What makes a relationship last?
- Thread starter misa.j
- Start date
Kirie_Maiden
Rope Shrine Maiden
- 5 Mar 2007
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My current boyfriend's relationships don't seem to last long. I am not sure if any have lasted over a year, and most have only lasted 3 weeks, but I am certain that I will last longer, because I really care about him and (as far as I know) he really cares about me. In fact, I would go so far as to say that I love him and I think he loves me. If the relationship is going to last for any reason, won't that be it?
- 18 Oct 2004
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Maybe this time yours is the "perfect match" (if there is such a thing). Good luck!
Kirie_Maiden
Rope Shrine Maiden
- 5 Mar 2007
- 1,583
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Thanks a lot. 
At the moment, we have lasted over 3 weeks... almost 5. Ok... not much longer, but surely that's something. 
At the moment, we have lasted over 3 weeks... almost 5. Ok... not much longer, but surely that's something. 
Anyway it is quality not quantity... if it is meant to be, then it will work out. 
Kirirao
Lost in the maze of life
- 18 Sep 2004
- 276
- 15
@_@
Communication?
Well, not from personal experience tho, since I have none. But from others experience + my parents. It does seems big part of it are, when the women talks or complains you LISTEN and nod!
Failure to do so or fighting back would mean you'd be sleeping alone outside on the couch in the cold~
Communication?
Well, not from personal experience tho, since I have none. But from others experience + my parents. It does seems big part of it are, when the women talks or complains you LISTEN and nod!
Failure to do so or fighting back would mean you'd be sleeping alone outside on the couch in the cold~
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Kinsao
Horizon Rider
- 8 May 2005
- 8,515
- 143
I think out of all the things on the list in the poll, they all contribute to make a relationship last, except for 'fear of being alone'. If that is your reason for being in a relationship... well, not to say that the relationship couldn't/wouldn't work, but it takes a lot, lot more than that to make a success.
There are also other things of course, imo communication and honesty being two of the most important.
There are also other things of course, imo communication and honesty being two of the most important.
Kirie_Maiden
Rope Shrine Maiden
- 5 Mar 2007
- 1,583
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I agree. I think communication, honesty and actually caring for the person needs to help. They are the most important, in my opinion, but caring for the person comes to the top of the list, because if you don't care for your partner, no amount of communication, honesty or physical contact will help.
Kirie_Maiden
Rope Shrine Maiden
- 5 Mar 2007
- 1,583
- 30
I was wrong. Caring about the other person doesn't work unless they care for you as much as they say they do.
And when they don't want you as a best friend and they don't realise that by breaking up with you, they have lsot you as a best friend, a girlfriend and just a friend in general.
So much for my relationship lasting longer than his others, eh? He just broke up with me over the phone.
And when they don't want you as a best friend and they don't realise that by breaking up with you, they have lsot you as a best friend, a girlfriend and just a friend in general.
So much for my relationship lasting longer than his others, eh? He just broke up with me over the phone.
- 18 Oct 2004
- 2,497
- 110
Sorry to hear that. It probably wasn't a "perfect match" after all. Chalk it up to experience and move on. Sooner or later the right person will come along. You're young, you'll find "Mr. Right."
Goldiegirl
先輩
- 10 Aug 2006
- 1,694
- 69
What you see is what you get. You will never change another person...if there are aspects of a person you don't like now, never expect them to be different later. If your partner likes to spend too much money, leaves their dirty clothes on the floor, snores, whatever, don't imagine that being in love will blind you to all of those things. Maybe at the start of a relationship you overlook those little annoyances, but once the mushy, sticky sweet love feeling goes away, you start to resent the dirty underwear on the bathroom floor. And that will lead to resenting the person. The less chance of resentment and confusion the better chance your relationship will last. Oh, that's why you need to be yourself when you date. Don't give the person an idealised version of yourself, or the person in your mind you'd like to be...so if you don't like ballet, bowling, karoke, certainly on a date don't say that you do! Don't start a relationship based on lies no matter how small.
- 4 Jun 2006
- 561
- 39
You are still young yet (although I know people your age hate to hear that, I certainly did). Take this as a lesson. How a guy treats his past girlfriends is often (but not always) an indicator of how he'll treat you. I've known many guys that never were without a girlfriend for more than a week or so, and never had a single girlfriend for longer than a month. And I always see girls fall for them, despite all of the warning signs that they just ignore (like the courses of his past relationships).
The important thing is that you learn from this.
You can't truly love someone until you kno them inside and out. I thought I had loved many of the girls I knew. But I was wrong. I've only loved one, and that was because I was with her for almost 5 years. 5 years really changes your perspective.
You have to gain thrust in each other, you have to care for each other, isn't this all normal? you both are together!! it's normal you have to love each other, I'm young but I experienced allready to much from misery to luck and again up and down's. It's important never to shout to each other, instead of yelling at each other let 1 person go take a fresh air outside, you'll see after a couple minutes he/she will be refreshed. Love each other, do things together, and here and while go...*** each other 
no seriously just try to be attached with each other and your relation will last a little longer then she/he ever tought
no seriously just try to be attached with each other and your relation will last a little longer then she/he ever tought
Lendo029
後輩
- 15 Apr 2007
- 14
- 1
You have to gain thrust in each other, you have to care for each other, isn't this all normal? you both are together!! it's normal you have to love each other, I'm young but I experienced allready to much from misery to luck and again up and down's. It's important never to shout to each other, instead of yelling at each other let 1 person go take a fresh air outside, you'll see after a couple minutes he/she will be refreshed. Love each other, do things together, and here and while go...*** each other
no seriously just try to be attached with each other and your relation will last a little longer then she/he ever tought
I totally agree. loveis natuarl. Its not a tool, game, or something you make up. You just fall in it, and hope you never get out. Relationships should be like a peace sharing. Two people who's heartsbeatas one as their souls intertwine together. In time, this will happen, and happieness will be yours!
TuRbOxChAz
後輩
- 2 May 2007
- 14
- 0
i think what makes a relationship last is almost all of those points.
i think its safe to say that in every relationship, there might be the slight occasion when the significant other thinks about someone else. i mean, everyone has an ideal mate. chances are, you didn't find your "ideal" mate, but u darn as hell found a good mate. your significant other isn't the ideal, but when that someone pulls along with one quality that is ideal and your sig. other doesn't have, you will feel a bit attracted.
this is where temptation comes in. if maybe you're too attracted, you get tempted and you lose control, depending on your self-discipline.
anyway, successful relationships require good communication (being open and honest about everything; not fighting over the little things; just talking often like "how was your day"), respect, companionship (like spending quality time with them), commitment (be committed to the relationship; think that in EVERY relationship, theres always a conflict. you're bound to fight or argue about something. just don't do it too often), affection, ability to deal with stress (not only stress in the relationship, but at work or school, or with kids), responsibility, unselfishness, sensitivity (understand your sig. other's feelings), honesty and trust, adaptation (try to adapt to your sig. other's habits and behaviors).
From my sociology book.
of course, if you're married, a reason that its hard to stay with your spouse is because you've been with them for quite a while and you're simply "bored". thats where commitment comes to play. also, your "fire" has probably dimmed, so do something romantic and fun to spice it up.
i think its safe to say that in every relationship, there might be the slight occasion when the significant other thinks about someone else. i mean, everyone has an ideal mate. chances are, you didn't find your "ideal" mate, but u darn as hell found a good mate. your significant other isn't the ideal, but when that someone pulls along with one quality that is ideal and your sig. other doesn't have, you will feel a bit attracted.
this is where temptation comes in. if maybe you're too attracted, you get tempted and you lose control, depending on your self-discipline.
anyway, successful relationships require good communication (being open and honest about everything; not fighting over the little things; just talking often like "how was your day"), respect, companionship (like spending quality time with them), commitment (be committed to the relationship; think that in EVERY relationship, theres always a conflict. you're bound to fight or argue about something. just don't do it too often), affection, ability to deal with stress (not only stress in the relationship, but at work or school, or with kids), responsibility, unselfishness, sensitivity (understand your sig. other's feelings), honesty and trust, adaptation (try to adapt to your sig. other's habits and behaviors).
From my sociology book.
of course, if you're married, a reason that its hard to stay with your spouse is because you've been with them for quite a while and you're simply "bored". thats where commitment comes to play. also, your "fire" has probably dimmed, so do something romantic and fun to spice it up.
- 25 May 2007
- 37
- 0
I not too long ago came out of a 3 year relationship and to be honest the same thing that kept us going for so long killed the relationship. We loved each other so much that we wanted to be with each other all the time and we pretty much were (except when i worked in america for half a year) other than that we spent all our time together. This kept us so in love but slowly we started to lose touch with friends and we became immersed in a bubble of our relationship which was fine for a long time but it became clear we had been naive and not mixed up our love life and our life with our friends. This was huge learning experience for me
I know this thread is something like three months old already, but I could not resist commenting:
I have thusfar had three serious girlfriends: the first lasted nine months, the second lasted three years and the third, two and a half years. The latter two eventually ended up living with me, and everything et cetera that goes along with such a scenario. To begin with, we are all introverts. To antagonize that fact, we would spend so much time with one another that we began to lose touch with our other friends. The visual you describe, the 'relationship bubble', is very apt.
Unlike you, though, I did not learn my lesson. I got into each of these relationships in rapid succession, one after the other after the other. There was a three week gap between the ending of the first and the start of the second, and there was less than two days between the end of the second and the start of the third. More than six consecutive years of being immersed in relationships of that type has left me with literally no friends today.
I do not recommend this to anybody. There must be balance. ^_^
I know what you mean. My experience has been along similar lines; there is definitely such a thing as too much 'togetherness'.
I have thusfar had three serious girlfriends: the first lasted nine months, the second lasted three years and the third, two and a half years. The latter two eventually ended up living with me, and everything et cetera that goes along with such a scenario. To begin with, we are all introverts. To antagonize that fact, we would spend so much time with one another that we began to lose touch with our other friends. The visual you describe, the 'relationship bubble', is very apt.
Unlike you, though, I did not learn my lesson. I got into each of these relationships in rapid succession, one after the other after the other. There was a three week gap between the ending of the first and the start of the second, and there was less than two days between the end of the second and the start of the third. More than six consecutive years of being immersed in relationships of that type has left me with literally no friends today.
I do not recommend this to anybody. There must be balance. ^_^
窶愿槐椎ｽ
後輩
- 19 Aug 2007
- 24
- 1
communication and trust are soo important, you cant choose between them o.o
i mean, without comunication, it wont work out , you will live more like roomies then a couple, and without trust, you will get cranky cause the other wont let you to the party, either way.
I think those two are the most important ones. Also are respect en caring
i mean, without comunication, it wont work out , you will live more like roomies then a couple, and without trust, you will get cranky cause the other wont let you to the party, either way.
I think those two are the most important ones. Also are respect en caring
