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Can you ever get truly "close" to someone who is Japanese?

Elizabeth said:
I don't recommend passing as Japanese to find an intimate relationship for several reasons, but mainly they aren't likely going to make any concessions to Western ways and the novelty is going to wear off pretty quickly. Foreigners either have to have the temperment for it or not and there has to be something else besides Japan as a justification.

What's "passing"? I only know the term as used in football. :p

Did you start dating your boyfriend for the "novelty"?

Do you suppose the Chinese, Koreans, Thais, Vietnamese, Indians, or the Bangladeshis would be more willing to make concessions to Western ways?

Could it also be possible that the Japanese have to have the temperament for dating Westerners?

kirei_na_me said:
Amen, Elizabeth.

I've said numerous times that an intercultural relationship can't be taken lightly. I'm sorry, but it's true. It's reality.

What makes different cultures, anyway? It's true that every culture has characteristics to make it unique. Those characteristics include everything from what they eat to what they wear to their skills to their ideas and how they communicate. If the Japanese were just like us, well, they wouldn't be another culture. One shouldn't go around blasting broad stereotypes, but there are things people of a particular group have in common that make them unique compared to others. That's how we get different cultures. Right?

Then why get involved with someone of a different culture (or race, for that matter) if you're gonna end up complaining about it?
 
Golgo_13 said:
Then why get involved with someone of a different culture (or race, for that matter) if you're gonna end up complaining about it?

Who's complaining? It's just reality.
 
If reality is such that you find another culture so difficult to deal with, why get involved with someone of that culture?

We've already been through this so many times.

Blame the individual's personality before you blame an entire race, ethinicity, or culture of people.
 
What makes different cultures, anyway? It's true that every culture has characteristics to make it unique. Those characteristics include everything from what they eat to what they wear to their skills to their ideas and how they communicate. If the Japanese were just like us, well, they wouldn't be another culture. One shouldn't go around blasting broad stereotypes, but there are things people of a particular group have in common that make them unique compared to others. That's how we get different cultures. Right?
And Japan is actually closer to a unique civilization historically than simply another culture, so you can't argue the magnitude of difference between Chinese, Japanese and Korean men is similar to that of Norway, Sweden and Finland for instance.
At any rate, the point isn't to have an academic argument. It's a matter of common sense, really. If you have been around as many people from a particular culture as Enomi apparently has and still don't feel that the good outweighs the bad, that they're lacking in something you need, or have a fundamental sense of rapport with enough of them to matter, it may not be worth wasting any more time on. Not that I ever understood the idea of a particular attraction to the people as an entire people to begin with....:confused:

Did you start dating your boyfriend for the "novelty"?
No, we were basically thrown together over a period of time and forced to get along, not to mention waaaay too serious and considerate of other people around us to fool around so half-heartedly. Basically, the person should be the foremost object of your interest, but that doesn't discount the culture that has formed them either. It's fair to say he's entirely different than any American man I've ever known....but just because he's Japanese doesn't mean I don't sometimes feel bored at his reticence and 13-14 hour work days plus weekend afternoons/evenings, more like a sister than a lover, impatient that it has taken nearly 2 years to completely relax together. For anyone who thinks dating a Japanese person is going to be a mind-altering or magical, sooooo different other-worldly experience....:D

Do you suppose the Chinese, Koreans, Thais, Vietnamese, Indians, or the Bangladeshis would be more willing to make concessions to Western ways?
I would consider the Chinese I've known to be much more down to earth, intellectual and interested in foreign cultures. I haven't had enough experience with the others to know, but I would imagine you'd find plenty of potential partners in developing countries who would make concessions to their culture for a chance to marry a Westerner and immigrate out. Besides remnants of decades/hundreds of years of colonialism and now multinational corporations already dot the landscape in most of those places.

Could it also be possible that the Japanese have to have the temperament for dating Westerners?
Yes, certainly. They have to be openminded and tolorant (nonjudgmental) as a start, which I think a lot of them are.
 
Elizabeth said:
It's a matter of common sense, really.

Thank you very much. Common sense dictates that if someone commits a crime, you blame the individual instead of his race, culture, ethnicity, etc.

Same thing with a person who doesn't quite behave in the way YOU'd like him to.
 
Golgo_13 said:
Thank you very much. Common sense dictates that if someone commits a crime, you blame the individual instead of his race, culture, ethnicity, etc.

Same thing with a person who doesn't quite behave in the way YOU'd like him to.
I've personally never been one to complain or try changing these tendancies on anyone living Japan, you do have to take the good with the not so good and some people's personalities are going to exaserbate these cultural conflicts. On the other hand, even many Japanese will admit things like the people tend to be too easily embarrased, apologize too much, shy, restrained etc. I can't imagine anyone saying it is their partner's personality that causes them not to confess their love or apologize and bow to their superiors. How many Americans do you see acting like that after all ? 😌
 
Elizabeth said:
Not that I ever understood the idea of a particular attraction to the people as an entire people to begin with....

No kidding.

Yes, certainly. They have to be openminded and tolorant (nonjudgmental) as a start, which I think a lot of them are.

True. A Japanese person who has a relationship with a foreigner and lives in a country other than their own is very open-minded and very individualistic. They would have to be.

By the way, this is another thread that'll be locked if things continue to be taken personally and condescending remarks continue to be made. Emoni's already told me that I could put it out of its misery when and if I felt it necessary.
 
Yeah we have quite a few members who feel BORED at some times....but I guess they like to argument a lot 😊.Anyways...the people here should not take everything so personal all the time...it only makes life more miserable at times :eek:
 
Sorry if we hurt some of you,guys. We have some Japanese members on this board and we keep on saying the Japanese that,the Japanese this,can't help though coz it's a forum for anything Japanese. Feeling defensive is understandable,just hope we can avoid personal attacks as it makes posting quite unpleasant at times.
Anyway,Emoni must be enlightened and satisfied by now.
 
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Elizabeth said:
I can't imagine anyone saying it is their partner's personality that causes them not to confess their love or apologize and bow to their superiors.

You're amazing.

Why the hell not? There are shy Americans and there are gregarious ones--isn't that a difference in personality??? If they share the same culture, then what?

So, you still blame the person's culture for such behavior (to confess their love or apologize and bow to their superiors)?
 
what do I do if a japanese girl asks me to her bday party >.<? should I say, "let me think about it" or "yes, why not?" :(
 
Golgo_13 said:
If the person you're having a hard time communicating was overweight, would this topic be "Can you ever get truly close to someone who is FAT"?

:eek: he isn't fat. we just aren't exactly close to each : other 😌
 
Yes I really want. But I read some of the posts; some members said that I should hide my 'true intension', but at the mean time I should express my 'true intension' =.=. I am going to buy her some books for birthday gifts.
 
go if you want & be yourself. but if your gonna be really pervy that usaly scares people away. so just do what you think is right
 
If I have any idea what I should do, I wouldn't ask any one of you guys >.<. I can't understand some of your words >.<
 
what language is it that you speack besies Einglish. sorry... just try & be yourself & give her something that you think she would like.
 
hmmmm.....ok. I could just tell her directly that I really wanna go ^^. I think there is a song in Full Metal Alchemist called "Steady, Steady, GO ^^" lolz. Btw, she is japanese, she said she had been here for 4 years.
 
sima_yi said:
hmmmm.....ok. I could just tell her directly that I really wanna go ^^. I think there is a song in Full Metal Alchemist called "Steady, Steady, GO ^^" lolz. Btw, she is japanese, she said she had been here for 4 years.
Four years? Plenty of time to get used to American cultural differences.

She invited you, so go. But don't be all like 'HOLY CRAP, OH MAN YEAH I REALLY WANNA GO. COOL THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!!!'.

Be casual. "sure, I'll be there. Anything I can do too help out?" is much better.
 
my opinion: some people get close, others dont! You just need to keep chipping away at the sand stone to make a masterpiece ( or in this instance, a close friendship) and sometimes that can take a really long time
 
I think the universal response to birthday party invitations is pretty much, "Sure I'll come, thanks for inviting me." Or "No I can't make it at that time, I'm sorry."

I could be wrong :p
 
Golgo_13 said:
You're amazing.

Why the hell not? There are shy Americans and there are gregarious ones--isn't that a difference in personality??? If they share the same culture, then what?

So, you still blame the person's culture for such behavior (to confess their love or apologize and bow to their superiors)?
Obviously America is more culturally/ethnically mixed than Japan, but on the whole I'd say Americans tend to be more outgoing. Most Japanese I've talked to here will say the same thing. Of course it isn't going to apply to everyone -- but just the fact that there is a tendancy in one direction or another indicates a cultural not individual difference.
I also never said I minded Japanese not confessing their love, apologizing and bowing to their superiors. It isn't negative in my eyes. Neither is being quiet around strangers. Actually Japanese are quite sociable, so I don't like the term shy.

Therefore, a trait cannot be judged cultural or not depending on whether any one person thinks it is positive or negative. Culture cannot responsible for the positive and none of the negative. How strange would that be ? I think everyone can agree the tendancy for Japanese not to tell intimates they love them is stronger than with Americans. Of course some will differ on either side -- but if you approve of the Japanese not doing it as much (as I do), it is due to the culture ? And if you don't, it is because your partner in particular has a problem personality ? :?
 
well I know both me & him can be shy at times.... then again I'm spontanius to make up for it. well I guess what I'm trying to say is every one is diffrent. maybe your not getting along with these people because of your personality or theirs.
 
I think this is an interesting discussion, but perhaps no discussion will be capable to find an answer to a question like this. People are very different even within their own countries. Many of us might seem shy and quiet at first, but if you go to karaoke or a bar you can see a different side to the personality.

Many times I see comments in this forum saying "Japanese people are like this..."
Please! Do not think I am offended by this... Unless it is a rude comment! I understand that this is a forum to discuss the culture and personality of Japanese. But for example, if I made several comments saying "American people are like this...", some of you Americans would maybe agree and some others would maybe say "No I am not like that!" (I made a choice of Americans because there are many in this forum, but you could replace with British, French or any country. Do you understand?)

What I am meaning is, it is not possible to make a single comment thing about all the people of a single country. It cannot be correct about everybody. Japanese have many personality types and each person is different. At the best, this can only be general advice but cannot always be accurate for everyone.

If you want to date a Japanese, this is great! Go for it! Enjoy the differences in our personalities and cultures.

Sima-yi: If a Japanese girl asks you to go to a party. Just say yes if you want to go, or no if you don't want to go. We are human beings like you!
 
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