Would you stay with such a lover ?

[dreamer]

[Points to AvA]

What happened to the cute squinty eye'd kitty!!!!! :?

Lol the kitty left

 

[EscaFlowne]

-Dies-
man i miss that cat....

 

[nekosasori]

I think that all answers depend on something not covered in the poll explicitly - that is, the underlying expectations that you have regarding the relationship with the one you love.

I had an ex from university with whom I had a polyamorous relationship. I knew he was capable of loving others (men and women; he was bi) and that his appreciation for each partner he had wasn't affected by the others that he dated. I cared about him too, but not with any expectations of wanting to become monogamously committed to him. I also didn't go around dating others while we were together - but I knew I was free to, and that if I grew attracted to someone else, I was welcome to pursue that. And we were each other's sounding boards about the people we were friends or lovers with. I still consider this to have been an enlightened and maybe even idealistic situation that was only possible because of the stage of life I was at, and due to his family background (his parents had an open and functional, supportive marriage).

Now, what I have with my husband is far more conventional. We have built our marriage on monogamous commitment and trust. We aren't opening ourselves to the possibility of falling in love with others without that becoming a significant issue to discuss and work through in our relationship.

So clearly, the two sets of responses I'd choose in this poll differ vastly depending on whom I'm thinking about.

 

[Wakaranai]

I picked if she hated you. In some cases if you love hates you it is not out of hatetrid.
It is one of thoes Love/Hate things. But then agin every case is different. You have to go by the relationship

 

[necrozombie]

i wouldn't mind the additional homosexual relationship..

..but only if i get to watch! XDDD

......im such a hentai...

 

[Xkavar]

My two cents:

1. My dad left my mom for a younger woman when I was about 8. Since then I've made a solumn vow never to cheat on any girl willing to take a chance with me, and so far I've stuck to my vow. I will be better or worse than my father; I will not be like him.

2. I'd prefer to be with someone that loved me and only me. Simpler on my nerves.

 

[jovial_jon]

I ticked 'it depends on the situation and person'. I'm hardly a relationship veteran so I guess I don't know how I would react if any of those things happened. I'm pretty forgiving, but how forgiving I'd be in a relationship I don't really know...

 

[TimF]

I am a very understanding person this one girl i was with had cheated on me, had sex with someone else, loved that other person and me as well, loved and had relations with a member of the same sex, And I allowed these things to go on beacuse i loved her and her happiness was the only thing that mattered to me. But when the time came when we did go our seprate ways it was not beacuse of the lack of love it was beacause of her parents. They found out her and I did some stuff together and instead of seeing it as it took 2 to do the act they thought their baby girl could do no wrong so they told her to break up with me she still loves me she tells me from time to time but if I ever had the chance to go back with her i would have to turn her down she put me through way too much indignation for me to ever take her back. And the funny thing is she never even knew she was doing it beacuse she was too wraped up in herself and what i could give her instead of trying to have a relationship where both members are contributing. But like i said i am very understanding and very flexible when it comes to relationships one time i even had this relationship where me and the girl were together but we were seeing other people as well.....well she was I was loyal to her (the way I treat my signifigant others is second to none.... or so i like to think ).

 

[cross-platform]

I guess it would really depend on a lot of things. My knee-jerk reaction would be to end it there, but it would really take a lot of thought and contemplating on both sides I think. You really just have to take each situation one at a time.

 

[Camui]

I think so of these would depend on circumstances, but it s hard to forgive somebody if they cheat on you...and I don't understand why someone would be going out with someone who doesn't care about them in the first place... I definetly would be understanding if they loved someone else even if it were of the same sex...it would hurt, but when you truly love someone you want them to be happy even if its not with you..that's my opinion...

 

[neptunemoon]

Yea well I kind of am currently going through a situation as mentioned in the poll. Its hard. Really hard. Been cheated on yet I will still be with him. It's like he is possesed because he bacame a different person at least around the other girl. There are so many lies in the situation and i even think the girl is lying about alot of things. When I think about all that me and him have been through I would take him back without a doubt. Right now he is in his home country. Before he left he chose the other girl over me. There is sooo much more to this situation but I know he still loves me. Yes I may be the fool for still loving him and hoping it works out when he comes back. I rather just think he was possessed hey always a possibility or had a different personality. Im just a stand by your man kind of girl no matter what. (sigh)

 

[EscaFlowne]

☝

Though an act such as your is commendable, you shouldn't call yourself a fool. Plenty of people have done such the same thing. Though you should ask yourself, "If you know he really loves you would he had picked the othe girl?" Sometimes something you want so bad may not be the thing you need. Love is based on respect and honesty for the other person, if he disregards it then...just think about it. Everyone deserves to be happy. And besides i don't know the full facts.

 

[neptunemoon]

I believe in our love and what we once had. These days sooo many people cheat its ridiculous. What hope is there left in this world. And all the good guys are not my type. I think I would stay with him no matter what. I rather be alone if me and him dont work it out i would rather be myself for the rest of my life unless gackt comes and ask me to marry him.

 

[Winter]

I'm into the 'forgive and forget' mentality. Someone cheats on me, I forgive them, then forget about them.

Makes life easy.

 

[EscaFlowne]

I'm more or less with winter.

 

[neptunemoon]

its a good motto but there is something that holds me. like i have to try. that feeling that he is the one. That something went horribly wrong. A test. I cant lose. I cant lose him. I cant lose those memories. I have never loved like this. Anything is possible. I have to fight for love. Who ever invented cheating sucks. Sometimes i am a fool. never thought i would end up like this but i wouldnt change it for the world.

 

[Mikitty]

None of those things, i take a long time to trust people, and if they gain my trust and then break it, then its going to be over because its like a tooth hanging by a thread, if that makes any sense. I can still be friends with them, but its like the trust factor has completely gone, and if i dont have trust in a relationship, then what do i have?
with love comes trust.

 

[EscaFlowne]

its a good motto but there is something that holds me. like i have to try. that feeling that he is the one. That something went horribly wrong. A test. I cant lose. I cant lose him. I cant lose those memories. I have never loved like this. Anything is possible. I have to fight for love. Who ever invented cheating sucks. Sometimes i am a fool. never thought i would end up like this but i wouldnt change it for the world.

i hope everything comes out like you want it to then....

 

[Duo]

Heh, once somebody cheats on you, it's over. If they don't have the will to repress their feelings and desires, then they don't have the full will to give themselves completely to you. Now this is not an absolute, the world is big, and there can more than one person out there that you may love or have very strong feelings for, yet when you choose to stick with someone, and you betray them, than you betray yourself and your will. If you feel you have found someone that totally eclipses the other person and you can do nothing about it, then that's normal, it's nothing to feel guilty about, finish things with the other person in a true manner, not going around sneaking behind his/her back like a coward. Step up to reality, this how things are with men and women, you just have to be careful about not hurting somone, and if you will have to in order to be true with your own feelings, than be true, truthful and respectful to the person whom you are losing attraction to because of someone else. Sure, it will hurt to him/her, but at least they will have their dignity and respect.

Well i'm just rambling, but my thoughts on the topic anyways.
good luck to all y'all in the world of love

 

[Winter]

its a good motto but there is something that holds me. like i have to try. that feeling that he is the one. That something went horribly wrong. A test. I cant lose. I cant lose him. I cant lose those memories. I have never loved like this. Anything is possible. I have to fight for love. Who ever invented cheating sucks. Sometimes i am a fool. never thought i would end up like this but i wouldnt change it for the world.

Sounds like anxiety disorder. Or old fashioned obsession. Either way, it doesnt sound healthy.

 

[neptunemoon]

obsession with something else but i have not finished taking my psych course yet. or maybe too hopeful???????

 

[Doc]

After looking at all the options I only have one thing to about them: I have no time or tolerance for such immature behavior. It's simply like this, break my trust and you're out the door. There's no pleading, begging, or second chances. All terms are final. You screw up, you're out of my life. This is the same with my friendships as well.

Doc

 

[Index]

I can empathize somewhat with Neptunemoon as I'm going through the same situation at the moment. I'm struggling to make up my mind about what to do, whether to end it now or give her another chance. My first reaction was "sayonara baby", but I've found it's not that easy. Even when I had thought about what I would do if this kind of situation ever came up, I thought I would break it off. In reality however, I'm finding it much more difficult to end something that I have invested so much into. I agree with those who have said that it all depends on the situation. While I agree that breaking trust is terrible thing, especially in matters of the heart, I realize that people are infallible too. I'm hoping time will help me make up my mind.

 

[Doc]

Well Index, all I can say is to think about it. Personally I'd dump her in a heartbeat like I said in your other thread, but you have to do what you have to do. All I can say is don't wait too long or it could cause more problems than good.

Doc

 

[MajideSaiaku]

cheating on me = dumped
not liking or loving me = not even a relationship to begin with
a homosexual = definatly no chance of a relationship in the first place
hates me = i'de hate them back before hooknig up with them


but really its a case by case thing.
i take a zero tolerance approach to cheaters and people who are anything less then committed to the relationship, for example, pissing about and in general acting without any respect for the relationship, i dont tolerate flirting with other guys, having friends with guys is okay, but blatant flirting doesnt hold water with me.

actually im pretty easy going, as lnog as the girl likes me or loves me, and isnt apathetic towards me, and isnt running around with other guys be it being overly friendly beyond reason, or cheating, then im pretty easy going, but cross that line and its finished, line of no return.

ive developed this harsh rule set for relationships simply because my easy-going in the past has in all cases turned round to bite me in the ***, and i just got tired of picking up after betrayal.

i know, i sound bitter, but people make the concious decision to either take the bait every time just to feel wanted and loved and inevitably crushed, or to play it smart, and relize relationships enrich life, they dont sustain it.

in the early days its easier to be a bit easier gonig but i dont really date around, my relationships are formed after both sides involved feel they think their is something there, i dont get into relationships for the sake of it, i enter them for love, other then that were just friends and thats just the way it is.

so in my case i can quite easily forgive things like accidents and heat of the momment hurtful things, fights and stuff....but if i smell cheating, be it full bown, or simply entertaining the idea with a "just a friend, honestly" your gone