If You're Desperate for Love, Stay at Home!

[MajideSaiaku]

For me, its just that theres nobody else for me.

Yeah i know blah blah blah soulmates dont exist, plenty of fish in the sea.

But, when you meet the one person who you should be with you just feel it, it isnt a happy or lustful feeling, its just a feeling without emotion, its the most inner un-expressed feeling, it has no real observable symptom, it make my gut twist or my head feel foggy or in anyway effect me inside.

Its just there.


If my girlfriend, the one person for me, was destined to be a white american girl from texas, then i would be content going to texas this christmas instead of japan.


Up close, a japanese girl is just a girl, a japanese woman is just a woman, their not sex goddesses, they arent the perfect wife material (oooh i know) but my one is the most special girl in the world, and only she gets to see the completely real un-restrained me.

As for there being something about japanese girls, i think the thing is actually about japan as a whole, its no secret it has its own thing about it.

 

[godppgo]

I think there's certain things about Japanese women that stands out from the rest of asian female. Maybe it's their giggle, manner, sweet-ness(not sure if there's such a word), hair.. just to name a few. Oh, and believe me, it's not just some of the western gaijin that are into Japanese girl, many asian male find Japanese women very attractive and view them as model wife (may sound sexist but older generation of asian male do have that mindset).

 

[MajideSaiaku]

The term you want is Genki, and though its japanese, it isnt really widelyspread, i only really see it on TV here.

Japanese women arent model wives, they are infact pains in the ***, there might be perfect little 50's housewives japanese girls out there but just as unlikely as the actual idea 50's women were anything like how they were portrayed on tv.

The painful fact is that japanese women are just like western women, and you will have to bang heads just like you would living with a woman in your own country.

Suffice to say theres no such thing as a perfect woman, neither countries that have perfect women, they are individuals.

Your best chance is just to keep looking until a suitable lady comes along, going to Japan is really just an expensive time consuming hard lesson teaching you what me and others have already said, Japan isnt the paradise for lonely hearts its made out to be. at all. Period.

Hope i didnt burst any bubbles .

 

[kirei_na_me]

Wow, seems your tone has changed somewhat, nurizeko?

Great post.

 

[MajideSaiaku]

Quite possibly, i still love my lady and japan is great from the visitting point of view, but it has taught me what ive already shared, Japan is a great country but it sure isnt paradise.

 

[Elizabeth]

The painful fact is that japanese women are just like western women, and you will have to bang heads just like you would living with a woman in your own country.

The saddest part of it all would be any Western man out there still yearning for that 50's model humbly submissive model housewife as an alternative to a truly companionate and enlivening life partnership. I am not a great one to speak though since the minute my Japanese boyfriend started respecting me intellectually the kid gloves were totally off and I was viewed as someone that could take his 'true' self, moodiness and all, as much as the guys. And hey in a way it is easier for me to know exactly where I stand as well....just less romantic and more like a long-term relationship would be anywhere else.

 

[MajideSaiaku]

I wouldnt trade all the fights and moods with my woman for the most 50 style perfect wife out there.

I feel more alive having a fight with my woman and then making up, then with the most polite and un-ffensive lady out there.

You know its special when the fights dont seem to drain your soul but enrich it as much as any other momment of the relationship.


Anyway the lesson behind THIS response to everyone else but Liz, is that if your going to japan to find a stepford wife, you aint going to find it, who-ever you date, and fall in love with, your going to have fights, so you might aswell try and save yourself the trouble and look at home first.

And if the idea of a fight puts you off of "loving" that woman, it was never really love in the first place was it?.

 

[mahmood cheema]

Love

Love, love, love, all we need is love. Staying home doesn't help. Stepping out definitely will help. Sooner or later some one will come along. Luck will shine on all of us.

 

[MajideSaiaku]

If only the world was that perfect.

It isnt.

IT ISNT.

Stay at home folks, meet a nice local gal, have little local babies, and get on with your lives.

International relationships are for us lost and damned souls who have the blessing and the curse of falling in lvoe with a foreigner.

No matter how hard it gets, we never save ourselves, our love traps us, and yet we go on willingly into the line of fire, willingly we jump the cliffs of dispair into the flaming abyss of hrdship and struggle.

We cross continents, time, cultural and language barriers just for the prospect of a snigle kiss or a hug from that special person.

Save yourself the pain and hardship, stay at home, look around you, and relise theres a good lady for you right under your nose, of course if your destined for international love, it will happen with or without you looking for it, ussually without you looking for it.

 

[Carlson]

lol my plan for going to japan and meeting a japanese woman worked. but im not picky... any girl will do.

it only took me 6 months of looking before i found her. now that im not looking and have one i seem to meet all kinds of women.

i think women can tell if your looking rather then taken... lol

 

[MajideSaiaku]

Its annoying, women wouldnt give me a second glance (at least now i know, they wouldnt do anythnig about it) when i was single, now im taken girls want some and they cant have it.

Where were you when i was single and needed some lovin'?

 

[Rich303]

Its annoying, women wouldnt give me a second glance (at least now i know, they wouldnt do anythnig about it) when i was single, now im taken girls want some and they cant have it.
Where were you when i was single and needed some lovin'?

Yes, this is one of life's more infuriating aspects.
I remember a song called;

''Funny how the girls you fancy never fancy you, funny how the ones you don't, do''

It's a bit of a mouthful, and didn't make for a very catchy chorus, but it is often very true. It can feel like the more you want something, the more it will elude you. When you really fancy someone and you don't know them very well it can make you nervous, and your true personality does not come across. Also, something I'm slowly learning is that a sprinkling of 'treat them mean, keep them keen' is probably advisable after all.

I think a lot of women have a sixth sense about men and can spot the desparation of someone who has been single for a long time. A man in a relationship (or married!) exudes a self-confidence that I guess is more attractive to women.

 

[Kinsao]

Like British public transport..... wait for ages and nothing, then three (or more!) turn up at once.

I agree with Rich about the confidence thing, though. I guess if you are in a happy relationship, you feel confident about things, that you look good, or are attractive, or whatever, and that conveys itself to other people and makes you more attractive.

 

[Thunderthief]

I think the whole love and dating system is over rated its much less of a headache just to pay when you feel intimate urges.

 

[Rich303]

I think the whole love and dating system is over rated its much less of a headache just to pay when you feel intimate urges.

Am I right in assuming you mean prostitutes?

I don't know why, but I don't think I could pay for it, but each to their own.
Me and my friends were talking about this subject on saturday night and my friend objects for the same reason;

It's not just a mechanical act to me. I need to know a woman is attracted to me if I am going to do the deed. To me, going to a prostitute is like 'admitting defeat'' - like no woman fancies me so I have to pay someone. No thanks.
My male pride could not take it! I know people who have done it, but it's not for me.

 

[Pachipro]

Good point Rich. Could not have said it better. Never paid for it. Not true. I did once in Japan, and it lasted a while, but that's for another time. Never will again though. I need to know they are into it as much as I.

I learned that by "using the hand" saves much money and trouble. It especially pays dividends before a date as your mind is off the subject for a while.

 

[lastmagi]

I agree with Rich. I can't possibly think of paying for it. The whole idea disgusts me. Not only that, I want my partner to be able to honestly enjoy herself, too.

 

[Uchite]

Very interesting discussion!
I have had mixed experiences with women in Japan. Mostly good however!
Well, there are tons of them first of all! I mean, I can't go out in Tokyo without seeing so many gorgeous ones, that I can't keep track! But it is inside them is what counts the most. Not what is on the outside (although that certainly is important too! )
I have found (in general) however, that most Japanese women in Japan are much more approachable than in the U.S. or Europe. I think a lot of it is picking the right ones to approach, how you approach them and most of all your attitude.
But I think that more and more the influence from the West is creeping in in Japan, unfortunately. There is too much emphasis on being hip, fashionable, looking chic, and all the rest of it. And don't forget that cell phone! And trying to act Western! And what goes with all that is attitude, which is one of the reasons I find there is so much trouble in the West in relationships and even starting one!
Also, a lot of things that are quite normal in the West are not usually done in Japan, which confuses a lot of Westerners. Holding hands in public or walking with your arms around each other (especially with a Gaijin!), kissing goodnight on the first date, picking up the girl at her house and meeting her parents (though these are all becoming more and more common in Japan) and a few other things.
These differences can cause difficulties. If a Japanese girl is not used to these "approaches" by her Western date (which he will inevitably do unless he knows better), it can really through her for a loop or downright freak her out! Thus, it can be difficult to get a second date and beyond. The opposite is also true. There are Japanese girls that are up for anything even if you barely know them, but you may not want to really know them for more than one night or so!
What I think also makes it difficult for Westerners in Japan is the unfortunate bad reputation much (NOT ALL!) of the some of the U.S. Military stationed there (especially on Okinawa ). Parents tell their kids to "watch out" for them and in many cases they are right. The crude and violent behavior as seen in over the years has caused a "caution" sign for many Japanese women about Western men, even if those guys are not Military, and even if they are, are good and sincere people.

 

[Pachipro]

Very well said Uchite. You do know Japan and the Japanese quite well. Good post.

 

[Uchite]

Very well said Uchite. You do know Japan and the Japanese quite well. Good post.

Thanks Pachipro. :beer1:
I would like to share a story about "the one that got away".
In December 1999, I was in Ebisu going down an escalator in a very big department store (the name escapes me, but I am sure you know it as it is very famous in Japan and there are tons of them!).
And who do I see going up the escalator on the other side, but who had to be the most beautiful girl I think I ever saw in Japan. She looked so pure, so clean and so easy to approach. But I was on the other side and going the other way and it was packed!
I was not letting this stop me, so the second I got to the bottom, I went back up and moved as quickly as possible and could not believe it when I saw her walking rather slowly in the mall; for I thought she would have been long gone by now. I immediately approached her and calmly asked her in Japanese if she could help me. I was astounded and shocked when she also spoke perfect English! I showed her the music magazine I had just bought earlier that day and asked her about some of the music schools listed and what the ads said as I could not read Japanese. She very kindly and patiently told me where they all were, what the ads said about the schools, etc. Meanwhile, my heart was racing because I could not believe this! I told her a little about myself and she listened with interest. I learned that she had lived in Australia and that is where she learned English so well.
As the over 15 minute conversation went on, I knew I had to do something. I simply asked her if she would like to meet me and get together sometime. She asked, "when?" I said, "anytime you want". I then said, "what about tonight?" She said, "that would be fine. Where?" I said, "what about at Shinjuku?" To make sure we met at the right place, we agreed to meet at the West exit, as Shinjuku station is so gigantic! She even gave me her phone number, so I was pretty convinced this was the real deal. We agreed to meet at 8:00. I had to go somewhere before that, but I would be there no matter what!
Upon leaving the train at Shinjuku at 1945 Hours (7:45 P.M.) and walking towards the West exit, who is the first person I see simply standing there looking for me and waiting patiently is "the one that got away". Again, I could not believe this! I knew all about being stood up, and jerked around not only in Japan but in other places and I was wondering up until the last minute is this would not be the case again. It certainly was not!
I said I was sorry to keep her waiting and she told me she did not mind waiting at all and wanted to be sure she was there when I got there and that I did not miss her or get lost. WHAT?????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She asked what I wanted to do, and if I told her exactly what I was thinking it may have scared her away. She asked if I was hungry and indeed I was. So she suggested a nearby restaurant that we went to. We drank :beer1: a few cold ones, but not too many and I actually ate more than she did. We talked a lot and got fairly aquainted and learned a little more about each other. :romance: She was a smoker and even though I am not, it did not bother me in the least for some reason. When the check came, I tried to pay. She would not let me! She told me that I am a guest in Japan and this was her treat. Again, I thought, "WHAT?????!!!!!" I offered again to pay, but she would not have it. I said, "okay, next time."
We left and walked a little around Shinjuku and I found out she lived in Shinjuku. I immediately offered to walk her home. She said, "no it's okay" and I offered again, but she repeated what she said and said she had to work tomorrow, so I did not push. "Next time for sure", I thought.
Luckily, I was thinking quickly for once, was prepared and got a picture of her!
I called her the next day and we spoke briefly. I wanted to see her again. And again and again. I called her a few more times (though not being a pest), but either she did not answer, or we could not get together as much as I tried. Maybe I pushed too much. But I don't think so. And I got the feeling she was not putting me off. Her reasons seemed perfectly honest, though maybe they were not completely and maybe she was trying to let me down easy.
Not too shortly thereafter, I had to leave Japan in the beginning of 2000. I do remember calling her and speaking with her one last time and saying I would definitely be in touch. I had her name, phone number and email address. I never had any contact with her since.
I tried and tried after I got back to the U.S. Her phone number was not working, and email address not valid anymore (even though it was not being returned at first; though I don't know if it was being read).
I still can't believe it all these years later! Was it only meant to be for that night and moment in time? Was this an "Angel" (Guardian or otherwise there to be with me and keep me from doing other things or going places that I maybe should not, or to just keep me company)? Was this the girl Deep Purple wrote the song "Woman From Tokyo" about? :music2:
Whoever she was, I think of her as "the one that got away"!
I am okay with it though. But who knows how things would have turned out?
But I will never forget her! :romance: And can only say to her, "domo arigato gozaimaisu!"

 

[Rich303]

What a beautiful story!
Very touching. One precious night that can never be repeated - well done!

I still can't believe it all these years later! Was it only meant to be for that night and moment in time? Was this an "Angel" (Guardian or otherwise there to be with me and keep me from doing other things or going places that I maybe should not, or to just keep me company)?

This bit reminds me of an idea I had for a sci-fi love story about destiny.
Maybe I should try to finish it.

 

[Pachipro]

I agree with Rich. That is a touching story and well told. I really feel for you. Have you tried doing a people search for her on the internet? Maybe she is still using the same name but at a different e-mail address.

Maybe it was just a case of "two ships passing in the night" where you would never see each other again. Hard to say. But then maybe it worked out for the best as you had to leave Japan anyway. Did you mention that to her during your date? It could be why she didn't answer the phone and never got in touch with you as she might've been afraid of falling for you. Just speculating here.

Anyway, thanks for sharing that.

 

[ArmandV]

Great story! At least you acted on it. How many times have we spotted a beautiful woman and did nothing only to have the "inaction" haunt us the rest of our lives?

 

[MajideSaiaku]

Great story, but dont give the greenhorns any idea's! our stories are for those of us already entangled in J-love or living/regularily visitting Japan.

This is of little use to the lonely blokes and kids who view Japan as the promised land where even the ugliest foreigner can get laid/a perfect little girlfriend.

You most certainly cant.

My girlfriend dislikes nature and green spaces, she hates car journeys, she gets stressed out for nearly being late (what do you expect if you dont leave the house until 7- minutes until the train arrives/leaves?) and she can nag like any woman. I lub her but she is definately a woman, and not a nice little angel as Japanese women used to be portrayed.

Everyone married to a japanese person here can testify that their japanese partner is far from perfect like some would like to think, it is indeed, as its always been, a normal country with its blessings and its flaws like everywhere else.

Going abroad to pick up a girl is also called "sex-tourism" and its frowned upon, at least where im from.

 

[Mitsuo]

It sucks here in Utah. Just about every girl here is Mormon. So they only date within their own religion. Every once in a while I will find a great non-mormon girl to go out with, and do whatever. The way I know when they're mormon is when I start talking to them and they automatically ask where I served my mission. They are interested until I say I'm not LDS. It's ok though. As long as they don't try to convert me. lol

It really depends on the area though. Salt Lake City seems to lack Mormons. So I have great success when I'm prowling the city of Salt Lake. They don't even know what hit them, but when they find out, I get sued for a hit and run. lol