Why do so many foreigners marry Japanese women?

[Scars Unseen]

Hmm... just in case any of that tennis match had anything to do with my post I suppose I should clarify a bit.

When I refer to someone by their nationality I do so for clarity's sake. For instance, if this woman I am seeing was to turn out to be "the one" and I were to propose, I would not call home and tell my parents that I am getting married to a Japanese woman. I would tell them that I am getting married. And then I would assure my dad that I have not, in fact, taken a complete leave of my senses. And then he'd call me a liar.

Anyway, nationality, or more appropriately, culture can have quite a bit to do with things once you have found someone. Or it can have absolutely nothing to do with it. Depends on how much the individual relates to his/her culture.

For instance, If I were in Russia and was trying to date a woman there, I would not bring her a dozen roses. I'd bring her one, or five, or any odd number, but not an even number. And I'd bring gifts for the family when I went to visit, as this is expected, not just of a suitor, but of any guest.

Again, this is all in general and your mileage may vary. But being familiar with customs that are alien to you but common sense to them can save you from accidentally offending the person you are trying to pursue(for whatever purpose, honorable or otherwise).

But as far as finding a partner in the first place, I say just be yourself and go for whoever attracts you and is attracted by you. This holds true even for superficial attractions. If you are particularly attracted to members of a certain race then fine(I won't get into being attracted to one culture over another as I defy every stereotype you can think of for a Texan. I am quite familiar with the futility of categorizing someone by their geographical origin), but at least give the members of the opposite sex a chance to get to know and like the real you. If he/she isn't quite as superficial as you are, you may just stand a chance long term if at least one of you marries for the person instead of the ever-aging shell.

Oh, and I have trouble talking about something without ranting a bit. Sorry for the late warning... :sorry:

 

[DoctorP]

I think too many people have drug this thread off topic. I wasn't debating in the first post whether more Japanese men married foreign women or not...I was asking why does there seem to be an increase in Japanese women marrying foreigners.

 

[Goldiegirl]

My sincere " I am sorry" to Obeika. You (and a few others I might add) are the exception to the rules.
Whoever wrote that the woman are being objectified that is absolutely right, when all you can see is the color of their skin or eyes. It's not like going to Burger King and "having it your way." That type of "relationship" is based on looks and when the newness of it all wears of you are stuck with a real person with real ideas, thoughts, emotions and personalities. The obsession of it all is what creeps me out.
I didn't even know my husband was Japanese until he told me. He had reservations about dating me because of all of the nonsense he had heard about American women. Intelligence and curiosity prevailed. I think there is a little side of us that wants to see what other people from other countries are like....It's just that when you haven't even been to the country, or even met someone from that country and you are so hung up on dating them, that I just can't take the argument seriously. Those are fantasies and fetishes not reality.

 

[KirinMan]

My sincere " I am sorry" to Obeika. You (and a few others I might add) are the exception to the rules.
Whoever wrote that the woman are being objectified that is absolutely right, when all you can see is the color of their skin or eyes. It's not like going to Burger King and "having it your way." That type of "relationship" is based on looks and when the newness of it all wears of you are stuck with a real person with real ideas, thoughts, emotions and personalities. The obsession of it all is what creeps me out.
.

Goldiegirl no apologizes are necessary, I was trying to bring a bit of humor into the discussion, you caught it and I also (think) I knew what or who you were refering to.

I used to date and seriously considered marrying a girl from PS otherwise known as Patrica Stephens (sp?) in Milwaukee when I was in college, I never, ever, considered or even thought that I would marry a woman from another country, let alone it be Japan. (Maybe you know what Patricia Stephens is maybe you dont, needless to say the girls, women, there were "model" looking to say the least.)

But lo and behold I did, and the biggest thing that attracted me to her, my wife of over 20 yrs now, was her femminity and strength, nothing else. Looking back at it all I have no regrets what so ever, and I think I am pretty sure that you dont either.

Heck I had my choice, not wanting to sound arrogant or anything, of quite a number of "10's" but I chose her and she chose me. Sure there are ups and downs, as we both are experiencing, culturally speaking and matrimonally as well, but I was fortunate to see and "catch" the woman, not the nationality,.

The nationality was a bonus, marrying her was better than hitting the lottery.

 

[Ewok85]

objectifying shallow pervert

I wouldn't go that far, just an objectifying shallow jerk

 

[greentea]

I wouldn't go that far, just an objectifying shallow jerk

lol thats better

 

[maushan3]

Im not sure where you are from,but here in Southern California its not rare to see inter-mixed couples and kids.In fact its very common (especially Asian girl/White guy couples).I guess its different in other areas of the world.

I'm from Mexico currently residing in Monterrey, Mexico; I don't live in California, but the Hispanic population is huge (around 40%) there and many people you think are "white" might actually be Hispanic, not Caucasic American. So, there may be a lot of interracial couples, and not just with Asian-White, but Hispanics with, well, pretty much all races.

I dont think its a numbers game,for some reason Asian women and White males are drawn to each other,similar to how White women and Black males are drawn to each other.

What, just because you see a couple of sorority girls going out with football guys, this doesn't mean it happens with everybody.

Mauricio

 

[greentea]

I'm from Mexico currently residing in Monterrey, Mexico; I don't live in California, but the Hispanic population is huge (around 40%) there and many people you think are "white" might actually be Hispanic, not Caucasic American. So, there may be a lot of interracial couples, and not just with Asian-White, but Hispanics with, well, pretty much all races.
What, just because you see a couple of sorority girls going out with football guys, this doesn't mean it happens with everybody.
Mauricio

I didnt say it happened to "everybody".

 

[greentea]

I was asking why does there seem to be an increase in Japanese women marrying foreigners.

Probably because Japanese men arent doing thier job

 

[GodEmperorLeto]

Probably because Japanese men arent doing thier job

I hate to say it, but this is a common thing I hear from Asian women at my job. Especially ones who have experience dating Westerners (or citizens of Western countries, regardless of their heritage). I think it is a cultural thing, though. Individuals need to be dealt with on an individual basis. I know Western girls who have dated Asian guys, and while some of the guys were patriarchal a--holes, many of them were very sensitive and open to new things. Again, it's an individual thing, because plenty of Westerners can be patriarchal jerks, as well. Take each person as they are. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out.

Personally, I don't want to date a woman who is career-first and me-last, who sees herself as Miss Independent. Nor do I want to date a woman whose greatest aspiration is to stay at home, have kids, and cook dinner. I want somebody with drive and ambition that I can work together with as part of a team. (Hence, Miss Independent isn't part of a team--there is no "I" in team). I think that seeing a marriage as being part of a team--or anything greater than yourself--is essential. You need vision, direction, ambition, and a common goal to work toward.

It doesn't matter if he/she's African, Asian, European, or anything else. Attraction is only a small part of the equation. I'm partial to Asian girls myself (especially Japanese or Taiwanese), but I've met very few that I found I could go beyond just attraction with and actually start something that would go somewhere. But that's just life. You may have to settle for someone other than your "dream girl". The thing is, that person you settle for is real, the "dream girl" is just that--a dream.

 

[greentea]

I have a question to ''Greentea''
i'm maybe new but it doesn't really matter actually with the question i want to ask you.
I checked the forum and every topic where i found your responses had to do with asian girls.
Now the question is : what do you try to get , or what are you searching for on this forum?
If you just can say '' japanese girls are hot'' and the fact that you just want to date a Japanese girl because she is Japanese is more then stupid and childlish i think.
It's pathetic,
find you a real life man,
instead of telling just crap about asian womens, when you even don't know what you are talking about.
It's because of stu**d reta*ed se* fre*ks like you that normal people who like the country,
the culture and who wants to get in the society, gets problems., and that we get a bad image.
Go get you a life please

First of all,you dont know me to make those assumptinos about me.Actually I am here because I love Japanese culture,I also happen to think alot of Japanese girls are attractive.Is that ok with you?

I dont want to JUST date a Japanese girl because shes Japanese,your right taht is lame,but I have never dated a Japanese girl and am curious about it,is that so wrong? maybe you should get a life and stop worrying about what I do and how I live.

 

[greentea]

instead of telling just crap about asian womens, when you even don't know what you are talking about.

What have I said about Asian women (no "S"),that is incorrect?

 

[marsans]

I have a question to ''Greentea''
i'm maybe new but it doesn't really matter actually with the question i want to ask you.
I checked the forum and every topic where i found your responses had to do with asian girls.
Now the question is : what do you try to get , or what are you searching for on this forum?
If you just can say '' japanese girls are hot'' and the fact that you just want to date a Japanese girl because she is Japanese is more then stupid and childlish i think.
It's pathetic,
find you a real life man,
instead of telling just crap about asian womens, when you even don't know what you are talking about.
It's because of stu**d reta*ed se* fre*ks like you that normal people who like the country,
the culture and who wants to get in the society, gets problems., and that we get a bad image.
Go get you a life please

I'm pretty sure, He has commented on other things than asian girls. Besides stay on topic. You could have sent him a PM.

Anyways, my uncle is marrying my japanese (aunt) finally. They have been dating forever, so I just consider her my aunt. I asked him why he was so interested in her, and If it was because she was japanese. He responded with "When I met her in Tokyo, her being japanese attrached me, but after getting to know her, I fell in love."

I thought that was a good quote that describes why so many people might marry Japanese women.

 

[greentea]

I'm pretty sure, He has commented on other things than asian girls. Besides stay on topic. You could have sent him a PM.
Anyways, my uncle is marrying my japanese (aunt) finally. They have been dating forever, so I just consider her my aunt. I asked him why he was so interested in her, and If it was because she was japanese. He responded with "When I met her in Tokyo, her being japanese attrached me, but after getting to know her, I fell in love."
I thought that was a good quote that describes why so many people might marry Japanese women.

Good points Marsans.

The girl being Japanese and attractive might be the initial attraction,but in the end its the girl's inner beatuy and personality that will keep the guy interested.See so many people dont realize that,alot of people assume that if you want to date a Japanese/Asian girl that you automaticlly dont care about personality,thats not true at all.

 

[KirinMan]

He responded with "When I met her in Tokyo, her being japanese attrached me, but after getting to know her, I fell in love."

marsans I am happy for you and your Uncle, it's great that things worked out for them.

Dont misunderstand this please but this is a great example of what I am talking about. Your Uncle was attracted to her being Japanese not her as a woman first.

If you had written here he was attracted to her femminity, or her looks, or something similar great, then he was looking at a woman and not a nationality first and a person 2nd. Who knows why people marry those that they do, hell people get married for money and screw the looks, that's not the point, the point is look at the person first is what I am saying nothing else.

Like you wrote over the course of time they fell in love and got married and I am willing to bet that it wasnt because of nationalities either, in the end things worked out and and that's great for him and her too I bet.

I thought that was a good quote that describes why so many people might marry Japanese women.

I personally feel that is the wrong or misguided reason to get married. Just because a person is attracted to an image. Reality is alot different.

 

[greentea]

Dont misunderstand this please but this is a great example of what I am talking about. Your Uncle was attracted to her being Japanese not her as a woman first.

If you had written here he was attracted to her femminity, or her looks, or something similar great, then he was looking at a woman and not a nationality first and a person 2nd. Who knows why people marry those that they do, hell people get married for money and screw the looks, that's not the point, the point is look at the person first is what I am saying nothing else.

I dont think his uncle is attracted to every Japanese girl,obviously her being Japanese and the fact that she was attractive was the initial draw towards her,and I see nothing wrong in that.

Its like when a White guy sees a hot blonde,he fancys her blonde hair and good looks,but he falls in love with her personality.Its no different.Looks always play a major role when you initially meet someone.Thier looks/naitonality are all part of who they are,its one aspect of that person.But when you first meet someone thats all you have to go by.

 

[KirinMan]

I dont think his uncle is attracted to every Japanese girl,obviously her being Japanese and the fact that she was attractive was the initial draw towards her,and I see nothing wrong in that.

I am pretty certain that marsans can tell us that himself, unless you can read his Uncle's mind I would say let's wait to hear his reply before jumping to conclusions here.

 

[greentea]

I am pretty certain that marsans can tell us that himself, unless you can read his Uncle's mind I would say let's wait to hear his reply before jumping to conclusions here.

Fair enough Obeika.

 

[marsans]

haha ok you guys, I called my uncle to ask him more! For the sake of jref! Anyways, he said "I was attracted to her first by how she looked, but then fell in love with her personality" and that "most of us see someone before we talk to them, and the initial spark we get from seeing someone were attracted to leads us on the path" those arent EXACT quotes, but thats basically what he said.

 

[Glenski]

I'm with Goldiegirl. Been in Japan almost 10 years now (married to a Japanese woman for over 5), and I didn't have to set foot here to be able to tell you that to base one's opinions on a country and its people solely by watching movies (especially those made outside that country) is a lost cause.

Some Japanese womem prefer foreign men.
Some fear them.
Some have mixed feelings.
Some want them only for trophies.

 

[greentea]

I'm with Goldiegirl. Been in Japan almost 10 years now (married to a Japanese woman for over 5), and I didn't have to set foot here to be able to tell you that to base one's opinions on a country and its people solely by watching movies (especially those made outside that country) is a lost cause.
Some Japanese womem prefer foreign men.
Some fear them.
Some have mixed feelings.
Some want them only for trophies.

I can play trophy for a while,send them over

 

[KirinMan]

haha ok you guys, I called my uncle to ask him more! For the sake of jref! Anyways, he said "I was attracted to her first by how she looked, but then fell in love with her personality" and that "most of us see someone before we talk to them, and the initial spark we get from seeing someone were attracted to leads us on the path" those arent EXACT quotes, but thats basically what he said.

Thank you for going to the trouble of clarifying that, I see that he was in love with or attracted to her as a woman first, that's the only point I was talking about.

Thanks again.

I can play trophy for a while,send them over

Said sarcastically or in gest it's people like you that give "gaijin" a bad name. Oh and btw it's sexist as well.

 

[Goldiegirl]

The point of this thread was marriage, not one night stands.

 

[greentea]

Said sarcastically or in gest it's people like you that give "gaijin" a bad name. Oh and btw it's sexist as well.

Boy you really are on my case huh? Im brand new to this site, this is how you treat newbies? cut me some slack,surely I dont deserve this kind of attitude with every response.

Ive private messaged you several times now asking you politely to stop,I will start reporting your posts as harrassment and flame baiting if it continues.I wont put up with being attacked and berated daily.Thank you.

 

[Goldiegirl]

He's right on the money. With your attitude I don't think most Japanese girls would even consider you. Sorry to be brutal, but they like class. Your responses don't measure up.