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Are these sentences correct?

8 Jun 2016
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because someone told me that I have to use kanji, hiragana & katakana at the same time


english & japanese parts of my letters
(english at the top/japanese at the bottom):

i need to know if these sentences are correct (those part's important for my letters :))

because someone told me that I have to use kanji, hiragana & katakana at the same time



the parts in suda akari's letter:


p.s. i did a song at a talent show that you which was synchro tokimeki, it was the 3rd song. it was in september this year

- 追伸, 私はシンクロときめきだったあなたが歌わタレントショーで歌を歌った、それは第三曲がありました。それは9月にこの年でした


the other 4 songs were: bukiyou taiyou, wimbledon e tsureteitte, mirai to wa? & tooku ni itemo

- 他の4曲がありました: 不器用太陽, ウィンブルドンへ連れていって, 未来とは? と 遠くにいても



& the parts in takayanagi akane's letter:


p.s. i did a song at a talent show that you did which was yokaze no shiwaza, it was the first song. it was in september this year

- 追伸, 私は夜風の仕業 だったあなたが歌わタレントショーで歌を歌った、それは第一曲がありました。それは9月にこの年でした


the other 4 songs were: bukiyou taiyou, wimbledon e tsureteitte, mirai to wa? and tooku ni itemo

- 他の4曲がありました: 不器用太陽, ウィンブルドンへ連れていって, 未来とは? と 遠くにいても


thanks :)
 
p.s. i did a song at a talent show that you which was synchro tokimeki, it was the 3rd song. it was in september this year

- 追伸, 私はシンクロときめきだったあなたが歌わタレントショーで歌を歌った、それは第三曲がありました。それは9月にこの年でした
I don't know what you're trying to say here. Neither the English nor the Japanese makes sense around 'that you' and 'あなたが歌わ'.
それは第三曲がありました -> でした
この年 -> 今年

the other 4 songs were: bukiyou taiyou, wimbledon e tsureteitte, mirai to wa? & tooku ni itemo

- 他の4曲がありました: 不器用太陽, ウィンブルドンへ連れていって, 未来とは? と 遠くにいても
It's understandable, but I'd replace the ':' with a '.', put quotes around the song titles, and add でした to the list.




p.s. i did a song at a talent show that you did which was yokaze no shiwaza, it was the first song. it was in september this year

- 追伸, 私は夜風の仕業 だったあなたが歌わタレントショーで歌を歌った、それは第一曲がありました。それは9月にこの年でした
Now I see what you're getting at.
It should be more like, 'あなたの「夜風の仕業」という歌を歌いました'. I'm not sure that あなたis the best term to use, but I don't know enough about formal letter writing to be confident in suggesting an alternative.

- 他の4曲がありました: 不器用太陽, ウィンブルドンへ連れていって, 未来とは? と 遠くにいても
Same advice as the other list.
 
Now I see what you're getting at.
It should be more like, 'あなたの「夜風の仕業」という歌を歌いました'. I'm not sure that あなたis the best term to use, but I don't know enough about formal letter writing to be confident in suggesting an alternative.


what if I were to add ''at a talent show, ''at the beginning of ''あなたの「夜風の仕業」という歌を歌いました''?
how would you say that?:)

& what if I erased ''あなたの'', so It says ''「夜風の仕業」という歌を歌いました'' would it sound better? :)

I don't know what you're trying to say here. Neither the English nor the Japanese makes sense around 'that you' and 'あなたが歌わ'.
それは第三曲がありました -> でした
この年 -> 今年

sorry, that was an error on my part

i meant ''p.s. i did a song at a talent show that you did which was synchro tokimeki, it was the 3rd song. it was in september this year

- 私はあなたがシンクロときめきがあったでしたタレントショーで歌をやった、それが第三曲がありました。それは9月にこの年でした''

Now I see what you're getting at.
It should be more like, 'あなたの「夜風の仕業」という歌を歌いました'. I'm not sure that あなたis the best term to use, but I don't know enough about formal letter writing to be confident in suggesting an alternative.

what about ''it was the 3rd song. it was in september this year - それは第三曲がありました。それは9月にこの年でした''? (akari's letter)

& ''it was the first song. it was in september this year - それは第一曲がありました。それは9月にこの年でした'' (akane's letter)

It's understandable, but I'd replace the ':' with a '.', put quotes around the song titles, and add でした to the list.

where would I put ''でした''? would i put it where arimashita is, or at the end of the sentense?
 
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what if I were to add ''at a talent show, ''at the beginning of ''あなたの「夜風の仕業」という歌を歌いました''?
how would you say that?:)
Using タレントショーで was fine. It can go more than one place, but I would put it just before あなたの.

& what if I erased ''あなたの'', so It says ''「夜風の仕業」という歌を歌いました'' would it sound better? :)
I wouldn't do that. あなたの is correct, I just wonder if it's the politest way to refer to the person you're writing to. I'd leave it in unless someone with more experience writing letters like this has a suggestion.

I'm assuming, of course, that these are fan letters to the musicians whose works you performed at your talent show.

The same advice, of course, applies to the first letter, I just didn't see it on my first reading.

If you want to write out your new version we can see if you've got it now.

what about ''it was the 3rd song. it was in september this year - それは第三曲がありました。それは9月にこの年でした''? (akari's letter)

& ''it was the first song. it was in september this year - それは第一曲がありました。それは9月にこの年でした'' (akane's letter)

For both of these I was suggesting you replace がありました with でした。

Please try to keep your replies condensed into one post though, it becomes confusing when you break it up into many small posts.
 
Please try to keep your replies condensed into one post though, it becomes confusing when you break it up into many small posts.

you're right, sorry

also, the girls are members of a japanese girl group called ''ske48'' and i'm singing the songs they sung :)

Using タレントショーで was fine. It can go more than one place, but I would put it just before あなたの.


I wouldn't do that. あなたの is correct, I just wonder if it's the politest way to refer to the person you're writing to. I'd leave it in unless someone with more experience writing letters like this has a suggestion.

I'm assuming, of course, that these are fan letters to the musicians whose works you performed at your talent show.

The same advice, of course, applies to the first letter, I just didn't see it on my first reading.

If you want to write out your new version we can see if you've got it now.



my new version of the parts:

akari's letter:

i did a song at a talent show that you which was synchro tokimeki, it was the 3rd song. it was in september this year - タレントショーであなたの「シンクロときめき」という歌を歌いました, それは第三曲でした。それは9月にこの年でした


the other 4 songs were: bukiyou taiyou, wimbledon e tsureteitte, mirai to wa? & tooku ni itemo) -
他の4曲がありました; '不器用太陽, ウィンブルドンへ連れていって, 未来とは? と 遠くにいても' でした



& akane's letter:

i did a song at a talent show that you did which was yokaze no shiwaza, it was the first song. it was in september this year - タレントショーであなたの「夜風の仕業」という歌を歌いました

the other 4 songs were: bukiyou taiyou, wimbledon e tsureteitte, mirai to wa? & tooku ni itemo -
他の4曲がありました; '不器用太陽, ウィンブルドンへ連れていって, 未来とは? と 遠くにいても' でした

:)

I just wonder if it's the politest way to refer to the person you're writing to.

funny you should say that, :) because the person who helped with the first half of my letters said,

she said, & i quote, ''using "you" (あなた(anata) instead of someone's name is very hairy - you generally only want to do this if you already have an established relationship with the person so you know what they're comfortable being called, and even then it's not used much.''

i'm not sure if that applies to this half of the letters, though

this quote is coming from this link by the way ''Stage48 - United Kingdom | Page 39 | Stage48
 
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So, you want to add PS that you sung those songs, right?
Here's problems;
シンクロときめき and 夜風の仕業 are originally 渡辺麻友's and 柏木由紀's songs, respectively. Even if 須田亜香里 and 高柳明音 are singing those songs on the stage of SKE, you can hardly used あなたの for those two songs since they are actually not theirs.

今年の9月 doesn't come yet. You sang those songs in September 2015, and not "you will sing them in September 2016", right? Use 去年の9月.

タレントショー doesn't make sense as a Japanese word since "talent show" is not common here in Japan. If it's an actual contest, use コンテスト, and if it's just for performing, 地元の舞台 or something would be better.


By the way, I would use このぬいぐるみとの写真をググタスか何かに載せてもらえるとすごくうれしいです to avoid sounding too pushy, instead of もしよかったらイルカ/鳥との写真をググタスに掲載しませんか?.
 
今年の9月 doesn't come yet. You sang those songs in September 2015, and not "you will sing them in September 2016", right? Use 去年の9月.

what I meant was that their birthdays are in october & november this year & the the talent show is september this year so the talent show/stage would have passed

タレントショー doesn't make sense as a Japanese word since "talent show" is not common here in Japan. If it's an actual contest, use コンテスト, and if it's just for performing, 地元の舞台 or something would be better.

everyone is doing different things & i'm the one who's singing and dancing :)

By the way, I would use このぬいぐるみとの写真をググタスか何かに載せてもらえるとすごくうれしいです to avoid sounding too pushy, instead of もしよかったらイルカ/鳥との写真をググタスに掲載しませんか?.

it's okay, i already had got that covered already from the person who helped me on the stage48:)

she said ''もしよかったらイルカとの写真をググタスに掲載しませんか? Moshi yokattara iruka to no shashin wo gugutasu ni kaisai shimasen ka? (verb+masen ka? is a polite way to ask "would it be okay if you did _verb_?" the politeness is heightened by 'moshi yokattara', which means "if it's all right with you")''

i didn't think it sounded pushy :unsure:

シンクロときめき and 夜風の仕業 are originally 渡辺麻友's and 柏木由紀's songs, respectively. Even if 須田亜香里 and 高柳明音 are singing those songs on the stage of SKE, you can hardly used あなたの for those two songs since they are actually not theirs.

if not, タレントショーであなたの「シンクロときめき」という歌を歌いました & タレントショーであなたの「夜風の仕業」という歌を歌いました , then what do I write, for that? :confused:

my original english line for that & the other one, by the way, was: ''p.s. i did a song at a talent show that you which was synchro tokimeki''

& ''p.s. i did a song at a talent show that you did which was yokaze no shiwaza''

シンクロときめき and 夜風の仕業 are originally 渡辺麻友's and 柏木由紀's songs, respectively. Even if 須田亜香里 and 高柳明音 are singing those songs on the stage of SKE, you can hardly used あなたの for those two songs since they are actually not theirs.

continued from last post:

also, the stage & concert tour where they sang those songs has already passed

it was: AKB48 5 Big Dome Concert Tour Day 3 - 2013/08/24 & I think it was Team KII 4th Stage for akane singing yokaze no shiwaza,
i forget. it's this one:
 
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Toritoribeさん is a native Japanese speaker, so if he suggests that something sounds pushy you should believe him.

In Japanese, quotation marks are these 「」 symbols. If you quotation mark the songs you should do each title individually... the point is to make it so the song titles can't mixed up with the other words in the sentence. I see you were trying to do that with spaces in your lists, but spaces aren't normally used in Japanese.

"I sang a song that you also sang, 'yokaze no shiwaza'" can be written,

あなたが歌った「夜風の仕業」という歌を歌いました

I had noticed that タレントショー was not in the online dictionary, but googling it seemed to be actually used. However, if Toritoribeさん thinks it is unlikely to be understood, then it would be better to use 地元の舞台 as he suggests.

I'm also slightly puzzled... if you're listing all the songs you will have sung, shouldn't 「夜風の仕業」 be in the list in Akari's letter, and 「シンクロときめき」 be in the list in Akane's letter?

It seems like each letter is missing the song especially mentioned in the other letter.
 
Toritoribeさん is a native Japanese speaker, so if he suggests that something sounds pushy you should believe him.

In Japanese, quotation marks are these 「」 symbols. If you quotation mark the songs you should do each title individually... the point is to make it so the song titles can't mixed up with the other words in the sentence. I see you were trying to do that with spaces in your lists, but spaces aren't normally used in Japanese.

"I sang a song that you also sang, 'yokaze no shiwaza'" can be written,

あなたが歌った「夜風の仕業」という歌を歌いました

I had noticed that タレントショー was not in the online dictionary, but googling it seemed to be actually used. However, if Toritoribeさん thinks it is unlikely to be understood, then it would be better to use 地元の舞台 as he suggests.

I'm also slightly puzzled... if you're listing all the songs you will have sung, shouldn't 「夜風の仕業」 be in the list in Akari's letter, and 「シンクロときめき」 be in the list in Akane's letter?

It seems like each letter is missing the song especially mentioned in the other letter.

well, akari did technically sing tokimeki synchro at ''AKB48 5 Big Dome Concert Tour Day 3 - 2013/08/24''

& akane did technically sing yokaze no shiwaza at what I think was ''Team KII 4th Stage''
& the other 4 songs are ones that they both sung in,

except for wimbledon e tsureteitte, because the one i'm doing is the one that akari (with Kizaki Yuria, Yagami Kumi sang at ''SKE Senyou Gekijou wa Aki made ni Dekiri no ka? day 1'' (& a couple of others that i'm can't really remember)
(but then, again, akane did sing in a couple of that certain song performances: Team KII Version (i think that Team KII 4th Stage, i'm not sure) & KYORAKU PRESENTS AKB48 SKE48 LIVE IN ASIA, :))


also, who edited my thread title? :confused:

By the way, I would use このぬいぐるみとの写真をググタスか何かに載せてもらえるとすごくうれしいです to avoid sounding too pushy, instead of もしよかったらイルカ/鳥との写真をググタスに掲載しませんか?.

it's okay, i got rid of the ''or something'' in my letters back when I was editing my letters :)

or wouldn't i sound right without it? :confused:
 
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also, who edited my thread title?
It's not me, but are you talking about the two "are"s in the title?

You can edit your post instead of multiple continuous posting, as Chris-san suggested.

Are you going to send the letters and presents before you sing, or after you really sing? If the former, 歌う予定です/歌うつもりです/歌おうと思っています is more appropriate than telling a lie.

It's useless to explain タレントショー to me. I already read the article in Wikipedia. They definitely don't know about タレントショー either, so you need to explain about it also to them in the letters, if you want to use the term.

掲載しませんか is indeed a polite form, but it's asking for doing that directly to the addressee whether もしよかったら is there or not. However, 載せてもらえるとすごくうれしいです is just telling your wish "I'm happy if you do that". It acts as an indirect request, and therefore sounds more humble/less pushy. Makes sense?

Here's my attempt;
須田亜香里様

お誕生日おめでとうございます!

プレゼントは届きましたか?
イルカが好きかどうか分からないけど、気に入ってもらえたでしょうか。

このぬいぐるみとの写真をググタスか何かに載せてもらえるとすごくうれしいです。

PS.
以前あかりんさんが歌っていた「シンクロときめき」を聞いてすごく感動しました。
9月にタレントショーというアマチュアのイベントがあるんですが、そこでこの歌を歌おうと思っています。
あと4曲、「不器用太陽」、「ウィンブルドンへ連れていって」、「未来とは?」それと「遠くにいても」も歌う予定です。

イギリス在住のあかりんファンより


高柳明音様

お誕生日おめでとうございます!

プレゼントは届きましたか?
鳥が好きかどうか分からないけど、気に入ってもらえたでしょうか。

このぬいぐるみとの写真をググタスか何かに載せてもらえるとすごくうれしいです。

PS.
以前ちゅりさんが歌っていた「夜風の仕業」を聞いてすごく感動しました。
9月にタレントショーというアマチュアのイベントがあるんですが、そこでこの歌を歌おうと思っています。
あと4曲、「不器用太陽」、「ウィンブルドンへ連れていって」、「未来とは?」それと「遠くにいても」も歌う予定です。

イギリス在住のちゅりさんファンより

By the way, are you going to send the letters and presents to the two of them?
 
Are you going to send the letters and presents before you sing, or after you really sing? If the former, 歌う予定です/歌うつもりです/歌おうと思っています is more appropriate than telling a lie.

like i said before ''their birthdays are in october & november this year & the the talent show is september this year so the talent show/stage would have passed''. so, i'm not telling a lie :)


By the way, are you going to send the letters and presents to the two of them?

yes, I am, when the the show is over :)

掲載しませんか is indeed a polite form, but it's asking for doing that directly to the addressee whether もしよかったら is there or not.

i'm not the one who came up with that, the person in the link did ''Stage48 - United Kingdom | Page 39 | Stage48

It's not me, but are you talking about the two "are"s in the title?

yeah, i'm not sure where the extra ''are'' come from, but i'm sure that there was one ''are'' in there when i first typed the title :confused:

but i didn't say it was you :)


Here's my attempt;
須田亜香里様

お誕生日おめでとうございます!

プレゼントは届きましたか?
イルカが好きかどうか分からないけど、気に入ってもらえたでしょうか。

このぬいぐるみとの写真をググタスか何かに載せてもらえるとすごくうれしいです。

イギリス在住のあかりんファンより / イギリス在住のちゅりさんファンより

i thought i had those halfs of both letters sorted out when she in the link - ''Stage48 - United Kingdom | Page 39 | Stage48 helped me :confused:, she also said that she's also ''Japanese-language''

It's useless to explain タレントショー to me. I already read the article in Wikipedia. They definitely don't know about タレントショー either, so you need to explain about it also to them in the letters, if you want to use the term.

what post am I explaining talent show in? i'm not sure i did, did I? :confused:
I remember typing ''everyone is doing different things & i'm the one who's singing and dancing'' if that's what you mean :)
 
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However, 載せてもらえるとすごくうれしいです is just telling your wish "I'm happy if you do that". It acts as an indirect request, and therefore sounds more humble/less pushy. Makes sense?

yeah, it does,
so, ''このぬいぐるみとの写真をググタスか何かに載せてもらえるとすごくうれしいです。'' is what I should put?

what does that say in english, do you know at all? :)

also, sorry for the extra post,
when I went to edit the other one, it had ran out of time limit 🤦
 
I'm also slightly puzzled... if you're listing all the songs you will have sung, shouldn't 「夜風の仕業」 be in the list in Akari's letter, and 「シンクロときめき」 be in the list in Akane's letter?

yeah, now that i think about it, i think you're right, even though those songs are the 1st & 3rd song i'm singing, i think i should put those two songs in both letters 👍
 
このぬいぐるみとの写真をググタスか何かに載せてもらえるとすごくうれしいです。

i originally wanted that part of akane's letter to say ''twitter'', but you put google + on this part instead
but I guess it can be the same (google +) for both letters, right? i'm too not picky :)

thanks
 
プレゼントは届きましたか?
イルカが好きかどうか分からないけど、気に入ってもらえたでしょうか。
以前あかりんさんが歌っていた「シンクロときめき」を聞いてすごく感動しました。
9月にタレントショーというアマチュアのイベントがあるんですが、そこでこの歌を歌おうと思っています。
あと4曲、「不器用太陽」、「ウィンブルドンへ連れていって」、「未来とは?」それと「遠くにいても」も歌う予定です。

以前ちゅりさんが歌っていた「夜風の仕業」を聞いてすごく感動しました。
9月にタレントショーというアマチュアのイベントがあるんですが、そこでこの歌を歌おうと思っています。
あと4曲、「不器用太陽」、「ウィンブルドンへ連れていって」、「未来とは?」それと「遠くにいても」も歌う予定です。

what does that say in english, do you know at all? :)

also, akari sang synchro tokimeki at ''AKB48 5 Big Dome Concert Tour Day 3 - 2013/08/24''

& akari sung yokaze no shiwaza at what i think was ''Team KII 4th Stage - 2013.07.25''
 
このぬいぐるみとの写真をググタスか何かに載せてもらえるとすごくうれしいです。,

イルカが好きかどうか分からないけど、気に入ってもらえたでしょうか。
以前あかりんさんが歌っていた「シンクロときめき」を聞いてすごく感動しました。
9月にタレントショーというアマチュアのイベントがあるんですが、そこでこの歌を歌おうと思っています。
あと4曲、「不器用太陽」、「ウィンブルドンへ連れていって」、「未来とは?」それと「遠くにいても」も歌う予定です。

&


以前ちゅりさんが歌っていた「夜風の仕業」を聞いてすごく感動しました。
9月にタレントショーというアマチュアのイベントがあるんですが、そこでこの歌を歌おうと思っています。
あと4曲、「不器用太陽」、「ウィンブルドンへ連れていって」、「未来とは?」それと「遠くにいても」も歌う予定です。







thanks
 
I merged your threads since you are asking for the same thing.

母語で書かれたものの意味が解ってるのかなんて疑問を呈されてもねえ。翻訳する意欲が失せるというか、解説する気力が萎えるというか。。。
 
I merged your threads since you are asking for the same thing.

母語で書かれたものの意味が解ってるのかなんて疑問を呈されてもねえ。翻訳する意欲が失せるというか、解説する気力が萎えるというか。。。


my bad

so can you tell me what it means in english? what i posted above, that is :)

also, my thread that i made is about my fan-made digimon, and digimon is anime, right? :) that's why i put it into the section ''anime & manga'' :)
 
That's a translation of your original English sentences. Few revisions are needed, though.

also, my thread that i made is about my fan-made digimon, and digimon is anime, right? :) that's why i put it into the section ''anime & manga'' :)
However, what you are actually asking for is "translation", not just talking about the anime, right?
 
That's a translation of your original English sentences. Few revisions are needed, though.

which sentences were they, though?



were they these?: did you receive this birthday present that I sent? (for this, you gave me: プレゼントは届きましたか? ), for that i already had: 送ったプレゼントは届きましたか? - Okutta purezento wa todokimashita ka? :)

if it's possible, would you post a picture of it with you on google + or something? ,

(about the or something parts, i removed those back when I didn't need them in there :))


i don't know about your favourite animal, so I hope you like this Dolphin (which i already had sorted out, before, with that other person. she gave me: 亜香里の好きな動物が分からないけどこのイルカが好きならうれしいです

i never wrote any english for this one, though: 以前あかりんさんが歌っていた「シンクロときめき」を聞いてすごく感動しました。,

(what does that mean in english, do you know? :))


以前ちゅりさんが歌っていた「夜風の仕業」を聞いてすごく感動しました。 (not that i'm not grateful for that :))

(what does that mean in english, do you know? :))


or this one: 9月にタレントショーというアマチュアのイベントがあるんですが、そこでこの歌を歌おうと思っています。 (again, not that i'm not grateful for that :))

(what does that mean in english, do you know? :))


for that, though, i only wrote this: i did a song at a talent show that you did which was synchro tokimeki, it was the 3rd song. it was in september this year / i did a song at a talent show that you did which was yokaze no shiwaza, it was the first song. it was in september this year

this one too: あと4曲、「不器用太陽」、「ウィンブルドンへ連れていって」、「未来とは?」それと「遠くにいても」も歌う予定です。
what i wrote for that was: (the other 4 songs were: bukiyou taiyou, wimbledon e tsureteitte, mirai to wa? & tooku ni itemo,

I'd just like clarification, that's all :)


thanks




& about the ''i know you like birds'' (if if was that), japanese sentence that you gave me - 鳥が好きかどうか分からないけど、気に入ってもらえたでしょうか。, I already know that akane likes birds. i've known it for a quite some time now :) and I've already got that sorted out, therefore, that other person gave me this: 鳥が好きだと知っています
 
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That's a translation of your original English sentences. Few revisions are needed, though.

also,
when you see the post above, at the end of ''did you receive this birthday present that I sent? (for this, you gave me: プレゼントは届きましたか? ), for that i already had: 送ったプレゼントは届きましたか? - Okutta purezento wa todokimashita ka? :)'', i wanted to put ''can you tell me which one is right?'',

but when I went to submit the reply, it ran out of time limit 🤦


the same for the triple ''(what does that mean in english, do you know? :)), I really just wanted one, with ''does''replaced with ''do'' & that replaced with ''they''

also, after ''what i wrote for that was: (the other 4 songs were: bukiyou taiyou, wimbledon e tsureteitte, mirai to wa? & tooku ni itemo'', i wanted ''unless that's partially the same''

& after ''I'd just like clarification, that's all :)'' i wanted to put ''so i know what i'm writing in japanese'' :)


also, i wanted to replace ''i never wrote any english for this one, though: 以前あかりんさんが歌っていた「シンクロときめき」を聞いてすごく感動しました。,'s ''never'' with ''didn't'', but again, ran out of time limit 🤦

thanks
 
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