Hiring girlfriends to stop nagging

[den4]

Girlfriends hired to stop nagging
From correspondents in Beijing
January 5, 2005

AGENCIES in China's Chengdu city are offering rented girlfriends to bachelors who need someone to show off to relatives during the coming Chinese Lunar New Year, state press reported today.

"Love agencies are springing up in Chengdu offering an invaluable service for those men whose parents are nagging them to settle down," the China West Metropolitan News reported.

A hired girlfriend can cost as much as 300 yuan ($46) a day, one-third of may Chinese workers' monthly salary, the paper reported.

A man named Yue, 31, said he planned to rent someone to take home because his parents were nagging him to find a "nice girl and raise their grandchildren".

Although Yue was "just trying to be a good son", civil affairs officials and sociologists have come out firmly against such services, the paper said.

 

[lexico]

I think the Chinese mainlanders should be given some slack.
It's not like protitution or anything, right ?
It can be considered acting, or services in the line of filial piety.
C'mon, they abolished the Confucian humilty, smashed all those cultural relics, abolished having a 2nd child, and the sons aren't even allowed to make their parents happy ?
Who knows, the gal might turn out to be a real nice gal, and the lad a decent one.

I once borrowed my brother's fiancee because everyone at the bar was nagging about me not having a girlfriend. So I borrowed her one evening just to show off. No harm done, and they didn't have to bother me no more.

 

[BrennaCeDria]

Heck, there's a fake-date company here in Savannah of all places. Not too shocking, really. Dude hires one, shows her off at whatever family event (wedding, whatever) and then goes back to normal once s/he leaves.

 

[Doc]

Number Please!

Heck, there's a fake-date company here in Savannah of all places. Not too shocking, really. Dude hires one, shows her off at whatever family event (wedding, whatever) and then goes back to normal once s/he leaves.

Got the number? I need one so I can get my relatives off my back.

Doc

 

[m477]

Hiring girlfriends to stop nagging

Darn, I thought this article had some useful information on how to get my girlfriend to stop nagging.

 

[lexico]

Darn, I thought this article had some useful information on how to get my girlfriend to stop nagging.

Pretty misleading, isn't it ? That's what you expect from a den4 post !
Well, I don't want to disappoint you, so may I offer some free advice?

HOW TO GET YOUR GF TO STOP NAGGING:
1. tough approach: Nag back even harder !

2. soft approach: Moan, cry, wail when she does it. Tell her how you need professional help from a psychiatrist if she does it again.

3. mafioso approach: Buy her out with chocolate, ice-cream, love letters, love e-mail, love PM, love AIM, love ICQ, and an infinite stream of gifts and friendly signals in the mere hope of her ending it all.

4. philosophical approach: Abandon all hope of leading a normal life. Get married and have children. The nagging well never stop, but only mutate and evolve into something novel every time. Let her nagging grow into you like an annoying thorn that you come to enjoy like a mild toothache.

5. religious approach: Join a Church that promotes strong family values. She might buy it and be nicer to you. You have the divine protection, and the pastor, a holy man, a rabbi, or a priest to help you if in trouble. If nothing works, take it as penance in the purgatory, so the more nagging the better. You are only being purified, purged of all your sins. Keep praying! :genji:

6. ultimate approach: Disown her. Lead the life of as a celibate, a hermit, an ascetic. Move into one of the monasteries in the Saharan desert or Tibetan Lhasa to contemplate on the meaning of life, love, death, and yes, the boundless bliss of nagless quietude. You might miss all the nagging and come back to her.

7. Join the French Legion and stay with it till death do you part. :20:

8. Go to Japan and become a gaijin; learn some Japanese, living in self-pity, & hoping for world peace.

note: With the exception of 5.-8., I'm coming from personal experience. Good luck, as you are going to need some !

 

[quiet sunshine]

2. soft approach: Moan, cry, wail when she does it. Tell her now you need professional help from a psychiatrist if she does it again.

Hahaha, Really? You tried this aproach? I guess it didn't work, otherwise you wouldn't need so much approaches.

 

[lexico]

The three kinds of prayers:

Before boarding a ship, pray once for a safe trip.
Before going to war, pray twice for a safe return.
Before tying the knot, pray thrice, for it is the end.

*turning up the volume with choppers humming in the background*
This is the end ~, my only friend, the end ~...
*Don't you love the sitar music!*

 

[quiet sunshine]

After using all the 6 approaches, surely you'll 窶毒督敕厖?ｪﾅｽﾂｸ!

This is the end ~, my only friend, the end ~...
*Don't you love the sitar music!*

Oh, I can't hear, the distance is a little far...Could you sing it loudly?

 

[den4]

I'm glad Master Lexico-sama has great words of wisdom to offer to all the folks climbing the mountain to gain enlightenment. I leave all future Ask Lexico columns in your capable hands, sir