I regret I fell in love with Japanese girl :(

[Wally S.]

To Rich

Wally, Wally, Wally. Just forget it dude - you will be much better off.
There is no point trying to rationalise something that finished so long ago.
By now you have twisted it all round in your head and there is no answer.
Believe me I know. My 'relationship' went from a nuclear explosion to barely a spark, and I tried to figure out if was something I did or said wrong, or maybe she's just met someone else.(although we still communicate quite regularly)
It is heart-breaking when a girl still wants to keep in touch as it makes you think there is still something there, but chances are it will be left up to you
to figure out that she's not really interested romantically.
Even now I sometimes think 'maybe it is a misunderstanding, and she loves me', or it is my misunderstanding of Japanese thinking - I still remember how good it felt in the early stages. Once I was so happy I cried (in private, not to her) and now it's all f*cked, but I just have to deal with it.
This is what you have to do, Wally - and I'm not sure how much more people on JREF can do to help regarding this matter.

Rich,
Thanks for taking my problem seriously, I see you can grasp exactly how I feel because you been im my shoes before. It is comforting to hear, that I'm not the only one who ends up with nothing although, I gave so much.

I think now I have to channel all that unused energy that has remained in me after failed reliationship with Junko...into something worthwhile. I think that love makes you noble even its failed love. It was unfortunate that I wasted my affection on Junko, because I can see she didn't deserve as much, but she found it convenient to keep usung me. Oh well, who cares!

I think I' on a verge of forgeting about her, or at least accepting what has happended.

I still think I did good, when I broke up with Junko years ago, if she loved me she would have showed it more, regardles of "ishin denshin" and other cultural stuff. I guess Junko can find her happiness with something else, maybe he will give her what she "deserves".

 

[Wally S.]

Why didnt you just try and see her?
What i mean is, why didnt you just accept the distance, and cross the country?...she had offered you an avenue to meet up, a way to get face to face and really find out how she felt, and you let something like distance ruin it?

I forgot to add something important. It was not just 14 thousnds miles when she was in Japan, or finally 4 thousands of miles when she moved to Seattle that seperated us. How she felt I could find out all too well, by reading her letters. Then the distance seperates lover is the best way to show how much you care about your partner...because those condintions are dificcult and are the best way to test how strong realtioship is and how commited both sides are.

I knew there was nothing more in our realionship then her desire to maintain b/f who in her eyes was more of the status thing, it made her feel good about herself, and she wanted to have a b/f for vacation who could shoew her US. Besides you have to read between the lines, she wrote or told me things such; "I want to see Chicago (my hometown) because I never been there", or she wrote; "Finally I'm comming to US to study at the Yakima College"....

I think if she loved me she would have said; "I want to see Chicago because that's where you live..." and "Finally I'm comming to US to see you"..

I don't think that anybody in his or her right mind, would ever consider waiting 2 years for someone who doesn't care to write to his/her partner "I miss you"...

What should I wait for? A girl who just wants to **** and she wants to spend nice vacation with fairly handsome foreighn guy? Hello, reality check!!!!

Most people wait for love not for sex...I could get some sex without waiting 2 years