Internet Dating Services
- Thread starter Mikawa Ossan
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happygaijin
後輩
- 14 Jul 2006
- 12
- 0
Mikawa Ossan,
My 2 cents. During my life as a single in the past, I tried internet dating a lot but did get pretty good response but somehow we started off as friends and remained 'friends'. Japan being a hi-tech about everything, it is easy to make first contact through internet but the success rate of finding 'Da One' is very low. I would suggest making first contact either in casual parties or direct approaches. Girls find direct approach more exciting and adventorous and I had gathered several dozen cell numbers in the first attempt. All you got to do is 'ask'. All the best.
My 2 cents. During my life as a single in the past, I tried internet dating a lot but did get pretty good response but somehow we started off as friends and remained 'friends'. Japan being a hi-tech about everything, it is easy to make first contact through internet but the success rate of finding 'Da One' is very low. I would suggest making first contact either in casual parties or direct approaches. Girls find direct approach more exciting and adventorous and I had gathered several dozen cell numbers in the first attempt. All you got to do is 'ask'. All the best.
- 17 Sep 2005
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- #78
Happygaijin, thanks for your thoughts!
I went to Todaiji today and got a fortune. It said to basically have patience.
I have noticed that there are people with whom you seem to "click" with almost from the start, and people with whom it just never happens, no matter how much you may try. I just have to wait for the next "click", I guess.
I went to Todaiji today and got a fortune. It said to basically have patience.
I have noticed that there are people with whom you seem to "click" with almost from the start, and people with whom it just never happens, no matter how much you may try. I just have to wait for the next "click", I guess.
happygaijin
後輩
- 14 Jul 2006
- 12
- 0
Mikawa Ossan,
You are in the 'right'frame of mind, I would say. That's correct; it really doesnt matter how she looks or what nationality she belongs to. The secret formula I found successful is - Try approaching as many girls until you find the one that 'clicks' for you. (You will know immediately whether she clicks or she doesnt; there are no sure signs to tell; you gotta have faith in yourself). The moment you come across one who clicked for you, stick to her, pursue her no matter what. Another secret is - Girls love to be pursued although most males bring their super egos and fail to see this practical truth. After 4 years of our relationship, my would-be is always proud and content that I pursued her. Girls find a guy pursuing mysterious, exciting and extremely passionate. Trust me, its built in their genes. They dont like guys who are predictable, passive, systematic and planned. Hey, I didnt invent this formula, it is time-tested and it works. Once you find her, then dont worry about her back-ground or age or what-not. Give it time and you will realise that it was all worth. No matter what happens, never give up. Gambatte ne. All the best.
You are in the 'right'frame of mind, I would say. That's correct; it really doesnt matter how she looks or what nationality she belongs to. The secret formula I found successful is - Try approaching as many girls until you find the one that 'clicks' for you. (You will know immediately whether she clicks or she doesnt; there are no sure signs to tell; you gotta have faith in yourself). The moment you come across one who clicked for you, stick to her, pursue her no matter what. Another secret is - Girls love to be pursued although most males bring their super egos and fail to see this practical truth. After 4 years of our relationship, my would-be is always proud and content that I pursued her. Girls find a guy pursuing mysterious, exciting and extremely passionate. Trust me, its built in their genes. They dont like guys who are predictable, passive, systematic and planned. Hey, I didnt invent this formula, it is time-tested and it works. Once you find her, then dont worry about her back-ground or age or what-not. Give it time and you will realise that it was all worth. No matter what happens, never give up. Gambatte ne. All the best.
- 17 Sep 2005
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- Thread starter
- #80
Thanks again for your support, happygaijin!
I wish you continued happiness for many years to come!
I wish you continued happiness for many years to come!
Silverpoint
後輩
- 17 Jul 2005
- 483
- 44
A few observations from reading this thread so far...
Mikawa, if you're considering an internet dating service, have you asked yourself what it is that is stopping you from meeting girls at the moment? Are you getting out enough? Do you have any interests or pastimes that allow you to meet other people? Have you considered joining a club, or perhaps taking up a new sport, or similar in order to regularly meet people? The chances we get to spend quality time with new aquaintances are actually fairly limited from day to day. Sometimes you have to push yourself into new things to make those opportunities.
Reading between the lines of some of the stuff you said, it sounds like you're a little desperate for a girlfriend. The post you made a few back saying "maybe" you had a new girlfriend, which turned out not to work out, is pretty indicative of this. Most people know if they've started dating or not. They "maybes" are usually overly wishful thinking on the part of one or the other person who is hoping for something that isn't really there.
I'm not scoffing at you - it's a natural feeling to yearn after someone, especially if you've been single for a long time. But sometimes guys especially can become a little overkeen. In my experience, decent Japanese girls often look for friendship first (I'm not talking about the local any-gaijin-will-do-****** who hang out in your nearest expat bar), and take a little getting to know.
I actually met my wife through my job, long before I got to know her. In fact I don't even recall the first time I met her - something she reminds me about frequently to this day ;-) I've always believed that this is what eventually led to us getting married, because we got to know each other gradually, and didn't start dating from the first day we met. When my previous relationship ended, I went out with her a few times just socially, and we found that when we started spending a little time alone together something clicked.
If there is someone out there on the Internet who is right for you, then there is someone in your immediately vicinity who would be compatible too. Possibly even someone you already know. Anyone who believes the "one special person out there for everyone" bullshit, is misguided. There exists a certain percentage of people out there (more or less depending on your personality) who are compatible with you and you with them. It's just about being in the right place at the right time, when one of those people comes along. And the more places you put yourself, the more chance there is you'll be there.
Mikawa, if you're considering an internet dating service, have you asked yourself what it is that is stopping you from meeting girls at the moment? Are you getting out enough? Do you have any interests or pastimes that allow you to meet other people? Have you considered joining a club, or perhaps taking up a new sport, or similar in order to regularly meet people? The chances we get to spend quality time with new aquaintances are actually fairly limited from day to day. Sometimes you have to push yourself into new things to make those opportunities.
Reading between the lines of some of the stuff you said, it sounds like you're a little desperate for a girlfriend. The post you made a few back saying "maybe" you had a new girlfriend, which turned out not to work out, is pretty indicative of this. Most people know if they've started dating or not. They "maybes" are usually overly wishful thinking on the part of one or the other person who is hoping for something that isn't really there.
I'm not scoffing at you - it's a natural feeling to yearn after someone, especially if you've been single for a long time. But sometimes guys especially can become a little overkeen. In my experience, decent Japanese girls often look for friendship first (I'm not talking about the local any-gaijin-will-do-****** who hang out in your nearest expat bar), and take a little getting to know.
I actually met my wife through my job, long before I got to know her. In fact I don't even recall the first time I met her - something she reminds me about frequently to this day ;-) I've always believed that this is what eventually led to us getting married, because we got to know each other gradually, and didn't start dating from the first day we met. When my previous relationship ended, I went out with her a few times just socially, and we found that when we started spending a little time alone together something clicked.
If there is someone out there on the Internet who is right for you, then there is someone in your immediately vicinity who would be compatible too. Possibly even someone you already know. Anyone who believes the "one special person out there for everyone" bullshit, is misguided. There exists a certain percentage of people out there (more or less depending on your personality) who are compatible with you and you with them. It's just about being in the right place at the right time, when one of those people comes along. And the more places you put yourself, the more chance there is you'll be there.
- 17 Sep 2005
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- #82
Stinger, I appreciate your response.
But I'm done talking about it. (Sorry if it sounds rude, but I really have nothing more to say on the topic for now.)
But I'm done talking about it. (Sorry if it sounds rude, but I really have nothing more to say on the topic for now.)
- 17 Sep 2005
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- #83
What a difference a couple of months can make!
I think...maybe...I have reason to be cheerful!
I'll let you know after October 8th...the day of reckoning!
I think...maybe...I have reason to be cheerful!
I'll let you know after October 8th...the day of reckoning!
leonmarino
Back
- 19 May 2006
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Oh wow!!
I never saw this thread before! Reading your last post, there is something happening in the near future!? Sounds interesting..
I don't have anything against any dating service, I think it's not better or worse than any other way of meeting people.. The best of luck my friend!!
I never saw this thread before! Reading your last post, there is something happening in the near future!? Sounds interesting..
I don't have anything against any dating service, I think it's not better or worse than any other way of meeting people.. The best of luck my friend!!
leonmarino
Back
- 19 May 2006
- 1,258
- 64
Actually, I have the same experience. There are many explanations of this, but it all comes down to the fact that women love to try and get attention, so if you are (or act like) an uninterested mystery man, the chances are bigger that women come flocking to you.
Now I am not saying that this is the absolute truth and that all women are simple creatures. But in my limited experience I have noticed that it works most of the time.
- 17 Sep 2005
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- #88
I have found in my life thus far that it doesn't matter whether you're looking or not; women will do as they will.
Therefore, I look. I figure that if I can't find my keys unless I look for them, maybe I can't find a woman unless I look for her. It's all in how you look. Look at those guys who go to clubs and what not who are there for the SOLE purpose of finding women. Look at the phenomenon of "nampa". Of course I'm not like that, but the point is the same: it all depends on how you proceed. I have a steep learning curve, and I think that maybe I might be getting it right for once...
Therefore, I look. I figure that if I can't find my keys unless I look for them, maybe I can't find a woman unless I look for her. It's all in how you look. Look at those guys who go to clubs and what not who are there for the SOLE purpose of finding women. Look at the phenomenon of "nampa". Of course I'm not like that, but the point is the same: it all depends on how you proceed. I have a steep learning curve, and I think that maybe I might be getting it right for once...
- 17 Sep 2005
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- #90
Well anyway, here's an update. I met a girl from a dating site, and...she was nice, but nothing really clicked. Oh well.
This coming weekend I have a kompa in Osaka, so maybe I'll have better luck there.
This coming weekend I have a kompa in Osaka, so maybe I'll have better luck there.
- 17 Sep 2005
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- #92
Um...it's like a small gathering of friends where half are men and half are women. Often most of the men don't know most of the women and vice versa. The point is to see if anyone hooks up or not. The kompa I'm going to will only be 4 people. My friend, a friend of his, a friend of his friend's, and me.
misa.j
先輩
- 6 May 2004
- 1,505
- 88
Have a great time Mikawa! I used to go to kompa all the time when I was in college, but I always ended up being not a class clown but a kompa clown.
My advice is this, if you find a girl you like, you should go for it. You shouldn't hesitate to be a little pushy, try to talk to her, show her that you are interested in her right up front because I think that the first impression is more important than many people may think.
My advice is this, if you find a girl you like, you should go for it. You shouldn't hesitate to be a little pushy, try to talk to her, show her that you are interested in her right up front because I think that the first impression is more important than many people may think.
- 17 Sep 2005
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- #94
Another update. As you may have guessed, the kompa was fun, but nothing happened. Oh well.
Next there was someone I was really excited about, but it turns out she isn't interested. This made me quite sad, so I don't wish to talk about it more than I already have elsewhere.
Now I'm back to where I always have been.
Should I stop looking and hope that someone just pops up? Why is it I can never solve this problem?
Next there was someone I was really excited about, but it turns out she isn't interested. This made me quite sad, so I don't wish to talk about it more than I already have elsewhere.
Now I'm back to where I always have been.
Should I stop looking and hope that someone just pops up? Why is it I can never solve this problem?
Kinsao
Horizon Rider
- 8 May 2005
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- 143
Aww I am sorry to hear about that! 
*hug*
Well, I think you can kinda take a little of the attitude in both ways, in fact... yeah it makes sense to carry on looking, but also if you keep an open heart and live your life, you never know from what unexpected quarter you could find a special person...
I find I tend to meet more of 'boyfriend types' while I'm just going about pursuing my hobbies and interests - but there's no reason at all why you can't combine that with more structured dating services to maximise your chances.
*hug*Well, I think you can kinda take a little of the attitude in both ways, in fact... yeah it makes sense to carry on looking, but also if you keep an open heart and live your life, you never know from what unexpected quarter you could find a special person...
I find I tend to meet more of 'boyfriend types' while I'm just going about pursuing my hobbies and interests - but there's no reason at all why you can't combine that with more structured dating services to maximise your chances.
- 17 Sep 2005
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- #96
Another update!
My birthday was not too long ago, and I used it as an excuse for another kompa. Things looked really bad for a while: people who had committed to coming suddenly couldn't, and I was worried for a time that we'd have to cancel it. But, the show must go on, and it did.
At the kompa, I met someone who seems very nice. We've been exchanging mail via mobile phone almost every day since, and we're making plans to go out for watching the autumn leaves and possibly karaoke with her coworkers, many of whom I just so happen to know fairly well.
So, for once I have a bit of hope again in this arena. Hopefully things will continue to stay positive and I'll have more to report in the future. However, I'm most certainly not holding my breath.
Still, wish me luck (again)! I'm sure I'll need it!
My birthday was not too long ago, and I used it as an excuse for another kompa. Things looked really bad for a while: people who had committed to coming suddenly couldn't, and I was worried for a time that we'd have to cancel it. But, the show must go on, and it did.
At the kompa, I met someone who seems very nice. We've been exchanging mail via mobile phone almost every day since, and we're making plans to go out for watching the autumn leaves and possibly karaoke with her coworkers, many of whom I just so happen to know fairly well.
So, for once I have a bit of hope again in this arena. Hopefully things will continue to stay positive and I'll have more to report in the future. However, I'm most certainly not holding my breath.
Still, wish me luck (again)! I'm sure I'll need it!
- 28 Jul 2005
- 5,238
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Congradulations !!! With all the energy of emotion that I can send 'cross the waves of light that this big ole romantic September moon out there is soaking us in, I send my dreams of it happening !!
One thing puzzles me...however...how did I miss your birthday? Was it so recent? and yet I missed it? (or Uncle Frank...?) or, was it recent, but just not within the past month or something?
May it all come out just the way you want it to, for all the best of every good there is in it !!! Yeah !!!
One thing puzzles me...however...how did I miss your birthday? Was it so recent? and yet I missed it? (or Uncle Frank...?) or, was it recent, but just not within the past month or something?
May it all come out just the way you want it to, for all the best of every good there is in it !!! Yeah !!!
- 17 Sep 2005
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- #98
Thanks, Mars Man!
It's very easy to miss my birthday because I usually don't publicize it much until after the fact, and I never divulge my real birthday on the internet. Even my mixi uses a birthday that is only approximate. But yes, it was recent, and I got the best present I could ask for.
Anyway, I have a slight cold and SHE told me I should go to bed early. Doctor's orders!
It's very easy to miss my birthday because I usually don't publicize it much until after the fact, and I never divulge my real birthday on the internet. Even my mixi uses a birthday that is only approximate. But yes, it was recent, and I got the best present I could ask for.
Anyway, I have a slight cold and SHE told me I should go to bed early. Doctor's orders!
- 17 Sep 2005
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- #99
Rememer HER? Yeah, well, forget about it. She's been out the the picture for about a month now.
Long story, but not worth relating.
Oh well.
To be back on topic, (what a novel idea!) I have decided that the answer to the OP is that although they may work for some people some of the time, internet dating services are probably not the best way to go. I think it's much better to get your friends and coworkers, etc., to help out.
Long story, but not worth relating.
Oh well.
To be back on topic, (what a novel idea!) I have decided that the answer to the OP is that although they may work for some people some of the time, internet dating services are probably not the best way to go. I think it's much better to get your friends and coworkers, etc., to help out.
Kinsao
Horizon Rider
- 8 May 2005
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- 143
^ That sounds like a good idea... it's surprising who you meet that are 'friends of friends' or friends of co-workers, or friends of partners of co-workers... you get the idea. ;-)
Also going to lots of events about something you are interested in is a good way to meet people... at least I found it so... of course, it's good to use the internet to find out things that are taking place, but you can't beat real life IMO. For example, my boy had sent me a message online (on a site we both visit) but when I read the message and checked out his profile I never gave it a second thought... didn't think he was the kind of guy for me... then later on, I met him in real life at a market, before I remembered who he 'was' online, and we hit it off in real life, so... just goes to show it's easy to make a misjudgement online and maybe miss that special person... use it as an extra if you like but not for everything...
Also going to lots of events about something you are interested in is a good way to meet people... at least I found it so... of course, it's good to use the internet to find out things that are taking place, but you can't beat real life IMO. For example, my boy had sent me a message online (on a site we both visit) but when I read the message and checked out his profile I never gave it a second thought... didn't think he was the kind of guy for me... then later on, I met him in real life at a market, before I remembered who he 'was' online, and we hit it off in real life, so... just goes to show it's easy to make a misjudgement online and maybe miss that special person... use it as an extra if you like but not for everything...
