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I regret I fell in love with Japanese girl

To Rich

Rich303 said:
Wally, Wally, Wally. Just forget it dude - you will be much better off.
There is no point trying to rationalise something that finished so long ago.
By now you have twisted it all round in your head and there is no answer.
Believe me I know. My 'relationship' went from a nuclear explosion to barely a spark, and I tried to figure out if was something I did or said wrong, or maybe she's just met someone else.(although we still communicate quite regularly)
It is heart-breaking when a girl still wants to keep in touch as it makes you think there is still something there, but chances are it will be left up to you
to figure out that she's not really interested romantically.
Even now I sometimes think 'maybe it is a misunderstanding, and she loves me', or it is my misunderstanding of Japanese thinking - I still remember how good it felt in the early stages. Once I was so happy I cried (in private, not to her) and now it's all f*cked, but I just have to deal with it.
This is what you have to do, Wally - and I'm not sure how much more people on JREF can do to help regarding this matter.

Rich,
Thanks for taking my problem seriously, I see you can grasp exactly how I feel because you been im my shoes before. It is comforting to hear, that I'm not the only one who ends up with nothing although, I gave so much.

I think now I have to channel all that unused energy that has remained in me after failed reliationship with Junko...into something worthwhile. I think that love makes you noble even its failed love. It was unfortunate that I wasted my affection on Junko, because I can see she didn't deserve as much, but she found it convenient to keep usung me. Oh well, who cares!

I think I' on a verge of forgeting about her, or at least accepting what has happended.

I still think I did good, when I broke up with Junko years ago, if she loved me she would have showed it more, regardles of "ishin denshin" and other cultural stuff. I guess Junko can find her happiness with something else, maybe he will give her what she "deserves".
 
nurizeko said:
Why didnt you just try and see her?
What i mean is, why didnt you just accept the distance, and cross the country?...she had offered you an avenue to meet up, a way to get face to face and really find out how she felt, and you let something like distance ruin it?

I forgot to add something important. It was not just 14 thousnds miles when she was in Japan, or finally 4 thousands of miles when she moved to Seattle that seperated us. How she felt I could find out all too well, by reading her letters. Then the distance seperates lover is the best way to show how much you care about your partner...because those condintions are dificcult and are the best way to test how strong realtioship is and how commited both sides are.

I knew there was nothing more in our realionship then her desire to maintain b/f who in her eyes was more of the status thing, it made her feel good about herself, and she wanted to have a b/f for vacation who could shoew her US. Besides you have to read between the lines, she wrote or told me things such; "I want to see Chicago (my hometown) because I never been there", or she wrote; "Finally I'm comming to US to study at the Yakima College"....

I think if she loved me she would have said; "I want to see Chicago because that's where you live..." and "Finally I'm comming to US to see you"..

I don't think that anybody in his or her right mind, would ever consider waiting 2 years for someone who doesn't care to write to his/her partner "I miss you"...

What should I wait for? A girl who just wants to **** and she wants to spend nice vacation with fairly handsome foreighn guy? Hello, reality check!!!!:p

Most people wait for love not for sex...I could get some sex without waiting 2 years
 
I met Junko in Osaka, while I was stationed in Japan with US Marines 8 years ago. Junko was 19 and seemed to be such a nice girl, I was 6 years older.

We slept togeter, she told me she want's to be my lover and a girlfriend and she asked me to wait for her. On the last day before I left Japan, I told her that I love her... I was suprised with the way she reacted by chocking and had this expression as if I said "I hate you"...instead "I love you"...

Anyways I didn't mind, and I would write love letters to her, to which she would respond "thanks for nice words" and generally avoided writing about her feelings, she never even once said "I miss you".... Yet she told me to "Look toward seeing me" she was planing to come to US to study at the college and see me.

It took 1 and 1/2 years before she finally came, during which time she send me only 8 letters (with 9 months breake), and I always called her first...

but instead of chossing university on the East coast (I lived in NC) she went to....Seattle, WA on the oposite coast (because all Japanesse students were there)....And she informed me that "she's finally comming to US to study at College in Seattle and although she has only 7-9 days winter or spring vacation she can see me then..." But that also implied she will spend next 2 years away from me. I guess her carrier and getting out of Japan was more important for her, and she ignored my needs completly while expecting I'll put up with this.

I was tired all of the wait especially that she never wrote me that "she missed me". I started dating other women and I didn't respond to her letter because I felt dissapointed, because she wanted to reduce me to the "vacation boyfriend"...She broke my heart, and I regret I ever met her, I think she was egoistic and selfish. Too bad I couldn't see through her lovely face, and see her true intentions in the first place.

I doubt she would ever be able to love me, and I'm romantic guy and I neeeded more affection, especially that we had long distance relationship..so the wan no sex either. I understand that she was under no obligation to fall in love with me, but I believe it was unfair of her to keep using me and accept my love letters and gifts, while she was not able to do the same thing for me. I think she should be honest....

Are all Japanese women like this? Or was I naive to fall for a girl that was unable to love...?

Last month I had a dream about her, so I had second thoughts, I found her number so I tried to contact her last weekend, and I got her answering machine, I even recognized her voice after 7 years, not only she didn't call back but she changed her number one day later.....so I can't get through. I don't think she ever blamed herself for our split up. I just made me realise that she is still cold, hartless woman...

Wally
Ay person of one culture needs to learn the culture of the other person, at least to some degree. Each cultures "dating" ritual is different from the other. When I met my Thai wife our first date consisted of walking in the park followed by two of her girlfriends! The second date was different, we did the same thing agin in the park but this time were able to hold hands. As you may have guessed this was not a "bar girl" who says I love you the first time she meets you. THis was the approp[riate way ro date as per her custom. We continued through the acceptable level, by going to the movies or a festival, etc. All of this took place in Bangkok - as we progressed we took the train to Pattaya for the weekend. I lived there for a year and a half and we eventually got married and then married again when we got back to the U.S. We have been living a very happy and fulfilling life because we have done our best to be aware of each others customs and to do our best to abide by them ....Good luck.
 
I met Junko in Osaka, while I was stationed in Japan with US Marines 8 years ago. Junko was 19 and seemed to be such a nice girl, I was 6 years older.

We slept togeter, she told me she want's to be my lover and a girlfriend and she asked me to wait for her. On the last day before I left Japan, I told her that I love her... I was suprised with the way she reacted by chocking and had this expression as if I said "I hate you"...instead "I love you"...

Anyways I didn't mind, and I would write love letters to her, to which she would respond "thanks for nice words" and generally avoided writing about her feelings, she never even once said "I miss you".... Yet she told me to "Look toward seeing me" she was planing to come to US to study at the college and see me.

It took 1 and 1/2 years before she finally came, during which time she send me only 8 letters (with 9 months breake), and I always called her first...

but instead of chossing university on the East coast (I lived in NC) she went to....Seattle, WA on the oposite coast (because all Japanesse students were there)....And she informed me that "she's finally comming to US to study at College in Seattle and although she has only 7-9 days winter or spring vacation she can see me then..." But that also implied she will spend next 2 years away from me. I guess her carrier and getting out of Japan was more important for her, and she ignored my needs completly while expecting I'll put up with this.

I was tired all of the wait especially that she never wrote me that "she missed me". I started dating other women and I didn't respond to her letter because I felt dissapointed, because she wanted to reduce me to the "vacation boyfriend"...She broke my heart, and I regret I ever met her, I think she was egoistic and selfish. Too bad I couldn't see through her lovely face, and see her true intentions in the first place.

I doubt she would ever be able to love me, and I'm romantic guy and I neeeded more affection, especially that we had long distance relationship..so the wan no sex either. I understand that she was under no obligation to fall in love with me, but I believe it was unfair of her to keep using me and accept my love letters and gifts, while she was not able to do the same thing for me. I think she should be honest....

Are all Japanese women like this? Or was I naive to fall for a girl that was unable to love...?

Last month I had a dream about her, so I had second thoughts, I found her number so I tried to contact her last weekend, and I got her answering machine, I even recognized her voice after 7 years, not only she didn't call back but she changed her number one day later.....so I can't get through. I don't think she ever blamed herself for our split up. I just made me realise that she is still cold, hartless woman...

Wally


Japanese women are wonderful and terrible. I married my Japanese wife 31 years ago. She has always loved me and supported whatever I do but she has never once, in all those words said "I love you." Japanese women, I learned the hard way, just NEVER express their feelings verbally (unless they are angry at you). However, she is the most sincere and devoted woman I ever knew (even though she cheated on me a few months after we started dating - after I told her I might **** other women - which, in an obvious way, I could never really blame her for. So, though it has hurt me for 28 years (she told me after we were married for three years) and I know it will hurt until the day i died). But, that aside, she really has been a good mother, a wife I could always rely on and a woman who put up with a lot of things from me that were making our marriage difficult. In short, she did all the cooking and cleaning and now is doing all the working since I can't get a job. Of course, her affair hurt me terribly and the fact that she shows no love at all hurts almost as badly. But, I have to admit that I'm glad I married her because of the huge number of American ******* I was involved with - who all cheated on me and then dumped me and after that showed nothing but hatred. So, in other words, Japanese women are far from perfect but the one I got has faults that are very small compared to all the american ***** I had relationships with.
 
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