If You're Desperate for Love, Stay at Home!

[xarzu]

After being depressed for about a day after reading this post, I have emerged to say a few things.

First of all, there is one simple problem with all this. And that is Americans have to have respect and think that a Japanese girl or woman is not a step down but rather a step up. So, yeah, I guess if you are a looser in the USA, you are going to be probably a looser in a similar country overseas. I consider Japan to be somewhat like the USA by coincidence and having reached the cultural similarities by two very different paths. Anyway, by chance, the USA and Japan have more in common, I think, than the USA and most other countries.

So, the flip side of this is this. If you are very successful and lucky and desire ed in the USA, would you be successful and lucky and desired in Japan?

Secondly, what if you find a Japanese woman or girl you are madly in love with? Would you be stopped or slowed down by little cultural differences?

Thirdly, not all women living in Japan are Japanese. Not all women in the USA are American. So the flip side must also be true.

And lastly, not all American women follow the trends and culture of the USA. So I imagine not all women in Japan would follow the culture and trends of Japan.

 

[ceejay77]

I found Thailand and Philippines the easiest places for getting the ladies maybe they not as fussy or have less expectations than Japanese or western women.
I prefer the look of Japanese and Asian women over the western women so feelin the love not to hard.

 

[Putrefaction]

I love this topic. Some people in it make me feel bad, though. Like above. But what can you do.

 

[FutureBeast]

Japan VS America

Japanese girls are harder to read for sure but much easier to deal with. American and Brazilian girls are crrrrrrrrrazy. I will say that I have had my handful of nutty Japanese girlfriends and I really do mean nutty. They just seem to hold everything in and some of them are only in either neutral or freak out mode at any given time. American girls feel like they are entitled to everything for the most part and like to have most equal except for who pays. Japanese girls don't mind halving the check but seem to let you control the situation for the most part. Brazilian girls are usually a freak out party and a half. These are extreme generalizations of course and there is a lot of bleed. Altogether though, they are all crazy and I love them for it. Nutty women....

If you are a loser you are a loser no matter where you go. Japan is not some fantasy zone. Well... I take that back. It most definitely is a fantasy zone but a loser is still a loser. It is kind of a state of mind thing... and a financial state.

Whatever. Just quit being a looser already!

 

[Damicci]

For crying out loud, if your going to farkling generalize about people at least spell "LOSER" Correctly.

 

[FutureBeast]

Haha

For crying out loud, if your going to farkling generalize about people at least spell "LOSER" Correctly.

There, are you happy?

 

[wfwsc]

Do Japanese men have a thing about non-Japanese (European) women?

 

[FutureBeast]

I think that a large proportion of them likely do. Hey, I like them too. Hot stuff

 

[Ginkgoo]

Oh man, I totally agree with Brooker's main point in here. So hard to date in Japan when you are used to different customs (American in my case). I learned the hard way with quite a few rejections before I really figured out what kinds of things I was doing and saying wrong. Blah

 

[nader323]

no man that is depressing

 

[Rube]

We get a lot of dudes on this site, who probably aren't doing too well with the ladies back home, who are interested in going to Japan because they think they'll have better luck with the ladies there. I don't know if it's just me, but my experiences dating at home are always much more positive than the experiences I had while in Japan. The attempts I made at dating while in Japan always went south because I didn't know the customs when it comes to dating. Her actions and signals always seemed very mysterious to me, as I'm sure mine did to her. At home, things seem to go a little more smoothly because I know "the rules of the game".
So the point is, don't think your love life is going to improve ten fold while you're in Japan just because they'll be thinking your lack of chop stick skills is really cute. It might actually be harder there than it is for you at home. There are no shortcuts. If you're having trouble with the ladies at home, you're just going to have to find some other way to improve your coolness.

I don't accept that men come to Japan for women. Regardless of what they say there are real reasons to come here but a lot of them are fronting.

While I agree it's harder to find a quality relationship for people who don't speak the language, the fact of the matter is that some white dude just looking to get laid has a pretty easy time in Tokyo regardless of their looks compared to back in their own country.

Of course they have to realize that those women have been around a few times but I doubt they mind.

 

[cacophony]

I think anyone could make it in America. What American isn't into foreigners?

 

[Mike Cash]

I think anyone could make it in America. What American isn't into foreigners?

Are you being facetious? Or merely naive?

 

[cacophony]

Are you being facetious? Or merely naive?

A little bit of both

 

[Mikawa Ossan]

I think anyone could make it in America. What American isn't into foreigners?

Um...most people I know for starters. Of course then you get into the idea that not all foreigners are created equally, so to speak. I've mentioned before the poor reception a friend of mine got when she married a Pakistani man. When I first started dating my ex-girlfriend years ago from Nagasaki, my family was a bit weirded out. But my neighbor is from England and never had any problems that I'm aware of.

I can tell you that I had no interest in foreigners whatsoever before said ex-girlfriend. And even then, the fact that she was a foreigner was merely incidental.

 

[SevenStarsHK2N]

We get a lot of dudes on this site, who probably aren't doing too well with the ladies back home

hmmm good point,

Except if you are doing well with ladies back home.

You will break it apart ten fold and then some.

Source: Have at it

 

[Lestat84]

What if your love life is good as it is, but you prefer Japanese women? This may sound naive but oh well

 

[chldudghks0517]

The title is like telling you to masturbate at home.

 

[Lestat84]

i am a personal counterexample to this whole thing. i've had a few really great relationships with japanese girls and conversely only 1 with american girls. my relationships weren't killed by cultural differences, in fact i think they were bolstered by them. it helped both of us in these relationships to learn to work to make our relationship better. granted things didn't work in the end but that's the way things work. we figured out we weren't right for each other and that was that. i don't think you should go to japan to improve your love life, but i do think that japanese women are by far the best and most attractive. if you're going to japan, go for the full experience, not to get laid.

 

[Alecksander]

I won't say it's impossible to travel to Japan and NOT want to get laid but it's definitely a dream most young single guys have traveling to ANY country. That's just the way it is. And it'll stay that way for a long time. Of course no one should go to visit a country and have their sole reason for going there be to get laid but I know speaking for myself, if the opportunity presents itself, I'm doing it.

 

[Mark of Zorro]

I have noticed this thread off and on for years, but always avoided it. I took the "at home" bit to mean "don't leave your house". Now I find it means "don't leave your own country".

I am just flabbergasted at the amount of support the contention in the OP has received. Here is a guy who claims to have had smoother relationships at home complaining that things did not work out in Japan, positing that those who have trouble at home should not come to Japan. SUPREME LOGIC FAIL! I have not read the whole thread. Has anyone pointed this out yet?? Having a guy who had success at home but failures abroad is OBVIOUSLY not the guy to give that sort of advice to guys failing at home. As a guy who failed at home and had massive success in Japan, I can see that quite clearly.

I almost never had any relationships in America unless you want to count the sex play I had at ten years old and younger. From then on, everything dried up, unless you count the several fat chicks and the too tall too skinny girl who attempted to beat my door down. I was not going there, even in my extreme desperation cause gross is gross. My next shot was at 19 and the girl did not seem all THAT fat. And I was drunk out of my mind. It was horrible. She was fatter than I had expected under those clothes, and was too drunk and too nervous to perform and her outrageous horniness really did not help. I did not go back for seconds and nothing worked out with any girls since then in America.

Long story short, I come to Japan and suddenly have some attractive women acting interested. I passed up one girl I should not have, then the next girl I grabbed with both hands. She was freaking marvelous! But for several reasons we could not have a real relationship, just off and on meetings. Then I had some run ins with older women and then some real sex again and finally started getting the confidence I needed. Then I started getting some real medium term girlfriends, and even during and in between meeting women and having sex (very important that).

Later I went back to America planning to stay, but despite all my new found confidence and experience all I had was one close call with a girl that fell to pieces. Other than that there was a 13 year old girl who fell in love with me at first sight, but that was America and I don't fancy prison.

So, what the hell? Telling people who are not scoring to "tough it out" where they are has got to be the most crap piece of advice I ever heard. Obviously if you are not scoring you have to make changes. Going to a new country is obviously A CHANGE. Maybe not a guarantee, but if you are ever going to find your niche you got to change and try new angles.

Besides, being the new guy does come with advantages and that is evidenced even among chimpanzees. Of course those advantages are only good if you are willing and know how to exploit them. But you sure as hell will not learn how to do that by always being the same old guy in town with a reputation as a loser over your head wherever you go. Of course you could move to a new city as well for a similar effect But the thing is an entirely new country might agree with you immensely. It sure did for me.

Plus I have seen many guys who I thought would be even bigger losers than I was in America with a gorgeous woman on his arm here in Japan.

Final analysis everybody needs to find the place and situation that will bolster success. If you feel like you are living in a desert, you got to move to more arable land if you want to have a farm.

And I vote that this thread's status as a sticky be revoked.

 

[Lestat84]

Well said Zorro. I'm glad someone finally pointed this out. No one can say for certain for anyone but themselves what the best strategy for finding love is. That's not a fair claim for anyone to make. I do however believe this thread has some validity in that it is trying to discourage people from going to Japan with the sole goal of hooking up. I think this thread is a good potential deterrent from that kind of behavior, so its status as a sticky is also valid. Yet your point calls its status into fair question. Therefore at the very least this thread's status as a sticky should be at least reviewed IMO.

 

[Mark of Zorro]

No one can say for certain for anyone but themselves what the best strategy for finding love is.

Yeah, I should have said that as clearly as you just did Lestat84. But I also have to say that even the individual cannot be for certain what is the best strategy until they actually try, and others can give good input.

That said, a blanket "don't go to Japan" is pretty terrible advice. This ain't Saudi Arabia! Lots of gaijin sow their wild oats here with all involved having fun and all others minding their business.

I do however believe this thread has some validity in that it is trying to discourage people from going to Japan with the sole goal of hooking up. I think this thread is a good potential deterrent from that kind of behavior, so its status as a sticky is also valid.

Well, I don't know. Its a bit crass to come to a country just to "hook up", but I can say for certain that until my desire to "hook up" got satisfied, nothing else much mattered to me. It still doesn't. But if I am happy in that department I am a better person and more sensitive to things like love and compassion. This is why I strongly suggest women be more careful about leaving men blue balled. Sometimes its in order, but generally I think its a bad idea for women to just divorce themselves from the desires of men and let men stew while women just wait for the time they want to "hook up". But I digress. I think a lot of men need to satisfy their urges and get over that before their eyes will be opened to other aspects of love and dating. So I don't mind men coming here to "hook up" just so long as they are not hell bent to just stick with that. I don't like men utterly disregarding women's desires anymore than I like women utterly disregarding men's desires. Its give and take. Its compromise. Those who just take, take take can go to hell.

 

[Lestat84]

That's fair enough. But you also need to see it from women's point if view. I don't think most women go around sexually sabotaging men. I think if you adhere to your proposed give and take, just as you want women to be more open you might want to consider dialing back your sex drive a bit. That being said it's really not my place to tell you, but like you said, this is my useful input.

 

[steves]

haha, this thread cracked me up, quite a lot of good advice here, pretty cool the thread was started 5 years ago!