Offensive Joke, Beware

[mad pierrot]

Damn golgo, good stuff.

Ok,

A Catholic priest, a Protestant Minister and a Rabbi are all on vacation on the Titanic. The boat hits the iceberg and starts to sink. The Protestant Minister gets up on a table and shouts, "We must save the women and the children!!!" The Rabbi runs for a boat and yells, "**** the women and the children!" The Catholic priest, however, looks confused. So he turns to the minister and asks, "Do we really have time for that?"

 

[Golgo_13]

American Indian Birth Names

This Indian boy goes to his father one day with a puzzled look on his face.

BOY: "Say, dad, why is my bigger brother named "Mighty Storm"?

DAD: "Because he was conceived during a mighty storm."

BOY: "Why is my sister named 'Cornflower'"?

DAD: "Well, your mom and I were in a cornfield, when we made her."

BOY: "And why is my other sister called "Moonchild"?

DAD: "We were watching the moon landing while she was conceived."

BOY: "Okay dad, I get it now."

DAD: "Do you have any other questions, Broken Rubber?"

 

[Maciamo]

DAD: "Do you have any other questions, Broken Rubber?"

That one doesn't work with non-Americans, as a rubber just means an eraser in British English.

 

[Kama]

Hehe... In Polish this works. "Guma" means of course rubber, bubblegum, and some other things. "Gumka" (dimmunitive) means eraser, and rubber.

it was real dialogue:

a boy went with a girl to a separate room. after a while he came back and asks:
- does anybody have "guma"? [forget the inflection of polish word]
- I don't have "guma" but I have tic tacs.

 

[kirei_na_me]

That one doesn't work with non-Americans, as a rubber just means an eraser in British English.

True, Maciamo!

Anyway, thought that was a funny image...*ahem*

 

[Gaki]

That one doesn't work with non-Americans, as a rubber just means an eraser in British English.

I'm British and i understood

I think some people here call it a "Rubber Johnny", dunno why tho

 

[Golgo_13]

What do you call someone who is half black and half Oriental?

A guy with an average-size penis.

 

[Golgo_13]

Okay, we need new jokes, don't we?

Q: Why aren't Hindu and Chinese people allowed to play hockey?
A: Because everytime they go into the corner they open up a convienent
store.


Q: What do you call a bunch of white men with clubs chasing a young black man in the countryside?
A: PGA

:sorry: :sorry: :sorry:

 

[jet_dee]

A Red-Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face.

BOY: "Say, dad, why is my older brother named "Mighty Storm"?

DAD: "Because he was conceived during a mighty storm."

BOY: "Ah ok, so why is my sister named 'Cornflower'"?

DAD: "Well, your mom and I were in a cornfield, when we made her."

BOY: "And why is my other sister called "Moonchild"?

DAD: "We were watching the moon landing while she was conceived."

DAD: "Why so many questions, Torn Johnny?"

Hey, fixed it to how it appeared in FHM UK magazine, hope you don't mind me doing so.

 

[Golgo_13]

What's the difference between an American and a Brit?

An American thinks 100 years is a long time. A Brit thinks 100 miles is a long way.

You'll never catch an American male uttering "Oh, dear!"

 

[Golgo_13]

After the baby was born, the panicked Japanese father went to see the obstetrician.
"Doctor," he said, "I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset because my daughter has red hair. She can't possibly be mine."
"Nonsense," the doctor said. "Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool."
"It isn't possible," the man insisted. "We're pure Oriental."
"Well," said the doctor, "let me ask you this. How often do you have sex?"
The man seemed ashamed. "I've been working very hard for the past year. We only made love once or twice a month."
"There you have it!" the doctor said confidently. "It's just rust."
-----------------------------------

What's a Jewish dilemma?

Pork Chops at half price

----------------------------------
There are three Jewish mothers bragging about their sons. The first one says, "My son is very successful. He is the best lawyer in New York City."
The second one says, "My son has done better than that. He is the best Doctor in New York City."
The third one says, "My son has not done that well. He does not have a very good job, and he is homosexual. But he has these two great boyfriends... One is the best lawyer in New York City, and the other is the best doctor in the city."
-------------------------------------

Q: How do you know when Orientals are moving into your neighborhood?
A: When the Mexicans start getting car insurance.

 

[silver angel]

I'm loving the mexican one

 

[mad pierrot]

"Q: How do you know when Orientals are moving into your neighborhood?
A: When the Mexicans start getting car insurance."

Ha ha, everyone in L.A. should be laughing at that one.

 

[Eternal Wind]

Hahaha!
Indeed indeed!
nice one

 

[Golgo_13]

What happened at the wedding where the bride was already pregnant?

They threw puffed rice.

What happened at the wedding where the bride and groom were both fat?

They threw rice pudding

 

[Golgo_13]

What do they call a "Toys 'R' Us" in a black neighborhood?

"We be Toys & Sh!t"

 

[Golgo_13]

How did the Polish guy break his legs while raking the leaves?

He fell out of the tree.

 

[Golgo_13]

Have you heard of the two gay Irish guys?


Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick

 

[Golgo_13]

Why did the Japanese Kamikaze pilot fly back to the base?

He forgot his helmet.

 

[Golgo_13]

Through a childs eyes

Through a childs eyes

A father watched his daughter playing in the garden.He smiled as he reflected
on how sweet and innocent his little girl was.

Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground.

He went over to her and noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.

"They're mating," her father replied.

"What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked.

"That's a Daddy Longlegs." Her father answered.

"So, the other one is Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked.

"No," her father replied. "Both of them are Daddy Longlegs."

The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat. "Well, that might be OK in California, Oregon, and Massachusetts, but we're not having any of that **** here in Texas!"

 

[Golgo_13]

Okay this isn't too offensive, but . . .

What's the difference between U.S. Gov't Savings Bonds and men?

Bonds eventually mature.

 

[Golgo_13]

More Lawyer Jokes

How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?
She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.

How does an attorney sleep?
First he lies on one side, and then he lies on the other.

How many lawyer jokes are there?
Only One. The rest are true stories.

What did the lawyer name his daughter?
Sue.

What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
Senator.

What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50 ?
Your honor.

What do you get if you cross a crooked lawyer with a crooked politician?
Chelsea Clinton.

 

[Maciamo]

Categories - All 4
Not really a joke, but pretty funny.
What % are you?

Got 36%. Not too straight, but definetely not gay.

 

[Maciamo]

What's the difference between an American and a Brit?
You'll never catch an American male uttering "Oh, dear!"

What about "Lovely !" or "How gorgeous !"

An American thinks 100 years is a long time. A Brit thinks 100 miles is a long way.

Not a joke, just a fact. And you can replace British by any European nationality.

 

[Golgo_13]

More Wedding Jokes

What happened at the wedding where the bride and groom were both schizophrenic?
They threw wild rice

What happened at the wedding where the bride and groom were both pastry chefs?
They threw rice cakes

What happened at the wedding where the bride and groom were both Japanese and not feeling very well?
They threw up rice.

What happened at the wedding where both the bride and groom were hispanic?
They threw rice and beans

What happened at the wedding where the bride and groom were both rednecks?
They threw rice crackers

What happened at the wedding that took place at a Las Vegas drive-thru chapel?
They threw Minute Rice.