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internet love

Wouter

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What do you people think about falling in love with someone you only know from the internet?
I'm asking this because I'm in that case now.
I've met a Japanese girl on the internet about a month ago and we can get along very well. We can talk about everything what's on our minds and we have a great time talking to each other. The last few days I felt very excited when I talked with her and before I knew it I realised that I had fallen in love with her. Before I did anything stupid I consulted one of my other Japanese friends and she told me that I should tell her how I feel. So that's what I did.
I wrote her a letter in which I explained to her how I felt. I got a reply this morning from her and she said she felt the same way about me, but she didn't want to tell me because she didn't have the confidence for it.
I have told her I love her and she told me she loves me too, so now I'm feeling very reliefed.
My question to you now is: Do you think it's foolish to fall in love with someone who you have never met before? Do you think it's realistic to love someone who lives so far away? I am going to Japan this summer to meet her in person, but it will be more than 3 months from now. So I was wondering about the difficulties to maintain a relationship with her until I can see her for real.

Do you have any thoughts on this? Please let me know...
 

okaeri_man

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well good luck, but you should be aware that people can be more open on the internet than then can be in real life. even on the phone you may never run out of things to talk about, but when it comes face to face, all you can think about is the weather, food, or holding hands...

hmm do i think it's foolish...? well not really, but it can be. i've been in a similar situation, and i recommend not relying on her or her friends for accommodation, cos if it falls through they won't want to know you. sad but true.
 

aaronmcgrath

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wouter is in looooove!

I met my girl on the internet. Same as you.
I went to japan 3 months after i met her.
she comes here now in 3 months.
and i go there 3 months after that. I will go there every holiday...unless i dont have the money.
The next year i will do my uni in japan (i can) and i am doing it for her.
The year after she is coming here, living with me.
then we will descide where we will live australia or Japan.
I know we can both do it, because we love eachother very much. We fell in love over the internet...its strange i know, i dont give a s*** though because she is my girl forever.

My suggestion is talk to her regularly, but not too much..trust me! Absence makes the heart fonder...or something like that. Buy a webcam...it does help! we send gifts once a month, thats good. oh and buy phone cards or a mic!

Remind yourself that you love her, and her that you are faithful.
sometimes it will get hard...but You can do it!

If you need anymore help send me a message remember i am going through the same thing.....

PS: how the hell did you beat, us? Oranje played very bad...

do you speak japanese? it helps.
 
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Buddha Smoker

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Me personally....I've never believed in developing a close relationship in the manner of a partner over the internet. Now, I think it is a great place to set people up to meet in real life because that is where you really learn about the person. I guess it would be possible but it would take a lot of trust and dedication. Like the saying goes "Don't judge a book by its cover"...(trust me, I have no experience at this....pure opinion, so please take it for what it is...an opinion)
 

chiquiliquis

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Buddha Smoker said:
Me personally....I've never believed in developing a close relationship in the manner of a partner over the internet. Now, I think it is a great place to set people up to meet in real life because that is where you really learn about the person. I guess it would be possible but it would take a lot of trust and dedication. Like the saying goes "Don't judge a book by its cover"...(trust me, I have no experience at this....pure opinion, so please take it for what it is...an opinion)

Heh... yeah... BuSmo and I are on the same page in regards to this one. I probably would not have really believed in hitting it off over the net... but these days I really just take it to be more of a sign of the times.

and...

Wouter said:
...Do you think it's foolish to fall in love with someone who you have never met before?...

Depends on your definition of 'met'... all the people we fall in love with were unknown to us at sometime in the past.

In regard to the distance...

I dated a Japanese girl long distance for over four years (and she was computer illiterate). Rinawhoaishiteru has some great tips--I prolly only followed half, myself.

There may (infact, probably 'will') come a point where one, or both, of you is gonig to want the security of being in the same place at the same time. If you see it coming, and you know it's not possible, you may want to think twice about dragging things out.

No matter how it winds up, it will be a great learning opportunity. Live it up, and enjoy it as much as possible. Best of luck.
 

DoctorNO

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Wouter said:
Do you think it's realistic to love someone who lives so far away?

Speaking from experience, it is extremely difficult. Especially if either of you are very attractive. Because no matter how strong your initial bonding is, if the right person approaches one of you the person youll always see is the nearest to you. People fall out of love as easily as they fall in love. Relationship is about closeness.

And about my experience I almost lost the girl I loved, twice. It was her parent's pressure that kept her loyalty to me. She was very attractive. Various suitors did everything for her.
 

Keiichi

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You won't know until you try. So go for it, do something, even if it may leave you heartbroken. If it don't work, oh well. Thanks for the memories.
Back to a realistic sense, :D it may be difficult. It just depends on what kind of person you are (confident or not, etc.) and how you have been in the past. But yeah, eventually, both will want the security of being in the same place. Someone will have to make a commitment to move (Russian Roulette? :D), or you both will have to do it together. Else, just have fun now and worry later. I think it's planning too far ahead in the future that sometimes make things not work, so just go for it and enjoy it. :)
 

Wouter

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rinawoaishiteiru said:
I met my girl on the internet. Same as you.
I went to japan 3 months after i met her.
she comes here now in 3 months.
and i go there 3 months after that. I will go there every holiday...unless i dont have the money.
The next year i will do my uni in japan (i can) and i am doing it for her.
The year after she is coming here, living with me.
then we will descide where we will live australia or Japan.
I know we can both do it, because we love eachother very much. We fell in love over the internet...its strange i know, i dont give a **** though because she is my girl forever.

My suggestion is talk to her regularly, but not too much..trust me! Absence makes the heart fonder...or something like that. Buy a webcam...it does help! we send gifts once a month, thats good. oh and buy phone cards or a mic!

Remind yourself that you love her, and her that you are faithful.
sometimes it will get hard...but You can do it!

If you need anymore help send me a message remember i am going through the same thing.....

PS: how the hell did you beat, us? Oranje played very bad...

do you speak japanese? it helps.

Thank you for your advice 🙂 I think it's very good advice, I will keep it in mind. I think I will send you a message pretty soon or I will post it in this thread, beacause there are still some things I am worried about.

I can see that the opinions are quite opposite, some say it's very difficult, others say that I should go for it.
I'm not really sure how I should proceed now. I have just spoken with her for a few hours and I tried to be as normal as usual. We haven't really talked about the problems that lie in our way, but I've told her that I will try to come two weeks earlier to Japan to be with her for a longer time.
I've told her I really love her and she told me she loves me too. She seemed very serious about it. So I don't really see any problem at the moment, but I can't deny there are some things that I miss. I really want to be with her to see her, hold her and kiss her. So I'm really dying of anticipation to see her. But I'll have to wait a little less than three months. I think it will be hard, but I will persist if it depends on me. When I think about it, three months isn't that long...

I don't speak much Japanese yet, but I'm learning it and I hope that I will be able to have some easy conversations in three months.
 

Buddha Smoker

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Wouter said:
I can see that the opinions are quite opposite, some say it's very difficult, others say that I should go for it.
I'm not really sure how I should proceed now.

I think you should do what you think is right...what you feel is right...after all, everybody just offers advice and opinions. In the end, you are the one that will have to decide....I say just make sure it is well-thought-out.
 

aaronmcgrath

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Wouter,
Me and my girl know it will be hard for us over the next few years, but We both know we can do it!
We said ....'if we have trouble next year', one of us will go there for a year.
Well my girl finishes uni soon. she will start to work. So i might do a year of uni in Japan, i aim to do this anyway. However i feel relieved in the fact that She said she would come here if we have troubles.
Wouter i think you and her should plan the future.
It gets hard if you have an uncertain about the future. If you love her and she loves you, you can always do it! that i know. I am lucky because i am so far away, yet i trust her. I hope you do too.
Also it gets easier after you meet her...its true. You will feel much closer to her after you meet her. However after you have sex.....which i assume you are planning to do, sometimes its harder because you want her body.
Just stay faithful,
Well i can do this and i know she will, because we have made descisions, she wants to be with me and i want to be with her and we are both prepared to make sacrifises.
If you just want to go there and meet her and be boyfriend and girlfriend for a month...you have nothing to worry about!
But if you want her for longer, you have to do things i talked about.
try and make the time past quick, for example the next time i see my girl is in September, Recently i go to Football more, and things like try and keep yourself busy.
But dont forget there is a girl who loves you...you can always take comfort at that.
 

Brooker

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I would advise avoiding making any long term plans with her until you know her a little better. When you meet her you may find that things are different from what you thought, or not different, but the point is, right now you don't really know. If she really is right for you, there's no rush.

A few times in a lifetime you'll meet a girl who makes you not want to live with the mystery of what might have been. If you act and you get your heart broken, you'll heal. If you don't act, the questions in your mind will haunt you for the rest of your life. "How would my life be different if I had done something?" One of the biggest goals in my life is not to live with regret. You have to decide if this situation is one of those times where you can't live with the mystery, and, if so, do everything you can to solve it. If the answer is "no" at least you'll know. Just be patient with it.
 

MShingen

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Brooker said:
I would advise avoiding making any long term plans with her until you know her a little better. When you meet her you may find that things are different from what you thought, or not different, but the point is, right now you don't really know. If she really is right for you, there's no rush.

As mentioned by Brooker, you need to know the other party better and you need to understand her. In the Internet, anybody can say what they want, as long as they have a good command of language. Be careful of such cases.
 

Buddha Smoker

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MShingen said:
In the Internet, anybody can say what they want, as long as they have a good command of language. Be careful of such cases.

I agree...there are alot of deceptions out there. Just be careful and use your brain too.
 

Duo

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I guess that falling over someone in the internet could happen, yet I personally think that meeting the person physically is much easier to test one's feeling. Body language is something that rarely lies.
 

Buddha Smoker

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Duo said:
I guess that falling over someone in the internet could happen, yet I personally think that meeting the person physically is much easier to test one's feeling. Body language is something that rarely lies.

That's what I'm trying to say. Meeting a person in real life is alot different than the internet or phone.
 

okaeri_man

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here's my story:

i met my ex in japan, and i really liked her, but i had to go home one month later. i got to know her better over the internet and she said she loved me and i trusted her, but she cheated on me; probably more than once. i found out she had cheated on me while i was making my plans to go to japan to see her. i was crushed, especially since i had been saving up and loved japan almost as much as i (thought i) loved her.

i refused to talk to her for a few days, but after a lot of sorry emails i finally forgave her. she told me how she didn't want to lose me, etc etc, and i thought we had gotten things back to normal and was once again excited about going to japan to see her.

well the day finally arrived when we met again. at first it was uncomfortable. no hug or kiss, just a smile. she didn't seem like the girl i had gotten to know so well from the internet. but it got better from there. in a few days we were holding hands, laughing and kissing, and i was having a happy time. of course it didn't last - after about a week i was the only one doing the work, the laughter stopped, and soon she wrote me a goodbye letter, revealing that she already had a boyfriend in a nearby town.

kinda made the rest of the trip difficult. she could of cost me thousands of dollars in hotel accommodation or the equally costly fee to change your flight schedule, but thankfully one of my old friends let me stay with their family.

it was an experience i suppose. i just hope this sort of thing doesn't happen to you (or anyone else for that matter!)
 

Buddha Smoker

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okaeri_man said:
here's my story:

i met my ex in japan, and i really liked her, but i had to go home one month later. i got to know her better over the internet and she said she loved me and i trusted her, but she cheated on me; probably more than once. i found out she had cheated on me while i was making my plans to go to japan to see her. i was crushed, especially since i had been saving up and loved japan almost as much as i (thought i) loved her.

i refused to talk to her for a few days, but after a lot of sorry emails i finally forgave her. she told me how she didn't want to lose me, etc etc, and i thought we had gotten things back to normal and was once again excited about going to japan to see her.

well the day finally arrived when we met again. at first it was uncomfortable. no hug or kiss, just a smile. she didn't seem like the girl i had gotten to know so well from the internet. but it got better from there. in a few days we were holding hands, laughing and kissing, and i was having a happy time. of course it didn't last - after about a week i was the only one doing the work, the laughter stopped, and soon she wrote me a goodbye letter, revealing that she already had a boyfriend in a nearby town.

kinda made the rest of the trip difficult. she could of cost me thousands of dollars in hotel accommodation or the equally costly fee to change your flight schedule, but thankfully one of my old friends let me stay with their family.

it was an experience i suppose. i just hope this sort of thing doesn't happen to you (or anyone else for that matter!)

I've seen that happen too...that had to have sucked...
 

aaronmcgrath

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Well, I am in the same situation here.
I am prepared to stayfaithful, because I love her. i trustthatshe will stay faithful too.
She didnt have sex till she was 19...i dunno i just know she wont cheat on me.
We keep in very close contact, talk everyday, more than once. this year i go there 3 times a year, and she comes herethe same. The year after i will do my uni in Japan. The year after thatshe will live withme while i finish off my uni.
I have met her andi felt the same when i met her as i did when i spoke to her on the internet. I guess i was lucky, because i have heard stories where the person is totally different....We were very honest with eachother so maybe that is why it was the same for me.

I really love this girl and i never want to lose her. I could easily get a girl in australia and be with her everyday....but i just cant do it because i love her and she feels the same about me.

Some of you guys have had good experiences, some bad.
If anyof you are able to help me, or wouter, please do so...tell us where you went wrong and what you should have or have not done..
Thanks
 

dreamer

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Yeah...but some people tend to forget that japanese are ordinary humans too...
I guess the most difficult thing on the internet is to see through the truth from the lie...
Personnaly I don't think it's so easy to fall in love via the internet and those who manage to successfuly conclude an internet love story must be really lucky ^^
 

nekosasori

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I don't think it's just luck, it's work (though every relationship takes work - it's just that infatuation makes it feel like no work is involved).

I'm married to a man I met over the internet. We weren't thinking about having a real relationship, or even casually dating, until we met in person. Then we decided to test the strength of our bond by travelling together for 3 weeks all over Europe, and got engaged after confirming that stress and unusual situations didn't ruin (or actually, even really strain) our relationship.

I think while it's a great exercise in building trust and communication skills to develop an internet-based relationship, there should be enough time and tests before either of you commits to something profound and long-term. Good luck.
 

RockLee

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I have a friend too and I'm going to meet her this summer....but we aren't a couple or so(just to clear that)...I think I have to meet her in person to come to such a conclusion...although I like her very much and got attached to her,and she to me...we talk/chat/cam every day and talk about all kinds of things..well we'll see what the future brings huh :)...
 

dreamer

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well...good luck ^^
I might sound wary but with the amount of young teens,or even older men/women who like to fool around on the internet I'd rather most of my online relationships to stay..."virtual", not that I'm saying it's bad since nekosasori (for exemple) is here to show the contrary ^^
 

aaronmcgrath

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but
i fell in love with my girl on the net. met her and it was the same.
virtual or not virtual
love is love
 

dreamer

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I agree on that, but in a relationship I think distance is something really important.
I remember some people who were coming to Paris and wanted to see me, but...how should I put that...sometimes seeing each other irl while you met on the internet changes a relation. either you or the person you're meeting may be disappointed even if he/she don't show it. Beside, as I was mentionning lot of people like to fool around, and that's why I'm so wary ^^
However if you trust the girl you met, I'm not telling you to stop seeing her again.
Sure, love is love wether it started via the internet or not, but well...I think I prefer being cautious about it ^^
 
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