can someone help?

[Angel.fate]

i had to create my own dialogue but i have been unsure about how i phrased somethings and believe that it is gramatically incorrect. i need someones help as i am a cert 1 in japanese and can not use complicated stuff. could someone tell me where i went werong and how to fix it??

btw how do i pronounce pool in japanese as in swimming pool?

Firstly: respond in suprise ask 'b' to help

i put: Ee! (hai)[this was because 'b' offered to teach new kanji]. tetsutatte kudasai.

tell 'a' you will go home now and rest then call 'a' later on.

i put: ima, watashi wa uchi ni itte, yasumimasu. atode ('a'san)ni denwa o kakemasu.

next for a differnt dialogue

say you swim every week in summer. say you started when you were a uni student.

i put: natsu, maishuu oyogimasu. daigakusei no toki (oyogu wa) hajimemashita.

(i'll put more up in a sec this req urgent help) ashita tesuto ga arimasu kara.

yup me again!
respond approprately. say you are thinking of having a birthday party at the pool. invite 'a ' to go to the pool next month(together with friends).
i put : ii desu ne. watashi wa (pool) de tanjoubi paati o suru to omoimasu. raigetsu isshouni 'a' san to (tomodachi) mina de (pool) ni ikimasen ka.
lastly: say you like travelling. say you'll look on the web. because its cheap
i put: ryokou o suru(or yaru) no ga suki desu. [internet(unknown japanese pronounciation)] o mimasu. yasui desu kara.
toatlly lastly now: say your mother was saying her trip to hawaii last month was very cheap.
i put: haha/okaasan wa sengetsu ryokou hawaii made wa totemo yasukatta desu.
i know this is wrong can someone please correct it i have an exam tommorow and no study partners. T_T

 

[Glenski]

Uh, you want us to do your homework for you, is that it?

 

[Angel.fate]

in response

no if i wanted wanted you to do homework for me i would of put all three FULL DIALOGUES UP THERE AND GET U TO WORK IT OUT. but i didnt im simply looking for expert opinion and if that-s not you then **** ***. okay ^^

 

[Ashikaga]

Thread Moved

moved from All Things Japanese.

 

[Angel.fate]

kanashii desu yo. wakara nai. someone please help i really need it sum kind soul plz help me.

 

[AJBryant]

Sorry, but that "**** ***" was a big turn off for my "helping" juices.

 

[tsurumurasaki]

Ee! (hai). tetsutatte kudasai.

Ee means (light) consent, and in this case it may sound as if you aren't glad so much. Hai is ok, but if you appreciate the help very much, use zehi (by all means) instead.

Zehi tetsudatte kudasai.
Zehi onegaishimasu.

The latter is a utility phrase to remember.

ima, watashi wa uchi ni itte, yasumimasu. atode ('a'san)ni denwa o kakemasu.

{Ittan | Ichido} ie ni {kaette | modotte} yasumimasu. Atode denwa simasu.

ittan, ichido (lit. once) implies you'll contact later.
When a person goes his/her home, the verb kaeru/modoru (return) is more natural than iku (go). Ima (now) isn't necessary and sounds strange. You can use korekara (indicates near future) if you want.

Korekara ichido ie ni kaette yasumimasu.

"denwa wo kakeru" is a correct sentence, but as a contact, "denwa (wo) suru" is more common.

natsu, maishuu oyogimasu. daigakusei no toki (oyogu wa) hajimemashita.

Natsu ni wa, maishuu oyogimasu. oyogi wa daigakusei no toki hajimemashita.

(I started swimming when I was a uni student. = I couldn't swim until then.)

Natsu ni wa, maishuu oyogimasu. sono shuukan wa daigakusei no toki hajimemashita.

(I started that habit when I was a uni student.)

More natural sentences:

Daigakusei no toki kara natu ni wa maishuu oyoide imasu.

(siteiru: a habit in this case)

Daigakusei no toki kara natu ni wa maishuu oyogu koto ni siteimasu.

(suru koto ni siteiru: a stronger habit)