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Why are people appalled when someone says they think Japanese are attractive?

WonkoTheSane

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I never understood why anyone gives a rats *** about the basis for a relationship they aren't a part of.

As long as 2, 3, whatever number of people are happy together what makes the basis for their happiness any better or worse than anyone else's?

We all have preferences, some physical, some emotional, and some mental. Preferences in one domain are no more or less valid than any other.
 

Mark of Zorro

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But stereotypes, positive or negative, prevent understanding of the individual and they've expected me to live up to them.

You have just condemned all of humanity. Stereotypes are nothing but mental shortcuts to try and get a handle on understanding our fellow humans. We all do it. Its stupid I know, but its a starting point. Its the way people operate.

Something I don't think you appreciate is the fact that you don't know if someone stereotyped you unless they say something obvious. Some guy you thought didn't stereotype you may have but just covered it up well. Some guy who did stereotype you and you know it may really open up to your unique character as the relationship progresses. And to discover by various hints that you are being stereotyped can mean one of three things: He is being rather open and honest, he is a simpleton who cannot hide his motives, or you guessed wrong.

All that said, I find this basis to be rather shallow in and of itself, to judge a person. However, it does give some a clues as to the person's mindset and mental abilities.

And that said, I bet you do, in fact, judge men who approach on a whole set of variables. But if you dismiss men on that one alone, I think you are cutting yourself short.
 
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Mark of Zorro

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Of course, if a guy says that he finds Asian women attractive, that's a different story.

I don't see any significant difference between that and "I want a Japanese girlfriend"

Perhaps you meant to compare it with "If a guy says he only dates Asian women"?

Well, technically that would be different. But most people I know are rather imprecise with their language and are prone to say things off the cuff that don't really reflect such important distinctions accurately. I have heard variations of all the above from people who later seemed to mean one of the others....or something else.

In short, you cannot judge people so fast based on such technical differences in their choice of words. Well, you COULD. And I think we all make such fundamental errors when judging people.

So, stereotyping is an error. Your judging on stereotyping is an error. Your choice of words might be an error for not reflecting how you really think. And in fact, I may be perceiving your words in error.

Its all quite a mess, but in the end I suppose you must choose the person who makes you feel comfortable, even if your view of them is in error!
 

rothux

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I personally find myself attracted to Japanese women, but I don't see what the issue is.

When I say that I am attracted to Japanese girls, I'm not making any kind of statement about how I think a Japanese woman acts stereotypically.
What I mean when I say that, is that from a purely sexual perspective, my taste is Japanese women. How is this any different from preferring blonde women, or girls with large breasts? I simply find the general physical characteristics of Japanese people to be appealing, in the same way that I might prefer a brunette with a "cute" facial structure and green eyes.

Now, if I was to say "I like Japanese girls. Their subservient nature is sooo hot!", I could understand the disdain, but this isn't at all what I am saying or implying. Of course, you can be attracted to subservient-personality Japanese women, but that isn't "Japanese women", since there are plenty of obnoxious, or cute-acting, or cold-acting (etc.) Japanese women.

I don't think it is a bad thing to be attracted to the subservient natured woman, or for that woman to be Japanese. I don't see it as an issue to say that you find these traits attractive, on the condition that you are clear; i.e. I'm really attracted to black-haired cute Japanese girls with an outgoing personality and a big butt. This should be as fine as saying "I love blonde women who have really fun personalities."

Just don't use "Japanese" to mean "subservient", and if you see somebody say they like "Japanese", don't just assume that they mean "subservient".

Overly-sensitive day and age we live in.

Sorry for my jumbled thoughts. 眠
 

think_too_mut

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Subservient Japanese women? That's backpackers level of disorientation about Japan.
Look at this illustration: one of my engineers got promoted and pay rise goes with that. After payday, I asked him if everything was alright in the payslip as mistakes are time consuming to correct (no change in salary would mean only change in title and all paperwork goes again to bring the salary up). "It should be OK" he said, dodging the answer.
What do you mean "should be OK? Is it already OK or not?".
"I am not allowed to open my payslip, my wife takes it, opens it and stores it. She holds the only ATM card linked to my salary and she drives the household. I don't know what my monthly pay is, nor if overtime has been properly calculated and paid".
Later, evening beer time with another manager, I asked him if that is normal. "Yes", he said, "about 70% of Japanese households are like that, mine too. Wife looks after the money, I get 40,000Y a month allowance for lunch, tobacco and drinks."

That was back in 2004. Since that revelation, I could understand behavior of the salarymen better. And why an engineer on 12 mil yen a year would never go for lunch that is over 1,000Y, why men is suits queue to buy 270Y bento that someone was selling at street curb from the back of their van. Poor dears, they may have drunk the money away and now have to cut corners to survive the month on what is left of their allowance.
 

Mike Cash

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Same story at my house, except I'm not on allowance and I don't give my pay slips to my wife. I don't even open them myself.
 

Mark of Zorro

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But I think that Japanese women are pretty subservient when you date them, generally speaking, compared to Western, especially American women. I have heard that often enough.

Its just when you marry them, they turn into Mr. Hyde.

No one gets my paycheck. If that was ever demanded, I know where to get divorce papers.

And you know, for all the "complaints" we hear about "herbivore men" in Japan, yet it seems to me that is precisely the goal of Japanese women. I guess its an own goal?
 

think_too_mut

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It's rather a social contract. Men live a hard life, their wives have an easy one.
Don't cheat (for women) don't leave her (for men). The men can stumble drunk into home at midnight, with meishi or cigarete lighters from some hostess bars, often found in their pockets, but they don't leave their wives.
 
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I've always liked the looks and usual mannerisms of Asian, especially Japanese, women. Unfortunately, I'm only permitted to have one. lol I've been married to the same Japanese woman for almost forty years, and yes, two of the things that initially attracted me to her were her Japanese-ness (race, culture, and mannerisms) and her personality, founded on as it is on her cultural background. She in turn would admit that she was initially attracted by my blond hair and blue eyes.

We usually make initial assessments of people by superficial criteria, like appearance or race. In the US most white people are wary of young black men and will cross the street to avoid encountering one on the sidewalk.

And many women refuse to date short men. I wonder how many women, if honest, would admit that they'd never go out with a man shorter than themselves.
 

Mark of Zorro

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In the US most white people are wary of young black men and will cross the street to avoid encountering one on the sidewalk.

I don't think it would be most. Or at least, not just a lone young Black man. A gang of them? Depending on how they are dressed and how they act, I might cross the street even if they were White!

And many women refuse to date short men. I wonder how many women, if honest, would admit that they'd never go out with a man shorter than themselves.

I think most women would not hesitate to lie about that one, and many other things, because women think ahead and know it cannot be proven, that she cannot be made to prove she would date a shorter man, and so they lie and come out smelling like a rose. Then turn around and call us men superficial when in fact, we are just being honest and being chastized for being honest, as we so often are.
 

think_too_mut

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I am married to a Thai woman, we have a wonderful daughter, we live in Japan.
Rather than telling what I found attractive about Asian women (Japanese included) I would like to tell you a story from a Western woman.
She was my colleague in our Singapore office. One Friday, at Changi airport, I saw her and we checked in together for a flight to Bangkok.
A terrible storm was raging, flights delayed, we were asked to wait in the biz class lounge.
Then she told me, what problems the storm may cause, she was a holder of a piloting license, for small jets.
Free champagne was flowing, nibble food, then she revealed what was obvious: her strong complexion, was of someone captaining an ice hockey team.
Asked her: I would understand what males are going for in Bangkok, how about you.
Then it came, "all world wisdom" from her:
"Women in the West, they are like me, play hockey, fly planes, ride bikes in lycra pants....I want a woman! A woman!"

Trust me or not, that is what a Western woman said.
 

Nuala

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I don't think there is anything wrong with saying Japanese people are attractive. I think there could be issue if someone is espousing attraction to the point where it's sexual attraction based on race instead of the person's individual merits.

I for one would would be very upset if someone decided to pursue me because I am a quarter Japanese, as unlikely as that may be. But at any rate, I think one should pursue people based on their merits as a person, and not some superfluous attraction to something as banal as race, or physical features.
 

Mark of Zorro

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But at any rate, I think one should pursue people based on their merits as a person, and not some superfluous attraction to something as banal as race, or physical features.

And if people choose otherwise?

I for one would would be very upset if someone decided to pursue me because I am a quarter Japanese, as unlikely as that may be.

It sounds to me like you would unilaterally decide that if it was "A" reason, you would turn it into "THE" reason. And even then, I don't know why you would be "very upset" rather than just concerned.

Any man can be attracted to you for very shallow reasons. It could be as simple as a mole in the right place on your face. Why can't such attractions be endearing? The thing is, it would take a complete idiot to keep pursuing you if your personality rubbed him the wrong way, or at least, to keep pursuing and dating your seriously. I think it would not take much time to figure out if that were the case and I cannot see the harm in taking the time to figure it out without getting upset off the bat. But if he started attracted to your racial profile, and then came to love your character/personality/ mind too, don't you think that only ADDS to the quality and strength of the relationship?

Seriously, you have to start somewhere. Hardly matters where. Its where you start going from there that matters.
 
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