Question for the Japanese people of the board/日本人への質問

[Elizabeth]

Originally posted by Kat
It just seems that way since this topic is mine and it seems like you have something against the topic and what it discusses. :/

Kat, just try to put as much information on your situation in the first couple postings to avoid these sorts of supposed misunderstandings. And for the love of pete what does it matter what anyone else on this board thinks about your love life? It's just from people who enjoy arguing for its own sake without even having their facts straight and who seem to thrive on negative feedback.

 

[Thomas Quinton]

j-women are the best lovers!! And they dig caucasian men for the same reason.

 

[waverider]

I find the whole relationship thing very interesting where I live. I work on a US military base (I'm not military), and one thing really surprised me. You see TONS of Japanese women with American men, but you never see an American woman with a Japanese man. I seldom go out to the bar scene here, but when I do, I'm amazed at how many local women come out of the woodwork to try and hook up with the gaijins in the bars.

On the other hand, there is a pretty heavy Yakuza influence in this area. I've noticed that these guys actually ship in women from Russia, Poland, Hungary, Ukraine, etc... so that they can hang out with white women. This woman that they bring in actually have instructions not to converse or relate with any Americans. You see them around town, and when they approach you, they will lower their heads and walk by without even a glance. I'm not sure if the Yakuza guys think the Americans will steal them away or what. I guess the US military doesn't have the best reputation over here, though.

 

[budd]

I don't know which part of the past (before the previous) to tear up!
it's all foul -- I don't even want to quote any of it

 

[Kat]

Originally posted by waverider
I find the whole relationship thing very interesting where I live. I work on a US military base (I'm not military) and one thing really surprised me. You see TONS of Japanese women with American men but you never see an American woman with a Japanese man. I seldom go out to the bar scene here, but when I do I'm amazed at how many local woman come out of the woodwork to just try and hook up with with the gaijins in the bars.

On the other hand, there is a pretty heavy Yakuza influence in this area. I've noticed that these guys actually ship in women from Russia, Poland, Hungary, Ukraine, etc... so that they can hang out with white women. These woman that they bring in actually have instructions not to converse or relate with any Americans. You see them around town and when they approach you, they will lower their heads and walk by without even a glance. I'm not sure if the Yakuza guys think the Americans will steal them away or what. I guess the US military doesn't have the best reputation over here though.

Yeah, I've heard about the Yakuza doing that.

Does anyone know why?

Do Yakuza men tend to like white women and enjoy having sex with them?

If so I'm glad that that character I like in my sig and avatar, Sato, is a Yakuza. Just makes it easier for me to fantasize about doing naughty things with him.

 

[budd]

okey-dokey

 

[noyhauser]

Originally posted by Carolgirl00
gaah! Yah, what is up with the j-girls chasing after gaijins? Ugh, I really can't see what they see in them. There are tons of j-girls who don't even like j-guys because they think american boys are so coool. No offense to any Americans here though! ^^;; It's just I really don't understand jgirls. *sighs* There's nothing wrong with Japanese men, they're cute too!!

I'm banking on that as my backup if I remain single for very much longer.Actually in the last few months I窶况e been thinking about my future and relationships. I think in the last few months I have finally hit some sort of stability in my life that I won窶冲 have to worry about a job after a few years and I can live wherever I would like. But always the missing part of the equation has been relationship.s I guess I窶冦 going to go on a bit of a personal rant here窶ｦ but I kinda believe this, and It will get to a relevant point; sooner or later.

*Rant Mode on*
I guess I am going to start with some sappy personal stuff. See, for all the talents I have, I have never found someone who I could have a relationship with. That窶冱 not to say that there haven窶冲 been girls that I liked, (there was one, who I honestly thought I could fall in love with and was my perfect match and a reaaaaally close friend, except for the fact she had a Boyfriend she loved...I'll tell you it wasn't a pleasant feeling after I realized nothing could happen, and no I never told her). But other than her, I have so rarely encountered a girl in canada who could appreciate me for who I am. See I think the worst failing that I have is that I am shy around girls, like super shy. Its not like I haven窶冲 been exposed to girls, I have tones of girls that are friends. Its just that I can窶冲 seem to make any connection to girls from where I am now. For example I honestly can窶冲 think of something to talk about, I get nervous, then comes the long silent pause, and there she goes to talk to her friends and to get another drink, there we go I窶况e blown my chance. I go back to talk to my friends they all pick up for the umpteenth time, I go home, check this message board and go to bed (not saying I窶囘 probably pick up, because I don窶冲 do one night stands-that窶冱 right josh you can boo me all you want) Maybe I窶冦 too nerdy in the sense that I do a lot of work and my work is my main interest (International relations if people didn窶冲 already know).

I think that intelligence is not a trait that is somewhat frowned upon in Japan, neither is being a geek. Im a bit of contradiction of sorts too. One thing people on this board don窶冲 know about me is that I used to play a lot of Rugby at a decently high level (for a representative team and a Varsity team) until I suffered some knee damage. I used to be really serious about that as well, and I still play and keep fit for it. But I think a lot of people in Canada think Im a bit strange because I hide things. See most of my friends don窶冲 know that I love Japanese culture. I play videogames, read Manga, watch anime and do all the other geeky stuff. I can窶冲 tell that to my friends because they wouldn窶冲 understand, and I always fear that they would make fun of my because of it. Its like I have two lives at home. My social life which I have and most people know me by, and my secret life that I do these things that I and others would consider geeky. In Japan though, I窶囘 be like every other guy, and girls could accept that without problem.
What I am getting at is that I think a Japanese girl would be easier for me to get along with. See I guess all the stupid complications I have with girls in Canada aren窶冲 there when I flirt with a Japanese girl. My absolutely brutal Japanese seems to charm, and it窶冱 a lot more fun, rather than the hard slog I have with people of my own nationality. Also I find that Japanese women are intelligent, and want to be treated that way, since I think many don窶冲 like how Japanese men treat them, furthermore they are very beautiful and some of the most chic or classy dressing people I have ever encountered. Now here is a major rant, So many girls in North America (I窶冦 going to get hit for this generalization) think that the more risquﾃｩ they wear clothing ie, more skin, the more attractive they look. . I don窶冲 think so at all. I have gone to bars and seen some of the most revealing outfits ever by girls that I go to class with and I tell you my opinion of them plummets. The better dressed a woman is, my respect for her goes up exponentially. And I don窶冲 mean that showing skin is bad. A miniskirt is always welcome, just that I don窶冲 think lowcut jeans showing a thong and a high cut t-shirt is that appealing (everybody else does from my friends though) And the place I have seen the best-dressed women in the world? Japan. Your probably thinking right now I must be about 50 years old, but I窶冦 22 and I窶况e realized this a few years ago.

Maybe it窶冱 an Ideal I have of Japanese women, from the time that I spent there that is perpetuating this. But I have reason to doubt that. Firstly is that I have spent a lot of time elsewhere in the world and have an amazing streak of being shot down in almost every continent (i'm just waiting till I get research job in Antartica and have some research assistant in a Parka walk away from me to complete the streak). Half of my blood is Austro-Czech (a very long genealogical story) and I窶况e spent significant time across Europe, and although European women are amazing as well, I just think that I will have a far easier chance of finding someone in Japan then I can than I can here or in europe. I think much as to do that I guess a japanese woman can connect with me better than anybody else could.

*rant mode off*

Anyways I know this has been a pretty personal post but its something I窶况e been contemplating the last few days. I thought it might be pertinent.

 

[Carolgirl00]

Well, I must say that was a very nice and informative post. You sure sound extremely different than most of the American men who favor j-women. You were very mature and honest throughout your whole rant! Most male gaijins who talk about j-women (the one's i've talked to, not all I'm SURE. to men who are reading this: you know whethor or not this applies to you! If it doesn't then please don't be offended because I am not talking to you guys.) are very insulting of j-men, women crazy (in a bad way -_- Look at ghettocities for go* sakes!! lol >.<), or too old/unattractive/whatever that the women don't like them in the US. <.< I always shake my head when I see a pretty j-girl with this ugly old gaijin. -_- As you can see, I've only had pretty much negative encounters with gaijins who love j-women.

But, hey, I just got off topic!! whoops- oh yah! Ok, just wanted to say that your post was really thoughtful and it helped shed a new light on gaijin men. I just hope more ppl were mature and sincere.

 

[kirei_na_me]

It was indeed an interesting post, and very different from the normal banter. I'm glad someone was finally honest and gave us a heartfelt post instead of just throwing around insults.

However, I think a lot of gaijin men go after Japanese women just because they know Japanese women are so crazy about them and that gives them confidence. They know they have a pretty good chance with the Japanese women, because those Japanese women think us gaijin are so kawaii. I think a lot of gaijin men are thinking that if they can't get any other woman, they can have a Japanese woman just for that reason.

I've known some that have had this attitude in the past. They couldn't get out there and find a woman from home for whatever reason, and then they kind of have that "Well, to hell with them! A Japanese girl would be crazy about me! Those Japanese girls are all crazy about gaijin!" Then they get a Japanese woman who thinks they are so cute and thinks they're such a novelty. Then that's when they start insulting the girls of their nationality. Since they were dissed by them for whatever reason, they have to then turn around and insult all of them.

There are lots of us Westerners who don't dress like Britney Spears and who do appreciate someone's intelligence and are very attracted by it and are even attracted to someone who's nerdy! Take me, for example. To me, intelligence and a sense of humor are the two qualities that are most desirable. I also love someone who is geeky, goofy(at times), silly, down-to-earth and at the same time, be extremely intelligent, responsible, affectionate(biggie), loyal, etc. etc. Not all of us are wanting a guy who has to be the life of the party, jockster, muscles rippling, popular, GQ. There are some of us(*cough*) that consider all of those things a huge turn-off.

Anyway, that was my rant. As I've stated before, it gets kind of tiring to hear people say they only want to date one nationality for whatever reason. I have more respect for noyhauser, though, because he actually gave reasons that one could kind of begin to understand and that one could relate to.

I guess in the end, it just boils down to individual preference. I just wish a lot of people would be more open-minded about this particular subject. You should just let things flow and not get hung up on dating someone just because they're of a particular background, nationality, race, whatever.

Equal opportunity dating, dang it!

Just kidding. I'm not that politically correct!

*Edit*--All of this aside, some people do not realize how difficult an intercultural marriage is. It might look really nice and cute from the outside, but sometimes--once on the inside--is where that old phrase, "the grass is always greener", might come into place. It is not always easy. It can be downright difficult sometimes.

 

[Fixxx0r]

I think some of you people are attacking Kat for what she has said and there is no reason to. people will like who they like and no one should judge them for it.

Sex ist ein Schlacht
Liebe ist Krieg

 

[neptunemoon]

Wow all this controversy going on here. But i will be brave and put up my post. Everything I read is interesing though I havent had a chance to read all of it yet since there are some long posts in here. I too am looking for a japanese male. Now I have yet to date one and I'm not dead set on only dating a japanese guy. I really cant say why I'm attracted to them but I guess it's from all the japanese soap operas I watch. They have alot of physical characteristics that I like but thats besides the point. I just think a japanese guy is someone I would have alot in common with cuz of anime and video games. Though now I have come across many non asians who are into those things and have dated them. But I'm very interested in the culture and would one day like to have a house there maybe to spend summers and whatnot. I have this idea in my head that they are more family oriented and very loving. Though anyone can be. It's just a dream I have and maybe it will come true.

 

[silver angel]

Very well said Neptunemoon. I can agree with you on that. And I went to that penpal link in the first page of this thread and I'm happy to say that I have a new friend in Tokyo named Hideaki! *jigs a wonderous jig* I think....hang on I'll get back to you on that...

 

[Carolgirl00]

Originally posted by kirei_na_me

Not all of us are wanting a guy who has to be the life of the party, jockster, muscles rippling, popular, GQ. There are some of us(*cough*) that consider all of those things a huge turn-off.

*coughs with her* >.> <.< Oh goodie- I thought I was the only one! XD

 

[Kat]

Originally posted by Carolgirl00
*coughs with her* >.> <.< Oh goodie- I thought I was the only one! XD

Yeah, same here.

I use to know a guy that was all those things and I got in arguments with him all the time. I had never been so annoyed by anyone in my life. I just can't stand guys like that. I'd never be able to marry someone like that for sure. I'd just be way too turned off.

By the way, I saw a white girl in my school with an asian guy in my school in the hall today when I walked by and they were making out. So there's a white female/asian male relationship right there I guess. I don't know if the guy is Japanese but he's definitly asian anyways. I just thought I might as well mention it. :/

But I've heard that traditional Japanese men in Japan don't show affection in public. If so that'd be one thing I wouldn't like because I'd like to hold hands while walking places and to cuddle on benches sometimes and kiss. I don't know if I'd make out though like that couple in my school, I don't know if I'm bold enough to do that. Maybe if no one else was really around.

 

[waverider]

"Sex ist eine Schlacht
Liebe ist Krieg"

Cool, I actually understood that. 8 years of German and I can still read it 5 years later! Yay for me!

I actually want a big, fat, sauerkraut on sausage, 140 oz beer-guzzling German woman! Oh, silly me, another stereotype.

I'm with kirei_na_me - like who you like and let if flow. Don't limit it to one race or culture. I find it ridiculous.

**This is no judgement on anyone. Just my opinion

 

[Swifty]

Noyhauser

I'm with you on this one ^_^
Dress nice and dont act like (excuse this) a ditz
cause that is how alot of the woman around here act
I have been with quiet a few woman here and all of which have been
pretty classy girls

but it's something about them that for me and I'm sure alot of other guys like Noyhauser just doesnt click right.

I meet a J-girl the other day

and altho my japanese is horid
she was one of the nicest girls I have ever meet and hope I meet her again someday

but then I meet her friend, and wow was she the total opposite
so that opened my eyes to how people can be totaly different

but did she like me cause I am some jock of all jocks, no
(but by no means am I am 40 year old fat guy , 19 and LOVING IT!!)

I respected her and tried to get to know her and did ^_^
we have been talking about how j-girls always chase around gaijins
just because they are gaijin

but again not all j-girls are like that either

so by trying to put down one stereo type we raised another
(not starting another argument, just stateing the truth)

It's all about connecting with people on a certain level
I find I connect better with j-girls thus that is why I like them more

I dont know that was kind of a rant to
but hope i helped ^_^

 

[neptunemoon]

Originally posted by silver angel
Very well said Neptunemoon. I can agree with you on that. And I went to that penpal link in the first page of this thread and I'm happy to say that I have a new friend in Tokyo named Hideaki! *jigs a wonderous jig* I think....hang on I'll get back to you on that...

I'm gonna have to check that pen pal site out.

All I have read so far is about gaijins getting with j-pple. What about spanish pple. I find that hard for me cuz alot of asian guys arent exactly looking for a spanish girl. Although in my famaily my italian puerto rican cousin married a j- female.
Now they live in texas and I miss them. Kids from a puerto rican and japanese come out really beautiful and have nice hair from a few people I have seen, There may be hope for this spanish girl yet.

 

[budd]

edit: quotation marks

"What about spanish pple."
there was a family like that in front of me at the delta ticket counter
dude was so cool -- he was like "go on ahead, we have so much luggage..."
i was so impressed at his good english and manners, i declined
but boy did i regret it they did have a LOT of luggage
an interesting experience

 

[kirei_na_me]

Originally posted by Kat
But I've heard that traditional Japanese men in Japan don't show affection in public. If so that'd be one thing I wouldn't like because I'd like to hold hands while walking places and to cuddle on benches sometimes and kiss. I don't know if I'd make out though like that couple in my school, I don't know if I'm bold enough to do that. Maybe if no one else was really around.

Yeah, I would say as a general rule, they don't show affection in public in Japan. When my husband and I started dating, he told me he really liked that he felt more free to hold hands, put his arm around me, kiss me on the cheek, in public here.

As a general rule, I don't think a lot of Japanese are big on showing affection, though. Especially after marriage and even more so after having children. I'm talking men and women alike. This has been a constant struggle for me the whole time I've been married. Trying to adjust to his way of showing affection. They seem to think that staying loyal to one another, providing for your family, taking care of kids, shows enough affection. Those things are important, but for some of us, we also like the touchy, feely kind. One of my Japanese girlfriends would hardly let her husband come near her after she had their baby. She even slept in a completely different room on the other side of the house, which is quite common for them to do after having a child/children.

 

[Swifty]

Now that is somthing I didnt know....

Is that only if it a J-girl J-guy relation ship?

or is it all around?

cause that is somthing I was un aware of

and I really dont think I could deal with that..

it's like"how bout I meet you for lunch around 2 and I will stay on the other side of the house till then "

please offer some comfort over here

 

[kirei_na_me]

No, this was not a J-girl/J-guy relationship. I think the J-guy/J-girl relationships would be worse(at least, as we see it).

But notice I said "as a general rule". It depends on the person. They are about affection the same as they are about the lovey dovey words. A lot of showing of affection can be perceived by them as fake and phony, just like saying "I love you" every breath.

 

[silver angel]

Originally posted by neptunemoon
I'm gonna have to check that pen pal site out.

All I have read so far is about gaijins getting with j-pple. What about spanish pple. I find that hard for me cuz alot of asian guys arent exactly looking for a spanish girl. Although in my famaily my italian puerto rican cousin married a j- female.
Now they live in texas and I miss them. Kids from a puerto rican and japanese come out really beautiful and have nice hair from a few people I have seen, There may be hope for this spanish girl yet.

I'm spanish! And I gots a japanese penfriend! Male too! XD

 

[Kat]

Originally posted by kirei_na_me
Yeah, I would say as a general rule, they don't show affection in public in Japan. When my husband and I started dating, he told me he really liked that he felt more free to hold hands, put his arm around me, kiss me on the cheek, in public here.

As a general rule, I don't think a lot of Japanese are big on showing affection, though. Especially after marriage and even more so after having children. I'm talking men and women alike. This has been a constant struggle for me the whole time I've been married. Trying to adjust to his way of showing affection. They seem to think that staying loyal to one another, providing for your family, taking care of kids, shows enough affection. Those things are important, but for some of us, we also like the touchy, feely kind. One of my Japanese girlfriends would hardly let her husband come near her after she had their baby. She even slept in a completely different room on the other side of the house, which is quite common for them to do after having a child/children.

Well honestly if I was with a Japanese guy and he didn't show much physical affection I don't think I could deal with it. I'd be going crazy for him to hold me close at night and stuff like that. I wouldn't like it if he always spaced himself out far away from me on the bed.

I'm not affectionate with a lot of people myself but when it comes to someone I'm really attracted to I'll practically die to touch them. I'd need it to be fully happy in the relationship.

A male Japanese friend I have though told me that he would cuddle me lots and stuff if he was with me. So I don't know. And there was another girl at a different messageboard I go to who's married to a Japanese guy and she says that they always hold hands and stuff.

So I don't really know. I guess some Japanese would be distant and not really affectionate where as others might actually show affection. Especially if they're with someone who isn't Japanese. Then they might feel more obligated to be affectionate....but I guess it depends on the person.

It seems though that 'most' Japanese aren't too affectionate or not in the touchy feely way at least. And honestly I wouldn't like that.

I do understand that saying "I love you." and stuff like that practically all the time though does seem kind of fake. I wouldn't say I love you to my partner everytime he walks in the door or anything. I'd only say it at intimate times while cuddling, etc.

Anyway, this might be too personal a question to ask, I don't know, but are Japanese guys even physically affectionate during sex? I am just curious if anyone can answer my question. If it's too personal though you don't have to, but I'm not asking for details here. I'm just wondering if they kiss during sex and snuggle close or show any kind of loving emotion really....

Thanks if anyone can answer me.

 

[budd]

 

[Carolgirl00]

Originally posted by neptunemoon
I'm gonna have to check that pen pal site out.

All I have read so far is about gaijins getting with j-pple. What about spanish pple. I find that hard for me cuz alot of asian guys arent exactly looking for a spanish girl. Although in my famaily my italian puerto rican cousin married a j- female.
Now they live in texas and I miss them. Kids from a puerto rican and japanese come out really beautiful and have nice hair from a few people I have seen, There may be hope for this spanish girl yet.

Um, well I'm asian + latin american. Not Japanese + Spanish, but Chinese + Mexican. I've actually found a couple Japanese that really like latinos and their culture. Did you know that flamenco + tango are quite popular in Japan? Whenever I hear ties of the asians + latin americans it makes me feel really good!