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Sexless in Japanese marriage!?

Kiwano

後輩
19 Aug 2003
30
2
18
Sexless in Japanese marriage what!

After reading this thread I've started to wonder if this is what a marriage with a Japanese comes down do. That would at least explain some of the prostitution in Japan. Seriously though, does marriage with a Japanese girl equal no more sex until death puts you out of your misery (Sex within the limits of Christian morality that is) Let's say that you'll have the first baby when you're 25. Does that mean that it's game over for all sexual activities if you want to stay faithful? I do not believe that sex is the one priority in life, nor in a relationship, but no sex at all for the rest of your life!? That would certainly bring some stress to the relationship. Anyone who can calm me down, because right now I'm pretty scared.

Read this, all of you brave souls....read!

http://www.gaijinpot.com/forums
 
umm could you post the link to the specific thread because i really have no idea where to go from that link. but i can say that it really depends on the induvidual and as far as ive heard mixed marriages tend to be alot different then the stereotypical japanese ones...
 
Originally posted by Kiwano
I thought I posted the full link, but I guess the computer is upset with me today.

I really hope that you are right because from this thread it seems quite unavoidable. Then, of course, this thread only speaks of this problem and I don't know what the chances to end up like this are.
Doesn't sound to me like anything unavoidable with the right Japanese Christian partner.....:p
 
Maybe I shouldn't have posted those links earlier :p

P.S. Should also be a good test of how badly you want to stay with a girl just because she's Japanese. Hehehe:devilish:
 
Originally posted by SacredBlue
Maybe I shouldn't have posted those links earlier :p

P.S. Should also be a good test of how badly you want to stay with a girl just because she's Japanese. Hehehe:devilish:

Heh...and there are so many people like that out there.
 
I read the thread kirei_na_me and it was indeed very interesting. The reason that I asked if a marriage with a Japanese woman will mean no sex after a while was because I had a chat with a cool J-dude. He was the first one to mention to me that when a girl becomes a mother she is only a mother, shikata ga nai yo! Secondly I've had a drunken-talk with a friend of mine who's brother is married to a Japanese, and he said that he's brother was kinda frustrated because of this. Then I found that thread, so I was wondering if it is like that or not. Beacause something I've learned about Japan is that one should alwys ask more than one person Japanese or Gaijin in order to find out what things are like
 
I don't think Japanese families are necessarily strong. Just because the family stays together more doesn't mean it's happy. It seems to be a cycle repeated through the children. I think it's rather sad in a way.
I see some families on the subway on the weekend. The mother looks so glum and the father preoccupied with a manga or something.
Then everyonce in a while I see a happy family from the outside with both smiling faces on the parents playing with their children. I enjoy watching the seemingly happy families and feel depressed for the children with parents who seem to be indifferent to eachother.
 
Kiwano-

They have a backdoor policy where the husband's get their satisfaction
by other means. It's sad that women are looked upon as just a mother / babymaker after the first child is born.
 
At least one good thing about the old miai system of arranged marriages was it gave everyone the opportunity to judge your maturity level and readiness for marriage -- yourself, the families, and matchmaker involved -- before diving in head first with just anyone.....
 
That's my husband's argument, Elizabeth. He honestly believes arranged marriages are better. He still believes that even though his parents had an arranged marriage and his mother was the one who took a lover...

The thing is, is that I see my husband has a lot of mental problems even though the Japanese family unit is supposedly stronger. He was scarred by his mother's infidelity(ies), his father never being able to spend time with him, his mother's domination, his sister who was the "perfect" one who could do no wrong, etc. etc. etc. I do not believe that just because they don't get divorced, their families are stronger. Even though it's a different culture, I still think it makes an impression on children when their parents don't have a happy and communicative relationship. I've seen proof of that in many of the Japanese people I know. Not only in my husband's case. Many cases. They just don't whine about it as much as Westerners do...
 
New Job !!! UMMMMMM !!!

I wonder If I could start some "Right-To-Your-Home" love service to help out all those love-starved Japanese women. Maybe work in a little baby-sitting service and "STUD" service too help those poooor pooor stay-at-home moms.

Nah too old and married to boot, darn.

Frank

😊
 
Everyone likes a bit of slap and tickle, male or female. Honestly, I've never thought that men are the only ones to cheat out of thier relationships, I mean, who do you think they are doing it with!!!
 
Originally posted by doudesuka
I see some families on the subway on the weekend. The mother looks so glum and the father preoccupied with a manga or something.
Then everyonce in a while I see a happy family from the outside with both smiling faces on the parents playing with their children. I enjoy watching the seemingly happy families and feel depressed for the children with parents who seem to be indifferent to eachother.
I don't know about the weekend in particular, but families esp. with young kids or just the mother and her young child usually look happier to me than just about anyone else on the subway. Although it is really hard to judge. Whenever I'm observing various groups in an airport, the Thai couples (as opposed to Chinese, Japanese or Korean) always seem the most endearing and tender with each other, like both men and women were equal partners in the relationship. It's just that they tend to be much more open about their prostitutes and lovers on the side there as well. Which may be one reason for the famously Thai contentment and gentle spirit, I don't know..... :)
 
So they have a backdoor policy for men, how about women?
Maybe I should have named this thread "without affection" or something similar rather than without sex, since sex in this context means intimacy for me. It's not the lack of sex per se that bothers me, but the lack of emotions between the partners. To me, a relationship without emotions isn't a relationship at all. But then maybe I'm overreacting. Since I grew up without my family I know that I sometimes am oversensitive to these subjects, so maybe it's just me, but I find a lot of what my J-friends have told me very saddening. I think that a "cold" marriage can be as bad for a kid as a divorce, but hey, I'm no shrink so it's just my to yen
 
Originally posted by Kiwano
So they have a backdoor policy for men, how about women?
Maybe I should have named this thread "without affection" or something similar rather than without sex, since sex in this context means intimacy for me. It's not the lack of sex per se that bothers me, but the lack of emotions between the partners. To me, a relationship without emotions isn't a relationship at all. But then maybe I'm overreacting. Since I grew up without my family I know that I sometimes am oversensitive to these subjects, so maybe it's just me, but I find a lot of what my J-friends have told me very saddening. I think that a "cold" marriage can be as bad for a kid as a divorce, but hey, I'm no shrink so it's just my to yen
I'm not trying to pry or anything, but of all the Japanese girls you have personally known, what percentage was already or would you expect might become cold or unemotional after having been married a while? I've known a lot of Japanese females, friends and otherwise, and I'd say maybe 1-5% could be described that way. But of course everyone's standards are different....
 
None of the girls that I've been with has shown any signs of growing cold (they are not many, though). I think that's part of what made me so surprised. I have a hard time picturing any of them completely change personality, nor do I want to believe that any of them will. That's why I also found some of the stories at gaijinpot hard to believe. On the other hand, I have never been married to a Japanese girl, so I have no idea. It's also true that standards are different. I know that things in a relationship change after a while, but I don't know what happens when you'll have kids. But I'm sure that the ladies at this board have more valid opinions than the ranting dudes at gaijinpot, again, just my two yen
Maybe I should marry 100 and conduct a survey.
 
Well, just to throw my two cents in, I don't think you should marry someone just because they are of a certain nationality. Also, I think anyone who really knows Japanese people of either sex would say that they just do not show emotion like many of us in the West do. That is pretty much a fact. Generally speaking, they do not express themselves as openly as we do. They are not as openly affectionate and they do not go around saying "I love you" 24/7.

I know many married Japanese women and men that do not shower their spouses with affection or compliments or whatever other sentiments. My best Japanese friend shows me way more affection than she shows her husband. Well...you know what I mean...heh

Bottom line is that an intercultural relationship is not easy. It takes a hell of a lot of patience and bending a little on either side.
 
I agree with kirei_na_me on this. Many people like Japanese girls because of their looks (which isn't bad, after all, we're only human). But wanting to marry a girl solely because of her nationality will lead you to be disappointed, no matter how much affection she can show you. (This isn't directed to the poster).

Just on a side note, has anyone actually heard Japanese women use the phrase 愛してる?. Was just wondering, because I can count the number on one hand that I know..I usually just hear 好きだよ!
 
And if you want to be the kind of husband the goes on gaijinpot and complains to no end about their spouse....I suppose you are welcome to what comes your way. I personally dislike such people in the extreme and wouldn't even want to marry someone with a computer;).
 
another thing id like to throw in is that a japanese person raised in, say, sweden would more likely match the swedish ideals for a relationship rather than the japanese. its all cultural.
 
I agree with that one shouldn't choose partners based on mationality or any other attribute that doesn't have much to do with who they really are. I think that marriages based upon such things eventually end up with two disappointed partners.

I'm not sure that unloding your bagage and ranting on sites like like gaijinpot or whatever is such a bad thing Elizabeth (Though I have to agree with you that Mr "not content with my life and it is all her fault you see" is overrepresented). Maybe it works for them like some kind of internetbased pub where they can go and complain, mostly to no avail, but sometimes actually giving each other some good advices. I don't hang around that site so much, so I really don't know though. But like you said Elizabeth, most of them seem to be stuck in the swamps of eternal and not so constructive whining.

Jeisan: I fully agree. To me, a Japanese person who grew up in Sweden will be a Swede who just happens to look somewhat Japanese, if that person had Japanese parents I still think that he/she would be closer to the Swedish culture than the Japanese. At least that's the case with all the people from the Middle East who came here during the Gulf War and the aftermath. Many films have been made here regarding the culture shock that occurs when Islam meets secularized Swedish Protestantism
 
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