LAME joke

The New Prince

Long ago in the shadow of Mount Fuji the Emperor was ready to set aside his heavy and eternal responsibilities and pass onto the next level of existance.
He summoned his 3 sons to meet the Old Court Counselor in a test.
The boys came to the meeting place. All the court fell silent as the oldest son ( a big strong young man) watched the old court counselor open an antique pearl box. A small black fly flew out of the box. The son sliced with his katana and the fly fell to the ground. Everyone nodded in approval.
As was his right the second Prince, who had been practicing night and day the ancient ways had his chance. The fly fell in many small pieces. This was to be the next emperor...but that the youngest son...a small boy who had only studied the scrolls and tried to live in harmony...in Shibumi it was his chance. The Old Court Counselor opened the third box, a fly flew out and...in the hush and stillness of the moment...the small boy sliced and ...the fly kept on! The old man caught the fly. Everyone fell silent. The boy said...Ah! But it will not reproduce.He was in the moment.
 
why do bees always hum????





because they can never remember the words.

Okay, that one was EXCEPTIONALLY lame!!!
 
What has four wheels and flies?


A garbage truck!
 
A man walks into a bar with a duck under his arm.
The bartender asks: "Hey, where did you find the pig?"
"It's not a pig, it's a duck," the man answers.
To which the barman replies: "I was talking to the duck."
 
*heard this on the radio tonight*

A guy went to his doctor to inquire about his wife's condition.

Man: "Doc, I'm concerned, My wife just lies around all day eating yeast and car wax!"

Doctor: "I see, I wouldn't worry, she should be fine."

Man: "Are you sure?"

Doctor: "Yes, I predict that she will rise and shine any day now!"
😊 😊 😊 :p 🙂 😌 👍 😌
 
Redneck Medical Terms:

Benign......................What you be after you be eight.
Bacteria....................Back door to cafeteria.
Barium.....................What you do with dead folks.
Cesarean Section......A neighborhood in Rome.
Catscan...................Searching for the cat.
Cauterize.................Made eye contact with her.
Colic........................A sheep dog.
Coma......................A punctuation mark.
D&C........................Where Washington is.
Dilate......................To live longer than your kids do.
 
When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts", and you put your
two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
 
this is strange o.O

"Two tomatoes was out on a flying tour. Then a goat appeared."

My teacher aughed at that a long time :o But it sounds better in swdeish -.-'
 
I just heard this one on the local sports talk radio station Thursday morning:

Q: What did Captain Hook die from?

A: Jock itch!

Feel free to laugh! :D
 
FoodFIghtgif-1.webp
 
gnx said:
Long ago in the shadow of Mount Fuji the Emperor was ready to set aside his heavy and eternal responsibilities and pass onto the next level of existance.
He summoned his 3 sons to meet the Old Court Counselor in a test.
The boys came to the meeting place. All the court fell silent as the oldest son ( a big strong young man) watched the old court counselor open an antique pearl box. A small black fly flew out of the box. The son sliced with his katana and the fly fell to the ground. Everyone nodded in approval.
As was his right the second Prince, who had been practicing night and day the ancient ways had his chance. The fly fell in many small pieces. This was to be the next emperor...but that the youngest son...a small boy who had only studied the scrolls and tried to live in harmony...in Shibumi it was his chance. The Old Court Counselor opened the third box, a fly flew out and...in the hush and stillness of the moment...the small boy sliced and ...the fly kept on! The old man caught the fly. Everyone fell silent. The boy said...Ah! But it will not reproduce.He was in the moment.
Click to expand...

That's actually a (very odd) variation of a joke I heard once...

...the differance was the Emperor was looking for the world's greatest swordsman to train his son.

There were three swordsman considered to be the best in the world: One Japanese, one Chinese, and one Jewish.

They were called before the emperor, who asked them to demonstrate their skill.

The Japanese swordsman drew his blade and slashed through the air, followed by a great gust of wind--and a fly fell to the ground in two pieces.

Next, it was the Chinese swordsman's turn. He drew his sword and slashed through the air, creating an even bigger gust of wind, and a fly fell to the ground in four pieces.

Finally, it was the Jewish swordsman's turn.

He drew his sword and slashed through the air, creating a tremendous gust of wind...

...but the fly remained, buzzing around in erratic circles.

Seing this, the Emperor said: "Is that the best you could do? You didn't even kill the fly!"

Unfazed, the Jewish swordsman sheathed his sword and replied:

"Who said anything about killing? Killing is easy. Circumcision, now that's hard." :D
 
Ok, I got one that I made up this weekend in belated honor of Talk Like A Pirate Day. Don't know how pirate humor might differ around the world, but here goes:
What does a japanese pirate do for money while he's in college?

ARRR-rubaito o shimasu! :D​
 
Here's a goofy joke a co-worker emailed me yesterday:

Football for Blonde Chics

Football FINALLY makes sense..........

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had
great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked
her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and
all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were
killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the
game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the
quarterback!' I'm like... Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!"
 
Flashjeff said:
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the
game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the
quarterback!' I'm like... Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!"
Click to expand...
:D This one actually made me laugh out loud!! 👍
 
lame

Remember...you brought this on yourself :)
Two hot dogs are sitting underneath a heat lamp. The first hot dog slowly sits up and says, 'Boy! Is it hot in here or what?' The second hot dog leaps up, looks around and exclaims, 'HOLY BLEEDING MACKEREL! A FRICKIN' TALKING HOT DOG!!!'
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Pick-Up Lines Have Met Their Match!

A penpal sent me these. Guys, don't even try using these corny lines with the ladies!
:D

Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."

Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

Man: "So, wanna go back to my place ?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."
Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."

Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."

Man: "What sign were you born under?"
Woman: "No Parking."

Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman: "Do not Enter"

Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized"

Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason"
Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"

Man: "I'm here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy."
Woman: "You mean you've got both a donkey and a Great Dane?"

Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man: "I can tell that you want me."
Woman: "You're so right. I want you to leave."

Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy
Woman: "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd die laughing."

Man: "Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?"
Woman: "Sorry, I don't date outside my species..."

Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."

Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."

Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you."
Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?
 
A grasshopper walks into a bar,
the bartender says, 'ya know we got a drink named after you'.
grasshopper says, 'really? you got a drink named steve?'


(you need to know there is an alcoholic ice cream drink
called a 'grasshopper'. i've told this joke before and someone
didn't know of this so they didn't get it)
 
funny

I laughed pretty good, been awhile and I had to catch up on the Lame jokes.
I do believe the 25 cents was my favorite.

I have two to add.

A Halloween joke I heard:

Why didn't the ghost have any little ghosts of his own?

Cause he had a hollow wiener (hallow-weener)



While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends late one night, the drunk led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong.

"What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked. "Why, that's the talking clock" the man replied. "How does it work?" "Watch", the man said, giving it an ear-shattering pound with a hammer.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "For f*** sake, you wanker, it's 2am in the f***ing morning!!"
 
I just heard this joke on the radio yesterday:

Q: If a woman with big breasts works at Hooters, where does a woman with one leg work?

A: IHOP.

Feel free to roll your eyes and cringe!

:D :D :D :D :D
 
It's not really a joke, but the title of this thread reminds me what I've seen before.

When I was showing around a couple from England in Ueno, Tokyo.
There's a big shopping area called Ame-yoko, where I spotted a shop selling a Burberry scarf.
It was so cheap, I wondered if it is really an original.
A hand-written label was attached to the plastic back of the scarf.
It said: LAME WOOL 100%
 
Cycling is healthy! Eat more Bicycle!

What do you get when you cross a French woman with a Greek man?
a Freek (Freak when pronounced ;) )

What do you get when you cross an Iceland woman with a Cuban man?
an Ice Cube

What do you get when you cross a toad with a saxophone?
a Frog-horn!

I loved the "a seal ran into a club" :D freaking hilarious!
 

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