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Dating Someone With a Different Religion/Belief

Haruspex

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No views deserve protection. If his or her views are as important to her as yours to you, surely he or she will try to protect them, and that is when, ideally, the truth is meant to surface.

"You respect my beliefs and I respect your beliefs. Aren't we a sweet ******* couple?"
Rubbish. If you believe a certain belief or bunch of beliefs to be absolute shite, you will be effectively become a liar if you acquiescence to said rubbish being spouted and do nothing just smile and observe.

In some peoples' lives this isn't a big issue, because they just couldn't give a damn about it, but surely, those people have no such problems, why? Because they don't give a damn. But if this issue is important to you, then obviously, you will be raping yourself trying not to offend someone with whom you disagree completely.
 

Tsuyoiko

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Maybe so, but how often would you have to be censored? I think that depends on the person and how much they discuss their religion or lack of religion.
But if this issue is important to you, then obviously, you will be raping yourself trying not to offend someone with whom you disagree completely.

Thanks Derfel, you expressed what I was trying to say.

I care a lot about religion. As a kid I went to Sunday School, read the Bible and said my prayers. As a teenager I drew up astrological charts and read Tarot cards. As an adult I put my trust in Science and logic. I've worked damned hard to reach the worldview I have now, so I like to talk about how I got here and why I'm an atheist now. If I can't share one of the most important things in my life with the person I'm married to, then for me the relationship is doomed.
 

Goldiegirl

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Maybe so, but how often would you have to be censored?.
I am not censored, I don't bring up his religion...he doesn't bring up mine. I don't care who or what he believes in...what I care about is that he respects the facts that we are different. Religion is certainly not a biggie for either of us. Nationality, well, that is....so we have agreed to disagree. It's that, or not be married. He is more than Japanese, and I am more than American. Of course, there is the "motorcylcle" issue as well...for us that is way bigger than religion, culture, etc.....
 

RavenRockstar

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I think it would be prettyhard for me.
I find religion and its history fascinating, but believing in it is another matter entirely.
I dont think I could be with someone who's views I find ridiculous and contrary, I wouldnt be able to control the urge to call them out on it. Which they probably wouldnt appreciate ^ ^'
I suppose its possible, and it may even be a non issue in the short-term, but it i would be pretty difficult to have a lasting lasting relationship with someone whos views clash with your own.
Kudos to anyone who can ^ ^ I wouldnt have the patience.
 

Ma Cherie

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I have dated someone with a different religious belief, he was Muslim. Though not hard core or anything. It wasn't too difficult for us, we even engaged in discussions about religion. But they've never gotten to point where we would argue. I wouldn't force my beliefs on him and didn't force his on me.

I think it can work out for some couples, but not others, it also depends how strong they are in their beliefs. Like, I would never date anyone who was a fundamentalist. Because there would be all kinds of conflict.
 
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RavenRockstar

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I have dated someone with different religious beliefs, he was Muslim. Though not hard core or anything. It wasn't too difficult for us, we even engaged in discussions about religion. But they've never gotten to point where would argue. I wouldn't force my beliefs on him and didn't force his on me.
I think it can work out for some couples, but not others, it also depends how strong they are in their beliefs. Like, I would never date anyone who was a fundamentalist. Because there would be all kinds of conflict.
I guess it would be hard for me because thats just my personality ^^'
Love your icon btw :sorry:
 

Half-n-Half

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No views deserve protection. If his or her views are as important to her as yours to you, surely he or she will try to protect them, and that is when, ideally, the truth is meant to surface.

I'm a little perplexed by what you mean when you say, "No views deserve protection." Do you mean that no view-point should be shielded from criticism? I would have to agree, but not on your point that they will necessarily protect them. In order to protect you usually have to be attacked first. If the topic doesn't arise or just isn't that much of an issue, then no protection is needed. Even so, if it is brought up the two people can come to a mutual understanding and leave it at that, yes?

"You respect my beliefs and I respect your beliefs. Aren't we a sweet ******* couple?"
Rubbish. If you believe a certain belief or bunch of beliefs to be absolute shite, you will be effectively become a liar if you acquiescence to said rubbish being spouted and do nothing just smile and observe.

To lie, in my opinion, is to state something which is not true with the intent of deceiving someone, or knowingly stating something which is not true. I fail to see how I become a liar if someone is preaching their religion and I just smile and observe. Some people might see it as cowardice or lying down without a fight, but I'm OK with that. However, it's not lying as you put it. And I never said that I would date someone who constantly preached in my ear about their beliefs and tried to push it on me. All I am saying is that I think it is possible for two people who have different beliefs to be happy with each other.

In some peoples' lives this isn't a big issue, because they just couldn't give a damn about it, but surely, those people have no such problems, why? Because they don't give a damn. But if this issue is important to you, then obviously, you will be raping yourself trying not to offend someone with whom you disagree completely.

I would agree with this statement that people who take their atheism very seriously and feel a need to counter religious beliefs will have a hard time trying not to offend someone. But I think you are creating a black-and-white picture when you describe the importance of one's atheism. "If it's important to you, you will defend it at all costs. If it's not, well then you just don't give a damn about it." My atheism is important to me in the sense that it is a big part of my identity, but it is not so important to me that I feel obliged or even a desire to defend it if someone challenges me on it. If they just want to argue then I won't indulge them. However, if they want to come to a mutual understanding and are genuinely curious about my atheism then I will gladly have a discussion with them.

Goldiegirl said:
I am not censored, I don't bring up his religion...he doesn't bring up mine.

Sorry for the confusion, that was meant for Tsuyoiko.
 

Goldiegirl

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Sorry for the confusion, that was meant for Tsuyoiko.

No problem!

Anyway, I don't know how you could get into a relationship if you are both such opposites in the first place? What's the attraction? If some person beliefs are so opposite of your own, why do you want to start a relationship? I am curious as to the "why" behind it all.....:?
 

Haruspex

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I'm a little perplexed by what you mean when you say, "No views deserve protection." Do you mean that no view-point should be shielded from criticism? I would have to agree, but not on your point that they will necessarily protect them. In order to protect you usually have to be attacked first. If the topic doesn't arise or just isn't that much of an issue, then no protection is needed. Even so, if it is brought up the two people can come to a mutual understanding and leave it at that, yes?

Yes, that is how I meant it. Now, my scenario involves two persons who find their views on the matter important and central to their life. If neither party brings the issue up or one does not fight back, nice, peace and tranquility, but that falls outside of my scenario.

To lie, in my opinion, is to state something which is not true with the intent of deceiving someone, or knowingly stating something which is not true. I fail to see how I become a liar if someone is preaching their religion and I just smile and observe. Some people might see it as cowardice or lying down without a fight, but I'm OK with that. However, it's not lying as you put it. And I never said that I would date someone who constantly preached in my ear about their beliefs and tried to push it on me. All I am saying is that I think it is possible for two people who have different beliefs to be happy with each other.

Creating the impression that you 'respect' (whatever respect means) someone's views and in your inmost mind dismissing the same as rubbish amounts to deceiving someone. Sometimes that is totally fine, but it becomes extremely frustrating with family members.

I would agree with this statement that people who take their atheism very seriously and feel a need to counter religious beliefs will have a hard time trying not to offend someone. But I think you are creating a black-and-white picture when you describe the importance of one's atheism. "If it's important to you, you will defend it at all costs. If it's not, well then you just don't give a damn about it." My atheism is important to me in the sense that it is a big part of my identity, but it is not so important to me that I feel obliged or even a desire to defend it if someone challenges me on it. If they just want to argue then I won't indulge them. However, if they want to come to a mutual understanding and are genuinely curious about my atheism then I will gladly have a discussion with them.

Surely "Will defend at all costs." ranks higher than "Will not defend at all costs." on the importance scale. It is indeed black and white, but I don't see that as a problem. We are not discussing atheistic conviction here, but whether one would voice one's views or not. I created two arbitrary categories for the purpose of demonstrating my point, that is their sole purpose and they superficial because said purpose requires no more. I am not saying your atheism is not important to you, however, for the purposes of my argument you fall into group b because I'm not going to create any more categories since the one at hand is merely a yes/no question.
 

Cat Mother

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I'm Jewish (or as much Jewish as you can be in a small town in Japan), my husband is not. We've been together for almost 10 years. So it can be done.
 

Emoni

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I don't think anyone is saying that it "CAN'T" be done.

It's more of a matter of "how" and "what has to be sacrificed/compromised on in order to do so."
 

Tsuyoiko

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No problem!
Anyway, I don't know how you could get into a relationship if you are both such opposites in the first place? What's the attraction? If some person beliefs are so opposite of your own, why do you want to start a relationship? I am curious as to the "why" behind it all.....:?

Sexual attraction, similar interests, fear of being alone?
 

Cat Mother

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I don't think anyone is saying that it "CAN'T" be done.
It's more of a matter of "how" and "what has to be sacrificed/compromised on in order to do so."

I understand that Emoni, but really, does one have to sacrifice anything? I just do my thing (when it comes to religion) and he does his and that's all. My husband's different religious views (or lack thereof) don't bother me, and vice versa. I learned enough of what he believes in, he learned some about my religion and actually, it's he who encourages me to follow the traditional ways and customs during holiday times.

But then again, religion has never been a top priority in my life (our lives).

So this is something that the OP really needs to think about. Especially if his GF happens to be into the proselytizing type of Christianity.
 

Tsuyoiko

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I understand that Emoni, but really, does one have to sacrifice anything? ...
But then again, religion has never been a top priority in my life (our lives).

It keeps coming back to this point. It's not about what religion you are, but about how important religion is for you. If religion is important to you, then you would absolutely have to sacrifice something to be with someone of a different religion. The question then is whether you would be willing to make that sacrifice. Some people may be able to; I would not.
 
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