Political Jokes

[Brooker]

Here are some jokes that my mother forwarded to me....

> > Ashcroft Visits an Elementary School
> >
> > Attorney General Ashcroft is visiting an elementary
> > school. After the typical civics presentation, he
> > announces, "All right, boys and girls, you can all ask
> > me questions now."
> >
> > A young boy named Bobby raises his hand and says, "I
> > have 3 questions: 1. How did Bush win the election
> > with fewer votes than Gore? 2. Why are you using the
> > USA Patriot Act to limit Americans' civil liberties?
> > 3. Why hasn't the U.S. caught Osama Bin Laden yet?"
> >
> > Just then the bell sounds and all the kids run out to
> > the playground. Fifteen minutes later, the kids come
> > back in class and again.
> >
> > Ashcroft says, "I'm sorry we were interrupted by the
> > bell. Now, you can all ask me questions."
> >
> > A young girl raises her hand and says, "I have 5
> > questions: 1. How did Bush win the election with fewer
> > votes than Gore? 2. Why are you using the USA Patriot
> > Act to limit Americans' civil liberties? 3. Why hasn't
> > the U.S. caught Osama Bin Laden yet? 4. Why did the
> > bell go off 20 minutes early? 5. Where's Bobby?"
> >
> > ________________
> >
> >
> > Bush Depression Collection
> >
> > A lobbyist, on his way home from work in Washington,
> > D.C., came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to
> > himself, "Wow, this seems worse than usual." He
> > noticed a police officer walking between the lines of
> > stopped cars, so he rolled down his window and asked,
> > "Officer, what's the hold-up?"
> >
> > The officer replied, "The President is depressed, so
> > he stopped his motorcade and is threatening to douse
> > himself with gasoline and set himself on fire. He says
> > no one believes his stories about why we went to war
> > in Iraq, or the connection between Saddam and
> > al-Qaeda, or that his tax cuts will help anyone except
> > his wealthy friends. So we're taking up a collection
> > for him."
> >
> > The lobbyist asks, "How much have you got so far?"
> >
> > The officer replies, "About four gallons, but a lot of
> > folks are still siphoning."
> >
> > __________________________
> > Soldiers Patrolling Near Tikrit
> >
> > American soldiers are patroling a desolate road near
> > Tikrit, when they come upon an armed Iraqi soldier,
> > lying dead in a roadside ditch. Just then, they hear a
> > groan from across the road, and they rush over to find
> > a badly wounded American soldier. As they lift him
> > into their jeep, they ask what happened.
> >
> > "I was face to face with that Iraqi, right here in the
> > middle of the road, my gun on him, his pointed at
> > me...neither one of making the first move. Finally,
> > the tension was too much, so I shouted out 'Saddam is
> > an @$$h0!e!'
> >
> > Well, he stared right back at me and said, 'George
> > Bush is a son of a b!+(h!'
> >
> > We were still shaking hands when the truck hit us."

 

[Reiku]

Those are f#^*ing great man! Thanks alot!

I've only got one, and you've probably heard it before--but here goes:

Bush, Cheney, and Colin Powell are in Iraq looking for weapons of mass destruction when they are captured by terrorists...

(no, that's not the funny part, there's more.)

...the terrorists take them out to their base in the desert and prepare to execute them by firing squad...

(again, funny--but not the punchline)

...first they bring out Colin Powell, but just as they are about to fire, he yells "EARTHQUAKE!" and escapes while the terrorists run for cover.

Then they bring out Cheyney. The gunmen get ready--but just as they are about to shoot he yells "TORNADO!" and escapes in the confusion.

Now it's george Bush's turn. As they bring him out before the firing squad, Bush remembers the way his freinds escaped and comes up with a plan. The gunmen get ready, and just as they are about to shoot, Bush yells:

"FIRE!"

(That was the punchline. )