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Marrying Japanese woman + dating possible problems?

JapanFresh

Kouhai
25 May 2014
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Hi,

So, I am a young foreigner who moved to Japan and want to marry a Japanese woman, but had some questions. Not sure where else to ask. My verbal Japanese is pretty good, but still have some issues with reading/writing Kanji.

  1. What are common relationship issues between foreigners and Japanese woman?
  2. By the age of 25, how many boyfriends has the average Japanese woman had? How many people did she have sex with?
  3. Does boyfriend/girlfriend mean that people are having sex in Japan? What does 'girlfriend' mean here?
  4. Do a lot of Japanese women have AIDS/HIV?
  5. What are the laws with respect to age/sex here? I am over 21, but what if my girlfriend is under 20?
  6. There is a 24-yearold girl in the "new graduates" hires in my company and I got to be in her class for like 2 weeks. A lot of times I ask her if we can have lunch or I can walk her to the train station (we already walked together twice). Usually she says she is busy, but sometimes she says okay. I think she likes me because she says "she is lucky" when we walk together and seems happy having lunch, but I am not sure. In Japan, am I supposed to keep asking her out or does "I am busy" mean she doesn't like me?
  7. I never had a girlfriend before and told some new grads. Does this mean I am weird to Japanese people or do they think of it is a positive?
  8. I guess I would prefer a virgin because I am a virgin also, but are there no virgins at my age?
  9. University girls are the age I want (19-22), but is it weird now that I am a shakaijin?

I am looking to find a partner and live a beautiful life together! Please don't laugh at my questions...
 
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For the most part, you could just substitute American for Japanese in your questions, except for the AIDS thing. Last I heard, it was on the rise since Japanese think it isn't a problem at all, but it would still be a much smaller percentage than in America.

The big difference between Japanese and Western girls is that there isn't really religious guilt about sex in Japan (some Westerners have it, some don't).

There is a wide spectrum of people in the country. Some women don't want sex, some love it. Asking for averages won't tell you much.
 
Thanks nahadet! That religious guilt thing you aid got me really thinking. I'll probably look for Christians or all-girls schools :)

Can anybody else please reply? This is important for my life :(
 
Do you know the world's oldest method for learning how to swim?
 
Do you know the world's oldest method for learning how to swim?
This is actually good advice! But, I am actually mingling a lot with young women, at work and on weekends. However, I don't want to just make a girlfriend with anyone; it should be someone who we care about each other and that will take time to know.
 
You've never had a girlfriend and you already know you want to get married? And you want to compound this with specifying the nationality of your bride-to-be?

Here's a horse and here's a cart, arrange them as you will
 
Thanks for your honest thoughts.
The web is a good place to get advice that is not sugar coated!
 
So, have you decided which set of grandparents gets screwed?

Have you decided which country you're going to make your permanent home? What if she just absolutely is not interested in living in your country? What if she tries it, cant adapt and is just totally miserable?

Are you willing, for her sake and for your children, to live in Japan for THE REST OF YOUR LIFE? Do you have the job skills and career opportunities which would facilitate that should it become necessary? If not, what is your plan?

You're looking at all this at a perfect time.... when it is a thought experiment uncomplicated by emotional entanglement. Try to look at life beyond just finding a girl and getting married. In the case of all marriages it is important to give serious thought to long term considerations, but it is especially so in the case of contemplating marriage with someone from the other side of the planet, a different culture, different language, different upbringing, different values, different ideas on child raising, etc.

Of course, it is entirely doable and has been done many times before. I'm not trying to scare you off the idea. I'm just giving you some points to ponder.
 
I would be happy to live in Japan and have the job skills. I won't be happy if my wife is miserable.
What do you mean by grandparents being screwed?

Ah, I'm still young and free!! Lots of beautiful life to live. Maybe I shouldn't rush anything
 
Grandparents like to see their grandchildren, as a general thing. One set is going to have relatively easy access, while the other set will have extremely curtailed access.

By the way, there are two times when even the guys who say/think they are cool with staying here permanently tend to get ants in their pants and contemplate bugging out. One is when they're about to hit thirty and the other is when their first child is about to start elementary school.
 
Do you think you could properly drive a car with no practice or experience just because you saw people driving cars your whole life?

Let me just assure you that marriage/sex/relationships are no less complicated. Absolute beginners do it all horribly.

The trick to not getting AIDS is not date flakes. Yes, I encourage you to get to know a woman first, so as to ascertain if she is not a flake. But it should take less than a month for even a complete idiot. And then there is condoms. Its hard to get AIDS from a woman if you use one properly and wash up after.

Anyway, society and sex ed have clearly failed you son. I am sorry for that, but I want to change all that, as many people here well know. At this point, if you want one woman for your whole life, I suggest you find a woman who is the type who will just endure sex for you and expects nothing but babies.

I will end by suggesting a mail order bride for you, as long as she is not from Russia or someplace similar. Southeast Asia is the way to go. They will endure most anything. Japanese are okay, but they do have some standards.
 
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Pleased to read of the happy outcome for you JapanFresh.
My advice would be to enjoy yourself and don't analise things too much ... just let things happen naturally.

Ignore the previous post from Mark of Zorro and the inevitable drivel from him that will no doubt follow!
 
Women have always been the mostly patient and usually silent long-suffering victims of the ineptitude of inexperienced male lovers. After all, when did you ever hear of a man getting his head repeatedly banged against a headboard? This, along with the inability to drunkenly roll out of one and break a bone, is one of the chief advantages of a futon, by the way....and is ample proof they were invented by women.
 
Yeah, I am seeing my lack of experience come up with my Japanese gf. She wants me to lead her even if I make mistakes!
So, I am doing a lot of research on dating sites and sex. I've already gone quite good as a gentleman; she says I'm the best of all her bfs so far in that sense :)

Don't worry, I'm treating her really well, like a princess. We love each other more and more day by day. I think she's the one. But, I won't rush into marriage either!
 
...So, I am doing a lot of research on dating sites and sex.
I highly recommend, during your research, that you attempt to reproduce the studies already done by others... You know, just to verify the results.
I've already gone quite good as a gentleman; she says I'm the best of all her bfs so far in that sense :)
I could be wrong, but this just might be code for "Would you please move a bit faster?!?"
 
So, I am doing a lot of research on dating sites and sex. I've already gone quite good as a gentleman; she says I'm the best of all her bfs so far in that sense

This is where you need to decide if you want to be the one who wears the pants or her. I would be highly suspicious of a woman who wants to be led, yet, says she wants a gentleman. Generally, gentlemen don't lead. Those that do are rare and special. Most of the time a gentleman winds up dominated by his woman. Its like a horse pulling a buggy. Just because the horse is in front does not mean the horse is leading! Of course, if that is what you want, that is fine. You just need to decide where you want to be.

In my case, I was also a gentleman. But that led to great dissatisfaction. I am no gentleman now, but I am no jerk either. I am somewhere in the middle, but I definitely lead. I let a woman lead me once in a relationship and never again. In my experience, to be the leader, you need to listen to her and while not deferring to her, agree with her when she is right and give her her way occasionally. And you need to take and demand what you want, especially with psychology, like just walking out the door. IMHO, that is what most women want and respond to anyway. Not all, but most, maybe 70 percent. If its some other type of woman in the 30 percent you want, that is what you should aim for.
 
Pleased to read of the happy outcome for you JapanFresh.

Your convoluted thinking strikes again. There was no outcome. The dude is pretty freaking far from an outcome from what I am reading.

What I am reading suggests the relationship is about where elementary school students call each other boyfriend and girlfriend. Its sweet and all.....but its not an outcome.
 
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