The Honeymoon is Over!(Or 1 reason not to get married)

[Hachiro]

A couple had been married for only two weeks when the husband, although
very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his
old buddies.

So, he said to his new wife, Honey, I'll be right back.

Where are you going, Coochy Coo? asked the wife.

I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face. I'm going to have a beer.
The wife said, you want a beer, my love? She opened the door to the
refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12
different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.

The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think
of saying was, Yes, Lollipop....but at the bar....you know....they have
frozen glasses.

He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by
saying, "You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freeer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar
they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious.....I won't be
long. I'll be right back, I promise. OK?"

You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie Pooh? She opened the oven and took out
five dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets,
mushroom cups and pork strips.

But my sweet honey...at the bar...you know there's swearing, dirty words
and all that....

You want dirty words, Cutie Pie? LISTEN UP CHICKEN ****! SIT YOUR SORRY *** DOWN, SHUT THE HELL UP, DRINK YOUR GODDAM BEER IN YOUR FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR F------ HORS D'OEURVES BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED *** ISN'T GOING TO A DAMNED BAR, THAT **** IS OVER, GOT IT, JACKASS?

 

[DoctorP]

Does that one hit close to home Hachiro?

 

[Mike Cash]

You mean there are still wives who will do all that stuff after the honeymoon is over?

 

[MajideSaiaku]

I dont care wedding band or not, if a woman doesnt respect my right to my life then shes gone.

What?...i just dont get whats so threatening about my mates ive known longer then her, does she have nightmares of homosexual orgies when were hanging out or sommin?. :S

It wasnt really that funny..

 

[Hachiro]

Does that one hit close to home Hachiro?

Not for me, personally but I know quite a few people back home that deal with wives like that......all fun and games before the wedding then BOOM!

My wife is Japanese.......I wonder if wives like the one in the OP are an invention of the USA?

 

[Mike Cash]

You're completely overlooking the fact that even after the honeymoon was ostensibly over, she still:

1. Showed affection (used affectionate names)
2. Stocked all the beer her man might want
3. Froze glasses the way she knows he likes
4. Prepared all the little snacks she knows he likes

....and you still refer to her as a "wife like that" in a negative way.

Jesus on a handcar, I'd kill to have a wife like that!

 

[RockLee]

Jesus on a handcar

Now I'm picturing Jesus on a handcar and can't get it out of my mind.Gee, thanks a lot Mike!

 

[Hachiro]

Guys, Guys, Guys....It IS supposed to be a joke,

 

[MajideSaiaku]

But it wasnt that funny...

 

[Reiku]

I thought it was, 'course I've never been married...

Livin' in sin, 4 teh win!

 

[Da Monstar]

Can't see why he even wanna leave the house with such a wife.

But for a joke it was rather dry.

 

[Reiku]

Well, dry wit can be good...

...as for wanting to leave?

The whole "I'll treat you right, but I own you now sucka!" thing never goes over too well--what's a frosty beer compared to freedom?

If you had that, you could get your own damn beer.

 

[Hachiro]

But for a joke it was rather dry.

That is true, it is dry ( ETREMELY hard audience here )

 

[DoctorP]

I thought it was really funny...maybe because I know people like this!

 

[Mike Cash]

Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose, folks.

That, and growing old alone.

 

[Da Monstar]

what's a frosty beer compared to freedom?

And the sex?

but yeah Ur probably right.

 

[Mikawa Ossan]

After a certain point in life, that "freedom" loses a lot of its charm.

 

[Hachiro]

what's a frosty beer compared to freedom?

Joke aside for a moment here, I wouldn't change being married for anything. At least I know I won't be lonely when I get home. I will be married for 20 years this June and freedom is were you find find it as well.

And the sex?

(Ok back to the joke.....)
Not all it's cracked up to be anyway, I think it's way over-rated as it is.

 

[MajideSaiaku]

Theres two types of freedom.

The self-deluded "freedom" of just wanting to get pissed under the bar every night and sleeping around with any woman drunk enough to find you attractive at 2 in the morning and not wanting to commit to a real relationship thats more then the fleeting loyalty one feels to a sexual partner until they've given you what you want.

Then theres realy freedom, such as the freedom to live your live free from threat and non-stop misery, the freedom that one should get from a wife/husband who isnt a total control freak, the freedom to live unhindered unlawfully by others, the freedom to feel and say what you want (within the confines of the law).

 

[Hachiro]

Theres two types of freedom.
The self-deluded "freedom" of just wanting to get pissed under the bar every night and sleeping around with any woman drunk enough to find you attractive at 2 in the morning and not wanting to commit to a real relationship thats more then the fleeting loyalty one feels to a sexual partner until they've given you what you want.
Then theres realy freedom, such as the freedom to live your live free from threat and non-stop misery, the freedom that one should get from a wife/husband who isnt a total control freak, the freedom to live unhindered unlawfully by others, the freedom to feel and say what you want (within the confines of the law).

Well said, I might add this...with freedom comes great responsiblity.

 

[Mikawa Ossan]

Joke aside for a moment here, I wouldn't change being married for anything. At least I know I won't be lonely when I get home.

Yes,and I know that I WILL be when I get home.

Not to take away from the joke, though. I thoroughly liked it!

 

[Reiku]

God, I hate to be serious in a joke thread--but I really ought to point out something:

If you really love and trust each other, you have no reason to get married. Marrige is a legally binding contract, which implies that don't trust the other person to keep their vows without outside enforcement.

The ceremony, the rings, the vows, declaring your love in front of your families, and everything else that goes on at a wedding can be done without the paperwork if it's the experience that you want.

Of course, there are legal issues regarding taxes and health insurance and such--but why make something romantic out of that?

 

[Hachiro]

God, I hate to be serious in a joke thread--but I really ought to point out something:

If you really love and trust each other, you have no reason to get married. Marrige is a legally binding contract, which implies that don't trust the other person to keep their vows without outside enforcement.

The ceremony, the rings, the vows, declaring your love in front of your families, and everything else that goes on at a wedding can be done without the paperwork if it's the experience that you want.

Of course, there are legal issues regarding taxes and health insurance and such--but why make something romantic out of that?

Off topic here a moment in reply to this.........

You make a good point, I'm not too sure when it started but it wasnt in the too distant past, within the past 150 years or so I think, that marriage licenses were invented. If memory serves me right licenses were invented with the intent and purpose of being able to keep track of people and for revenue purposes.

Aren't there some countries in the world that recognize people living together for a number of years as having a "common law" marriage? However I am not so sure that I would agree with "which implies that don't trust the other person to keep their vows without outside enforcement." purely because society in general needs to see that piece of paper to declare the union of a couple in marriage, and I would be willing to bet that most couples, (myself included) never considered the outside enforcement. Rather I looked at it as a way of "officially" showing that I was married.

Of course, there are legal issues regarding taxes and health insurance and such--but why make something romantic out of

I will say the only benefits that I receive because I am married are the deductions that my wife claims on her income for the kids we have so in effect there is no aspect to this statement that affects me personally regarding marriage.

I never would have imagined that this "joke" would have gotten this many replies about marriage........

 

[Mars Man]

Well...maybe I'm a party pooper...but I got a kick out of the joke, although I think it either ended too soon, or the punch line came prematurely and in the wrong package. I had really been expecting a very different outcome guys.

About 5/8ths of the way through it, I just knew that the guy would finally get around to saying (based on "...party with his old buddies.") that down at the bar, he could hang out with the guys...you know the old 'boys club' number, and that then the truth about what he had married would come out...as you got it now, right? That's how I had read it.


Now, as far as the other comments here, I agree very, very much with a good number of them, and the sentiments that they come from. I am in my second marriage, I remind you, and this one has now gone through 18 full years, and almost one month. The little lady is Japanese, and I am aware of the differences that that can, but does not necessarily make. I am also aware that studies have shown marriage to give longer survival rates to men, on average, than singleness.

I also know that 'marriage' as a legal entity is largely a manmade idea that needs to be re-defined. Also, it absoluetly takes two hands to clap, and just one putting out the effort to 'keep the love alive' will never work!! Amen, the end.