theologians define Evil as a supernatural force vying against God to corrupt mankind. Secular Humanists define Evil as any behavior that enhances an individual's success at the expense of the success of others. And I define Evil as the enjoyment I get from watching thousands of innocents squirm in terror as I destroy the very underpinnings of everything they believe and hold dear in my quest to command supreme domination over all life.
EVIL IS NOT A PHILOSOPHY. IT IS NEITHER A MEANS NOR AN END. IT IS AN ATTITUDE AND A LIFESTYLE.
Make no excuses. Support no ideology. Never explain. You're EVIL. Just do it.
--Commodore Vierundsechzig, Supreme Leader of the International Brotherhood of Rapscallions
Helpful Tip - Evil Medicine
"When the average retard on the street thinks of 'mad scientists,' they always think of mad physicists building shrinking rays, mad chemists mixing earth-shattering explosives, or mad meteorologists devising weather-control machines. Often overlooked is the mad medical doctor, the linchpin of the mad sciences.
THE FOOLS! THEY WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND! MY WORK IS WORTH MORE THAN A FEW USELESS LIVES!
Science knows no 'ethics,' no 'boundaries!' What makes them think I'm playing god? I'm a surgeon! I AM GOD!!!"
-- The Preserved Head of Josef Mengele, M.D.
Helpful Tip - The Internet
OMG UR R374RD3D!!!! H3R3 I5 TEH M4D TRU7H 4B0U7 TEH 1N73RNE7. TEH 1N73RNE7 IZNT JU5T 4 W4Y G3T P0RN; IZZ4 T00L 4 W0RLD DOM1N45HUN!!!!!
7H3 D4RK M4573R 0F R3DM0ND N0ZE -- TEH l33TZ WH47 C0NTR0LZ TEH 1N73RNE7 C0NTR0LZ TEH W0RLD!!!!!
D0 U N07 BL33V M33???? MB 1 C4P U W1F M1 4K, Y0U=TEH ST00PID!!!!!
--eVil_HaxX0r23, Chief Henchcoder, villain supply
There's heaps more if you want to have a look around for yourself.
Here's some bits from it that I gathered....very amusing.....
-Villain Supply: Your Online Source For Everything Evil ~ The World Domination Link Exchange-
In the battle between good and evil, evil will always win.
Because we cheat.
HELPFUL TIPS FOR VILLAINS AND WORLD DOMINATORS
Helpful Tip - Customer Service
"Thank you for calling the VillainSupply Customer Disservice line. Congratulations are in order, since we do not give out this number. What is your 24-digit customer PIN?" 窶｢窶｢窶｢ "Yes, sir, I understand that you already entered it in three times." 窶｢窶｢窶｢ "What's that sir? You have a complaint? Well, let me familiarize you with our complaints policy.
YOU WILL NOT 'COMPLAIN.' YOU WILL BE GRATEFUL FOR WHAT WE SEND YOU, IF WE SEND ANYTHING AT ALL.
Yes, sir, I understand that you are dissatisfied with your Mecha Body Armor." 窶｢窶｢窶｢ "Really? Ripped off both your arms and your legs? I'm sorry to hear that, sir. Perhaps you would like to purchase our cyborg upgrade." 窶｢窶｢窶｢ "Sir, threatening my life will accomplish nothing -- I probably won't live out the week anyway." 窶｢窶｢窶｢ "Sorry, sir, Baron Devastation is headed towards my cubicle. If I don't give him a hummer, he'll shoot me dead." 窶｢窶｢窶｢ "No, sir, not the car. Good-bye, and thank you for shopping VillainSupply!" <click!>
--Customer Disservice Operator Julie, Customer Disservice Phone Center Henchperson
Helpful Tip - Bases & Lairs
"A Secret Lair isn't so secret with a couple of hundred ex-construction workers wandering the globe, blabbing to bar patrons about the secret shark trap you built into your underwater grotto. That's why it's vital to mind Helpful Tip #12:
ALWAYS KILL OFF YOUR CONSTRUCTION CREW ONCE YOUR LAIR IS COMPLETE!
In my experience, the best way to do this is to offer them all a trip home on a luxury liner -- a luxury liner with a hull lined with C4, that is. BWA HA HA HA ha ha ha ha ha!"
-- Lord Vilhelm Von Superschuft, Committee of Evil
Helpful Tip - Traps
"There are two kinds of traps; incarceration traps, and deathtraps. Whichever kind of trap you decide to employ against your do-gooder foe, be sure to follow the Cardinal Rule of Traps:
TRAPS SHOULD BE ESCAPE PROOF!
And just calling a trap 'escape proof' doesn't cut the mustard. If your trap requires the presence of henchpersons to prevent escape, it is not escape-proof. If a trapped individual can foil the trap using a laser watch or a belt grapple, it is not escape proof. That's why all my traps vaporize the hero instantly. **** 'em, I say -- I'll explain my evil schemes to my cat."
-- Baron Devastation, The Brotherhood of Genetic Impurity
Helpful Tip - Henchpersons
"When I chat with other supervillains, they often ask me, 'What kind of benefits do you offer your underlings?' To which I answer, 'Benefits'?? It's benefit enough that I allow them the honor of serving me, before I casually kill them off!'
HENCHMEN ARE NOT 'EMPLOYEES'-- THEY ARE SLAVES!
Benefits, my ***! Any time one of those idiots annoys me, I kill him -- imagine if I had to pay for burials! I'd go broke! That's why I keep man-eating boars, for crying out loud. Even the bikini girls by the lagoon have to pay their own dental. What am I, a charity?"
-- Professor Von Strychnine, S.U.B.Ve.R.T.
Helpful Tip - Small Arms
What's the point in taking over the world if there's no world left to take over when you've taken over it? That's why supervillains need to THINK GREEN, and remember to save the environment as they build their new world order. That's why I suggest:
USE LEAD-FREE "GREEN" BULLETS!
Recently developed by the U.S. Army, these small arms shells contain tungsten cores instead of the poisonous lead ones that degrade our environment. This is just one small way you can help keep the world a place where our children can breathe free under the yoke of global tyranny.
-- Sunshine Firebomb, Zero Population League
Helpful Tip - Heavy Arms
"In the rush to own the biggest and baddest weaponry, supervillains often fall into a trap -- spending all their resources obtaining 'superweapons' when often a large conventional weapon will do!
DON'T USE A BIGGER WEAPON THAN NECESSARY
I remember when my friend, Son of Mole Man, tried to destroy the Chrysler Building with his moon-based Magma Ray. Of course, the League of Propriety stopped him, because he spent so much time trying to perfect the Magma Ray. He'd forgotten that a few well-placed C4 charges, or one small briefcase nuke, would have done the trick!"
-- Commandante Desperado, Dark Force 7
Helpful Tip - Superweapons
Oh, you're going to consider the idea -- every villain does. "What if I just pretend so build a superweapon, and hold the world for ransom? The stupid United Nations will never know!"
THEY'LL KNOW. NEVER BLUFF WITH SUPERWEAPONS.
If you're going to freeze London, or slice Florida off into the sea, or blow up the moon, THEN BE PREPARED TO FOLLOW THROUGH. Nothing's worse than a supervillain who's all bark and no bite. It just makes the rest of us look bad, and gives "heroes" ideas.
-- Melanomor The Solar Man, Task Force Destruct-O
Helpful Tip - Doomsday Devices
"Dear villainsupply Customers:
We've received complaints from some quarters regarding our policy of selling Doomsday Devices, and not just from the usual whiny "responsible agencies." Some villains are upset, claiming that the use of Doomsday Devices is unfair, and should be banned. Well, this is the official response of this web site to these complaints:
GROW UP. WE'RE VILLAINS. MADMEN. MONSTERS. GET OVER IT.
If we can't threaten the safety of the world, galaxy, or universe, how are we supposed to dominate it? If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen."
-- Sergeant Celsius, Chief of Sales, villainsupply
Helpful Tip - Superpowers
There's no point in having the ability to scramble minds, if a hero finds out your power can be negated by simple asbestos helmet. Or being able to conjure up thunderstorms, but only if there's a major body of water nearby. Or being absolutely invulnerable to harm, except for that Idaho-shaped birthmark on your right buttock.
DON'T LET ANYONE DISCOVER YOUR WEAKNESSES OR DISADS.
There's no reason to ever reveal these to anyone. Even to that beautiful undercover agent in the skintight wetsuit. Especially not her.
-- Kls'D, The Dark Blasphemer of the Abyss
Helpful Tip - Evil
Theologians define Evil as a supernatural force vying against God to corrupt mankind. Secular Humanists define Evil as any behavior that enhances an individual's success at the expense of the success of others. And I define Evil as the enjoyment I get from watching thousands of innocents squirm in terror as I destroy the very underpinnings of everything they believe and hold dear in my quest to command supreme domination over all life.
EVIL IS NOT A PHILOSOPHY. IT IS NEITHER A MEANS NOR AN END. IT IS AN ATTITUDE AND A LIFESTYLE.
Make no excuses. Support no ideology. Never explain. You're EVIL. Just do it.
--Commodore Vierundsechzig, Supreme Leader of the International Brotherhood of Rapscallions
Helpful Tip - Evil Medicine
"When the average retard on the street thinks of 'mad scientists,' they always think of mad physicists building shrinking rays, mad chemists mixing earth-shattering explosives, or mad meteorologists devising weather-control machines. Often overlooked is the mad medical doctor, the linchpin of the mad sciences.
THE FOOLS! THEY WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND! MY WORK IS WORTH MORE THAN A FEW USELESS LIVES!
Science knows no 'ethics,' no 'boundaries!' What makes them think I'm playing god? I'm a surgeon! I AM GOD!!!"
-- The Preserved Head of Josef Mengele, M.D.
Helpful Tip - The Internet
OMG UR R374RD3D!!!! H3R3 I5 TEH M4D TRU7H 4B0U7 TEH 1N73RNE7. TEH 1N73RNE7 IZNT JU5T 4 W4Y G3T P0RN; IZZ4 T00L 4 W0RLD DOM1N45HUN!!!!!
7H3 D4RK M4573R 0F R3DM0ND N0ZE -- TEH l33TZ WH47 C0NTR0LZ TEH 1N73RNE7 C0NTR0LZ TEH W0RLD!!!!!
D0 U N07 BL33V M33???? MB 1 C4P U W1F M1 4K, Y0U=TEH ST00PID!!!!!
--eVil_HaxX0r23, Chief Henchcoder, villain supply
There's heaps more if you want to have a look around for yourself.
