Marrying someone younger than you

Jayern · 7 Dec 2005

In more Westernized countries, people don't mind marrying someone younger than you. Like Ashton Kutcher marrying Demi, etc etc.

What's the take in Japan? Do girls care a lot marrying someone younger than them? Do the parents on both sides care a lot?

Let's say this woman is 24 years old and the man is 21 years old. Will the parents care? Are women marrying men younger than them common in Japan?

By younger, I meant somewhere around 1 to 4 years younger. Nothing more or overkill.

Jack · 7 Dec 2005

your example was 3 years difference, nothing big.
if it was 20 years, now thats weird!!

ArmandV · 7 Dec 2005

What about a 40-something or 50-something marrying someone 20-something (man or woman)? Those are known here as May/December romances. Sometimes they work out, sometimes they don't. It depends upon the individuals, I suppose.

Jayern · 7 Dec 2005

I guess so, but I thought maybe it's a bigger deal in Japan. Especially when the female is older than the male.

GaijinPunch · 7 Dec 2005

My wife is 10 years older than me. It was definitely an issue with her parents at first, but of course when they met me and found out what an astounding member of society I was, quit trying to disown her.

Davey · 7 Dec 2005

My wife is 7 years older than me, and in the beginnen of our relation she carred about i was younger, but didn't mind. Also parents care more about how they respect here daugther/son, and education, more than age i think.

cursore · 7 Dec 2005

It is quite strange; years ago couple where she is older than him would not be accepted by society at least here in Europe but now is not uncommon to see him younger that her. Myself I had older girlfriends even my last (and only) Japanese girlfriend was 6 years older.

Somehow I admire couple of the same age who meets in their early 20's and stay for all their life together.

But going back on topic usually an older male with a career represents a better choice to create a stable family (more or less like in the animal kingdom)

Mandylion · 8 Dec 2005

It depends on the individuals involved, but from first-hand experience (old host-sister got married to someone 25 years older than she when she was 21) they will become a subject of gossip for some time...

ArmandV · 8 Dec 2005

Mandylion said:
It depends on the individuals involved, but from first-hand experience (old host-sister got married to someone 25 years older than she when she was 21) they will become a subject of gossip for some time...

This issue seems to be more of a "problem" for other people than with the couples themselves. The couples themselves could be perfectly happy yet it is the gossipers who seem to get their panties in a bunch.

misa.j · 8 Dec 2005

Actually, there was a trend among the Japanese women going out with and marrying younger men sometime in the early '90s.

I would say three years of age difference is considered almost as the same age, but if the gap is greater, some parents might express their concerns.

ArmandV said:
This issue seems to be more of a "problem" for other people than with the couples themselves.

Definitely. It seems to strike other people as odd, but a lot of couples don't seem to think about it too much.

Jayern · 8 Dec 2005

cool, seems like most of the boys here at least have gone out with someone older than them

thxs for the replies

Kinsao · 8 Dec 2005

My aunt is 6 years older than my uncle, they married in 1960s when it was less common for the man to be younger, but even at that time it was seen as a little unusual but nothing to bother about.

It is still less common for the woman to have younger boyfriend/husband though. Although it becomes more common now, I think, which is good because why not? There is no reason against it. I don't really know the reason why this 'tradition' (for want of a better word) grew.

I think there has been another thread somewhere discussing age differences in general (in either direction).

I was under the impression of Japan being more conservative on such matters, but like with other things, now 'catching up' (perhaps not the best way I could phrase it... :sorry: ). In fact I even believe it popular for Japanese women to have younger boyfriends if they get bored with their husband/homelife, and also younger gaijin boyfriends of course because Japanese women tend to keep their young looks for longer than Western women, so it doesn't matter what real age she is.

Maybe the origin of this tradition is because women leave their child bearing age some time? :?

chen-zhang · 10 Dec 2005

To me if the age difference is within 3 years, it can be seem as the same age,nothing big deal, my mon is 1 year older than my dad. But if the gap is great, i think we must give it another consideration. Usually women are aging faster than men, if a man find his once beautiful wife become old ,wrinkel are starting to spread out on her face. In a word she is not as accractive as before, while the man is in his best time, at this situation i think it's hard to say what will happen to there marriage.

Tsukiyono · 10 Dec 2005

Im not from japan or anything here, but I dont mind if she was say 3 years older then me, but with my age being 22, i do mind if she is 3 years younger then me, in 5 years, i wont care about three years younger then me.

Generally, as was said above, the couples arent the ones that mind it, its everyone else around them

advigilo · 10 Dec 2005

chen-zhang said:
To me if the age difference is within 3 years, it can be seem as the same age,nothing big deal, my mon is 1 year older than my dad. But if the gap is great, i think we must give it another consideration. Usually women are aging faster than men, if a man find his once beautiful wife become old ,wrinkel are starting to spread out on her face. In a word she is not as accractive as before, while the man is in his best time, at this situation i think it's hard to say what will happen to there marriage.

yes, woman well atleast in there teenage years age faster then men do.
So when one of the couple are in the teenage periode it would be a lot more difficult for people around them 2 accept. Cause the difference in live experince and knowledge is much bigger.
In a later stadium lets say 40 and 50, there is still a gap of 10 years.
But the difference aint that big no more.

So the whole age issue is a matter of the couple, there age and there inveirment. at least that is how i look at it.

Mike Cash · 10 Dec 2005

Mandylion said:
"It's a d**n poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word."

Also attributed to Andrew Johnson, Abraham Lincoln, and Mark Twain.

Pachipro · 11 Dec 2005

In my case, until you've had an older woman, you don't know what you're missing or what you will learn. There's something to be said for "experience" in teaching a younger male the finer points of pleasing a woman.

ArmandV · 11 Dec 2005

Pachipro said:
In my case, until you've had an older woman, you don't know what you're missing or what you will learn. There's something to be said for "experience" in teaching a younger male the finer points of pleasing a woman.

Amen!

Katrean Shard · 13 Dec 2005

Lots of young men like an older woman, they feel like they can 'learn' something. Also if she is older and has mature and confident body which is still young and sexy but different from late teenage. Sometimes, it happens that something that's different, more unusual for him, is more attractive to a man than what is 'expected' (ie. his own age group women). Plus, naturally, if the man is young but he is mature in his mind, he might feel more emotionally close to an older woman.

Ages shouldn't make a difference to what people think. Sometimes people have a backwards attitude and look strangely to these relationships, but things have moved on. No longer is needed the older man to provide all the stability; no longer is only the young women to have children.

plastic · 16 Dec 2005

haven't you noticed that in most international couples zith a japanese wife, the husband is usually younger than the wife? We gaijin only take the leftovers, that's why... I don't think any japanese guy would want to marry a wife older than him

Pachipro · 17 Dec 2005

plastic said:
haven't you noticed that in most international couples zith a japanese wife, the husband is usually younger than the wife?

My wife is 7 years younger than me! (Married 20 years!) However, to be fair, my first Japanese wife was 3 years older than me. We were only married for about 3 years.

Rukia · 17 Dec 2005

I guess you should watch "Kimi wa petto" Jayern-san!!:haihai:

neostereo · 5 Jan 2006

How about younger not-japanese women marrying older japanese men? Is it "acceptable", if the wife is for example 20-something and the husband's like 15 years older?

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