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love and marriage in Japan...

Is perhaps the main reason Japanese women would marry someone else, because, other men would show more love? Or have japanese women been brainwashed since the day they were born to not feel love? I find it hard to believe that many japanese men don't love their wife.
 
Well, I believe showing love is different for them. For Japanese men, showing love means providing for your family and having your family trust you. Many of them feel that showing a lot of affection and feeding their gf/wife lines(I love you's) is very fake and superficial. That's one thing that many Western people do not understand. They automatically assume that Japanese men don't love their women(and vice versa, by the way), because they're not overly affectionate. They just have a different idea of what love is and how it's shown.

I don't want all or nothing, but I do want a happy medium. :eek:
 
How is life with your husband? I don't mean to be rude or all but you are married to a Japanese male correct? I wonder how that works out for you and what the relationship is like.
 
kirei_na_me said:
Well, I believe showing love is different for them. For Japanese men, showing love means providing for your family and having your family trust you. Many of them feel that showing a lot of affection and feeding their gf/wife lines(I love you's) is very fake and superficial.
In my limited experience as well they may still have a very strong need for affection, companionship and someone to talk with -- just not the fake and superficial variety or the annoyance level that comes with some Japanese women. :p
 
key law of humanity- do NOT Generalize.

and, by the way, just to clarify from another earlier comment- I'm not "shopping", as you called it. I just haven't had alot of luck over here, and a gut feeling of mine tells me I might have better luck in Japan. It may be right, it may be wrong, but I honestly don't care. It's all a matter of luck (and a bit of a joke between me and some of my friends about my bad luck in romance).
 
Hi Kei_Shugojin
If you want to go to Japan
That much I support you
Because I love Japan and
The people there
I love Japanese boys I think they are handsome 😊
And about your luck in romance don窶冲 say
That you don窶冲 have a good luck
Life don窶冲 stop in one girl or more
I hop you will have fun there and everything will go as you wanted
And if you have a hard time there you can go back right
good luck 😍
 
"so? you plan to drop everything and move to Japan? What if it doesn't work out? Do you have a contingency plan? Do you have an emergency reserve of money to bail yourself out and buy a ticket home if your dreams don't work out? Just something to think about!"

I guess I'm missing something. Why are you acting like he has to live in his home country to live? I know Japan's more expensive, but I seriously doubt he'd have a different situation if in America he got laid off, had no GF, etc etc. He'd still be job-searching, well, you get the point. Besides, that's a pretty solid statement he's talking about. I'm pretty sure even if he doesn't meet "the right one", he'd still stay in Japan, right Kei?
 
In your own country you've usually got a network of friends and family to fall back on, not to mention that you're *one of the homies*. no xenophobia holding you back from jobs, so getting a job might be easier "at home".

just plunging in to a new country is not something to be taken lightly. atleast not without any way of getting back home.
 
@Cyber-ape- Yer damn right I would.

@TwistedMac- I'm not just jumping on a plane and going through this half-heartedly. I'm not going to go over there until I have at least a bachelor's degree in mechanical/biomechanical engineering and have passed the JLPT level 1. At that point, I plan to join the JLT, go over to Japan teaching english for a year, and use that time to line up a place to live, college application, maybe a part time job, etc.

Besides, part of my reason for moving is to get AWAY from my family. lol
 
Hey Kei_Shugojin,

I have been listening to your situation, and I have some input for you. Of course there are Japanese women who marry for love, but there are others that marry for that "Green." It is no different from the girls in the U.S., some marry for love, while others marry for that "Lavish Life." It is all in the person that you find, and that is the situation wherever you tend to roam. I know that you are sick of people questioning your judgement, but seriously at 17 thinking about marriage may possibly be a little premature. I know, I know, this is not what you want to hear.....also gut feelings tend to be not the most accurate when it comes to judgement, it pays to research to make sure this is what you want.

I would say go study abroad for a year or so, and if you really are serious about wanting to live Japan, I would suggest applying to Sophia University and enter as a freshman. The only constraint there would be having the funds for college. If you had the financial backing, then I think it would be really easy to get into there. I entered in there as a transfer student, but I didn't know their requirements for a transfer student were that strict, and so I decided to finish up School back up in the States. However, entering as a freshman would not be that hard, and I would have to say that their Japanese language program is excellent, compared to the crap language school that I went to for a year (Here's the link to Sophia University's homepage http://www.sophia.ac.jp/E/E_admissions.nsf/Content/adm). However, I would not recommend dropping everything to coming over to Japan without even attempting to live there for a while. I don't care if you are superman, sometimes things don't fit with your standards.

As other members on this forum have already said, International relationships are very challenging. I would whole heartedly have to agree with this, because I am in that situation as well. I went to Japan with the intent to learn as much as I could about the language, culture, and people, so I ended up in tokyo for two years. I was not looking for a wife to say the least, but if I met an exquisite girl, that would not stop me from dating her. Well, I happened to get swept off my feet by this girl, and as we dated for a little over a year, I knew she was a quality girl, and I didn't want to lose her. At that time I was enrolled at Sophia University, and things were not working out there, so I had a tremendous epidemic on my hands. I wanted my relationship with this girl to continue, but also at the same time I was very concerned about getting the best possible education that I could. I decided that I need to come back to the US and finish up my degree (Education was my #1 priority at that time), and so I ended up proposing to the girl I was dating, because she fit a lot of the qualities that Mike Cash posted earilier (*wink*). I guess I'm a lucky man, because she gave up her life in Japan in order to come live with me here in the US. So, we ended up getting married in Seoul, Korea earlier this year. Oh yeah, well my wife is technically Korean, but she born in Japan, and has lived there most of her life. Therefore, she is fluent in Japanese as well as Korean, so that's why we got married in Korea.

Anyways, I'm straying from the point, so yeah to get back to the fact that international relationships require a lot of work. Her English skills are not the greatest yet, so that makes it a little harder for her to live here in the US, but I will tell you her English is getting better (Which reinforces the best way to learn a foreign language is through immersion). You have to realize too, that her parents and my parents will never be able to communicate with out a mediator (which I guess would be me), so that makes things a little more difficult. The lucky thing for me is that her parents also speak Japanese, so we are able to communicate (Thank God!). Another life changing event that occured not too long ago was that we had a daughter, and so I am the happiest person in the world. The complication here is we need to decide where we are going to live permanently, whether that be the US, or Japan. I guess we have before our daughter enters into school to decide where we will live.

Deciding where to live will be the most difficult decision that we have to decide. I could totally see myself living in Japan, but at the same time, I love where I'm at here in the US. If I could have it my way, I would like to live in Japan for 3 or 4 months out of the year, and then come back here and live. The point is the situation that I'm in requires a lot of patience, work, and struggle. Who knows you could end up in a similar situation, so I'm warning you this is not a simplistic aspect.

Sorry, I kinda went off on a tangent, but I just wanted to give you a real life example. The point I am trying to make is that in order to make an international relationship to work, you need dedication, patience, and be willing to sacrifice.

This is just some advice I'm giving to you, so I guess you can take it with a grain of salt. However, marriage and having a kid will alter your life forever, so if this happens to you I hope you are up for the challange. Also, if this is your dream to do this, then I say go for it. There are too many people who end up regret not chasing their dreams, but be very cautious of what you are getting yourself into. I hope this helps you out......
 
Thank you for your post. I actually feel better somehow after having read it. 👍 :)

"I have been listening to your situation, and I have some input for you. Of course there are Japanese women who marry for love, but there are others that marry for that "Green." It is no different from the girls in the U.S., some marry for love, while others marry for that "Lavish Life." It is all in the person that you find, and that is the situation wherever you tend to roam. I know that you are sick of people questioning your judgement, but seriously at 17 thinking about marriage may possibly be a little premature. I know, I know, this is not what you want to hear.....also gut feelings tend to be not the most accurate when it comes to judgement, it pays to research to make sure this is what you want."

Well, I've been known to be a bit unusual. It's just that marriage is an important thing to me. I know I might sound like a little girl saying this, but I really want to get married someday. There's always this one side nagging at me saying I'll never find the right one, and to tell you the truth, it scares me to death. I am doing research, though. That's half the reason I made this topic. And my gut feeling isn't telling me any particular course of action. It's just telling me to go to Japan. I seriously think that's where I'm meant to be.

"I would say go study abroad for a year or so, and if you really are serious about wanting to live Japan, I would suggest applying to Sophia University and enter as a freshman. The only constraint there would be having the funds for college. If you had the financial backing, then I think it would be really easy to get into there. I entered in there as a transfer student, but I didn't know their requirements for a transfer student were that strict, and so I decided to finish up School back up in the States. However, entering as a freshman would not be that hard, and I would have to say that their Japanese language program is excellent, compared to the crap language school that I went to for a year (Here's the link to Sophia University's homepage http://www.sophia.ac.jp/E/E_admissions.nsf/Content/adm). However, I would not recommend dropping everything to coming over to Japan without even attempting to live there for a while. I don't care if you are superman, sometimes things don't fit with your standards."

Well, I had a plan to get started on my college path at a community college (where I'm currently taking courses), go to another small university in my city to get a bachelor's degree and take Japanese courses. Once I have my bachelor's degree and I've passed the JLPT level 1, I intend to join the JET for a while in order to solidify my Japanese through immersion in the culture (whenever I go out or anything like that). At that point, I'll use that opportunity to look around at colleges and locations etc. I'm not just "dropping everything". I'm trying to plan this out as carefully as I can. I'm not going to go over there unless I'm prepared. Thank you for your concern, though. I truly appreceate it.

"As other members on this forum have already said, International relationships are very challenging. I would whole heartedly have to agree with this, because I am in that situation as well. I went to Japan with the intent to learn as much as I could about the language, culture, and people, so I ended up in tokyo for two years. I was not looking for a wife to say the least, but if I met an exquisite girl, that would not stop me from dating her. Well, I happened to get swept off my feet by this girl, and as we dated for a little over a year, I knew she was a quality girl, and I didn't want to lose her. At that time I was enrolled at Sophia University, and things were not working out there, so I had a tremendous epidemic on my hands. I wanted my relationship with this girl to continue, but also at the same time I was very concerned about getting the best possible education that I could. I decided that I need to come back to the US and finish up my degree (Education was my #1 priority at that time), and so I ended up proposing to the girl I was dating, because she fit a lot of the qualities that Mike Cash posted earilier (*wink*). I guess I'm a lucky man, because she gave up her life in Japan in order to come live with me here in the US. So, we ended up getting married in Seoul, Korea earlier this year. Oh yeah, well my wife is technically Korean, but she born in Japan, and has lived there most of her life. Therefore, she is fluent in Japanese as well as Korean, so that's why we got married in Korea."

Congratulations on your luck in romance. 👍 Well, I know international relationships will be hard. Love is hardly easy. But, again, I am sort of following my instincts on this one. I don't think I'll find the right girl in America. I know, I know... gut feelings aren't exactly the most accurate things in the world, but I have to follow this one at least. It's that strong. But, hey, even if I go to Japan and end up dying alone, then I'd still be happy that I at least lived out my life in Japan. Romance is more of a secondary priority on my list.

"Anyways, I'm straying from the point, so yeah to get back to the fact that international relationships require a lot of work. Her English skills are not the greatest yet, so that makes it a little harder for her to live here in the US, but I will tell you her English is getting better (Which reinforces the best way to learn a foreign language is through immersion). You have to realize too, that her parents and my parents will never be able to communicate with out a mediator (which I guess would be me), so that makes things a little more difficult. The lucky thing for me is that her parents also speak Japanese, so we are able to communicate (Thank God!). Another life changing event that occured not too long ago was that we had a daughter, and so I am the happiest person in the world. The complication here is we need to decide where we are going to live permanently, whether that be the US, or Japan. I guess we have before our daughter enters into school to decide where we will live."

Again, congratulations. I know that there will be a language barrier if I enter into a relationship with a Japanese girl. I commend you for overcoming this barrier. But, if I truly met the right girl, I would be willing to overcome any obstacle it took, much like you did. I don't think I'll have much trouble with the language barrier. Even while I'm over in America, as I learn Japanese, I plan to immerse myself in it as much as possible. I won't consider myself good at Japanese until I can speak it on a near-native level, and I won't enter the JET until I consider myself to be good at Japanese.

"Deciding where to live will be the most difficult decision that we have to decide. I could totally see myself living in Japan, but at the same time, I love where I'm at here in the US. If I could have it my way, I would like to live in Japan for 3 or 4 months out of the year, and then come back here and live. The point is the situation that I'm in requires a lot of patience, work, and struggle. Who knows you could end up in a similar situation, so I'm warning you this is not a simplistic aspect."

I know. However, I don't think that will be as large a problem for me. My parents, as much as I love them, aren't exactly great parents (in my opinion). Part (albeit, a small part) of my reason for moving to Japan is so that I could control when I saw them. Also, if I had a child, I'd want to raise him/her in my own way, without too much influence from my parents. I won't go into details here, but I will say that that's one reason.

"Sorry, I kinda went off on a tangent, but I just wanted to give you a real life example. The point I am trying to make is that in order to make an international relationship to work, you need dedication, patience, and be willing to sacrifice."

I understand that. It will be rough, and it will take alot of work, but I'm more than willing to go the distance.

"This is just some advice I'm giving to you, so I guess you can take it with a grain of salt. However, marriage and having a kid will alter your life forever, so if this happens to you I hope you are up for the challange. Also, if this is your dream to do this, then I say go for it. There are too many people who end up regret not chasing their dreams, but be very cautious of what you are getting yourself into. I hope this helps you out......"

Don't worry. I'm considering your advice fullheartedly. I know marriage and having a child will change my life forever. I'm actually hoping that it will. And I've always planned to have at least a second home in Japan, but I didn't plan on moving there because it didn't seem feasible to me at the time. I've just recently started planning this. I know Japan is where I want to go. It's the most important dream I have. I'm not going to just chase into it foolheartedly. This is too important.


Thank you so much for your post. I really appreciate your advice. 🙂
 
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