Question Long-distance relationship with a Japanese girl

[Justin96]

I'm a 27 year old male who recently took a bunch of Japanese girls for a day tour around my country.

After that day, a few of them started talking to me on LINE. At first, I just wanted to be good friends with all of them and planned to meet them again next year in Japan.

However, one of them (who also offered me a place to stay in Japan) got infatuated with me and confessed her feelings for me. The problem is multi-faceted: she's 17, it's her first "love", and I don't really believe in long distance relationships.

In reply to her confession, I just said that I was happy that she confessed and that I would let things progress naturally.

Somehow, I too started to fall for her but I kept saying that I'm not sure about our relationship due to the circumstances. She got hurt by what I said and hence said that if I didn't like her romantically at all, she would kill off her feelings. Thus, I decided to be honest and said that I had already begun liking her romantically.

All this happened within a week and for the following week we've been texting/video calling each other almost everyday even though my Japanese is horrible.

As an adult, I also asked her if her parents knew about us and she said that her parents were completely fine with it.

I know this is the peak of the honeymoon stage and I want to enjoy it. But I'm worried about the future. For now, I am planning to meet her in Japan next year for about a week to date. But I'm not sure if I should let this relationship progress as there are so many things against it.

I did share with her my concerns but she said things like her love for me doesn't care about age or distance. She even said that she is willing to live wherever so long as she is with me. I'm not sure if I should be taking her words seriously as well, she's only 17 after all.

What should I do from here?

 

[mdchachi]

The prudent thing to do would to tell her she's infatuated, it can't last and she'll get over it, wish her the best and to block her.
Otherwise you can make plans to meet in Japan next year and make love like rabbits for a week.

 

[Lothor]

Hi and welcome to the forum,

I'm not sure what to suggest regarding the relationship itself. It's probably not going to work out, but most relationships don't! In hindsight it would have probably been better to have said that you weren't interested in her romantically, but I understand the difficulty of being 'sensible' in such situations - believe me!

One practical point about your visit. Japanese schools sometimes impose all kinds of petty rules on their students about what they can and can't do out of school that to people in most countries would be seen as none of the school's business. Examples include not taking a part-time job however much the money is needed, and, you guessed it, having a boy/girlfriend. (As an aside, yesterday I was in a rural area where most people have to travel a few kilometres to school. However, the local elementary school forbids parents from driving their children in year 4 and above to school.) If you go to Japan, hanging out with her in public or a teacher hearing of her relationship with you COULD cause her a lot of problems at school.

 

[Buntaro]

Justin, let me ask you a question. How do you think this is probably going to end?

 

[Justin96]

Justin, let me ask you a question. How do you think this is probably going to end?

Assuming things go well and our love is true. I want to start working remotely from Japan after the initial visit for 2 months to get better at the language and explore my options.

From there, I'll either try to get employed via JET or another way so I can live in Japan for the mid-term whilst dating her. Then depending on our decision, either we permanently stay in Japan or my home country.

 

[musicisgood]

Love is like magic let the wind blow and whichever direction it follows you in you can't grab it but you can feel it.

 

[johnnyG]

27 and 17 is way out of line, and you should know better.

You present this neutrally, but from the outside you are simply grooming a minor, taking advantage of your power position as their one-time guide.

The flag in your profile is Singapore--try this with a 17-year old there and see what happens.

Under the Penal Code, an accused person's relationship with a minor under 18 years old may be considered exploitative depending on factors such as:

• The age of the minor
• The age gap between the parties
• The nature of the parties' relationship
• The extent of control or influence that the accused exercised over the minor

If the accused holds certain positions of authority over the minor, the parties' relationship will also be presumed to be exploitative unless the accused can prove otherwise.

 

[Justin96]

27 and 17 is way out of line, and you should know better.

You present this neutrally, but from the outside you are simply grooming a minor, taking advantage of your power position as their one-time guide.

The flag in your profile is Singapore--try this with a 17-year old there and see what happens.

I am well aware of this. Which is why I am waiting before things become official. It is only an infatuation for now and I don't have any intention to groom her.

 

[mdchachi]

How about telling her if it's meant to be, it will happen. Reduce contact to about once a week until your trip. See if the spark remains into next year. Although there may be some appeal, if she's the type to become infatuated, then she could also be the type to become a stalker when things don't go her way.