6 months in Japan as exchange student

[Nall-ohki]

you telling me that I should so anger while being on abroad to my fellow students in university. They are just acting as people are. If you dont care their ways its much better to ignore than take the blame I think.

Many things have change after that period. I think just not to communicate oppend up many new ways of acceptance than just being loud.

You have misunderstood my point on this part - all I am saying is this:

You are in a foreign land, and it is natural to be stressed, and this will lead you to be angry at times. Not expressing anger is not a good thing.

I'm not saying you should yell at people when you're angry or to be violent, but remember that you need to deal with your stress, or it's going to really mess you up (I speak from experience on this matter).

Go to the gym, do a martial art, go home and have "TV time" with a tape of your favorite show from back home. Be sure to have time that's just "MrJones time". This is important for your mental health.

But remember that, like it or not, you're in this country, and your life is going to be a lot better if you can deal with the 99% of people that live here.

So, when you're in public, be sure to always be ready to meet Japanese people. It's important for your growth both in Japanese and culturally.

Your biggest problem appears to be one of two things:

1. You're stressed out enough or inexperienced enough that you're not seeing your interactions with Japanese people correctly.
2. You're unsatisfied with the way Japanese people act toward you.

Number 1 can be helped by working through your own predjudices and preconceptions about how people interact with each other and then carefully evaluating situations as they come at you. Try to be as objective as possible - try to figure whether that person is asking you a question to be rude, because they want to know, or because they just dont know any better.

Number 2 can be addressed by coming up with a way of answering the questions that satisfies you. This is going to be far more productive in the long run than being annoyed with the uniformity of the questions that will be asked you. Just figure out, when someone asks you if you can use chopsticks, find a way to bring the conversation in a direction that will get you talking about things you want to talk about.

Figure out how to control the conversation so it's not annoying to you. There are strategies for this, including asking about the other person's background, family, etc. It's likely that they will expect a few questions in return.

Remember this: if you really want to change the way people react to you, you have to make them do so.

 

[Mikawa Ossan]

When someone asks you "When are you going home?" Think of it as "How long are you planning to stay?" My guess is that the intention is more often than not that of the second version.

 

[Mrjones]

Yeah i know that now... but didnt know when i just had come here.

 

[MajideSaiaku]

"Well things are better now.. 6 months have based and my life is pretty normal. I like it here, but I don't never make communication with my college students again. I just go to classes and thats it."
"My family also teached me another important thing. Never give up."

Isn't this EXACTLY what you've done? You had trouble talking with the native college students, and so you either isolated yourself or surrounded yourself with other foreign students. It's the same as running, and the same as giving up.

From what I gather you have settled into a kinda system foreigners do in your own or my country, that is suffer shock and mental truma from a new enviroment, and gether around other foreigners or hide away.


Its not your fault or anything, but its good to recognise this, Just as you and your friends at home perhaps witness a foreign student seemingly avoiding or ignoring the locals, try and emagine how the Japanese feel about your behaviour.

To them you seem just like that, they dont know that their perhaps innocent enquieries appear rude or insulting to you.

Try and force yourself to see Japan on a mroe brighter note, try and think twice when you think you caught an insult or something, even in my own country I've thought I heard someone say something rude that was infact just my mind playing tricks.

My old man once scoulded me raw for what he thought he heard a very dirty rude insult, which he merely heard wrong.



So yeah, get out there, try and see Japan in a positive light, and try and make friends, no matter how hard, your from a foreign country, so this time YOU will have to make the effort.


In my country, Britain, many people complain about how foreigners dont try and integrate at all, or how they dont appriciate British customs and stuff, but we seem to forget these people arent British, Just as you arent Japanese, try and make friends and show them that you are infact not Japanese so you dont always know Japan's norms, and that your trying.

Bleh, pointless advice rant, but im sure I conveyed some positive advice.

 

[Niedy]

We always ask our (japanese) exchange students, when they will be going home... its part of the small talk ^^ Its just a way of showing interest in the other person AND its a topic easy enough that even if you don't speak well, you'll be comfortable answering... my experience is, that japanese people tend to speak about easier topics with foreigners until they know what level you are... and questions like "Oh, you're good with chopsticks" or "Wow, you really know your japanese well" are perfect to start a conversation. And if they really are rude... they are not worth your time or worry... its their loss not yours there are millions of japanese compared to a few gaijin... your chances of finding someone interested in you is way higher than them finding a gaijin again willing to talk to them

Try finding a English Club at your university or something like this... chances are high that those students are interested in foreigners...

and find something you REALLY love... so if you get down you can give yourself a little treat... like your favorite food or a place you like to go... people you like to meet... those things help...

ganbatte ne

 

[Qutiepie]

-when are you going home ?

This was the first questions Japanese students asked me,on the first minute I stepped to university area.

Haha ... this question brings back memory of one silly encounter my junior high schoolmate had with my mother who spoke incomprehensible English.As she was waiting for me outside our home front porch on a girls-hang-out day,my dear old mother told her to ... go home ... go home ... my mommy meant step inside the house not standing there wait on me.

 

[taehyun]

This at least can be explained with language problems
Not like that young comedian (owarai geinoujin),who adressed one foreigner in the audience with the words : "Laugh, until your visa expires!" on one national TV show on NHK.

 

[Nall-ohki]

This at least can be explained with language problems
Not like that young comedian (owarai geinoujin),who adressed one foreigner in the audience with the words : "Laugh, until your visa expires!" on one national TV show on NHK.

Now that's just plain rude.

 

[doinkies]

Yeah, it sounds like that particular comedian was a complete doink. But I don't think that the Japanese people who asked MrJones when he was going home intended to be doinky, they just phrased it in a doinky-sounding way.

 

[Mrjones]

Its not your fault or anything, but its good to recognise this, Just as you and your friends at home perhaps witness a foreign student seemingly avoiding or ignoring the locals, try and emagine how the Japanese feel about your behaviour.

To them you seem just like that, they dont know that their perhaps innocent enquieries appear rude or insulting to you.
____________________________________________________________

Why I should do that.. yesterday after school I was told by some chinese guy that I am an *******...I never even spoke to this guy. There was a week in school when i was called jehoman by every ******* student in school. Granted i didnt know what that is. So excately why I should care or bother about anything else than my self ?

 

[bexchurnside]

Hello Japan reference people, I have been watching this forum some time now and since I live in Japan I deceided to join you.
My English is not perfect, but I have you can understand me.
I came Japan 6 months ago as an exchange students, I have one year plan here in Japan. I live in rural area called Shimmachi, which is part of Gunma prefecture. There are no other exchange students, from Europe or US. There are few foreign teachers however and few students from other foreign countries. 50% of students in my college are Chinese exchange students.
I am posting this here becouse I need to get this said. I only say it here becouse I probably can never tell for my parents how I feel about Japan after living here. Japan is great country, and I understand that I live in rural area where people can sometimes be little different. There can be a change of attitudes partly in Finland too depending where you travel or living as an foreigner. "We are only 5million people though so racisim doesn't show usually and we are quite individualistic in finland too, in my opinion."
My parents have teached me: Always to be as humble as possible and never use violance, never stare anyone especially into eyes, it is considered rude in some cultures. Do not raise your voice and express anger... etc. The normal rules of how to be polite.
After arraving to my new living area, in Shimmachi, these questions rose into my mind.
- Why some Japanese people think, they can read my mind ?
In the first evening after arrival to shimmachi, I had traditional evening meal at my landlords house. (My landlord is a great guy, no offence really) They were talking in Japanese, Why I came to Finland. First they asked me the questions and I explained the best I could. (I had studied little bit Japanese before coming to Japan. about one year) After I explained my intrests to culture and the Geography, the landlords wife suddenly came up with idea I just want to marry Japanese girl.
She just said it, I never said anything like that. There have been other cases too, where Japanese people think they can stereotype me.
Later it became clear that without Japanese girlfriend life in Japan would be even harder and I found one.
-when are you going home ?
This was the first questions Japanese students asked me, on the first minute I stepped to university area. Followed by question. You are going home right, I hope you don't stay, please I hope you go home soon. This question was asked by Japanese people, not by Chinese exchange students. Come on, at first day of your exchange student period. ☝ The college also point tutors to help me. The tutors showed up at first day when I came to Japan. Then they dissapeared and never showed up or kept contact to me again, so I was also of course out of cell phone or any communication tool.
I came to show intrest to someone elses culture like ikebana, anime /manga, and religion and this is how they treat me. Trust me I have had very little trouble listening "hashi joozu desu ne " and yes I can eat with chopstics. I can't even eat at school restaurant. They have been very unpolite for me. After two weeks of this same question and treatment, I decided not to speak with any college students in two weeks. I have never said bad thing for any Japanese, I try not to express my anger while I am abroad
-I don't want to be in picture
Japanese turists came to my country fairly often. They usually also take lot of pictures. In Japan it seems that picture taking is not looked to be very good thing. Actually it feels that there are only few things which turist should photograph and those are decided by Japanese people.
also:
You can add __________________ the crap here. I had to listen from my teachers on the last spot.
Japan is a good country for Japanese...but some people really might want to think and change their attitudes. In my home college I don't ran to exchange students and start asking when they are going home and such.
Well things are better now.. 6 months have based and my life is pretty normal. I like it here, but I don't never make communication with my college students again. I just go to classes and thats it.
My family also teached me another important thing. Never give up.

Hmm. My fiance, who is a Canadian born Japanese-Canadian, experienced some discomfort, but nothing like this. They knew he was Canadian, and yet, they never told him, "ohashi wo tsukaunoga jouzu desu ne" or anything like this. In fact, he was asked aren't you going to hurry up and catch up on all learning the language? They tried to get on his case and tried to break him into Japanese ways. It appears that your experiece is exactly the opposite of what he faced in Japan. All he got was ridicule of how poor his Japanese was, and his way of fitting in, as if they encouraged him to abandon the old Canadian ways. They were awed by his obvious speaking English however, instead.
I am taking it then, that the rural area in Japan and urban areas are exactly the opposite, then? I am not saying you are wrong, and he is right. I have never been to Japan myself, but I am only trying to learn the differences even in Japan here. Please fill me in. My applogies for any ignorance I have.

 

[Mrjones]

"I am taking it then, that the rural area in Japan and urban areas are exactly the opposite, then? I am not saying you are wrong, and he is right. I have never been to Japan myself, but I am only trying to learn the differences even in Japan here. Please fill me in. My applogies for any ignorance I have."

Well depends on which city.. what city your fiance went? tokyo?, what cityward he lived ?

 

[Sparky]

I have to agree rural life can be challenging at times!

 

[taehyun]

It has its good and bad sides , however.
Country people are not so used to honne and tatemae, they are little more straight with you.
By the time, my professor told me, that in Gifu , where Mrjones lives,just before the WW2 they discovered a village, where people didn't know about the rice culture at all.Maybe some have brought it before, but it has been rejected just like many other "outer" things.

 

[Mrjones]

I heard there was a time when everybody used to be in their villages, becouse they were denied leaving the village. I think its was just before meiji, not totally sure.

 

[ai26]

Well it is good that you are adapting and not exploding in the student's faces. Your parents is quite right in the never giving up part. Once you set your mind on it you should continue and persevere and overcome all your hardships.

I heard there was a time when everybody used to be in their villages, becouse they were denied leaving the village. I think its was just before meiji, not totally sure.

Wow it seems so harsh. Those people who wished to explore outside their village and learn about the outside world must have feeled so cooped up.

 

[taehyun]

I heard there was a time when everybody used to be in their villages, becouse they were denied leaving the village. I think its was just before meiji, not totally sure.

Yes, it is called kinsoku 窶ｹﾃ問?伉ｫ and is a measure to prevent peasantry riots, which have been very common 16th century.
When I mentioned this in front of some university students( graduate) , they had no idea whaat I'm talking about.

 

[Mrjones]

""Oh, you're good with chopsticks" or "Wow, you really know your japanese well" not really this is just a code they learn nothing else.

 

[Mrjones]

Why I should really feel anything about..anything really...is this your answer ?

 

[Qu_Qu]

food for thought,it takes time to get anyone situated in new environment.

your enduring experience is no exception

 

[Mrjones]

"food for thought,it takes time to get anyone situated in new environment.

your enduring experience is no exception" well said..

I think i am pretty normal... damn i am happy that weak..very small girl didnt come with..i would have hate to see this happen to her. With Small i mean..much much smaller than average japanese.

 

[nice gaijin]

It's a good thing your will is so strong, the latent racism would surely kill lesser gaijin!

 

[Mrjones]

One month, and i will be having culture shock with my native friends.

 

[Qu_Qu]

mrjones

hope all is well for you in japan,life is one step at a time

 

[irish-j-rock-fan]

well one things for sure u got a good family ^__^
and omg i cant belive that omg >_< noway
i wouldnt be like that to people i have never met omg