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Top 10 Goofy Things About Star Trek

Satori

先輩
27 Aug 2003
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Top 10 Goofy things about Star Trek

10. Noisy doors
You can't walk three feet in a starship without some door whooshing or screeching at you. My office building has automatic sliding doors. They're dead silent. If those doors went "wheet!" every time a person walked through them, about once a month some guy in accounting would snap and go on a shooting rampage. Sorry Scotty, the IEEE has revoked your membership until you learn to master WD-40.

9. The Federation
This organization creeps me out. A planet-wide government that runs everything, and that has abolished money. A veritable planetary DMV. Oh sure, it looks like a cool place when you're rocketing around in a Federation Starship, but I wonder how the guy driving a Federation dump truck feels about it? And everyone has to wear those spandex uniforms. Here's an important fact: Most people, you don't want to see them in spandex. You'd pay good money to not have to see them. If money hadn't been abolished, that is. So you're screwed.

8. Reversing the Polarity
For cripes sake Giordi, stop reversing the polarity of everything! It might work once in a while, but usually it just screws things up. I have it on good authority that the technicians at Starbase 12. HATE that. Every time the Enterprise comes in for its 10,000 hour checkup, they've gotta go through
the whole damned ship fixing stuff. "What happened to the toilet in Stateroom 3?" "Well, the plumbing backed up, and Giordi thought he could fix it by reversing the polarity." Between Scotty's poor lubrication habits and Geordi's damned polarity reversing trick, it's a wonder the Enterprise doesn't just spontaneously explode whenever they put the juice to it.

7. Seatbelts
Yeah, I know this one is overdone, but you'd think that the first time an explosion caused the guy at the nav station to fly over the captain's head with a good 8 feet of clearance, someone would say, "You know, we might think of inventing some futuristic restraining device to prevent that from
happening." So of course, they did make something like that for the second Enterprise (the first one blew up due to poor lubrication), but what was it? A hard plastic thing that's locked over your thighs. Oh, I'll bet THAT feels good in the corners. "Hey look! The leg-bars worked as advertised! There goes Kirk's torso!"

6. No fuses
Every time there's a power surge on the Enterprise the various stations and consoles explode in a shower of sparks and throw their seatbelt-less operators over Picard's head. If we could get Giordi to stop reversing the polarity for a minute, we could get him to go shopping at the nearest Starship parts store and pick up a few fuses. And while he's shopping, he could stop at an inter-galactic IKEA and pick up a few chairs for the bridge personnel. If you're going to put me in front of a fuseless exploding console all day, the
least you could do is let me sit down.

5. Rule by committee
Here's the difference between Star Trek and the best sci-fi show on TV last year:

Star Trek:
Picard: "Arm photon torpedoes!"
Riker: "Captain! Are you sure that's wise?"
Troi: "Captain! I'm picking up conflicting feelings about this! And, it appears that you're a 'fraidy cat."
Wesley: "Captain, I'm just an annoying punk, but I thought I should say something."
Worf: "Captain, can I push the button? This is giving me a big Klingon warrior chubby."
Giordi: "Captain, I think we should reverse the polarity on them first."
Picard: "I'm so confused. I'm going to go to my stateroom and look pensive."

Firefly:
Captain: "Let's shoot them."
Crewman: "Are you sure that's wise?"
Captain: "Do you know what the chain of command is? It's the chain I'll BEAT YOU WITH until you realize who's in command."
Crewman: "Aye Aye, sir!"

4. A Star Trek quiz:
Kirk, Spock, McCoy, and 'Ensign Gomez' beam down to a planet. Which one isn't coming back?

3. Technobabble
The other night, I couldn't get my car to start. I solved the problem by reversing the polarity of the car battery, and routing the power through my
satellite dish. The resulting subspace plasma caused a rift in the space-time continuum, which created a Quantum tunnelling effect that charged the protons in the engine core, thus starting my car. Child's play, really. As a happy side-effect, I also now get the Spice Channel for free.

2. The Holodeck
I mean, it's cool and all. But do you really believe that people would use it to re-create Sherlock Holmes mysteries and old-west saloons? Come on, we all know what the holodeck would be used for. And we also know what the worst job on the Enterprise would be: Having to squeegee the holodeck clean.

1. The Prime Directive
How stupid is this? Remember when Marvin the Martian was going to blow up the Earth, because it obstructed his view of Venus? And how Bugs Bunny
stopped him by stealing the Illudium Q36 Space Modulator? Well, in the Star Trek universe, Bugs would be doing time. Probably in a room filled with
Roseanne lookalikes wearing spandex uniforms, walking through doors going WHEET! all day. It would be hell. At least until the Kaboom. The Earth-shattering Kaboom.

:D
 
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Arhhh...pick on STAR WARS, but not on STAR TREK :samurai:
hehe, well as a fan this ain't really funny, more insulting :sick:
but hey, we can pick on star wars, so that's ok ;-)
 
RockLee said:
Arhhh...pick on STAR WARS, but not on STAR TREK :samurai:
hehe, well as a fan this ain't really funny, more insulting :sick:
but hey, we can pick on star wars, so that's ok ;-)

I know what you mean. I'm a HUGE Star Trek fan myself. I just saw this at another forum and since people there got a kick out of it, I thought people over here might too. But I'm with yolu--I love Star Trek, especially the Next Generation!! :)
 
haha, funny :D :D :D :D

i just love how after star trek used teleportation to simply save money and time, everyone around the world fell for it. even "star trek" scientists ae trying to get it to work.
 
:D This gave me a good giggle! :)

Personally, I really don't like Star Wars or Star Trek. *Runs out the thread before he gets beat up*
 
Well, I'm a fan, and neither one of you have to hide from me!! I thought it was really funny!! :D
 
Me too, I have every episode from every series of the trek universe. (And no I dont speak Klingon or go to trekki conventions) :p
 
I like Star Trek and Star Wars and I thought it was funny. Knowing Star Trek just makes it funnier. I think I'll send it to my dad who's a hard-core trekker/ie.
 
Yeah, thumbs up here. I thought it was pretty funny as well. I like "Star Wars" better (the original trilogy, not the crap that they've been making for the past five years), but if anyone did a "Star Wars" one, I would probably enjoy that as well. In fact, I think I might look for one...
 
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