What makes a relationship last?
- Thread starter misa.j
- Start date
crawling
後輩
- 16 May 2006
- 73
- 0
i think for a relationship there are many different but important facts to mind. well, in a relationship it's important that both carry for each other, talk to each other, sharing problems and also are there for each other. yeah, it's also important to do something together, maybe sports or something like that.
WSIENGLISH
Registered
- 20 Sep 2007
- 4
- 0
A good television, a lot of living space, and huge bookshelves....
hugzkisses
simple girl
- 19 Sep 2007
- 8
- 0
it'll last if it had a good foundation right at the beginning of the relationship. nevertheless, we should also consider factors. and i don't know this factors
w1ngzer0
後輩
- 17 Jan 2004
- 262
- 0
To be honest. All of those apply for me except the lonely part. I like my alone time. But, i love making love ( yes, there is a difference between love and sex). Talking, ect.
But, women in my country. At least on the west coast, don't think the same. Excuse me people on the west coast don't have morals is what i mean. Men and women on this side, suck.
But, women in my country. At least on the west coast, don't think the same. Excuse me people on the west coast don't have morals is what i mean. Men and women on this side, suck.
Uchite
後輩
- 16 Jan 2006
- 136
- 7
I am no expert, but would say a few things.
First, there has to be respect. Respect for each other and respect for one self. If two people respect each other and their similarities and differences there can be honesty. Without honesty, the relationship will never last, no matter how long the charade goes on. Each person must be allowed to be themselves. If someone is trying to make someone else be someone they are not, it is lacking respect for who and what that person is and asking the other person to be dishonest by trying to be someone he/she is not. I think this is a large reason for so much breakup and divorce. It is a shame, but all too true.
Honest communication is absolutely necessary!
Another thing that is important is letting each other have their own time and interests. This is a very healthy thing. I know that I need my time and space and it would drive me crazy to have my significant other or wife doing every single thing I do with me all the time! Likewise, I would not want to be doing every single thing she likes to do with her all the time. I would feel very intrusive invasive and like a pain in the neck! But I will also say that I feel it is extremely important for lots of "together time" and doing things spontaneously and not doing everything in an overserious manner or fashion. No matter how long you have been together, the relationship should still be "fun".
Also, often overlooked, I feel, is the value of reflection of the entire relationship, taking into account all you have been through and all you may go through in the future. Unfortunately, our culture (not just America, but almost world-wide) has become so quick-fix, instant gratification based with an extremely short attention span, that people are easily bored and often never count their blessings and are always finding something to complain about.
Finally, there is commitment. Without it, the relationship can never last. With it and truly understanding it, the sky's the limit. :romance:
First, there has to be respect. Respect for each other and respect for one self. If two people respect each other and their similarities and differences there can be honesty. Without honesty, the relationship will never last, no matter how long the charade goes on. Each person must be allowed to be themselves. If someone is trying to make someone else be someone they are not, it is lacking respect for who and what that person is and asking the other person to be dishonest by trying to be someone he/she is not. I think this is a large reason for so much breakup and divorce. It is a shame, but all too true.
Honest communication is absolutely necessary!
Another thing that is important is letting each other have their own time and interests. This is a very healthy thing. I know that I need my time and space and it would drive me crazy to have my significant other or wife doing every single thing I do with me all the time! Likewise, I would not want to be doing every single thing she likes to do with her all the time. I would feel very intrusive invasive and like a pain in the neck! But I will also say that I feel it is extremely important for lots of "together time" and doing things spontaneously and not doing everything in an overserious manner or fashion. No matter how long you have been together, the relationship should still be "fun".
Also, often overlooked, I feel, is the value of reflection of the entire relationship, taking into account all you have been through and all you may go through in the future. Unfortunately, our culture (not just America, but almost world-wide) has become so quick-fix, instant gratification based with an extremely short attention span, that people are easily bored and often never count their blessings and are always finding something to complain about.
Finally, there is commitment. Without it, the relationship can never last. With it and truly understanding it, the sky's the limit. :romance:
yumeitsumo
Sempai
- 18 Dec 2007
- 526
- 10
Caring and love love love is needed in a relationship. It helps to live nearby too... but I believe that if you love someone enough... it can last.
yumeitsumo
Sempai
- 18 Dec 2007
- 526
- 10
What are you talking about? HUH?
Haruspex
先輩
- 30 Aug 2007
- 2,324
- 96
It would be dollar for you, and euro for me.
Goldiegirl
先輩
- 10 Aug 2006
- 1,694
- 69
Ultimately you have to make a choice to stay in a long term relationship. We all change as people and sometimes I find it hard to imagine being in a relationship with the same person forever. It's a constant give and take. Yeah, love helps, but that changes too. When your first together the other person can do no wrong....after a bit you realize that they aren't perfect. If you can accept the other persons imperfections and if they can accept yours that goes a long way in staying together. Having realistic expectations helps too. You can't change a person, and if you think you can you are headed for disaster. What ever a person does before you are in a relationship will continue. For instance I am not worried about being on time, granted I usually am, but not always; my husband is a 10 minutes early kinda guy. He has tried to "encourage" me to be more timely, but alas it hasn't worked so he's adjusted. And really so have I, if I know something is very important to him, I do make sure that we are there on time! Flexibility in thinking and behaving and changing...always try...it doesn't hurt!
Although my big love died, I still have wonderfull friends, and one of the most wonderfull ones just sent me a post for new year with the wish to keep on caring for each other (although he calls me elfin (fairy) and we have no physical contact, and he could be my son in age. . .)
This I happily confirmed.
It is different with everyone, but I have a kind of very important inner red lines with some, that will never break anyhow. Its only us that know and understand these.
Some of those friends are very close variations of my dead one, but all ages and nationalities, and its often as magic. Like a secret key or safety net.
Something never dies.
Friendship also is a very important relation!
But some only find out very late. . .
This I happily confirmed.
It is different with everyone, but I have a kind of very important inner red lines with some, that will never break anyhow. Its only us that know and understand these.
Some of those friends are very close variations of my dead one, but all ages and nationalities, and its often as magic. Like a secret key or safety net.
Something never dies.
Friendship also is a very important relation!
But some only find out very late. . .
Tsuyoiko
DON'T PANIC!
- 11 Mar 2005
- 3,136
- 165
Forgiveness, patience, tolerance.
Letting your head rule your heart.
Accepting that life together can never be a fairytale, that 100% happiness doesn't exist.
Realising that you can never have everything you want and deciding to make the best of what you do have.
Sharing the same outlook on the things that are most important to you.
Letting your head rule your heart.
Accepting that life together can never be a fairytale, that 100% happiness doesn't exist.
Realising that you can never have everything you want and deciding to make the best of what you do have.
Sharing the same outlook on the things that are most important to you.
Doc
Government Man
- 13 Feb 2005
- 1,356
- 72
Respecting each other's space, communication, maturity, trust, love, allowing some alone time for one another, intimacy, passion, commitment, compromise, working together, not centering the relationship around you, surprising each other by doing little things like going out of your way to buy a gallon of milk before coming home from work rather than waiting until the next day to do it, giving each other gifts, the list is endless. The bottom line is that a relationship requires a lot of hard work to stay strong in the long run, but it pays off in the end.
Doc
I feel it bears repeating on how to keep a relationship working.
Realism and hard work are two main keys ladies and gentlemen, realism and hard work.
-Doc
- 28 Jul 2005
- 5,238
- 172
While I fully agree with the above and recent sentiment, factors, and elements presented, I too feel that something yet unmentioned (even previously by myself) should not be allowed to slip by unnoticed, and that is, brain state.
We will find that there are those brain states which cannot consider, come up with, nor cognize those things to lesser or greater degrees. Therefore, one more important thing in making a relationship last, is as near as possible brain states. Not just any relationship is gonna last--we would do well to not attempt to hide that fact. For that reason, therefore, we should take care in considering any relationship which has started up for whatever reason it may have started up.
An individual who can cognize, emotionally or rationally understand value in them, and act out those things to a very high degree, would eventually (in most cases) not be able to retain a strong relationship with another individual whose cognition, understanding, and actions are to a very noticably degree less than hers/his. Such relationships often fall apart totally.
In the female/male romantic/sexually based connection type relationship especially, one must then try to match as closely as possible a partner of equal brain state--regarding these above and recently mentioned things. Love, we have to understand, is not something which can be commanded. No one can properly say "I command you to love me" with any expectation of actually getting anything near 'true love.'
Likewise, love (I mean mating drive and eros here) is not something you can promise (a major failure, actually in the typical marriage vow) because it is not something of free will within itself. However, one can practice or exercise it, and from time to time stimulate it. This, most unfortunately requires the above and mentioned cognitive abilities...that state of brain...and if the partner in this relationship I am now speaking of does not have that to the remotely equal degree, the relationship will weaken if not dissolve completely. Agape will live on; friends can be friends to whatever degree of interaction and contact, but the lovers, the hugging bossom buddies, will be long gone.
Thus, one greater precursor to all which has been mentioned in regard to what keeps a strong relationship, or makes a relationship of a certain degree of bonding last, is brain state.
We will find that there are those brain states which cannot consider, come up with, nor cognize those things to lesser or greater degrees. Therefore, one more important thing in making a relationship last, is as near as possible brain states. Not just any relationship is gonna last--we would do well to not attempt to hide that fact. For that reason, therefore, we should take care in considering any relationship which has started up for whatever reason it may have started up.
An individual who can cognize, emotionally or rationally understand value in them, and act out those things to a very high degree, would eventually (in most cases) not be able to retain a strong relationship with another individual whose cognition, understanding, and actions are to a very noticably degree less than hers/his. Such relationships often fall apart totally.
In the female/male romantic/sexually based connection type relationship especially, one must then try to match as closely as possible a partner of equal brain state--regarding these above and recently mentioned things. Love, we have to understand, is not something which can be commanded. No one can properly say "I command you to love me" with any expectation of actually getting anything near 'true love.'
Likewise, love (I mean mating drive and eros here) is not something you can promise (a major failure, actually in the typical marriage vow) because it is not something of free will within itself. However, one can practice or exercise it, and from time to time stimulate it. This, most unfortunately requires the above and mentioned cognitive abilities...that state of brain...and if the partner in this relationship I am now speaking of does not have that to the remotely equal degree, the relationship will weaken if not dissolve completely. Agape will live on; friends can be friends to whatever degree of interaction and contact, but the lovers, the hugging bossom buddies, will be long gone.
Thus, one greater precursor to all which has been mentioned in regard to what keeps a strong relationship, or makes a relationship of a certain degree of bonding last, is brain state.
Goldiegirl
先輩
- 10 Aug 2006
- 1,694
- 69
In other, other words......effort, work, choice...I think many have touched the same sentiments but perhaps not with such fancy wording.
- 28 Jul 2005
- 5,238
- 172
Yeah, but I had just noticed that the theme and the responses had pretty much all started from the assumption that a (especially a female/male romantic/sexually based connection type) relationship, once in place, was something that could be kept in place. More often than not, it isn't.
The first point (and that is where brain state comes in too) is to know yourself--and then (as Goldiegirl had earlier mentioned) present that before any real relationship starts. The next step is, if your brain takes over the flow, just to not feel trapped in the event you one day wake up and find that it's gonna be expensive. (and I don't mean money here)
Therefore as brought out, since we cannot always control from getting into a relationship, and yet are in a relationship, we are under no obligation to spend ourselves on it if the brain states simply do not match. There is no need to sacrifice beyond a certain point. That had been missed so far on this thread.
The positive outcome from giving up on a relationship can be greater than that of the effort in keeping a very unbalanced relationship going down a one-way active street.
The first point (and that is where brain state comes in too) is to know yourself--and then (as Goldiegirl had earlier mentioned) present that before any real relationship starts. The next step is, if your brain takes over the flow, just to not feel trapped in the event you one day wake up and find that it's gonna be expensive. (and I don't mean money here)
Therefore as brought out, since we cannot always control from getting into a relationship, and yet are in a relationship, we are under no obligation to spend ourselves on it if the brain states simply do not match. There is no need to sacrifice beyond a certain point. That had been missed so far on this thread.
The positive outcome from giving up on a relationship can be greater than that of the effort in keeping a very unbalanced relationship going down a one-way active street.
- 28 Jul 2005
- 5,238
- 172
But, most unfortunately, good sex can be a major problem too... because it's a comparative matter.
Well I erased the rest, and will save it for the Serious Discussions area....hee, hee, hee.....
Doc
Government Man
- 13 Feb 2005
- 1,356
- 72
Keep in mind your brain state case doesn't always hold up well, especially on the IQ aspect. Compatibility is a tricky thing, and sometimes things do not turn out the way you originally like to hypothesize.
-Doc
duff_o_josh
okonomiyaki=bliss
- 2 Apr 2004
- 324
- 14
Is doesn't matter how caring sweet or loving you are to someone, if they do not have the same feelings it will never work. For a relationship to last both people involved need to be willing to adapt and meet the needs of the other person. I have learned the hard way, one way relationships are very painful.
