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Are these sentences correct?

japlearn__25

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That's a translation of your original English sentences. Few revisions are needed, though.

also, i forget to say something at the end about this:
you ever get that feeling where you want to finish something so you don't have to worry about it for a while? ;)


(not that i'm not grateful, really :))
 
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japlearn__25

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It's not me, but are you talking about the two "are"s in the title?

You can edit your post instead of multiple continuous posting, as Chris-san suggested.

Are you going to send the letters and presents before you sing, or after you really sing? If the former, 歌う予定です/歌うつもりです/歌おうと思っています is more appropriate than telling a lie.

It's useless to explain タレントショー to me. I already read the article in Wikipedia. They definitely don't know about タレントショー either, so you need to explain about it also to them in the letters, if you want to use the term.

掲載しませんか is indeed a polite form, but it's asking for doing that directly to the addressee whether もしよかったら is there or not. However, 載せてもらえるとすごくうれしいです is just telling your wish "I'm happy if you do that". It acts as an indirect request, and therefore sounds more humble/less pushy. Makes sense?

Here's my attempt;
須田亜香里様

お誕生日おめでとうございます!

プレゼントは届きましたか?
イルカが好きかどうか分からないけど、気に入ってもらえたでしょうか。

このぬいぐるみとの写真をググタスか何かに載せてもらえるとすごくうれしいです。

PS.
以前あかりんさんが歌っていた「シンクロときめき」を聞いてすごく感動しました。
9月にタレントショーというアマチュアのイベントがあるんですが、そこでこの歌を歌おうと思っています。
あと4曲、「不器用太陽」、「ウィンブルドンへ連れていって」、「未来とは?」それと「遠くにいても」も歌う予定です。

イギリス在住のあかりんファンより


高柳明音様

お誕生日おめでとうございます!

プレゼントは届きましたか?
鳥が好きかどうか分からないけど、気に入ってもらえたでしょうか。

このぬいぐるみとの写真をググタスか何かに載せてもらえるとすごくうれしいです。

PS.
以前ちゅりさんが歌っていた「夜風の仕業」を聞いてすごく感動しました。
9月にタレントショーというアマチュアのイベントがあるんですが、そこでこの歌を歌おうと思っています。
あと4曲、「不器用太陽」、「ウィンブルドンへ連れていって」、「未来とは?」それと「遠くにいても」も歌う予定です。

イギリス在住のちゅりさんファンより

By the way, are you going to send the letters and presents to the two of them?

i've finished writing half of my letters now, (the spaces are for the parts that I still need translations for (in the middle & near the bottom of akari & akane's letter)

& need to know what it says in english as shown in post 11 (at the top of that post) & 12, where you gave me a translation of (was it this: if it's possible, would you post a picture of it with you on google + or something?/if it's possible, would you post a picture of it with you on twitter or something?) if so, i removed the ''or something'' part when i didn't need/want it in there :))

about the 2nd one, though, i guess it can be either twitter or google +. it doesn't really matter ;)

i still need to know what these say in english, please if you can tell me, because i haven't written any english for that :): 以前あかりんさんが歌っていた「シンクロときめき」を聞いてすごく感動しました。

& 以前ちゅりさんが歌っていた「夜風の仕業」を聞いてすごく感動しました。


also, like i said in post 11 that ''their birthdays are in october & november this year & the the talent show is september this year so the talent show/stage would have passed''. so, i'm not telling a lie :)''
so, i'd like these corrected, please :): 9月にタレントショーというアマチュアのイベントがあるんですが、そこでこの歌を歌おうと思っています。,

あと4曲、「不器用太陽」、「シンクロときめき」、 「ウィンブルドンへ連れていって」、「未来とは?」それと「遠くにいても」も歌う予定です。(i added Synchro Tokimeki in there)

& あと4曲、「夜風の仕業」、「不器用太陽」、「ウィンブルドンへ連れていって」、「未来とは?」それと「遠くにいても」も歌う予定です。(i added yokaze no shiwaza in there)

i'd like to know the english for that if you can :)

by the way, i'll be rewriting it in pen once i have everything :)

akari's letter: DSC00795[1].JPG DSC00805[1].JPG

akane's letter: DSC00833[1].JPG DSC00839[1].JPG


thanks
 
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Toritoribe

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As I said in my previous post, シンクロときめき and 夜風の仕業 are not their original songs, so you need to explain why you mention these songs specifically in your letters to them. 以前あかりんさんが歌っていた「シンクロときめき」を聞いてすごく感動しました。and 以前ちゅりさんが歌っていた「夜風の仕業」を聞いてすごく感動しました。 are the explanation; "I was moved by your singing the song".

か何か makes your request sound more humble. That's why I added it.

You shouldn't "merge" her translation you got in another forum and mine. We used different levels of polite forms. She is indeed fluent in Japanese, but wouldn't be a native speaker. 鳥が好きだと知っています sounds awkward (too much translatese), for instance.

Here's the revised version. (For confirmation, you are going to sing 6 songs; 夜風の仕業, 不器用太陽, シンクロときめき, ウィンブルドンへ連れていって, 未来とは? and 遠くにいても, right?)

須田亜香里様

お誕生日おめでとうございます!

プレゼントは届きましたか?
イルカが好きかどうか分からないけど、気に入ってもらえたでしょうか。

このぬいぐるみとの写真をググタスか何かに載せてもらえるとすごくうれしいです。

PS.
以前あかりんさんが歌っていた「シンクロときめき」を聞いてすごく感動しました。
9月にタレントショーというアマチュアのイベントがあったんですが、実はそこでこの歌を歌ったんです。
あと5曲、「夜風の仕業」、「不器用太陽」、「ウィンブルドンへ連れていって」、「未来とは?」それと「遠くにいても」も歌いました。

イギリス在住のあかりんファン Charlotte Hart より



高柳明音様

お誕生日おめでとうございます!

プレゼントは届きましたか?
鳥が好きだと聞いたことがあるんですが、気に入ってもらえたでしょうか。

このぬいぐるみとの写真をググタスか何かに載せてもらえるとすごくうれしいです。

PS.
以前ちゅりさんが歌っていた「夜風の仕業」を聞いてすごく感動しました。
9月にタレントショーというアマチュアのイベントがあったんですが、実はそこでこの歌を歌ったんです。
あと5曲、「不器用太陽」、「シンクロときめき」、「ウィンブルドンへ連れていって」、「未来とは?」それと「遠くにいても」も歌いました。

イギリス在住のちゅりさんファン Charlotte Hart より
 

japlearn__25

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須田亜香里様
高柳明音様

i was just wondering, though; which one is better: those ones
or these ones: 亜香里 へ
明音 へ
:confused:

thanks

As I said in my previous post, シンクロときめき and 夜風の仕業 are not their original songs, so you need to explain why you mention these songs specifically in your letters to them. 以前あかりんさんが歌っていた「シンクロときめき」を聞いてすごく感動しました。and 以前ちゅりさんが歌っていた「夜風の仕業」を聞いてすごく感動しました。 are the explanation; "I was moved by your singing the song".

か何か makes your request sound more humble. That's why I added it.

You shouldn't "merge" her translation you got in another forum and mine. We used different levels of polite forms. She is indeed fluent in Japanese, but wouldn't be a native speaker. 鳥が好きだと知っています sounds awkward (too much translatese), for instance.

Here's the revised version. (For confirmation, you are going to sing 6 songs; 夜風の仕業, 不器用太陽, シンクロときめき, ウィンブルドンへ連れていって, 未来とは? and 遠くにいても, right?)

須田亜香里様

お誕生日おめでとうございます!

プレゼントは届きましたか?
イルカが好きかどうか分からないけど、気に入ってもらえたでしょうか。

このぬいぐるみとの写真をググタスか何かに載せてもらえるとすごくうれしいです。

PS.
以前あかりんさんが歌っていた「シンクロときめき」を聞いてすごく感動しました。
9月にタレントショーというアマチュアのイベントがあったんですが、実はそこでこの歌を歌ったんです。
あと5曲、「夜風の仕業」、「不器用太陽」、「ウィンブルドンへ連れていって」、「未来とは?」それと「遠くにいても」も歌いました。

イギリス在住のあかりんファン Charlotte Hart より



高柳明音様

お誕生日おめでとうございます!

プレゼントは届きましたか?
鳥が好きだと聞いたことがあるんですが、気に入ってもらえたでしょうか。

このぬいぐるみとの写真をググタスか何かに載せてもらえるとすごくうれしいです。

PS.
以前ちゅりさんが歌っていた「夜風の仕業」を聞いてすごく感動しました。
9月にタレントショーというアマチュアのイベントがあったんですが、実はそこでこの歌を歌ったんです。
あと5曲、「不器用太陽」、「シンクロときめき」、「ウィンブルドンへ連れていって」、「未来とは?」それと「遠くにいても」も歌いました。

イギリス在住のちゅりさんファン Charlotte Hart より


just wondering;

if i decided to add either the english ver or the Japanese ver of ayaka's song ''I believe'', ''Hajimari no toki'' the english ver or Mikazuki english ver,
how would either one be read? would ''i believe'' be read as it is or different?

and i just found out that you read ''Hajimari no toki'' as ''はじまりのとき'' & ''mikazuki'' - as ''三日月'', that's right, right?


thanks



one more thing,

i sort of understand this half: イルカが好きかどうか分からないけど、

but what does the other half mean in english, please?: 気に入ってもらえたでしょうか。


also, what does this one mean in english?: このぬいぐるみとの写真をググタスか何かに載せてもらえるとすごくうれしいです。 i know you said it's translation of my original english, but i'm just a bit confused :confused:

thanks again :)
 
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Toritoribe

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I edited your post. Please do not use that abbreviation (your user name as well).

i was just wondering, though; which one is better: those ones
or these ones: 亜香里 へ
明音 へ
My one is formal.

just wondering;

if i decided to add either the english ver or the Japanese ver of ayaka's song ''I believe'', ''Hajimari no toki'' the english ver or Mikazuki english ver,
how would either one be read? would ''i believe'' be read as it is or different?

and i just found out that you read ''Hajimari no toki'' as ''はじまりのとき'' & ''mikazuki'' - as ''三日月'', that's right, right?
Is there any reason to tell them that you sang 絢香's songs which don't have any relation with AKB/SKE??

i sort of understand this half: イルカが好きかどうか分からないけど、

but what does the other half mean in english, please?: 気に入ってもらえたでしょうか。
I wonder if you like it. works as a humble version of I hope you like it.


also, what does this one mean in english?: このぬいぐるみとの写真をググタスか何かに載せてもらえるとすごくうれしいです。 i know you said it's translation of my original english, but i'm just a bit confused
載せてもらえるとすごくうれしいです is just telling your wish "I'm happy if you do that".
 

japlearn__25

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Is there any reason to tell them that you sang 絢香's songs which don't have any relation with AKB/SKE??

i was just asking how they would be read, that's all

i didn't say yet, that i was going to sing any of them

besides, if i did sing any of them, is it wrong to tell them, anyway, even, if it does have and relation with AKB/SKE? :confused:


I edited your post. Please do not use that abbreviation (your user name as well).

i'm not sure i did, did i? where was that? :confused:
 
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Toritoribe

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japlearn__25

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Then, you should write the correct letter after you really sang the songs in order to avoid telling a lie.

it's okay, i'll probably end not doing any of them that i mentioned in the first half of ''post 29'', anyway,
but if i do sing any of them, then i'll rewrite them

but is it wrong to tell them, anyway, even though neither of them sung any of them?
what i mean is, would they care about that if i told them about that song? i'm not sure :unsure:

Google is your friend (or ggrks in Japanese).

i found out that those other two were right, but i really wanted to know you read ''i believe''
is it as it is or different? :)


I edited your post. Please do not use that abbreviation (your user name as well).

i think i found out what you meant

i think it was when i put: either the english ver or the Japanese ver of ayaka's song ''I believe''

my bad, sorry
 
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japlearn__25

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i think i found out what you meant

i think it was when i put: either the english ver or the Japanese ver of ayaka's song ''I believe''

my bad, sorry


hi, to whoever edited my post;
i only put what i put before, before you edited it, just to say that i remembered what i put :)
 

Toritoribe

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I believe you can convey what you want to say without using the abbreviation. It's meaningless to edit your previous post if you use the same word again. Don't you think so?
 

japlearn__25

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I believe you can convey what you want to say without using the abbreviation. It's meaningless to edit your previous post if you use the same word again. Don't you think so?


do these look okay? despite any mistakes that i think that i may have done. i can always rewite them

akari's letter: DSC00860[2].jpg DSC00876[1].jpg

akane's letter: DSC00869[1].jpg DSC00877[1].jpg


just one thing, though, wouldn't it be better to use ''akari e/akane e'' at the start of the letters?
even though you said to use 須田亜香里様 - Suda akari-sama/高柳明音様 - Takayanagi akane-sama. just wondering :)


thanks
 
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just one thing, though, wouldn't it be better to use ''akari e/akane e'' at the start of the letters?
even though you said to use 須田亜香里様 - Suda akari-sama/高柳明音様 - Takayanagi akane-sama. just wondering :)
Certainly not. あかりへ looks like you're writing a note to a close friend. Also, Toritoribeさん is a native Japanese speaker and an eloquent writer in both Japanese and English. You can almost always take his suggestions as correct - the only times I've seen him be 'wrong' are when he was misled by a lack of context and so gave the most common answer instead of the one for the situation (not a problem here), and of course the occasional typo. Given that it's almost certain that he's correct, it would really be better to ask -why- his answer is better.

(edit... in fact, I would like to ask, why are we omitting the へ? I don't understand why adding an honorific like 'sama' would make the 'he' disappear. I wouldn't have been surprised for it to be replaced with a more formal term, but I am a little surprised that it disappears.)

As for errors, 歌った (utatta) is spelled with a small 'tsu' indicating a glottal stop, not a large 'tsu' that would be pronounced as 'tsu'. (The same for 歌って - uttate).

You イ characters have a top stroke that goes so far down that at first I thought I might be looking 人... the diagonal stroke should only go about halfway down the height of the vertical stroke.

Speaking of the occasional typo, it looks like あかりんファン is such a typo. If you compare it to the other letter, where it says ちゅりさんファン, the correction you need to make should be clear, if you can read all the kana.

Other than that it looks correct to me, a little wobbly but a very good effort and very readable. I hope that you've checked a dictionary or writing reference for the characters you're writing... writing characters (both kana and kanji) with the correct stroke order is very important. It would be a shame if you were to put so much effort into writing only to do it incorrectly.
 

Toritoribe

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Is there any reason you wrote まし twice?



just one thing, though, wouldn't it be better to use ''akari e/akane e'' at the start of the letters?
even though you said to use 須田亜香里様 - Suda akari-sama/高柳明音様 - Takayanagi akane-sama. just wondering
You shouldn't "merge" her translation you got in another forum and mine. We used different levels of polite forms.

EDIT:
in fact, I would like to ask, why are we omitting the へ? I don't understand why adding an honorific like 'sama' would make the 'he' disappear. I wouldn't have been surprised for it to be replaced with a more formal term, but I am a little surprised that it disappears.
The name at the top of a letter with an honorific such like 様, 殿 or 御中 shows that it's the name of the recipient. You can think the position of the name and honorifics implies "to (them)" in letters.
 
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japlearn__25

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Is there any reason you wrote まし twice?

at the time, i didn't notice that i forgot to write that in, & it's said so in the lines



edit: that was my bad, i could've sworn that i saw those parts when I copyed those lines into google translate, but i guess i was wrong :facepalm:

i was going to rewrite them anyway, to correct the errors that i made :)

thanks
 

japlearn__25

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As for errors, 歌った (utatta) is spelled with a small 'tsu' indicating a glottal stop, not a large 'tsu' that would be pronounced as 'tsu'. (The same for 歌って - uttate).


You イ characters have a top stroke that goes so far down that at first I thought I might be looking 人... the diagonal stroke should only go about halfway down the height of the vertical stroke.

where in my letters did i do that? :confused:

thanks
 

japlearn__25

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以前あかりんさんが歌っていた「シンクロときめき」を聞いてすごく感動しました。and 以前ちゅりさんが歌っていた「夜風の仕業」を聞いてすごく感動しました。 are the explanation; "I was moved by your singing the song"

i was just wondering why you picked the word ''moved''

i would've picked the words ''i liked it when you were''
but the one that you said is good too :)

again, just wondering :)

thanks
 
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Toritoribeさん、
なるほど。勉強になりました。ありがとうございます。

japlearn_25さん、
PS.
以前あかりんさんが歌っていた「シンクロときめき」を聞いてすごく感動しました。
9月にタレントショーというアマチュアのイベントがあったんですが、実はそこでこの歌を歌ったんです。
In your first letter, the つ in 歌っていた is bigger than the て, and the one in 歌ったんです is about the same size as the た. In the second letter in the same places, the つ are a little smaller but still centered in the line. The glottal stop little-つ is usually half-sized (or even smaller in some people's handwriting) and in horizontal writing lines up with the bottom of the characters so it basically appears half height.

I don't know what font you're using, but certainly on my screen in the above text the つ in the bolded words appears like that, half-size and down low.
 

japlearn__25

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I don't know what font you're using, but certainly on my screen in the above text the つ in the bolded words appears like that, half-size and down low.

what i did was,
i copied each line into google translate & then wrote it onto paper from there :)

but it's okay, as i currently rewriting them :)
 
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what i did was,
i copied each line into google translate & then wrote it onto paper from there :)

but it's okay, as i currently rewriting them :)
Just so you know, google translate is pretty terrible. Sometimes it works perfectly - like with fixed phrases that have a translation that a human originally typed. It just looks up the translation for the expression without doing any interpretation, so of course the answer is good. But, most of the time, when it has to try to actually translate programmatically it comes up with a lot of garbled nonsense.

Also I want to tell you about Jisho.org: Japanese Dictionary , a Japanese-English dictionary site. Of course you can only look up one word at a time and you have to do some understanding of your own.

Importantly, you can look up the kanji, like,
歌 #kanji - Jisho.org
and see the correct stroke order so that you can write the characters correctly.

These pages will also show you the stroke order for the hiragana and katakana,
Learning Hiragana - Yoshida Institute
Learning Katakana - Yoshida Institute

You're putting a lot of work into this, but in the end you won't learn anything useful from google translate or from copying computer fonts. I hope you'll check these resources out and learn what the words are that you're using and the correct way to write them.
 

japlearn__25

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japlearn__25 said:
i was just wondering why you picked the word ''moved''

Toritoribe said:
As I said in my previous post, シンクロときめき and 夜風の仕業 are not their original songs, so you need to explain why you mention these songs specifically in your letters to them.

that's not really what I meant

what I meant was why you picked that specific word :)

Is there any reason you wrote まし twice?






EDIT:

The name at the top of a letter with an honorific such like 様, 殿 or 御中 shows that it's the name of the recipient. You can think the position of the name and honorifics implies "to (them)" in letters.


is this better? :)

akari's letter: DSC00878[1].jpg DSC00879[1].jpg

i'll upload akane's letter when I've finished it (although my ''で & て'' tend to go a bit wonky sometimes. i think that's the only character i seem to be having trouble with, sometimes :facepalm:)

thanks

i was just wondering how you would say ''congratulatons on getting to top 7 in the Senbatsu Sousenkyo''? :)
Kami 7 - Wiki48 (2016)


i've finished akane's letter now. is this better? : DSC00881[1].jpg DSC00885[1].jpg

(although, i had a little mis-hap with ''遠'' on this letter & akari's letter,
will it still be alright? :unsure: )


thanks :)
 

Toritoribe

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that's not really what I meant

what I meant was why you picked that specific word
That's exactly what is explained in my quote; an example to explain the reason.

i was just wondering how you would say ''congratulatons on getting to top 7 in the Senbatsu Sousenkyo''?
神セブン入りおめでとうございます。
 

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