What is love?

[Jean-Francois]

Who cares? Just have fun!

Hi Tomago!

I don't know what is love either. But Shakespeare once said something like this," Love is only a word on the stage." Hmmm... Shakespeare had written so many poignant love stories. A good writer is usually a good observer. But this was his conclusion about LoVe...

Oh well, I am too lazy to define what is what... Life is so short! There are clients' asses to be kissed, fashion mistakes to be made, and co-workers' backs to be stabbed. Talking about co-workers. A colleague of mine always tells me," Love is a game and it is very important to SCORE!"

I am not sure if it helps. But this guy seems to be very Happy everyday.

 

[SensualTokyo]

Alright.... I'll take a stab at this one.....

But before we talk about love, we have to talk about what we MEAN by love.... I think what most people are calling love, in my opinion..... is simple LUST.

Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with lust at all! Lust is great! It is what gets us together with women (or men if you are a woman.... or if you are gay) in the first place! Ahhh, sweet lust..... does it get any better?

Yes! It does. I think that it is inevitable in relationships that lust eventually dies out. Some of you may not want to hear this, or may disagree, but to be frank don't even bother debating that point with me unless you have been in relationship for more that say ..... 7 years or so! I won't listen [hands over ears ..... singing la la la laaa I'm not listening.... la la laaaaaaa ]

And what are you left with once that lust dies out? THIS is when most people start thinking divorce. In hollywood we are taught that without that hot, passionate, steamy lust (yikes, I just got a little excited there!) without THAT, there is no love.

I disagree. I think love only exists AS A POSSIBILITY. It is something that you have to long for. It is something that is in a sense, created by the couple. The lust is there only to get you through the period before LOVE is discovered. But we are not taught about this love in school, or by our parents... that is the problem.

Am I claiming to know what it is? Far from it. But longing for it is almost enough in and of itself! If I find it, I will be sure to post here. :smoke:

 

[Winter]

Didnt Shakespeare steal most of his ideas from earlier writers? Homer, for example.

In fact, the plot and outcome of Hamlet was written by another Greek writer...but the name has left my memory.

As for love...hmm...

Love is an instinct. Human love is slightly more evolved, but its a basic instinct. I think its the instinct that keeps offspring alive. I wont go explaining that now...

Lust is an instinct too. The instinct that keeps the genome thriving, and evolving over time.

Now, if we can agree that love is an instinct, then what seperates human love from other creatures bondage?

Duality.

If you think about it in a more abstract sense, love is a sickness; the illness of the human mind. Love between lovers, is something that is created, as sensualtokyo expressed rather well. Its created from the dualistic mind of humans.

In the animal kingdom, love between couples is a rarity, usually only existing to help ensure the survival of the offspring. So why does human love persist beyond survival instincts?

Like I said before, duality.

The need of the other. The desire of the other. Love is an innate desire, between couples, maybe to need each other. Desire, is preached throughout many philosophies is the illness, and hindering of enlightenment. Desire is the soul cause of suffering. Desire of something that cant be achieved always leads to suffering; unless a healthy amount of apathy is acquired to nullify the pain. But it would also nullify the desire. So maybe apathy is the key to enlightenment? Hrm....thats a whole other conversation.

Love is the more emotional, and 'physical' proof that the human mind has become over the epochs of our evolution, a dualistic mind. What exactly is duality, in terms of thought? Duality is just as it sounds. Dual. Opposite of single. The other half. The other half to create the whole.

Its like when people determine their worth based on their amounts of accomplishments. To strip away these said accomplishments would be to strip away the identity of the self. To be without duality, would be to be without identity. Purpose. Self.

But perhaps this is the goal to enlightment. To spiritual freedom of all chains, including the most powerful shackle; love. When there is nothing to hold on to *duality* what is there left to hold? Nothing? Well, yes. But aside from nothing, there is the self.

So love is the most powerful obstacle preventing humans as a race to trancend conciousness, and to break away from the instinct-driven chains of the dualistic mind. Its what prevents everyone to become their own personal Jesus Christ, Buddha, or Bodhidharma. Which leads to the ideology of many monks, priests, and other holypeople to reject feelings of attachment like this.

Throughout our time as a species, we've spent so much of it allowing our bodies to adapt, and evolve for our survival. Now, with the concept of duality, we've given a source for the pain of love, and a goal for trancending the limits of the potentially limitless human mind. We've given ourselves, as a race, a means to evolve something nature has neglected. The mind itself.

Or not, who really knows. I guess thats the beauty of life.

 

[SensualTokyo]

Eeeeeesh. Nice post winter. So much in there.....

It is so hard to have a discussion about "love" because there are simply waaaay to many definitions. Likely EVERYONE in here has a different definition of what love is.

For example above you say "Love is an innate desire, between couples, maybe to need each other."

There certainly are cases of love in which I would agree with you there!

You say "So love is the most powerful obstacle preventing humans as a race to trancend conciousness"

Again, I would agree, if love is defined in a certain way....

But I like to believe there is another level of love. One that, again, only exists as a possibility. I fear even calling that possibility "love" because of all the meaning we have attached to that word... in fact it is probably best to not even call what I am refering to as "love". Let's call it "baaaaarg" for ease of discussion...

But beyond our personalities, beyond love and hate, beyond duality we have one possibility, and that is to LOVE.... oooops, I mean............. and that is to baaaaaarg.

To actually LOVE God. Not the God that lives in the sky, but the God that exists in the perfection we see all around us. The God that lives in the sadness of a street begger..... the God that lives just around the corner, always just out of our view.....

To actually LOVE God, is not actually possible. It exists only as a possibility, the ultimate paradox. But in the longing for that love.... longing to connect to love for the universe.... that is where the Gold lives.

 

[Winter]

I see your point, and now I agree.

Like, a whole other level of what we think of as love. Something more, but not like...well, not like just more love, but something completely different, but similar. Just more as...well, baaaaarg.

Nice way of putting it, by the way.

And he says to his wife, "I baaaaaarg you..."

 

[SensualTokyo]

And he says to his wife, "I baaaaaarg you..."

We must be VERY careful with this new word. If you extend the "aaaaaa" to long, it has a different meaning. It means "desire to shag".

So we must be VERY selective of when to say

I baaaaaarg you

and when we say

I baaaaaaaaaarg you.

One gets you a hot night in the sack.... the other gets you connected to the eternal knowledge of the universe!

 

[Winter]

Ja! But what happens if you say baaaaark?

Does a dog come out and tell you the secrets of the universe? Or does he do something....else....lol

 

[SensualTokyo]

Yes..... baaaaaaaaark too, is a dangerous word... we must be careful, strange things can happen.

 

[Winter]

*gazes at the photo*

Oh my...

Glad this isnt a video message board. My initial reaction was a stout 'AHHHH NOOOOOOO' with arms raised and eyes the same.

 

[SensualTokyo]

Funny thing is, I rushed over to google to find a funny image thinking to self... this'll be fun!!!

*excitedly enters his search in the search fields.... dog.... sex.... ah this'll be funny.... check on image... OK... aaaaand SEARCH!! [click]

BAM!

ST suddently shocked by images of 40 year old women having sex with canines. Damn..... I lost this battle, and lost it bad. I will never be the same.

 

[TimF]

Love to me is where you would give anything for that perons happiness and when you are away from that person you have this heavenly ache in your heart like a burning desire to see them again like your heart is burning with the fire of a thousand suns. I was once in love with a girl and I said I would lay her down on a bed of roses and then i would sleep on a bed of nails beacuse her happiness and comfort was all that mattered to me and I was willing to give her that at any cost. But love is different for everyone no love blossoms the same. This is just a small ammout of what love is to me.

 

[tamago]

Long time no see!

Hello,

Thank you for your advice, it's been in a long time since I came to visit this forum. After that, I've been kept in touch with him and talked a lot about us. Now we are the happiest couple in the world, maybe too much?? haha... But my heart is well and pink. I will probably say "Thanks God" when he comes to Japan. By the way, he is a French, a cute boy...
He is coming to see me soon.... I'm really looking forward to seeing him

Tamago

 

[CHUS]

To love and to be in love. I prefer being in love. I need to be in love sometimes. I think it is a wonderful feeling. It keeps me alive, and makes me want to live forever. When i am in love i don´t care anything but it, i don´t care job problems, money problems, or health problems, i am in love and the rest is useless. I´ve been in love 6 times in my hole life. I am 34 and have married 3 years ago. My wife has been my couple for 14 years, and i have been in love with her once, at the beginning, it lasted the first year, but then that feeling dissapeared and i just love her, since then i have had the feeling of being in love twice with other girls, girls that had been part of my previous life, and that hurt me. I was loving my wife but i was in love with another girl, and i knew i had nothing to do there. What could i do? i knew that it was just a matter of time, then the feeling of being in love would dissapear, so i calmed down and waited for things to happen.
But i still need that feeling sometimes, i long for that feeling, and i would like to fall in love with my wife, that would be so great! All the arguing, the problems the bad humor sometimes, would just dissapear. Does anybody know how can i fall in love with her again? I repeat that i love her and i do want to live forever with her but i need that feeling of ilusion.
Have you ever dreamt of anyone and when u wake up you felt like you had fallen in love with that person? It happens to me a lot! And i feel so bad!
Sometimes i dream at night with a girlfriend i had in the past, then when i wake up in the morning i can only think about this girl and i got that feeling all day long, and it makes me feel so bad! Last weekend i dreamt of a friend´s girlfriend, and it was a very strange feeling. When i saw her the day after i told her and she laughed for a long time.
But don´t worry, it is just a dream!

 

[MajideSaiaku]

Its overused but... you cant describe love really, you just know it when you feel it.

Here's an idea, ask yourself quickly "do i love him/her?" and if you immediatly awnser yes, then maybe it is.

It doesnt work in older couples because its a conditioned response from many years of nagging "do you love me, dear?!" "wha?..yes, yes YES! O_O dont hurt me O _ o..."

lol

 

[Kinsao]

Aw Chus, I think that you love your wife. I mean, it's natural to feel things for other women, that is like being "in love", but actually to be in love with someone is more than just the physical/biological/chemical/whatever-you-call-it feeling... if you love someone it is more than just finding them attractive, it's something in your mind as well... you have to share friendship as well as sex... ideally if you partner is your best friend... that is the nicest kind of "love" relationship.

Maybe if you think about what made you in love with your wife in the beginning when you were first together, and what attracted you to her; maybe some of these things got kind of forgotten over the years as you got used to living with her? Maybe you could do some of the fun stuff again that you used to when you were first going out! I'm not saying to keep chasing after the past all the time, but... perhaps just to do somethings a little different, and you see your wife in a new light and fall in love with her newly!

 

[CHUS]

If you were right, it would be great, but i suppose those things you mention are a bit far away now. We are 14 years older and we know so much each other that i think there is no point in coming back, i think i should better seek for another new things that create ilusion in the couple, maybe having children, i don´t know. But thanQ for the advice, it is very much welcome!
See u all

 

[Tsuyoiko]

If you were right, it would be great, but i suppose those things you mention are a bit far away now. We are 14 years older and we know so much each other that i think there is no point in coming back, i think i should better seek for another new things that create ilusion in the couple, maybe having children, i don´t know. But thanQ for the advice, it is very much welcome!
See u all

I'm not sure what you mean by 'create illusion', but I think having children is the last thing you should do if you are not content with your wife. It sounds to me like you settled down too soon. Maybe you should have waited until you had got your 'wild oats' out of your system but hindsight is 20/20. You say "we know so much each other" like it is a bad thing. Perhaps you should try to see the positive side of it instead.

 

[Kinsao]

Well, I can see the point in thinking that always trying to "go back" to something is not necessarily a good thing...

I agree to wait on the children thing, though. You need to have kids when it seems right for you, not as a kind of relationship strategy. Try your best to brighten up the relationship with new things! Then I am sure you will know when you want kids.

 

[Doc]

What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more!

*continuously plays Haddaway's only number one hit*

Doc

 

[Kinsao]

I agree with what Tsuyoiko said, but... I like the sound of Dutch's answer! I guess... I'm not so good at practicing what I preach...

 

[CHUS]

I think u are again right. You know, sometimes, one is so desperate that seeks for any solution and it is not always the correct way. By the way i suppose we are getting out of the way so, finally I think that the meaning of love is not a definition, but just a way each of us feel. It is probably different on every single person, so it is hard to give an exact answer, we can just explain the way we feel it.

 

[Void]

i`ve heard two opinions during vacation
- two souls, one heart
- it is easy to find the one who loves, but not so easy to find the one who cares

 

[StarlitDreemz]

this is tough.. especially in my situation.. i've been w/ the same person since i was 16 i'm 19 now and we have a child together.. i love him but i dont think i'm "IN LOVE" with him (if that makes any sense???) i feel like i'm just used to the feeling of him being around, i've found that we have NOTHING in common.. and i can kinda tell that he feels the same way. i dont really even know why were wasting each others time maybe for the sake of our child.. but i've heard from alot of ppl that 2 ppl shouldnt say together for a child, they can still raise & love him/her being apart. and now i find myself questioning if i was ever really "In Love" or were my feelings just me (Wanting) to find love, what is love really??

 

[Kinsao]

It's a zero score in tennis.

After looking at this topic, I felt inspired (well, OK, I was trying to avoid my work!) to see what the trusty Google has to say about definitions of love.

Love has many meanings in English, from something that gives a little pleasure ("I loved that movie") to something one would die for (patriotism, pairbonding). It can describe an intense feeling of affection, an emotion or an emotional state.

define:love - Google Search

Love - The ancient Greeks had four different words we translate love. It is important to understand the difference between the words:
1. "Eros" was one word for love. It described, as we might guess from the word itself, erotic love. It refers to sexual love.
2. "Storge" was the second word for love. It refers to family love, the kind of love there is between a parent and child, or between family members in general.
3. "Philia" is the third word for love. It speaks of a brotherly friendship and affection. It is the love of deep friendship and partnership. It might be described as the highest love of which man, without God's help, is capable of.
4. "Agape" is the fourth word for love. It is a love that loves without changing. It is a self-giving love that gives without demanding or expecting re-payment. It is love so great that it can be given to the unlovable or unappealing. It is love that loves even when it is rejected. Agape love gives and loves because it wants to; it does not demand or expect repayment from the love given. It gives because it loves, it does not love in order to receive. According to Alan Redpath, we get our English word agony from agape. "It means the actual absorption of our being in one great passion." (Redpath) Strictly speaking, agape can't be defined as "God's love," because men are said to agape sin and the world (John 3:19, 1 John 2:15). But it can be defined as a sacrificial, giving, absorbing, love. The word has little to do with emotion; it has much to do with self-denial for the sake of another.

http://www.calvarychapel.com/redbarn/terms.htm#L

Love is best seen as devotion and action, not an emotion. Love is not exclusively based on how we feel. Certainly our emotions are involved, but they cannot be our only criteria for love.

What is true love and how do you know when you have found it? - ChristianAnswers.Net

Biomatch definition of love is:
The affinity experienced between two people who are naturally able and willing to tune into one another's emotional, intellectual, and physical states - and respond to them in a nurturing and a stimulating way.

http://www.biomatch.com/biorhythms/what-is-love.asp

..... and if you're up for the long answer, you can buy the book "The Meaning of Love" by Richard Garlikov!!
The Meaning of Love; Definition of Love; Defining Love

EDIT: I just noticed two of those quotes were from 'Christian' sources, that wasn't intentional it was genuinely the selection of first search results.

 

[kirei_na_me]

- it is easy to find the one who loves, but not so easy to find the one who cares

Oh, that's a good point.