Long distance.. will it ever, you know...?

[Jeff-kun]

ive done my research, but want to know from everyone's perspective: on how many japanese exchange students come to the US and have "flings" or relationship with locals (i.e., myself, she came here from Saitama last summer and "sparks flew") we communicated the whole semester (email, phone, all forms), and she came back over the xmas break (and left again, w/out any idea when we will see each otehr again).......

will it ever work??, or am i just a desperate frat college student who just needs to get plastered more and make out with fat chicks at the club. offense will not be taken, it's all cool

 

[nice gaijin]

It really depends on the couple, but it takes a pretty strong committment to keep things going overseas; it also gets pretty damned lonely. I would recommend talking this over with her and asking yourself how far you think this would go if distance wasn't an issue.

Then it's up to you to decide whether or not distance actually is an issue.

 

[Damicci]

Distance is an issue but You may regret it if you don't try. I am going to give it my best shot this since my girl lives in Japan but she wants to wait a year before coming state side and trying to find a job. She wants to better her english. Plus you may also conside how many visits occur during the year. That also helps alot with LDR. <<Lazy (Long Distance Relationships)

 

[Davey]

It can work, as far as i know there are 10million people in the world that are having a distance relation. so like damicci says, you may regret it if you don't try.

I started a distance relation 1.5 years ago, she in Japan, and me in the Netherlands, and now we are married, and will live together in 6months.

so it realy can work, but you have to give a little bit more than the standard relation. Any questions you can always P.M. me, or ask on the forum, and maybe i can help you with it.

 

[Jeff-kun]

hai, domo for the advice guys... pretty much summarized, in basketball jargon "the shots we miss are those shots we didn't take"... yep, basically, commitment. im in the same situation as damicci, she wants to take a year after she graduates this march, and just "test the field" and work, before deciding, since she really wants to come to the U.S. another prob is that: she've met my folks, but i haven't met hers, and she was told by her folks that im only going out with her because she's japanese? i was like, HONTO NI?!!! what's wrong with that picture...

 

[Damicci]

Wow thats pretty direct target, meaning they have a general idea of what alot people are trying to do. I don't know if that is your true goal but either way your going to have a tough time. Your best bet would be to tough it out and prove them wrong. For us meeting the folks is not that big a deal for Japanese I think there is alot more meaning for meeting the parents. Good luck with that though and don't be surprised i think many Japanese are protective of thier children. i am the same way of my sister. I still think she was used for her now ex husband to get citizenship. I won't say what nationality but I am very skeptical.

 

[MajideSaiaku]

Distance is bitter and hard at times but its preferable to breaking up, if you really really really love the person, otherwise your best to let each other move on and save the pain.
Its also good to have a plan, i.e. how you are going to work towards a more perminant together solution, and in the short term, when who is going to visit who, and when this visit will occur.
It will srtill be hard at tomes but many an averted crisi i have contributed to the fact that i would count "only 2 months to go" "only 6 weeks to go".
And try and make the visits long as possible.
Good luck, i know your situation and i know what to expect, so if you really love her, stay strong, and work for it, and it will work out, but if your just wanting sex, you should probably swallow it in, and let her go, let her be happy and find a more local bloke, and allow yourself to move on and find a more convenient sex buddy.

 

[Mike Cash]

At some point, should it ever progress to marriage, one of you will have to make a move and eliminate the physical separation aspect of your relation.

That being said, however, you can never erase the distance problem, you only fob it off onto one or both sets of relatives.

 

[Jeff-kun]

nurizeko made a good point, and same with mikecash.. thanks guys.. i think me and her have been "planning to make a move" on who's going to say "let's just be friends for now" but I personally think we're just scared of saying it because of the guilt factor. But i do really like/love her, and actually planning to see her, if cheap tickets permit, in 2 months. because she came to the US just for me, and i feel that the action alone says alot, that she really wants it to work, and i want to do the same. It will work.. we hope...

 

[Mike Cash]

If you want to score some brownie points, find some stationery, buy some stamps, and write her some snail mail. Hand-written, of course.

 

[MajideSaiaku]

And to expand on mikes suggestion, scent the letter with your fragrance or something if you have any, and a few little doodles on the letter, just personalise it, it really helps her feel a connection, and thats really important, us blokes, some of us anyway, can pretend to be strong, but girls really really want and need some kind of connection beyond mere telephone/email, she needs...something to hold onto if you know what i mean, so try and send a soft toy or something that you think would remind her of you.

For me its bears with scottish stuff like kilts or scottish flag printed tshirts on them, or cuddly sheep, yes, sheep = me lol, i cant help it, shee are just awsome.

And if you got the spare funds, go for a webcam, get the latest version of MSN messenger, and try and have regular voice/visual conversations.

Of course this doesnt need to all be at once, but, a few helpful hints while it progresses, if you feel you want to make a go at it.

Good luck man, im really rooting for ya.

 

[Elizabeth]

My boyfriend and I don't even make formal prior arrangements to meet when I'm there anymore. It's just something that has become so routine and expected that it has gotten to the point where it feels more like we're married than not (not sure if this is a good thing or not....). That is the only way long-distance can become completely natural and integrated into both sides of your life. At least from my perspective. Good luck with your situation !

 

[Damicci]

And if you got the spare funds, go for a webcam, get the latest version of MSN messenger, and try and have regular voice/visual conversations.
Of course this doesnt need to all be at once, but, a few helpful hints while it progresses, if you feel you want to make a go at it.
Good luck man, im really rooting for ya.

BAM thats it right there. I bought my Girl a webcam so we can voice chat face to face and I love we use it almost everytime we talk. It makes her sooooo happy to see my face. Plus theres thoughs "extra" things you can do with a web cam that email and phone just don't allow. (If ya know what I mean ☝ )
Everything you can do to make the distance less of a factor will help. Problem is the more I talk to her and see her smiling face the more I want to be around her. Meh definately go the webcam route. Even if you end up as friends it would still be a nice assist.

 

[Pachipro]

But i do really like/love her, and actually planning to see her, if cheap tickets permit, in 2 months. because she came to the US just for me, and i feel that the action alone says alot, that she really wants it to work, and i want to do the same. It will work.. we hope...

I think it would be wise for you to visit her if you can. I made a post here where you can get very cheap airfares to Japan. You can call them for your area. I have found that that they are the cheapest by far and will beat anyone's airfare.

And the webcam suggestion is a really great idea!

 

[Jeff-kun]

well, back from the holiday weekend, and haven't checked email since last week.. and alot has posted and given their advice..., AND THEY"RE ALL AWESOME AND HELPFUL.. over the weekend too, i was thinking about another problem. We're both graduating this semester (me in 5 months, her in 3) and as a catholic, there's just the guilt of her not having any freedom of finding what's out there, living the life.. and also me, just living the college life.. I feel like im trapping her, because though we both trust each other, i always think we're young and we need to experience STUFF, but at the same time, we feel the same for each other...
i thought this kind of things only happen in movies... thanks pachipro for them fares!

 

[MajideSaiaku]

jeff, ive only had ONE sexual partner my entire life, and im still with her 3 years now.

Yeah, 3 years isnt much but im 20, in love and not sorry at all that im missing out on crabs, blowjobs with teeth, and well on my way to being 40 and single.

Its a rational concern to think you might not have to get real so early but, thats the kinda reasoning thatg leads to such a poor relationship history in the west o
of recent decades.

It doesnt matter who she has life experiences with, aslong as its with someone, and since your really into her and she digs your groove, why not let that person be you?, if your love grows and you guys hook up big time, then f*** missing out on crappy sex with nameless ****** at parties, love making is more satisfying then banging in a back-alley.
If you end up dating other folk, at least you gave each other priceless precious experience and memories.

anyhow as i said dude, good luck.

 

[sandoro]

the question is
do you love her?
if you do tell her, and aske her if she has the same with you, of course you may or she may screw someone else, but if you are really comitted, then it should not be a problem, it is tough tough,
you have to comunicate everyday via e mail or whatever, without comunication, it'll brake it

goo luck