Sex before marriage?

[Ghostless-Shell]

are you talking about omiai, where the parents introduce their offspring in the hopes that they'll hit it off? or is there some sort of arranged marriage tradition that I'm unaware of.

Yup.
My boyfriend(who was once a girl, I dated him when he was a she, but she changed to a he while with me, I was bi obviously before I met her/him so it didn't bother me..don't really wanna get into detail.x.x) was introduced to a guy(who ended up being gay..how funny is that) and was expected to marry him. Her mother had a change of mind when she re-married, and whoosh now he's with me.
But the thing is he was gonna do it because it was out of respect for his mother and family.
I always laugh about it because that guy was more girly then him.*_*

 

[nice gaijin]

..don't really wanna get into detail.x.x...

I think you just did

 

[Ghostless-Shell]

I think you just did

Haha silly me.xD
Well you get what I am saying, though.
Unlike here a lot of children want to make their parents proud and don't wanna disrespect them or have them disappointed in them.(Some here do this, but there is so much more respect there then here..dur your there so you know what I mean *lol*)

 

[SephysManda]

Why is it stupid, dear? (I understand this just your opinion) I just want to know, what's really wrong with having premarital sex? Why do you have to be married?

I think its really stupid to have sex before marriage because you can easily be rejected if you don't "do it" right and you could end up having kids and that can be a really bad thing. For me, marriage is important since I'm LDS and I want to marry in the temple so I have to be clean and marriage for me is an eternal thing.

 

[Saifullah Samurai]

whats LDS? pardon my ignorance

oh Latter Day Saints. nvm

 

[Glenn]

I'm going to guess it stands for Latter-Day Saints, an abbreviated form of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

 

[SephysManda]

Yup you are, that is what it stands for.

 

[nice gaijin]

So what happens if you get married and you're both inexperienced and don't "do it right"? I suppose it's not such an issue if sex is an unimportant aspect of the relationship, but that seems to be pretty rare. I've seen more than one young LDS relationship (including marriages) fall apart due to sexual tension.

It's a nice ideal though.

 

[Sukotto]

Sure, I'd like some. Ha. Jokes, jokes....
uh..., not funny. I know.
If people want to have sex before marriage or not, it is up to them.

Personally, I wouldn't want to just hook-up with somebody
at a party or a bar or online. There of course is the whole disease thing.

Plus I'm not sure I'd want to bring children into this world.
LOoK at the mess we are in. War, imperialism, Global Warming!
Plus it is overpopulated. Sure there is enough food to go around,
only a food distribution problem,
but we do seem to be fishing out the seas, pushing small farmers to
cut down the rainforests for survival and cutting down other forrests so we can have fancy living rooms and office spaces, etc...

I think I read some where that comparing resources used, the US would be the most over-populated country on earth. The US uses the most resources per person.

So, unless I really knew the person enough and vice-versa and was willing to risk spending the rest of my life with her,...
it would all depend on the person.
But for me, it is definately not religious reasons.

 

[Ma Cherie]

I think its really stupid to have sex before marriage because you can easily be rejected if you don't "do it" right and you could end up having kids and that can be a really bad thing. For me, marriage is important since I'm LDS and I want to marry in the temple so I have to be clean and marriage for me is an eternal thing.

Well that's fine. You could use contraceptives to prevent pregnancy, by the way. And other non-hormonal methods, but that's another topic. When you say you have to clean, does this go for the person that you're going to marry? Because I often noticed a double-standard, emphasis on being virgin is placed more on the girl. And it seems that the girl is the one who is supposed to "give herself" to her husband, and her sexual pleasure isn't important. At least when I was going to church that's what I've been taught.
It is nice ideal.

 

[ginyu]

...
if you don't "do it" right and you could end up having kids and that can be a really bad thing.
....

In my opionion 'doin' it right' is going to be hard for someone without any experience. A lack of knowledge and experience is also the cause for many 'unwanted' pregnancies (as far people I know are concerned). Indeed, there are many efficient ways to avoid pregnancy.

It's like everybody has to learn not to cross a street against the red light. Once you have realized how to minimize the risk (wait for green light), you can cross the street without having to fear being run over. There is still a possibility, but I won't stop going out because of that.

As nice gaijin said, sex is an important part of virtually every amorous relationship. And if marriage is eternal, you can end up being unhappy with that aspect for the rest of your life.

 

[EdZiomek]

If I could give the readers of this post, the same advice that I have given my sons, then I would feel good about contributing to this important subject.

Sex as a mechanical act is so empty, so counter productive, so meaningless in my book. However, I am told there are persons in the United States who carry on sexual relationships, call them love-buddies, just for the sake of releasing all that pent up sexual energy, no love or relationship intended, and certainly with mutual consent. Not me, never was.

Sex with a friend can be very special, and part of the bonding process for friendship where the lofty goal of "love" or "marriage" is not considered. Fine.

I was divorced from my first marriage, a horrible affair that became very unhappy for both parties, and I entered a mens counseling group. We would sit around and discuss subsequent love affairs, and almost everyone complained...I met this girl, we hit it off immediately, it was wild sex, it was passionate times, then bang, we hated each other and the relationship ended.

When it came to me in the discussion, after 45 minutes, I noted that the word "friendship" never appeared. I suggested not having sex at all until you have established a trusting relationship as a friend, knowing the needs of the other person, understanding her hurts and strengths, and if there is a mutual understanding and caring, discussing carrying it further.

I wish I had known 40 years ago what I know now, there can be so much "sex" in a simple touch of the hand, when it is friendship and caring, and maybe later... love. And my present wife and I are best of friends, trust each other, care deeply for each other, and we have great sex, though our bodies are losing that grip on the physical side too.

Be friends, build trust, then consider further...I don't care how amateur you are, the two of you will figure it out with love.

 

[humbleservant]

i don't think sex before marriage is necessarily wrong, but I don't also think that sex AFTER marriage is always right either.

when it comes to relationships, I've always thought that having a relationship based on, or because or sex alone is stupid, wrong and will only lead to unhappiness.

I have often seen people who refuse to have sex before marriage take the moral high ground... but end up getting married earlier than would be wise (either for reasons of maturity, or affordability) BECAUSE they can't wait to have sex! any relationship should be about the meeting of two people who find each other's company worthwhile, and find each other attractive. to get married, or to start a relationship just to get sex is a really bad idea.

thats why I think being so strict about the no sex before marriage is often counter-productive... it means people make a commitment they don't really want to in order to just have sex. stupid.

i would say, though, that to have sex with someone you intend to spend your life with IS the best.

 

[Aerain]

It is not something to be frowned upon, but I don't think you should have sex before marriage if you want your couple to last it really depend on the partner you are with but generally I think couple should compensate the lack of sexual relation with fun activities, discussion etc... I mean if you want to marry someone it is not for sex generally, it is because you want to live with your partner and have children with her.

 

[sabro]

Right now, I'm more concerned with the existence of sex after marriage.

 

[cicatriz esp]

It even seems (to me at least) that sex almost only occurs before marriage in Japan. After marriage, sex seems to happen much less frequently for people. It's the polar opposite of the Islamo-Judeochristian ideal.

 

[Mr Man]

It even seems (to me at least) that sex almost only occurs before marriage in Japan. After marriage, sex seems to happen much less frequently for people. It's the polar opposite of the Islamo-Judeochristian ideal.

Well, for quite a significant portion of the population, sex DOES still exist after marriage...... but just not necessarily between the married couple.

 

[KirinMan]

Well that's fine. You could use contraceptives to prevent pregnancy, by the way. And other non-hormonal methods, but that's another topic. When you say you have to clean, does this go for the person that you're going to marry? Because I often noticed a double-standard, emphasis on being virgin is placed more on the girl. And it seems that the girl is the one who is supposed to "give herself" to her husband, and her sexual pleasure isn't important. At least when I was going to church that's what I've been taught.
It is nice ideal.

Great advice and a great comment, I find the inference that to have sex before marriage is something that is somehow "un-clean" to be more than a little misguided.

so I have to be clean and marriage for me is an eternal thing.

So after you get married are you now un-clean because you had sex? Really I understand what you are trying to say here but does the LDS church actually use that kind of language in teaching young men and women about sex? Teaching you that you are "unclean" if you have sex before marriage? It sounds to me as if you are saying that sex is somehow perverted unless it occurs only after the couple have been married.

What happens if there is a divorce? People in the LDS church divorce as well right? Are both the man and the woman then considered to be unclean because they are no longer married? Or is it just the woman?


I have a hard time equalling "cleanliness" with having sex. Many people that I know that were raised in the "west" have a lot of guilty feelings about sex, much of which come from their upbringing in a religious atmosphere.

I think it's sad that religion had to get involved in the issue of procreation and having sex. It's just another method of control.

 

[Ma Cherie]

Yeah, I never understood the whole "sex is dirty so save it until you're married" thing. :erm: