Why do only few Japanese men go for Western women?

[Glenski]

Please learn to use punctuation when you write.

Want to meet someone casually? Say hello and smile. Nobody expects foreigners to bow and use keigo.

 

[tinker83]

Please learn to use punctuation when you write.

Want to meet someone casually? Say hello and smile. Nobody expects foreigners to bow and use keigo.

Okay. Thank you.

 

[SaturnGreed]

Please learn to use punctuation when you write.

Want to meet someone casually? Say hello and smile. Nobody expects foreigners to bow and use keigo.

yea that works too.

 

[Shadlez]

Hey there,

I am sure you've gone through that topic a hundreds of times, but still there might be some new or unsaid opinions out there.
My name is Ina and I'm currently doing my master's resarch on this question, or, to put it in other words, I'm interested in relationship constellations of Japanese and Western Europeans. This idea came up when I lived in Japan and no matter where I was wandering around (Sapporo, Tokyo, Osaka, inaka), there were Westernman-Japanesewoman couples everywhere - but hardly any Westernwoman-Japaneseman couples. Guess there are many theories about it, so I'd be very happy to hear some of them or what observations you have made

At the risk of inciting a flame war, I'd like to offer an opinion in gender specific/feminist contexts. (But seriously, please don't flame)

This observation of Western man with Japanese woman and hardly any Japanese man with Western woman, more or less reflect patriarchal social dynamics and stereotypes.

Okay my point is, Japanese women, and Asian women in seem to have this exotic, submissive, quiet stereotype attached to them. And western women are viewed as too independent, self sufficient etc. Of course, there will be some that are genuine attractions between the couples, but this general trend of guys preferring asian women seems to indicate that some men, are downright offended by a woman who dares to espouse her opinions and exercise her freedom (putting it politely). If you want to see AN example of that kind of attitude, please scroll down to the comments:
Top 10 Facts About Mail-Order Brides - Listverse

It's not just that comment section, the online world in general absolutely treats a women who dares to voice opinion with disproportionately violent threats and verbal abuse (Twitter opens a new world of abuse aimed at women). I think this is indicative of why certain men seem to prefer Asian women over western ones. Us Western ladies have this feminist/independent stereotype because wow opinions how dare we questions manly men shock anger. Especially in the comments section of that listverse page, we see a view that western women don't "respect" their men/families and thus cause divorces (it's so toxic I don't really wanna wade back in there for specific examples.....)

Most Western countries with the exception of some Scandinavian countries, are more or less very patriarchal societies. Japan even more so. Therefore, my opinion is that cultural stereotypes of women is a big influence on these couple dynamics.

Also I am in no way saying that all western guys that has an asian partner is a creep. But only those who are attracted to asians because of stereotyping/fantasy notions.

 

[Dotanbatan]

At the risk of inciting a flame war, I'd like to offer an opinion in gender specific/feminist contexts. (But seriously, please don't flame)

This observation of Western man with Japanese woman and hardly any Japanese man with Western woman, more or less reflect patriarchal social dynamics and stereotypes.

Okay my point is, Japanese women, and Asian women in seem to have this exotic, submissive, quiet stereotype attached to them. And western women are viewed as too independent, self sufficient etc. Of course, there will be some that are genuine attractions between the couples, but this general trend of guys preferring asian women seems to indicate that some men, are downright offended by a woman who dares to espouse her opinions and exercise her freedom (putting it politely). If you want to see AN example of that kind of attitude, please scroll down to the comments:
Top 10 Facts About Mail-Order Brides - Listverse

It's not just that comment section, the online world in general absolutely treats a women who dares to voice opinion with disproportionately violent threats and verbal abuse (Twitter opens a new world of abuse aimed at women). I think this is indicative of why certain men seem to prefer Asian women over western ones. Us Western ladies have this feminist/independent stereotype because wow opinions how dare we questions manly men shock anger. Especially in the comments section of that listverse page, we see a view that western women don't "respect" their men/families and thus cause divorces (it's so toxic I don't really wanna wade back in there for specific examples.....)

Most Western countries with the exception of some Scandinavian countries, are more or less very patriarchal societies. Japan even more so. Therefore, my opinion is that cultural stereotypes of women is a big influence on these couple dynamics.

Also I am in no way saying that all western guys that has an asian partner is a creep. But only those who are attracted to asians because of stereotyping/fantasy notions.

I'll try not to flame you

I can't think of any major society in the world that isn't patriarchal. That's not good but just the way things are. Women in Japan, by the way, usually have a lot more clout in family matters than most Western Societies e.g. decisions on finances, children's upbringing / education and housing etc.

I don't understand why you have linked a silly lists website article on mail order brides and then direct us to the comments section of all places!!!

The topic is the imbalance of Japanese Women & Western men to Japanese men & Western women. I'm pretty sure very few of these would be mail order!

You are right that many western men are attracted physically to Japanese women and appreciate their particularly Japanese outlook and traits. What is wrong with that?
Japanese women also have as many individual differences of personality and attitude as women in western countries.... it is not possible to generalise beyond very broad stereotypes.

Women who criticise Western men in having 'asian' partners should realise that they are also insulting the woman in that relationship by doing it.

Back to the OP:
I believe one reason that western women seem to be less likely to marry Japanese men is that the relationship with the parents in law are often more involved. The expectations and pressure on a western wife may be greater, but again this comes down to the individuals.

You probably didn't mean it, but your last paragraph is insulting to me (Western man) and my wife (Japanese woman).

 

[tomoni]

Interestingﾂ…

This observation of Western man with Japanese woman and hardly any Japanese man with Western woman, more or less reflect patriarchal social dynamics and stereotypes.

Hi Shadlez,

No flames BUT I am a male and I am in Japan, so it is more likely that I will meet a compatible person that is Japanese simply because there are more Japanese women here that foreign women. So to suggest that more foreign men are dating or marrying a Japanese women for primarily other reasons without backing that up is a bit of stretch. Should foreign men be dating foreign women in Japan, that would actually be a statistically anomaly perhaps suggesting that foreign men might have racist tendencies.

But if we want to speculate a bit, there are about 2,000,000 foreign people living in Japan (over half are from Asia). Given your comment that most western nations (and I suppose that extend to some of the Asian nations as well) are, it would seem likely to me that there would be more men among the permanent residents (and more men in general that come to Japan (sorry stats by gender not available, so I am also speculating) .

I would also speculate that there are more single foreign men in japan (particularly over 30 than women) so it would make sense that there are more FMale- J Female combos than Jmale F female combos.

Okay my point is, Japanese women, and Asian women in seem to have this exotic, submissive, quiet stereotype attached to them. And western women are viewed as too independent, self sufficient etc. Of course, there will be some that are genuine attractions between the couples, but this general trend of guys preferring asian women seems to indicate that some men, are downright offended by a woman who dares to espouse her opinions and exercise her freedom (putting it politely).

Again, odds are being in Japan, one might be interested in dating a Japanese person. I think that the stereotyping that is being suggested is the issue. Japanese women are in my experience do not fill the exotic, submissive, quiet stereotype that you suggest. But perhaps men are doing what would be expected in Japan, that is dating a Japanese women, because they are likely to meet more Japanese women.


SO perhaps the question could be:

Why don't western women who live in Japan go for Japanese men? Or why aren't western women as open to international dating/marriage as western men?

The framing of the original question is itself showing a cultural bias and the OP perspective. I think there are many ways to look at this issue, but perhaps finding the right questions to ask would be a good place to start.

Cheers.

 

[safari102]

I am Japanese male and I have to stop and give my opinion about this topic.

In general, men are "supposed to" approach women in Japan and also more or less in many countries.
If he doesn't speak a thing in her language or understand her culture, he doesn't feel comfortable asking her out, whereas Western guys/girls are "expected" to speak English here. I have seen these same phenomenons in other countries as well; however, a language barrier and cultural differences seem to be much grater between Japan and west than that between other non-West and West.

We all know in dating, confidence is everything for men. So, why do Japanese men have to go through troubles to find Western girls when they can find tons of hot Japanese girls here? Trust me, if all Japanese boys had been given good English abilities and taught dating rules, they would all be after western chicks.

Case closed.

 

[alexia10]

Hi, my name's Alexia, and I've also wondered about this. I've read up on quite a few blogs discussing this topic, and most have said that almost all Japanese men prefer quiet, skinny, cute, and short girls. You see, I'm 5'4 (fairly short) and typically a very shy person who can't wrap their mind around the idea of using terms most american teens use on a daily basis, but I'm not skinny. I play high intensity level sports, so I have a lot of muscle mass, and I'm not exactly chubby, just filled out (curvy). So, I can't exactly become an ideal size. It's just not in my genetic code. I'm a mesomorph. That being said, does that mean that no Japanese guy will ever find that attractive? This might be really awkward and I'm not even sure anyone will ever answer this, but could is it possible for an athletic girl to ever be attractive to a Japanese guy?

 

[alexia10]

It is simply because western females are unattractive for Japanese, Japanese male preference of females are cute and submissive while western females don't have that traits.

That explain why many of their own western males are abandoning them and go on looking for Asian females including even the one considered as ugly and leftover in Asian standard.

But what if a western girl IS quiet and submissive? I've been that way my entire life, and I'm an American girl.

 

[doitsugo]

Most western girls I saw in Tokyo or in Japan looked closed and reserved. As a western European I'd say they're already in a relationship or they are not in a good mood for communication or they are just protecting themselves which is right! A few years ago my girlfriend went to Kobe for sightseeing while I stayed in Tokyo and when she came back she reported me in a park where she ate something, a Japanese boy hit on her but he remained very friendly understanding she's in relationship and they had had a small talk.

 

[Belch]

I can't speak for Japanese guys, but between work, grand theft auto, and beer, I don't have time for another hobby.

I imagine it might be much the same for Japanese men.

 

[doitsugo]

 

[Mike Cash]

Why did you edit your post and remove your admonishment of him for posting in this thread?

 

[doitsugo]

Why did you edit your post and remove your admonishment of him for posting in this thread?

Hi Mike,
I honestly misunderstood Belch's comment, but I unfortunately could not delete my comment.
Sorry for any caused inconveniences:-(
Regards

 

[Starbucks]

Hey there,

I am sure you've gone through that topic a hundreds of times, but still there might be some new or unsaid opinions out there.
My name is Ina and I'm currently doing my master's resarch on this question, or, to put it in other words, I'm interested in relationship constellations of Japanese and Western Europeans. This idea came up when I lived in Japan and no matter where I was wandering around (Sapporo, Tokyo, Osaka, inaka), there were Westernman-Japanesewoman couples everywhere - but hardly any Westernwoman-Japaneseman couples. Guess there are many theories about it, so I'd be very happy to hear some of them or what observations you have made

The variable largely lies in western women not taking interest in Japanese men rather than the other way around. Many Japanese men are actually quite open to interracial relationships but unfortunately they are often down on their luck being unwanted by western women. There is a far greater demand of Japanese women from western men than the other way around so much so that the percentage of western women with Japanese men are comparable to gay couples.

 

[Starbucks]

Most japanese men are scared of westernwoman even if they find them very very attractive !
Maybe westerners act too much like VIPs in Japan...

Japanese men and Japanese women are both equally open to accepting Western partners. The question lies in the Western woman's openness in accepting a Japanese man in her life or not.

 

[think_too_mut]

Japanese men and Japanese women are both equally open to accepting Western partners. The question lies in the Western woman's openness in accepting a Japanese man in her life or not.

That is far off from what I have gathered over last 12 years in Japan and 20 years in Asia.
Japanese men see western women as sexy as street light poles.
Western women are big, obnoxious, nothing they have ever seen before.
In some quarters (intelectuals, artists, musicians, alternatives) that may be untrue but mainstream Japanese, both men and women, shy away from non-Japanese.