And though I do not, and did not ever expect her to be, she is somewhat subservient/obedient (just how she was raised to be and her personality I suppose).
This. I think its fair to say that most Japanese are raised to be that way. But it does not mean you are safe to pick a Japanese woman out of a bar and be guaranteed that she will be a subservient wife if that is what you are looking for.
In fact, if you marry a woman specifically looking to hook up with a gaijin, you are playing a whole different ball game. Those are NOT "most" Japanese women. And that is why we hear so many bad stories of gaijin man and Japanese woman.
I have been married 3 times, but the two that ended did not end for your typical crazy Japanese woman tale. None of my exes nor my current wife was out hunting for a gaijin man. And despite having two divorces under my belt, I can honestly say that they could have been much much worse. At least we ended somewhat amicably. You hardly even hear that when a gaijin guy marries a gaijin hungry Japanese woman and splits up.
But by this understand I am not knocking gaijin hungry Japanese women. I am just saying its another ball game from typical Japanese women. I am sure plenty of those are fine to marry, but there are more nuts in the trail mix. You have to open your eyes and choose carefully, not go off of general stereotypes of Japanese women.
I am married to a japanese woman and i should tell about my experience as it is opposite to all what we have heard about japanese women. my wife is 35 yo. People say that Japanese women do Not yell at their husbands in public. Well, mine does. People say that japanese women dont complain if you travel for work reasons. Mine, even though I just leave town for few days every 2 months, complains a lot... She spends a lot and complains when I buy a lunch and do not take my own lunch from home... yeah funny stuff but when you live with this kind of people, you regret the moment you met them. They say Japanese women are very polite. My wife got to the point where she spits at my face when I am speaking. She did even do more horrible things. So do not believe all what you hear. Every woman is different from the other and I dont think that it is fair to say Japanese wives are better than white women. It is all on an individual basis.
My J-Wife is still emailing her ex boyfriends....
i have said this same exact thing 3 years ago... and i am screwed now that it happened and it sucks....
Someone here mentionned the lack of (North-)Americans in Japan but I think we should consider the atomic bombings. Well, you still remember those bombs somewhat stopped WW2. Although Japan didn't take (a huge part) in the conflict they were actually battling against the US forces in the Pacific Islands (including the Marshall ones). Although Japan wasn't a nazi nation, they're the ones who got bombed. Again, what we (can) learn from History is that when (North-)Americans set foot on Japan, they had a "conqueror" behaviour so of course Japan didn't accept that very well. And also, Japan would appreciate to alter the 1945 Constitution they inherited from (North-)Americans at the time.
Someone else stated Japan is "perfect" and doesn't know racism but it's totally untrue since we can also learn that Japanese ppl are usually or most of them are actually racist against Koreans and Chinese, especially. And again, we learn a lot from History on that topic : Before today there's a total & complete competition between China and Japan. All the time, it's like Japan tries to mimic China. Remember kanji means "Han 's characters" so it's obviously derived from Chinese. Although we have several religions in Japan, remember that Buddism comes from India & then China as well. If you want to go further on the topic of racism in Japan, I suggest you watch a movie called "Go" : it tackles racism against Korean ppl. And I can even suggest the "Shinjuku Incident" starring Jackie Chan (there it's about racism againt Chinese ppl) & of course, be warned, those movies are obviously violent. So no, Japan is not "perfect", far from it. But, again, I guess it's like everywhere else on Earth : you have drawbacks / advantages.
Someone here also mentionned the cultural differences regarding "wedding & sex" : Let me point out another fact on that topic. Many countries around the world consider marriage / wedding as the core for society & specifically, family, of course. Since, usually, 2 ppl get married in order to have children (or at least 1 child). In some countries, if one of the partner can't have a child, then there's no way the Government allows the couple to get married. Please remember love & sex are 2 different things &, of course, marriage has nothing to do with love either : needless to say it's solely a social contract between 2 persons. So that the family name & the money get to the child / children (or remains on the family).
Let me tell you a story (I'll try to be brief) : It's about a French woman (called E.) & a Belgian man (called H.) who met in the 80s. They've known each other from now on. And have a love story / affair until now... In 2005, they got married. Even though they already had 2 kids prior to the marriage. Culturally, it's the other way around XD. And then, eventually, in 2021, E. dies. From those 2 kids, only one stayed for his parents until the "end"... And is still here for his father, btw. But, because there's a legacy (a car, money etc), the other kid (called AA) will show up and is entitled to a part of that legacy.
Let me tell you something else about that story, the other kid, AA, is a 36-year-old woman, a lesbian one. Is married to another woman. And has a kid (called A.), born in 2020. That woman has been rejected by E. in December 2020 for relevant reasons. History of violence against both parents & her brother...
Anyway, if you are to get married, to anyone, a man, a woman, whichever nationality or culture the other person is from, BE AWARE... It's definitely an important decision & you can choose your spouse but you can't choose your children and once you're a parent, you're doomed : You don't know what you get. Some children are helpful & (way too) many are just plain SELFISH. Especially towards their own parents (and perhaps sometimes towards their siblings). So mind my words :
2 parents who raised 2 children, yet both children are WAY different, OPPOSITE one could say...
Just be careful what you wish for.
[For obvious reasons, I simplified that story... Since H. got children from a previous marriage and E. got 1 from another love affair prior to the 2005 marriage...]
And someone else mentionned this true story of child(ren) abduction (which I was far from even imagining it could happen). I see that as a warning to be really careful with who you mate with. I guess nobody wants to be deprived of everything once the so-called love story / marriage ends up...
Marriage is never a fairy tale, and it's never about love... It never has a good ending...
Everything else you've been told is a MYTH, a FAIRY TALE, pure & simple.
So, now, to the point, the thread was about finding a good wife (moreover a Japanese one) : I'd say you might want to specify what you're looking for, exactly.
Are you looking for a good sexual mate?
Are you looking for an appropriate mother for your child(ren) to be born?
Are you looking for a life partner to grow old with?
Do you want someone else to take care of you?
To clean the house?
To cook?
To be a bread-winner?
Or just someone to get along with?
Or are you looking for a friend, a confident?
And, of course, what can you do for that person?
What can you bring? / What can you offer to that person?
I suggest you have answers to those questions before questing / fetching a wife...
Make some points clear... Define things. So that ppl really know what we're talking about here.
If you want to smile, if I were to search for a spouse, I'd say this (based on past relationships) :
What I can do :
- clean / tidy
- cook a little
- work overtime / be the bread-winner
what I can be / the person I am for you :
- passionate / regular lover
- a reliable friend
- a life partner
- a crying shoulder
What I can't offer / give :
- children
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