Would you proofread, please? (mainly past tense)

[hirashin]

Dear native English speakers,

Would you proofread my sentences, please?

(1) When I was in kindergarten, I liked to play in the swing.
(2) When I was a boy, I loved playing in the sandbox/sandpit
of the nearby square.
[According to my dictionary, sandbox is in American English,
and sandpit British. Is it correct?]
(3) When I was little, I loved cotton candy. Every time I visited
the festival of the neighborhood shrine, I would often eat it.
(4) At the age of 7, I rode a roller coaster for the first time. I
had never ridden such a frightening vehicle until then.
(5) Since I lived far from the sea, I had never seen the sea
until I was 8 years old.
(6) Yutaka and I have been good friends since we were in
kindergarten.
(7) When I was in elementary school, I would often go fishing
in the nearby river.
(8) When I was 6, I went to America for the first time. I went
there with my parents and stayed with my uncle, who lived in
Los Angeles at that time. I had a great time staying there.

Thanks in advance

Hirashin

 

[Mike Cash]

1. "on" the swing

3. "Every time" and "often" clash. Change the first part to "when" or delete the "often".

4. Although not strictly necessary, those two sentences could be connected by a semicolon. They are thematically related enough to be in one sentence, but grammatically can stand as separate sentences.

5. With only this much info, "never saw" is correct. "Had never seen" foreshadows something coming after this which changes that condition. For example: "But then I was kidnapped by pirates and sailed the seven seas".