Lina Inverse
後輩
- 29 Apr 2004
- 1,700
- 49
About time I posted some more of those...
Some Q&A:
Q.) Why does a willy have a hole in the end?
A.) So men can be open minded.
Q.) What's the speed limit of sex?
A.) 68 because at 69 you have to turn around.
Q.) What do a Rubix cube and a willy have in common?
A.) The longer you play with them, the harder they get.
Q.) What's the difference between your paycheck and your willy?
A.) You don't have to beg your gf/wife to blow your paycheck!
Q.) Three words to ruin a man's ego?
A.) "Is it in?"
Q.) What do you do with 365 used condoms?
A.) Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.
Q.) What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common?
A.) They both cost a hundred bucks, and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed.
The prisoner
A prisoner escapes from prison where he has served 15 years. He stops at a house and breaks into it. He finds a young couple in bed. He gets the guy out of bed, ties him up on a chair, ties up the woman to the bed and gets on top of her. He kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom.
While he is there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy is a prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent a lot of time in prison, and has not seen a woman in years. I saw the way he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you, give him satisfaction. This guy's dangerous, if he gets angry, he will kill us. Be strong honey. I love you."
To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he found you very sexy, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you too...."
Talented frog
A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday.
After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive. She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't want to spend a fortune.
"Well," said the clerk, "I have a very large bullfrog. They say it's been trained to give blow jobs!" "Blowjobs?!" the woman replied.
"It hasn't been proven, but we've sold 30 of them this month," he said.
The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, and what if it's true...no more blowjobs for her! She bought the frog.
When she explained froggy's ability to her husband, he was extremely skeptical and laughed it off.
The woman went to bed happy, thinking she may never need to perform this less than riveting act again.
In the middle of the night, she was awakened by the noise of pots and pans flying everywhere, making hellacious banging and crashing sounds.
She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks.
"What are you two doing at this hour?" she asked.
The husband replied, "If I can teach this frog to cook as well, your *** is gone!"
Interesting dog names
Everybody who has a dog calls him 窶彝over窶 or 窶廝oy窶? I call mine 窶彜ex窶? Sex has been embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew his license, I told the clerk I would like to have a license for Sex; he said he would like one too. Then I said, 窶彙ut this is a dog.窶 He said he didn窶冲 care what she looked like. Then I said, 窶弸ou don窶冲 understand. I have had Sex since I was 9 years old.窶 He said I must have been quite a kid. When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me, and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the place was for sex. I said 窶弸ou don窶冲 understand, Sex keeps me awake at night.窶 The clerk said, 窶廴e too.窶 One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away and a contestant asked me why I was standing there looking around. I told him I planned to have sex in the contest. He told me that I should have sold my own tickets. 窶廝ut you don窶冲 understand,窶 I said, 窶廬 hoped to have Sex on TV.窶 He called me a showoff. When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, 窶弸our honor, I had Sex before I was married.窶 The judge said, 窶廴e too.窶 Then I told him that after I was separated, Sex left me. He said 窶廴e Too.窶 Last night Sex ran off again. I spend hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked me, 窶弩hat are you doing in this alley at 4:00 in the morning?窶 I said, 窶 I am looking for Sex.窶 My case comes up on Friday.
Unsuccessful diet
A little boy wakes up 3 nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents bedroom.
Finally one morning he goes to his mom and says, "Mommy , every night I hear you and daddy making noise and when I look in you're bouncing up and down on him".
His mom is taken by suprise and says "Oh... well I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and that makes him thin again."
The little boy says, That won't work"
His Mom says, "WHY?"
The little boy replies "Because the lady next door comes over, after you leave, and blows him back up!!"
Golfers showing off
Four men went golfing one day. Three headed to the first tee while the other went to the clubhouse to take care of the bill. The three men started bragging about their sons. The first man told the others, "My son is a home builder, and he is so successful that he gave a friend a new home for free." The second man said, "My son was a car salesman, and now he owns a multi-line dealership. He's so successful that he gave a friend a brand new mercedes, fully loaded." The third man not wanting to be outdone, bragged, "My son is a stockbroker, and is so successful that he gave a friend an entire portfolio." The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking caring of business. The first man mentioned, "We were just talking about our sons. How is your son doing?" The fourth man replied, "Well my son is gay and and dances in a gay bar." The others grew silent as he continued, "I'm not totally thrilled about the dancing job, but he must be doing well. His last three boyfriends gave him a house, a brand new mercedes and a stock portfolio."
Some Q&A:
Q.) Why does a willy have a hole in the end?
A.) So men can be open minded.
Q.) What's the speed limit of sex?
A.) 68 because at 69 you have to turn around.
Q.) What do a Rubix cube and a willy have in common?
A.) The longer you play with them, the harder they get.
Q.) What's the difference between your paycheck and your willy?
A.) You don't have to beg your gf/wife to blow your paycheck!
Q.) Three words to ruin a man's ego?
A.) "Is it in?"
Q.) What do you do with 365 used condoms?
A.) Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.
Q.) What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common?
A.) They both cost a hundred bucks, and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed.
The prisoner
A prisoner escapes from prison where he has served 15 years. He stops at a house and breaks into it. He finds a young couple in bed. He gets the guy out of bed, ties him up on a chair, ties up the woman to the bed and gets on top of her. He kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom.
While he is there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy is a prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent a lot of time in prison, and has not seen a woman in years. I saw the way he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you, give him satisfaction. This guy's dangerous, if he gets angry, he will kill us. Be strong honey. I love you."
To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he found you very sexy, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you too...."
Talented frog
A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday.
After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive. She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't want to spend a fortune.
"Well," said the clerk, "I have a very large bullfrog. They say it's been trained to give blow jobs!" "Blowjobs?!" the woman replied.
"It hasn't been proven, but we've sold 30 of them this month," he said.
The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, and what if it's true...no more blowjobs for her! She bought the frog.
When she explained froggy's ability to her husband, he was extremely skeptical and laughed it off.
The woman went to bed happy, thinking she may never need to perform this less than riveting act again.
In the middle of the night, she was awakened by the noise of pots and pans flying everywhere, making hellacious banging and crashing sounds.
She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks.
"What are you two doing at this hour?" she asked.
The husband replied, "If I can teach this frog to cook as well, your *** is gone!"
Interesting dog names
Everybody who has a dog calls him 窶彝over窶 or 窶廝oy窶? I call mine 窶彜ex窶? Sex has been embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew his license, I told the clerk I would like to have a license for Sex; he said he would like one too. Then I said, 窶彙ut this is a dog.窶 He said he didn窶冲 care what she looked like. Then I said, 窶弸ou don窶冲 understand. I have had Sex since I was 9 years old.窶 He said I must have been quite a kid. When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me, and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the place was for sex. I said 窶弸ou don窶冲 understand, Sex keeps me awake at night.窶 The clerk said, 窶廴e too.窶 One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away and a contestant asked me why I was standing there looking around. I told him I planned to have sex in the contest. He told me that I should have sold my own tickets. 窶廝ut you don窶冲 understand,窶 I said, 窶廬 hoped to have Sex on TV.窶 He called me a showoff. When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, 窶弸our honor, I had Sex before I was married.窶 The judge said, 窶廴e too.窶 Then I told him that after I was separated, Sex left me. He said 窶廴e Too.窶 Last night Sex ran off again. I spend hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked me, 窶弩hat are you doing in this alley at 4:00 in the morning?窶 I said, 窶 I am looking for Sex.窶 My case comes up on Friday.
Unsuccessful diet
A little boy wakes up 3 nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents bedroom.
Finally one morning he goes to his mom and says, "Mommy , every night I hear you and daddy making noise and when I look in you're bouncing up and down on him".
His mom is taken by suprise and says "Oh... well I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and that makes him thin again."
The little boy says, That won't work"
His Mom says, "WHY?"
The little boy replies "Because the lady next door comes over, after you leave, and blows him back up!!"
Golfers showing off
Four men went golfing one day. Three headed to the first tee while the other went to the clubhouse to take care of the bill. The three men started bragging about their sons. The first man told the others, "My son is a home builder, and he is so successful that he gave a friend a new home for free." The second man said, "My son was a car salesman, and now he owns a multi-line dealership. He's so successful that he gave a friend a brand new mercedes, fully loaded." The third man not wanting to be outdone, bragged, "My son is a stockbroker, and is so successful that he gave a friend an entire portfolio." The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking caring of business. The first man mentioned, "We were just talking about our sons. How is your son doing?" The fourth man replied, "Well my son is gay and and dances in a gay bar." The others grew silent as he continued, "I'm not totally thrilled about the dancing job, but he must be doing well. His last three boyfriends gave him a house, a brand new mercedes and a stock portfolio."
