The death of me

[Skullcrushergurl]

Okay. There is no short way to type it....Sorry guys

I fell for a erm...older guy,let's call him Wolf, when I was younger. Now he's 29 and I'll be 17 in December. I can't understand how he lead me on so well. And he keeps doing it.
So I met him when I was about 14 and fell for him when I was 15. Just last year, we flirted strongly. We wrestled on his bed and even kissed.
He even told me that I was a good thing worth waiting for.
It hurt my relationship with my boyfriend Ryan.(the one I just broke up with)
So many conflicting feelings.
Well, the pattern had became clear. He would flirt with me, then when we got to a certain point that I though was seriuos, he'd get a girlfriend. She would break up with him and he'd call me. The pattern started over. But while having a girlfriend, he didn't pay much attention to me but I kept being sucked in.
Ryan has even tried to help me let go. I wouldn't call Wolf for about a month and then I'd break. And even now he has a girlfriend. It broke my heart the way I found out.
I called and she answered and I asked"Who am I speaking with?"
She replies,"His girlfriend."
It broke me but they are still together(It'll be a year in April) and yet I keep getting sucked in. I don't know how to pull away,even now and I've become a fool. I'm always at his beck and call. I know I shouldn't have but I called him and invited him to my birthday dinner....
What am I going to do?
Its wearing on my heart.....
And even better. I was talking to his girlfriend to be nice ,I guess and he started playing with her on the phone. I was to the point of tears. Someone help me before he kills me....

"My dearest, you will be the death of me. Hurt not my heart, Shatter my soul no more. It is you I love. Love me in return"

 

[Goldiegirl]

He isn't killing you. You are selling yourself short. You need to make the decision here, not him. He has shown you what her really is. If you want to keep taking him that way, it's your choice and your problem not his. YOU need to think BETTER of yourself.

Your Wolf friend sounds just like my older brother. He goes for younger girls/women because at your age you'll put up with all the drama. He's a 40 and he still dates 18 year olds. Trust me as you get older you will eventually get wiser. He'll be off dating another bit of fluff and you'll be forgotten.

The best answer is STOP...stop being stupid, stop being used, stop playing the game....

 

[Grandpa Frank]

Hummmm??

Just tell your dad all about him. If he's a tipical dad, the guy won't show up in your life again after they have a heart to heart talk.

Uncle Frank

 

[nice gaijin]

this guy is a freaking pedophile, and he's just playing you. Communicating with him at all is just hurting you. Delete his number from your phone, and if he calls again, just hang up. There's nothing this guy has to say that's worth hearing.

 

[El P8s]

"So I met him when I was about 14 and fell for him when I was 15. Just last year, we flirted strongly. We wrestled on his bed and even kissed."

You do know your parents could sue him for that alone.

 

[Skullcrushergurl]

Just tell your dad all about him. If he's a tipical dad, the guy won't show up in your life again after they have a heart to heart talk.
Uncle Frank

Unfortunately, my father isn't around.

 

[Kinsao]

I'm sure there are good things about him but he ain't a really great guy if he keeps hurting you like this.

 

[Haruspex]

Falling for someone eh? Well gather a bit of self-respect and tell him to piss off, or he'll have to get a barrister.
In my eyes the situation is quite simple. The fact that you didn't cease communicating with that person means you don't want to stop communicating with him, now, you don't want to be "hurt"either it seems. Obviously a choice must be made. Pride, or childish little games. Logically the decision is rather simple, but lets not forget about the other factor, willpower.

 

[Skullcrushergurl]

Yes....willpower. My mind wants to but....I can't.

 

[Goldiegirl]

You DESERVE better! You are stronger than you think!!!!!!

 

[bakaKanadajin]

So you're 17.. met him at 14.. he's 29.. so 3 years ago he was 26 and he was messing around with a 14 year old.. umm

I agree with Uncle Frank. Tell your dad or uncle all about it and find yourself a real man. I'm his age, and I can tell you whole-heartedly this guy's head isn't screwed on straight. I can admit that as a man any pretty gal with curves and a smile is attractive, but there are laws. No matter what worked out between you or how well it all seemed, things would be terribly wrong at a fundamental level.

 

[nice gaijin]

This will not end well. You are only failing yourself.

 

[Elizabeth]

Unfortunately, my father isn't around.

And therefore he becomes the closest thing you have to a father in your life. Is that about how you've explained it to yourself ??

This story can't have a happy ending but at least now I can see the attraction to a much older man....

 

[Tokis-Phoenix]

There's no point in chasing after guys who already have girlfriends, its a messy buisness that isn't likely to have a positive ending.

What you are probably feeling is just lust, lust is a powerful feeling that many people underestimate. If you're anything like how i was when i was 17, you'll find as you get to meet more people and guys in particular your feelings of lust over certain guys will change many times. Make yourself like mount everest- make your standards high and don't give yourself easily over to other guys even if you are very attracted to them, get to know guys more before making a decision on them, if you do this you'll earn respect from men and you'll probably end up avoiding many potential relationships which would never have worked out.

Maybe this guy does have deep sexual attraction to you, but thats worthless if he can't commit to you and respect your feelings- he can't be that serious about you if he keeps on going out with other girls, and you deserve way more than to just be his second best option. If he goes around flirting with you or other women while he's go a girlfriend, how do you know he wouldn't do such a thing if he did go out with you? Would you be able to trust such a guy?

I think large age gap relationships can work, but you are still young and you would probably be better off going out with guys around your age group who have more in common with you because of their age and have similar experience levels as to you. At the very least, if you are to go out with someone who's quite a fair bit older than you, this Wolf guy certainly doesn't sound like the best material for such a man.

Either way though, he's got a girlfriend right now so you'll just have to deal with your feelings over him and try not to feel hurt over him having another women and to just try to just move on with you life- if he's going out with another women after all this flirting and attraction between you, it was probably never ment to be between you too.
If you can deal with him having a girlfriend, then just become a good reliable friend to him and no more, but if being around him will make you only feel worse then its probably best to just leave him alone altogether and concentrate on whats good for you and what goals you want to achieve in life and to just have fun being with your friends and going out and enjoy being young etc .

 

[Damicci]

Even when I was in high school I had seen many a relation ship like this. not so much the drastic age difference but there was one anyway. NONE of them ever ended well. Some even produced a child but not surprisingly the older man wouldn't be around. Be the woman you are and cut your losses.

 

[Skullcrushergurl]

*sigh* Its always easy to say that stuff but it hard to do....

 

[Elizabeth]

*sigh* Its always easy to say that stuff but it hard to do....

If you have the chance to move, try to get as far from him possible.

Concentrating on making a fresh life for yourself in a new place could also give you the strength and self empowerment to finally escape these kinds of dead end, obsessive relationships.

 

[orochi]

*sigh* Its always easy to say that stuff but it hard to do....

That sort of attitude will get you nowhere. Slap yourself on the face and change course.

Getting involved with him looks like it could land him in a heap of legal trouble, and if he's already got a girlfriend, you're looking to make yourself the bad guy in all this.

 

[Haruspex]

May I politely ask why is it hard to do? I can't seem to understand how is it difficult.

 

[Skullcrushergurl]

Its hard to let go...I claim defeat each time I try.

 

[nice gaijin]

Quit being melodramatic; this guy has nothing to offer.

 

[Damicci]

At your age it is easy to be infatuated, not truly in love I think. Maybe you need to find something else to occupy your time. Hobby, pet, friends.

 

[Elizabeth]

Its hard to let go...I claim defeat each time I try.

If you're not going to listen then don't bother writing.

Either try to figure out yourself why you need this guy so much and what else can fill that gap or get help with it from a professional counselor/therapist. All we can do is offer advice. You still have to accept it and do the hard work of freeing yourself on your own.

 

[Tokis-Phoenix]

Its hard to let go...I claim defeat each time I try.

You just gotta be strong. Chances are, you will experience problems that many of us experience with love, lust and relationships- it really isn't easy sometimes, it can be very difficult to let go of some people, but you just gotta pick your heart up off the floor and pull yourself together and concentrate on being a stronger individual- if you can sort out your feelings with this guy, then you will have proved to yourself how strong an individual you can really be, and you can use this experience to help yourself get through much tougher situations in life.
And i know you can be strong, i think we all can be as we all have so much potential, you just gotta find that motivation and strength within you. Maybe you just need to make your mistakes before you can learn from then, but if you're looking for something positive with this guy in a relationship then this is a goal that is not worth devoting your energy towards right now certainly in these circumstances/situation.

At the very least, you really just gotta understand that guys with girlfriends are a no-go area whoever they are, even if this guys relationship isn't that great with his girlfriend, you should not consider him an option until the day he ends that relationship with his girlfriend (and even then it wouldn't be good to make a move on him at least for a while after he's broken up, as that will probably just mess with his and his ex's feelings).

Life can be so tough sometimes, but in those harsh times you really do have to just concentrate on becomming stronger as an individual.

 

[MummyMia]

At the moment the only advice i can give is do not end up like me.... seperated from the man I love with all my heart for god knows how long, and ending up having a nervous breakdown....love not only hurts it is so so cruel!!!!!!!!!!!